


Square Peg, Round Soul

by Bommaloo



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: F/M, Het, Oral Sex, Rough Sex, Shower Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-05
Updated: 2018-01-31
Packaged: 2018-09-22 05:56:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 99,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9586793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bommaloo/pseuds/Bommaloo
Summary: When your soul is scoured clean and raw, and all seems lost, can its new shape save you? Can you fit a square peg and a round soul?Rated for language and lemons.Bella/Sam.Winner of All Time Fav Story, All Time Fav Author & Best Wolf pack Story in Fanfic-N-Tastic Awards, and nominated Best Author and Best Drama in Fandom Choice Awards!





	1. Pits & Ladders

**Author's Note:**

> So then, here we go... After years and years of reading fanfic, and writing my own without having the guts to publish, I've finally bitten the bullet with this, my first ever posted story. I'm going with the standard start point of 'Edward leaves Bella' but I'm hoping that my way is different enough to make this story stand out. Un betaed, so if anyone wants to volunteer I'd be grateful. Please review so I know how I can improve. Well that's it. Enjoy. :0)
> 
> Stephenie Meyer owns the Twilight Saga. I own twitchy fingers that enjoy writing for no profit.

Prologue:

"He was gone.

With shaky legs, ignoring the fact that my action was useless, I followed him into the forest. The evidence of his path had disappeared instantly. There were no footprints, the leaves were still again, but I walked forward without thinking. I could not do anything else. I had to keep moving. If I stopped looking for him, it was over.

Love, life, meaning...over." New Moon, pg 73

"Finally, I tripped over something - it was black now, I had no idea what caught my foot - and I stayed down. I rolled onto my side, so that I could breathe, and curled up on the wet bracken." New Moon, pg 73

"Suddenly, there was another sound, startlingly close. A kind of snuffling, an animal sound. It sounded big. I wondered if I should feel afraid. I didn't - just numb. It didn't matter. The snuffling went away." New Moon, pg 74-75

"The brightness blinded me for a moment.

"Bella."

The voice was deep and unfamiliar, but full of recognition. He wasn't calling my name to search, he was acknowledging that I was found.

I stared up - impossibly high it seemed - at the dark face that I could now see above me. I was vaguely aware that the stranger probably only looked so tall because my head was still on the ground.

"Have you been hurt?"

I knew the words meant something, but I could only stare, bewildered. How could the meaning matter at this point?

"Bella, my name is Sam Uley."" New Moon, pg 75

"I felt the smooth wooden floor beneath my knees, and then the palms of my hands, and then it was pressed against the skin of my cheek. I hoped that I was fainting, but, to my disappointment, I didn't lose consciousness. The waves of pain that had only lapped at me before now reared high up and washed over my head, pulling me under.

I did not resurface." New Moon, pg 84

At first my pit was not my choice. My chest had been hollowed out, my soul scoured red raw, I couldn't breathe, couldn't make my heart beat right, couldn't function in any way. Once I'd got used to the pain, familiarised myself with it, I began digging away at the pit. Not to escape it, but to make it deeper. I knew it was probably futile; irreversible damage had almost definitely already been done, but i had to try. I had to make myself isolated, untouchable, static, completely unaltered and unalterable. It was the only hope in case Edw...He came back. Or we wouldn't fit anymore and then I would have lost my everything again.

It was the dreams that first began my long climb out of my pit. No. That's not right. Rather it was my worry about my dreams that saw me starting to gain some awareness and put my foot on the first rung of the ladder. Some people say they don't remember their dreams most nights, but that's not something I'd ever experienced myself. I've always remembered mine. Often they were just your standard gibberish; being late to history class and then finding that, not only was there a pop quiz, but that I'd forgotten everything I ever knew about the civil war, along with most of my clothes, and my teacher's yelling at me in Russian about not bringing my pet turtle into class with me, except its not my teacher, it's Simon Cowell, and he's telling me "I'm afraid it's a 'no' this time, Bella." That sort of dream.

But sometimes my dreams have a crystal clarity. The colours so much brighter. The sounds so much clearer, and the details so minute rather than the standard dream vagueness. Those dreams will often repeat themselves night after night until I accept what my brain is trying to tell me. Those dreams, I've always believed are my subconscious' way of filtering all my facts, even those I didn't know I had, filling in the gaps with tiny logical jumps, and pointing out to me the unescapable truth of a situation, and what I should do about it. It was a series of dreams like this that led me to the conclusion that I needed to let Renee and Phil have some space and go live with Charlie. It was another series of dreams like this that helped me fit together all the pieces of information I had about Ed... Him and come to the conclusion about what he and his family were.

And now here was another set. I'd been having (and carefully ignoring) this particular series of dreams every night since E...He left me. I was having the running after him dreams, and being totally alone in the forest dreams too; the ones that I woke from screaming every night, causing Charlie to rush in every time to help me settle. But after those dreams, once I'd managed to catch my breath in my hollowed out chest, once I'd calmed my crying jag down to silent tears, once I'd finally fallen back to sleep, this current series of almost painfully clear and sharp dreams would repeat over and over till I woke up feeling drained and as if I'd not slept at all. I knew why. I knew that I needed to focus on the message my subconscious was screaming at me, but I desperately, desperately wanted to ignore them. I couldn't afford to allow them rental space in my head. If I ignored them I could stay in this limbo. I could remain this auto-pilot zombie version of myself, and I could avoid change. This is the important thing now. Avoid change. At all costs I must avoid any change in my patterns, my routine. Everything had to remain exactly the same, all day, every day, or everything was lost. But now I was finding that the dreams were forcing themselves into my conscious mind too. Sometimes these days my blank expression wasn't just due to my determination to avoid anything different or interesting that might be going on outside of my own head. Sometimes the empty face I was showing the world was due to the fact that my mind was racing through a series of images, repeating over and over, my subconscious no longer willing to be ignored and forcing its message into my conscious mind. I didn't want to focus on it, damnit; avoid change, avoid, avoid, avoid! But even allowing myself to worry over trying to avoid it was change in itself and try though I might, the zombie state was getting harder and harder to maintain.

Through sheer stubborn force of will, I managed to keep my fingernail grip on "auto-pilot Bella" for a couple more weeks once I'd noticed the waking dream flashes, but then came the second rung on the ladder out of my pit. I woke screaming once again from my nightly alone in the forest dream, to find Charlie slumped next to my bed, not shaking me awake with soothing words as usual, but crying, no, sobbing himself. My Dad was crying! I'd never seen my dad cry before, and the sight actually achieved the impossible, my empty chest seemed to crack and hollow out even more. This was my fault. I'd done this to him. All these weeks I'd been telling myself to avoid change "at all costs" I'd never once considered that I wasn't the only one paying the costs. Selfish, selfish, selfish.

And there it was.

Too late I noticed the change.

I'd switched the auto-pilot off without realising it.

Too late.

I'd made a change.

The battle was over.

I'd lost.

I'd lost everything, and I'd hurt my dad for nothing.

I slid off my bed and onto a startled Charlie's lap, flinging my arms around his neck and sobbing wet and snotty breaths into his sleep shirt. I have no idea how long I stayed like that, the pair of us crying into each other's necks before I began to hear a litany of muffled words amongst the sobs "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, Daddy" it wasn't til the "Daddy" at the end there that I'd even realised I was talking out loud. Hell, until the "Daddy" at the end there I was pretty sure I was apologising to either E...Him or possibly even to myself. But no. We'd both of us - He and I - done this to ourselves, no apology needed or deserved. But Charlie? What had he done to deserve this? Nothing. I'd broken him along with myself and the time had come to accept a change or two. Keep them small at first, no need to rush at things and mess things up even more. But the battle was officially lost and now I'd have to face up to the collateral damage. Namely my normally stoic, but despite all that, loving father currently sobbing along with me in a soggy, broken, snotty mess on my bedroom floor.

Yep. That second rung on the ladder out of my pit was a fucking doozy!


	2. Chapter 2

Prologue:

"He was gone.

With shaky legs, ignoring the fact that my action was useless, I followed him into the forest. The evidence of his path had disappeared instantly. There were no footprints, the leaves were still again, but I walked forward without thinking. I could not do anything else. I had to keep moving. If I stopped looking for him, it was over.

Love, life, meaning...over." New Moon, pg 73

"Finally, I tripped over something - it was black now, I had no idea what caught my foot - and I stayed down. I rolled onto my side, so that I could breathe, and curled up on the wet bracken." New Moon, pg 73

"Suddenly, there was another sound, startlingly close. A kind of snuffling, an animal sound. It sounded big. I wondered if I should feel afraid. I didn't - just numb. It didn't matter. The snuffling went away." New Moon, pg 74-75

"The brightness blinded me for a moment.

"Bella."

The voice was deep and unfamiliar, but full of recognition. He wasn't calling my name to search, he was acknowledging that I was found.

I stared up - impossibly high it seemed - at the dark face that I could now see above me. I was vaguely aware that the stranger probably only looked so tall because my head was still on the ground.

"Have you been hurt?"

I knew the words meant something, but I could only stare, bewildered. How could the meaning matter at this point?

"Bella, my name is Sam Uley."" New Moon, pg 75

"I felt the smooth wooden floor beneath my knees, and then the palms of my hands, and then it was pressed against the skin of my cheek. I hoped that I was fainting, but, to my disappointment, I didn't lose consciousness. The waves of pain that had only lapped at me before now reared high up and washed over my head, pulling me under.

I did not resurface." New Moon, pg 84


	3. Pancakes & Purple D.M.s

I don't know how long Charlie and I sat slumped together on the floor like a pair of over used tissues, but the faint light through the window hinted that it had been a couple of hours at least. We were both exhausted, physically, mentally, and emotionally, but I hoped that now that the storm had passed, we could pull ourselves together and begin to rebuild something of what I had destroyed with my selfishness.

I pulled back a little from Charlie, grimacing as my face stuck to his shirt. Pulling my hair back from my face I gave him a half smile.

"Dad?"

"I'm ok, Bells. Are you though?" He asked

"Not yet, no. But I think I'm ready to start trying to be" I answered. I figured honesty was the best policy here. I wasn't going to magically snap back into normality - the pain in my hollowed out chest was a still very real, though slightly dulled - but now I'd finally given up fighting against it, every small step I took back towards living rather than just existing would soothe my still raw soul and begin to shape it anew.

"Well I guess that's the best I could ask of anyone" he said, giving my shoulders one last squeeze. I once again felt a pang or remorse for my selfishness; how bad must things have been for him if that was the best he could ask for?

Groaning from our stiff joints, we both pulled ourselves up off my bedroom floor.

"How about you head off for a shower and I call us both in sick for the day, kid?" Charlie suggested. "I don't think either of us are in a fit state to face the general public after last night." He offered me a rueful smile.

"Ok, Dad" I agreed. "And then while you shower, I'll go down and start tackling breakfast for us both." I offered. Pancakes sound ok to you?" Charlie's eyes widened in shock. I guess neither of us could remember the last time I'd done more at breakfast time than just grab a cereal bar on the way out of the house.

"Sounds like a plan, Bells" he said tentatively, clearly unwilling to question any small sign that I might be making a small improvement. We both just stood there for a moment, an awkward silence building, neither of us knowing quite how to fill it.

"Right, I'll just head to the bathroom then"

"Right, I'll just go make those calls then." We both spoke at the same time, and Charlie shifted awkwardly on his feet.

"Ok, kid. You go do that then." He turned me by my shoulders and gave me a gentle shove in the direction of the bathroom. This had become standard practice over the last few months. A way of ensuring that Zombie Bella was moving in the correct direction for what was needed.

"It's ok, Dad. You don't need to do that anymore." I mumbled, grabbing my shampoo and conditioner, and looking back over my shoulder to give him a gentle smile. Charlie just shrugged a little and headed off downstairs to make the calls.

Stripping out of my clothes once I was in the bathroom, I glanced up in to the cabinet mirror above the sink.

"Gaahh!" I actually took a step back as my reflection registered. My eyes were swollen and bloodshot from the emotional storm of last night, with large bruise-like circles from my chronic disturbed sleep patterns of the last few weeks. My cheeks were sunken from the bird-like appetite I'd had and my skin was an unhealthy greyish colour. Added to all that, my face was smeared with dried snot, and my lank, greasy hair had glued itself to my face in a number of places. I really don't think I could've looked any worse if I tried. No wonder people had been distancing themselves from me at school -of course the autopilot version of Bella hadn't helped any there, but even had I been acting like normal, I would've avoided someone who looked like I did these days. Even without the snot icing I was a horror, and if I smelt even half as bad as I looked... well I wouldn't blame anyone for avoiding that. After washing my face in the shower, I quickly lathered up my hair with my strawberry scented shampoo, the familiar smell triggering a memory of E...Him and making the pain in my howlingly empty chest flare again. "Yeah that definitely still hurts, but it seems a little bit easier than before; I'm not on my knees with the pain, at least. Baby steps at first" I cautioned myself "first step, replace my shampoo and conditioner."

Finishing up in the shower, I quickly towelled myself off and headed to my room to get dressed, catching the end of Charlie's call.

"No I'm not gonna count my chickens, Billy. But it really seems like she's had a breakthrough." He spoke quietly, but I could still hear him quite clearly as I stood in my towel by my bedroom door. "She seems ready to start getting on with her life again. Starting with cooking pancakes once she's done in the shower." At this, he seemed to suddenly realise that I'd shut the shower off. "Look, she'll be down in a minute. I'll talk to you properly later... Yeah, yeah, I'll see if I can get her to come down with me tomorrow. I guess we're both just gonna spend a bit of quiet time together today...Ok then, Billy. Bye" he hung up the phone and I quickly stepped into my room so things wouldn't be awkward when he came up for his own shower.

Breakfast was a quiet affair, but the silence wasn't uncomfortable this time, both of us seemed content to just run through our own thoughts as we worked our way through the stack of chocolate chip pancakes I'd made. As I stood to clear our plates, Charlie caught my wrist. "Let's just leave the dishes for now, Bells. As we've both got a free day all of a sudden, how about we spend some time together? You get to pick today's activities. Even if all you want to do is watch a movie together or go out for a walk or drive. No need to try for anything too big just now." I gave it some thought. Some fresh air would probably be a good idea. My body needed natural light and some gentle exercise. I wasn't going to suddenly get back to a healthy weight without slowly building up both my appetite and some muscle tone, and even with the usual overcast skies, I could absorb some of the vitamin D my skin was screaming out for. At least after my shower I smelt better, and my hair was looking a little closer to it's old healthy state. Time to start in on the rest of my appearance.

"How about a walk, Dad? Not in the forest!" I quickly amended, slightly panicked as a twinge started in my chest at just the idea. "But how about we drive down to first beach and wander along by the waves? Maybe visit the tide pools if the tide's far enough out?" It seemed like the best option to me; no memories of Him inside the rez, and on a school day the beach was likely to be pretty much deserted, so no-one to gawk at the miraculously resurrected ex zombie like there would be if we wandered around Forks. "You could even bring some fishing gear if you like, so you can try your luck whenever I need to sit and take a break?" I offered, watching Charlie's face light up at the suggestion.

"Sounds like a great plan to me, kid" he said. "You gonna be warm enough, or do you wanna get changed real quick?"

"Umm. Could I maybe borrow one of your plaid shirts and a sweater please, Dad" I murmured " It's just that all my clothes remind me of..."

"Yeah sure. No problems, Bells. I'll just go grab you something" Charlie cut me off quickly mid sentence, not wanting me to put a dent in the meagre progress I'd made today. He ran up the stairs two at a time to grab what I'd asked for and I headed to the utility room to grab a pair of walking boots. It wasn't til I was in there, staring blankly at the boot rack that it occurred to me that I didn't really own any. Tucked away at the back though I spotted a pair of purple Doc Martins with a flower painted on the toe of the left boot. They looked about my size. I pulled them out just as Charlie came in to grab his boots.

"Ha! Yeah those were your mother's. I'd forgotten about those. She practically lived in those for a few months before she suddenly got a thing about going barefoot everywhere. 'Course that only lasted a couple of weeks, then she stepped on some glass in the parking lot outside the grocery store and went back to normal footwear again. She was lucky she lasted that long before she hurt herself. Craziness!" He chuckled under his breath, shaking his head at the memory. The suddenly broke off, looking at me in amazement. I stared back, wondering what his problem was, before I realised I'd been chuckling right along with him. It felt weird, it'd been so long since I'd allowed myself to feel any emotion, let alone laugh, but the sound of our laughter blended together was such a warm noise that I swear I could almost feel the warmth against my dry, sallow skin.

"Umm. So it's ok if I use them then, Dad?" I asked, pointing at the purple boots.

"Oh! Yeah of course, Bells, if they're the right size for you, you can keep them. They're not going to do me any good. A million sizes too small, and purple's just so not my colour." He flapped his hands in a camp way and I smiled at his lame joke, wanting to keep this light atmosphere we'd managed to build as long as possible. He handed me one of his shirts, a brown and green plaid flannel one, and a ForksPD zip up hoodie, and I pulled them both on over my tank top. His clothing completely swamped me, coming down past my knees, and needing several turn ups on the sleeves until my hands finally re-appeared, but the faint smell of Charlie that came off them was soothing and made me feel safe and protected. Anyone who did see us out today would struggle to notice exactly how much weight I'd lost, so that was an added bonus. Maybe I'd raid Charlie's closet a bit more often in the future. At least til I was at a better weight.

"So. we good to go?" I asked in a quiet, calm voice, looking up to catch him staring at me once again with a cautiously hopeful expression.

"Yup." He answered. Lets head on out" and we made our way through the house to the front door, me clomping along behind Charlie in Renee's old boots, their stiffness from lack of use making it feel like I was walking in ski boots, rather than Doc Martins. I grabbed a pack of band-aids from the hall drawer on the way past and Charlie raised a brow in question.

"I'll probably get a few blisters til these are broken in. Plus we both know I'm gonna fall down. A lot." He grinned outright at that and pulled me into a one armed side-hug.

"Probably best to be prepared then, kiddo" he said and took the band-aids from me, tucking them into his own pocket. It was my turn to raise a questioning brow, and Charlie threw me a wink. "We also both know that you're gonna land on your ass in a tide pool and then the band-aids would be soaked and useless" he said, chuckling, and again without thinking about it, my own chuckle mingled with his as we walked together out to my truck.


	4. Dreams & Discussions

I let Charlie drive us down to First Beach; I guessed he'd be more comfortable that way, and I wanted to take the time to start thinking over the dream that'd been forcing its way from my subconscious to my conscious mind. No point delaying the inevitable, and maybe if I figured it out now, I might manage a few more hours of normal sleep. Well, once the 'Alone In The Forest' dream had had its turn. I was under no illusions that I'd be getting rid of that one for a while. I rubbed at my chest absently, not really realising I was doing it. Actually, thinking about it, I was willing to bet that the nightmare would probably get worse for a while now that I'd accepted the battle was lost. I decided it was probably a good idea to warn Charlie that just because I was taking steps towards normalcy, didn't mean I was going to avoid the nightmares. "I'll tell him later. No need to sour the good atmosphere just yet" I reasoned.

Running the dream sequence through my head, I began to pick apart the separate scenes. This was how I always worked these things through - I'd analyse each scene carefully, filtering out the factual information I knew I'd picked up from the stuff I assumed I'd learned without realising it, and the little leaps of logic that I'd made in between.

The dream always started the same, even if the other scenes changed order on occasion; an ancient version of the La Push rez, no modern buildings, just the traditional wooden longhouses, set a little way back from First Beach. I wouldn't have recognised the place at all, if it were not for catching a glance of James Island just off in the near distance. Though for some reason in my dream state, my mind was labelling the island 'A-Ka-Lat'. "Ok. So that all gets filed under 'things I've probably read, but forgotten I knew'" I thought to myself, moving along through the scene in my mind's eye.

My dream always showed me wearing traditional Quileute clothes, and going about general day to day (well for the period anyway) tasks, all the while wrangling a large group of dark haired and eyed native children who seemed happily intent on making every simple task into a game. "Hmm. I'm gonna put that in the 'haven't a clue' pile for now."

Sometimes at this point in my dream I would be weaving something out of dog hair, sometimes I'd be smoking some meat, sometimes tending to a crying infant. The tasks I'd be carrying out we're almost always different, but yet were always very domestic, and they were always violently interrupted by James arriving in the village. Despite the traditional clothing I and everyone else would always be wearing, James always appeared just as I'd last seen him in the dance studio in Phoenix. Greasy, dark blonde ponytail, pale bare chest, leather jacket, worn jeans and bright, violent red eyes. Dream James would grab person after person, breaking necks, biting and sucking down a few mouthfuls of blood, throwing down the body and moving on to the next. Men, old and young, women, and children alike. James clearly didn't care in the least. He killed his way through the village, ignoring the screaming,cursing, and the thrown spears and harpoons. Steadily, murder by murder, working his way towards ... Me.

I breathed carefully through my nose, reminding myself that I couldn't really smell the blood. It was a dream. Not even a dream. A memory of a dream, and it would be a really bad idea to get Charlie worrying about me again this early in our day. "What the fuck am I trying to tell myself with this scene?" I thought "James is definitely dead - I can clearly remember seeing being dismembered and burnt. Even through the venom pain I can remember that much" I was rubbing at my chest again, the memory drawing my breath tight with hollow pain. "Careful, Bella, ease back from that memory, focus on the dream instead." The warning actually seemed to help and, grateful for the reprieve, I firmly directed my thoughts back to dream James. "So yes, he's dead. And I may be wrong, but from the way he would talk, I really got the impression he was not old enough to have even been born as a human in the period this dream scene was set, let alone old enough to be a vampire murdering his way through the tribe. Unless maybe I'm using him as a metaphor for any and all human-drinking vampires." That actually felt like the right answer to me, so I moved along to the next part of the scene.

I'd always stand firm in my dream, pushing the children behind my body to shield them if I was close enough to them to do so. And dream James would reach out and grab me by my throat, his icy stone hand pulling me close enough to smell the blood on his breath. He'd smirk at me, lean in to my neck, his teeth grazing my skin and as he bit down I would hear feral snarls and loud, rumbling growls, and the crunch of bones breaking. And then the scene would change. "Those snarls and growls. They're not vampire noises." I suddenly realised. "I've heard vampires snarling and growling before, and even noises as ugly as those have a certain musical quality when they come from a vampire. These sound more animal... A bear maybe? Something big, that's for sure. And definitely not coming from James." Something else for the 'haven't a clue' pile for now then. Maybe something would click later.

"You ok over there, Bells? You're very quiet." I looked over to see Charlie's face starting to cloud over with the sadly familiar worried expression again.

"Yeah I'm fine, Dad. Just thinking on some stuff. It's not important, it can wait for another time." That felt like a lie. Whatever it was I was trying to tell myself with this dream, I was fairly sure it was important. It always was when it came to those dreams. Also, I was fairly sure it couldn't wait for another time. But I couldn't allow myself to worry Charlie again. I'd have to give the thoughts a little stir now and then through the day and try to keep him from noticing.

"Did you grab your fishing gear and bring it with us, Dad?" I knew he had, I'd heard it banging in the truck bed a few times as we drove along, but I needed to divert him from his worry for a while, and pretty much anything touching on the subject of fishing was almost guaranteed to distract him. He smiled.

"Yeah. I dumped it in the back before we set out. Gonna chuck out a line with your old man this time, kiddo? I'll even bait your hook for you as I know you're not good with that." I remembered being a little kid, getting dizzy and passing out right into the river while trying to bait my own hook.

"Ok then, Dad. But I'm holding you to that offer. The sea'll be far too cold to pass out into." He clearly remembered the incident too as he chuckled at me, his moustache twitching in his amusement at the memory. Charlie liked to sit pretty much in silence when he fished. That would give me some more time to pick at the threads of this dream and see what came out of the tangle.

We pulled up into a parking spot close to the beach, and Charlie opened his door to climb out.

"We're not parking by Billy's today?" I asked. We always had in the past. Billy lived close enough to the beach that it made just as much sense to park there as anywhere else, plus it gave Charlie an excuse to check in with his best friend.

"Not today. I figured it'd be better if we kept to ourselves today. Keep some privacy to talk about stuff and work out what to do." He gave me a steady look, gauging my reaction. He was clearly stepping carefully through the minefield I'd sown over the last couple of months, whilst holding firm to his resolution that we really needed to talk things out. I swallowed against the lump in my throat brought on by my sorrow for what I'd been putting him through. No-one should be afraid to speak to someone they love in case it sends them over the edge. He mis-read my swallow as a nervous reaction and his eyes softened. "It's ok, Bells. We'll take it slow and steady. Just generalities, no specifics, no names, no memories. Ok?"

I tried for a reassuring smile. And missed it by a country mile, judging by his answering expression. He opened his mouth to reassure me again, but I jumped in quickly.

"It's fine, Dad. You're right. There's stuff we should talk over and I'll make sure to tell you if we start approaching something I'm not ready to discuss. Will that work ok?" He blew out a relieved breath I hadn't known he was holding.

"Sounds like a good plan, kiddo. Now lets get this walk underway, shall we? If we time things right, we can hit the diner mid-way along the beach just after the lunch rush, and I'll run in and grab something for us to eat on the beach." I nodded in agreement and he grabbed his fishing box and two poles from the truck bed before giving a jerk of his head to show me the way down to the beach.

For once it wasn't raining, although the wind was pretty fierce, whipping my hair around my face and making me wish I'd thought to braid it before we left. I pulled up the hood on the sweater I'd borrowed from Charlie, and breathed in the homely scent of him as it settled around my face. We'd only been walking for a few minutes when Charlie decided to grab the bull by the horns and began.

"So, Bells, I'm not quite sure where to start with all of this but I guess the best thing to do is just say what's on my mind and if I'm pushing too far you tell me." He stopped us in our tracks, stood in front of me and ducked down to make eye contact with me under my hood. "But I do mean you need to tell me, kiddo, ok? You can't just shut down and block me out if you can't answer, or if I strike a nerve or something. You just can't do that again. I don't think either of us will be able to take that again." I nodded solemnly, my eyes welling a little at the raw emotion in his voice.

"I promise, Dad, I won't ever do that to you again." He opened his mouth to speak and I jumped in again "and I won't do it to myself again either." Charlie gave a satisfied nod and turned to start walking again, with me continuing along at his side.

"It just seemed like you were completely empty inside, Bella" he murmured, barely audible over the wind. "It wasn't like someone had left, it was like someone had died. Like you had died along with them." He turned to see how I was taking this and I took a deep breath, trying to re-inflate my empty chest which was aching anew at his words, letting the breathe whoosh out again I fought to keep my voice from breaking as I said

"Yeah that seems a pretty fair comparison. That's how it felt." I was determined not to lie to him. Too many times in the last year I'd been forced to lie to him for his own protection and I'd hated it every time. I needed to find a way to word this so he could understand that I hadn't just been throwing an epic, award winning teenage tantrum, but without exposing him him to things that he couldn't know about. That he mustn't know about for his own safety. I also needed to walk a fine line between avoiding the issue completely and preventing the void in my chest from breaking me open completely.

"I know that people often throw the term 'heartbroken' around, so much so that it's pretty much lost its real meaning. But Dad, it really physically felt that mine was completely shattered. No, worse, it was gone completely. Like my chest was completely empty, even of my lungs, and it wasn't just a person I was missing, but my own vital organs. I couldn't breathe!" I wrapped my arms about myself, holding myself together as the pain once more threatened. We walked on in silence for a while as he processed what I had said. I didn't really expect him to actually understand it. From an outside perspective I knew it would just sound like melodrama - Hell before all this, if I'd heard someone talking like this I'd have rolled my eyes and written them off as a drama queen - but it was the best way to describe it without either getting too specific and saying something that ripped the wound open again, or giving him too much information he shouldn't have.

After a few more minutes he spoke again, quietly. "And now?" He asked "is it better now? Cos I see you holding your chest as you walk, like you're worried your ribs are going to spring open, and I'm guessing you do that for a reason."

"And now it's... Heading towards starting to feel a little less painful." I winced internally at how weak that was. A few breadcrumbs, liberally sprinkled with caveats. I tried again, looking for a more positive way of explaining where I'm at. "I'm trying to make myself take steps in the right direction, but you should know, Dad, that I'm not going to just wake up tomorrow, or next week, or maybe even next month and say 'There. All better now. Time to be normal again.' I mean I want to get back to myself again, but it not going to be a simple fix. I guess I'm sort of looking at it like a building project; There's a lot of damage there that needs repairing on the structural side, and then I'll need to start working on the fixtures and fittings." I grabbed at my hood as a big gust of wind tried to rip it away from my face. "I guess the decor could use a little work too." I added ruefully, holding my arms out and gesturing at my current outfit. He gave me a half smile at my bad joke and reached out to gently squeeze my shoulder.

Once again we wandered along in silence, Charlie seemingly absorbing what I'd been saying, and me absorbing that strange calm I often feel when walking along this beach. I guessed it was the combination of the raging wild thunder of the waves on one side as I walked, and the almost eerie stillness of the forest on the other that always made me feel right at the centre of a see saw. Standing at the perfect balance point of nature; turbulence and peace at either end. "This was a good place to have come today" I thought to myself "I can think more clearly here. Maybe I can find a quiet spot to use regularly. I could certainly use a place that's quiet, free of memories and full of fresh air." I looked about me more carefully, spotting a few hundred yards away a small hollow just on the edge of the beach, where a small tree had blown over, pulling it's roots out of the ground, creating a sort of natural three sided shelter looking out to sea. Yeah I'd definitely be coming back here.

About a quarter of a mile past the tree root shelter, Charlie stopped and looked out to sea. "This seems like a good spot to throw out a couple of lines, kid" he suggested, nodding towards the cluster of rocks that were just becoming exposed as the tide withdrew. I nodded in agreement, although, honestly, I couldn't see what made this spot any better than any other random point along our walk so far. But Charlie was the expert so if he thought this was a good place then I guess it was. He busied himself baiting our lines and casting for both of us and then handed me my pole. He stayed quiet for another ten minutes or so, then finally spoke without turning to look at me.

"I know you think I don't understand how you feel, Bells. But I kinda think that maybe I do. What you were describing; that feeling like your heart and lungs had been removed, I've felt that myself. Like someone's gutted you like a prize trout for cooking, but somehow you're still alive, no matter how much pain you're in." I turned to stare at him in shock.

He was right.

He did get it.

That was pretty close to how I feel.

Seeing the shock on my face he explained. "That's how it was when your mother left. Her taking you with her too just made it worse." I used my over long sleeve to brush away the tear running silently down my cheek and drew in a long shuddering breath. Charlie continued "But, Bells, no matter how much pain I was in, I couldn't let myself give in to it cos I knew if I let go of myself that I wouldn't be in a fit state to see my little girl the next time I had a chance. I know you don't have that same sort of thing to hold on to like I did - spending time with you whenever I could and talking to you on the phone was my lifeline - but maybe you could let your old man return the favour and be something you can hold on to while you do all your 'building work'?"

My hands were shaking, and Charlie grabbed my pole from me before I could drop it and lose it to sea, pulling me with one arm into his safe warm chest and letting me rest my forehead against it as I struggled to pull in ragged breaths. I fought against the tears, refusing to return to the night before's soggy mess and slowly regained control over my breathing. "You're right, Dad, maybe that's what I really need." I agreed once I was able to talk. "I've been so selfish, focusing only on what I was feeling and completely failing to see what effect it was having on you. I was so desperate not to change anything, in case He ..." I broke off, not able to complete that statement without completely losing it, but hoping that Charlie would know what I was trying to say. He did, I could see the understanding in his eyes when I looked up at him "So I willingly let myself further into the nothing, kept myself there without taking even a second to think that maybe I was dragging anyone else down with me and I'm so sorry, Daddy, so, so sorry that I did this to you, to both of us but you know you've already returned the favour." He frowned in confusion. "It was realising how much I'd hurt you that made me start to pull myself out." I explained. "You've already been a lifeline for me and the fact that you're braving all this emotional stuff with me, for me, when we both know that it's the furthest thing from your comfort zone means so much more to me than I explain." The corner of his mouth twitched as I acknowledged how far out of character he'd been acting today, and the fact that I knew he was forcing himself to do it because he knew I needed it.

"Hmm well just as long as I don't need to do it again for another 18 years." He grumbled half heartedly, allowing me the out I'd created. We both needed a breather from the intense atmosphere surrounding us so I just added one last thing before wrapping my arms around him in a quick but crushing hug "Never again. I already promised."


	5. Sex & Sacrifice

After our talk, Charlie and I lapsed into a comfortable silence, me sitting on a small rock on his leeward side, taking what shelter I could from the wind. He seemed relieved, whether it was because he felt hope that things were genuinely going to improve, or because he was simply glad that the emotional conversation was over and he could return to his usual stoic nature, I couldn't tell. For myself I'd be glad to have him back to the way I was used to him being. For one because it would mean he was no longer anxious over my emotional and mental state, but also because since I'd moved to live with him, I'd grown to really love and appreciate his particular way of demonstrating his love for me; the welcome home present of the truck, the clunky old dinosaur of a computer in my room, the chains already fitted on my tyres on icy days, all spoke of his quiet but real love for me, and in a way they spoke louder than the words that Renee would use to express the same thing several times a day. I supposed that in my own way I had, before my birthday anyway, demonstrated my own love for him in similar ways; cooking and cleaning and taking care of him the best I could. I guessed we really were much more alike than I had realised.

Seeing that he was fishing contentedly, I decided now was a good time to turn my thoughts back towards the unpicking of my dream. I still had hopes that if I managed to get to grips with whatever it was I was trying to let my conscious mind know, I might actually get a little reprieve from that dream at least.

I scanned quickly through my thoughts, trying to find the lost thread that I was picking at when Charlie interrupted my analysis earlier. "Ah yes, that was it. The strange bear-like growls and snarls and the bone crunching noises which always come at the end of that scene as it blacks out." I once again mentally compared the noises to the growls and hisses I'd heard before from vampires. They were clearly very different, but no matter how I twisted and turned the idea in my head, I simply couldn't imagine why my subconscious mind considered a bear being present to be of any importance. A bear was no defence against a vampire; I know for a fact that some members of the C... Cullen family found them to be their favourite meal. The mention, even in my head of the family name caused another twinge in my chest, but a much duller one than previously. The family leaving me was upsetting in and of itself. To be considered a sister/daughter by them and then to be abandoned without a word was a painful experience, but it had been driven home to me in the last twelve hours just how much my own flesh and blood truly meant to me, and I to him, so the loss of the Cullen family would soon become something I regretted, but not something to grieve excessively over. "Enough poking at bruises to see if they still hurt." I cautioned myself. "Back to the matter at hand... So the bear attacking was going to have to go into the 'haven't a clue' pile too. Hmm. That pile is growing a bit too quickly for my liking."

After the 'James attacks the village' scene faded to black each night, the other three scenes which somehow formed part of the same dream would repeat in random order.

In one, I was once again in the same ancient Quileute village, and much of the scene was similar to the first, but instead of it being James attacking, it was Victoria. She always seemed to be in such a rage that she barely seemed sane. Striking about her indiscriminately, and not even taking the trouble to feed from her kills. Dream Victoria would be, just as dream James had been, dressed much as I last saw her, in modern clothes, but there the resemblance to the vampire I met at the baseball clearing ended. Her long red hair no longer flowing freely about her shoulders, but snarled up, almost in dreadlocks, it was so tangled, and full of dirt, leaves and twigs. Her face was always fixed in a feral snarl, and her bright red eyes insane with anger as they met mine. She would tear her way through the village, slaughtering tribe members as she went, and I always had the feeling that she was merely cutting down the weeds in her single-minded path to kill me in particular. My dream self would pull a sharp looking belt knife out and, looking Victoria in the eye, would plunge it deep into my own chest; the scent of the blood drawing her away from her indiscriminate killing as she would leap straight at me and then once again darkness would draw the scene to a close. Remembering this scene had my hands trembling and I forced them between my knees as I sat there, trying to disguise the shaking from Charlie.

"Well this one doesn't need a genius to work out." I thought to myself. "It's clear that the message here is Victoria will be back to avenge James, and she won't care in the slightest how much collateral damage is done while she carries out her vendetta." This little fact now seemed so glaringly obvious that I was amazed that neither myself, nor any of the Cullens had thought of it before. "Well maybe they had, but they didn't care enough about me to stick around and offer me their protection." The thought popped into my head before I could stop it, and it was all I could do to keep myself from hyperventilating as I stubbornly refused to give in to the pain and panic that came with the idea. "Oh God. Charlie would be the collateral damage if I'm right and she does come back. I can't let him be hurt or killed because of me." Knowing this, and being only too aware that I'd have no one around capable of protecting me gave me only two choices when the time came and Victoria returned: I couldn't let Charlie be killed any more than I could've let Renee be killed when I thought James had her in Phoenix, so I had to either try to lure her out to the forest or the beach, somewhere away from Charlie so he won't be involved, or run out on Charlie, get as far away as possible, and try to live in hiding for as long as I can, probably putting everyone I come across in my travels in the path of danger until she finally finds me and kills me.

Both of these options were heartbreaking, mainly due to the fact that each would leave Charlie all alone again, and either dealing with funeral arrangements or leading a search for his missing daughter. I hated the thought of either choice, but I guessed that I owed it to Charlie to at least try to stay alive as long as possible, so it looked like when the time came I already had a two stage plan ready and waiting. First try to run and hide, and then, if that failed, lure her to me somewhere alone to get it over with, without getting anyone else hurt. Despite not believing in a higher power myself, I found myself silently praying that Victoria wouldn't make her reappearance for a long, long time so I could have as long as possible with Charlie.

I pressed stubbornly onward with my dream analysis, turning my thoughts towards what I actually found the most disturbing of the scenes I was being haunted by. It was by no means the most violent of the scenes, but it was the most detailed, so much so that I could feel what was happening as well as see and hear it. It was, not to put too fine a point on it, a sex scene. One not unworthy of appearing in a soft porn movie and I found it more distressing than the violence of the James scene and the Victoria scene because, inexperienced though I was with anything more sexual than a few closed mouthed kisses, I enjoyed it. It was hot! It was also more disturbing because I was troubled that my mind could invent something like this; not just a straight, vanilla, missionary, romantic lovemaking but rough, animalistic, dominant/submissive fucking. In this part of the dream a naked woman, face turned so I couldn't see it, but who I could only assume was me, based on the fact that I could feel everything as it happened, was kneeling on all fours, body and mahogany hair drenched in sweat as a large man, his face also obscured, took her roughly from behind. The moans and gasps, the glistening bodies, the straining of the man's large muscular body as he pounded into the woman, all combined to make the scene incredibly erotically charged, and even now, sitting here on a cold, windy, damp beach, next to my Dad, for fuck's sake, I felt my body react with the memory of it; my panties becoming damp and tingles spreading through my lower regions.

In the dream the man wound his hand into the woman's sweat slick hair and roughly grabbed a fistful, yanking her back into his thrusts by it, and then pushing her head forward in submission as he sank his teeth into the back of her neck. "Guess this is another one for the ever growing 'haven't a clue' pile." I thought wryly to myself. I mean it was clear what the scene was about - sex. But why? And why and how the fuck had I managed to come up with such wild and rough a sex scene? Not that I never thought about sex - I was (or I was before my birthday anyway) a healthy young woman, with normal drives in that area and I had experimented with masturbation just like anyone else. And while doing that I had usually been imagining various sex acts. But they were always very gentle, loving acts, much more romantic than animalistic, and I couldn't fathom where this almost violent scene had come from in my imagination, and why even just the memory of it had me so... Well ... Horny.

"Huh. Guess I've got a side of kink to me that I never knew about" I mentally snorted at the concept. It wasn't something I'd ever be likely to get the chance to explore, so why was my subconscious trying to force me to accept the thought so determinedly? "Ok, not really made any progress on that one then. Better try the last scene and see where that one gets me." I decided.

The remaining scene was actually the one that required the least working out, but it despite this I still couldn't see why my weird brain was so insistent that I focus on it. It was barely a scene at all. Just a few seconds of images of a large black wolf, running through the forest until it broke through the trees on the edge of La Push, where it came to stand next to me, staring out across the ocean, completely unconcerned by the wild animal at my side. "So why a wolf then? I why aren't I scared of it?" I wondered.

I began to search my memory for any information I might have learned over the years about wolves. As I ran my thoughts this way and that way, my gaze drifted along the beach until I was stopped short by the sight of a driftwood tree. The tree where Jacob Black and I had sat when I had plied my pitiful flirting techniques to pry his tribe's legends out of him. I was suddenly struck by a clear memory "the cold ones are the natural enemy of the wolf - well, not the wolf, really, but the wolves that turn into men, like our ancestors."* Jacob had named them werewolves, but I knew from the conversation I'd had with Ca... With Carlisle, while he stitched up my arm on my birthday, that there were no werewolves left on this continent. He had mentioned briefly a clan of shape shifters who were also extinct now, and I wondered if the wolves Jacob spoke of might have been closer to that species. The hollow pain in my chest once more warned me that following that memory of Carlisle right now would really not be a good idea. I'd have to re-visit it another time, when I was hopefully able to think on it without pain, so I re-focused on Jacob's legends. "So did the tribe's legend refer to shape shifters who could become wolves? Is that why I was seeing the wolf scene?" I asked myself. A overwhelming feeling of right came over me. I was sure I'd hit on an answer. And, now that I had one answer, something from my "haven't a clue" pile leapt to the front of my mind; "Those bear noises. They're not bear noises at all. They're shape shifter wolf noises!" Again the feeling of right came over me and I was positive I'd solved another part of my puzzle.

I was so lost in thought, that when Charlie spoke I actually jumped a little and slid off the rock I was sitting on, bruising my ass as I landed.

"Coming up on lunchtime, Bells. Wanna reel these lines in and walk a bit further til we reach the diner?" He snorted with repressed laughter as I did my clumsy ass-plant off the rock.

"Sure, Dad. That sounds great. I replied, pulling myself awkwardly to my feet from where I'd landed and brushing myself down. He pulled in both the fishing lines and we began a slow wander further down the beach, me limping a little from my slip, and from the blisters on both heels which the purple boots were creating.

When we got to where the little diner sat by the beach, Charlie ran in to grab us both something, and I sat on the little wall that bordered the parking lot, busying my hands with applying band-aids to my blisters, as I turned my new revelations over in my mind, like a cow chewing the cud. "So the extinct clan of shape shifters were part of the Quileute tribe, their animal forms were wolves, and according to Jacob they were the natural enemies of vampires, which would explain why I could hear them snarling in the background in both the James and Victoria dream scenes." For a third time that feeling of right bathed me in a warm glow. With any luck, these parts of the recurrent dream would not be bothering me anymore now that my conscious mind had accepted what I'd been trying to tell myself.

"I also realise that it's inevitable that Victoria will come back looking to avenge her mate, and that I'm going to have to sacrifice myself to keep Charlie safe." Swallowing against the fear, and against the sorrow of knowing how it would pain Charlie when he lost me, I waited for the warm right feeling to soothe me, but it never came. All I had instead was that feeling of 'nearly but not quite' that you get when you know you're close to an answer, but you're missing something to complete it. "Looks like I'll be having at least that part of the dream again." I thought "And probably the kinky porn too, cos I can't work out what the fuck that has to do with anything either." There was something tickling in the back of my brain about that scene though. I thought it might be something Carlisle had said on my birthday, while he was treating my arm, but the twinge in my chest warned me once more that I just wasn't ready to make myself remember anything about that evening with any clarity. It was going to have to wait a while.

Charlie came out just as I was finishing tugging the laces tight on my boots, with a couple of burgers and large styrofoam cups of steaming coffee, and I firmly set the dream analysis on the back burner for the rest of my day. I'd done enough for now, and it was time to focus on getting things back on track with my dad. We sat companionably, side by side on the low wall as we tucked into our lunch. It was the first time I'd been hungry in months, and Charlie looked happy and relieved as he saw me tearing large mouthfuls out of my sandwich. I gave him a ketchup and mustard laced smile. "Well that's emotional sharing, fresh air, exercise, dream analysis, eating, and quality time with Charlie. It's been a hell of a day so far, and it's only lunchtime."

*Twilight, pg 107


	6. Bruises & Band-Aids

After lunch, Charlie and I headed back along the beach towards the tide pools. It had taken quite a bit, but I'd not only managed to talk him out if more fishing, but I'd even managed to get him to leave his fishing gear behind at the diner. We'd run into a friend of his, Harry Clearwater, and after a bit of fast talking from me, Charlie had asked him to keep the gear in his truck til we came by to collect it at Billy Black's later on.  
We headed back off down the beach towards the tide pools I had loved so much as a child, talking together about the various trips we had made down there on my summer visits.  
"So, Dad, are we going to stop in and catch up with Billy and Jacob when we grab your fishing gear?" I asked Charlie, wondering how much strain I'd put on his and Billy's friendship during my auto pilot phase. "It fine if you want to. I know you've probably not spent much time with him for the last few months, so it might be good for you two to have a proper catch up. I ca hang out with Jacob like in the old days, but without the mud pies." I suggested with a little half grin at the memory. Part of me was wondering if I might be able to gently pry a little more information of the Quileute legends out of Jacob, hopefully without Billy noticing; I hadn't forgotten that Billy had made it clear he knew exactly what the Cullens were, and had strongly disapproved of me having anything to do with them. The last thing I needed was to have him overhear me digging into another are of the supernatural.  
Charlie gave me an appraising look.  
"Well I don't know, Bells. You sure you're ready for that? I don't want you to push yourself too hard. We can take things as slow as you'd like, kiddo." He gently squeezed my shoulder, getting me to turn and look at him.  
"It's fine, Dad. Really." I assured him. "I'm not saying I'm suddenly all better. Hell I'm pretty sure I'll still be having the nightmares for a while yet, and I'm definitely not ready to even think about certain things, let alone talk about them. But I can handle a bit of time with Billy and Jacob. Just as long as they aren't badgering me about stuff. We should go say hello. Maybe stay for a bit while you and Billy catch up. Maybe it'll help me to have a little extra company, and Jacob's a good kid. He always used to make me smile. I'll be fine." He silently and steadily gazed into my face for a moment. I'm not sure what he was looking for there, but apparently he found it, because he finally nodded.  
"Ok then, kid. If you think you'll be fine, we'll give it a try." His face turned very firm. "But if you start to feel overwhelmed, you need to let me know straight away, and we'll head straight home. No need to push yourself too hard." I nodded solemnly in agreement.  
"Sure, Dad. No problem." I said, and we carried on walking down to the tide pools.  
We spent a good couple of hours there, stepping from rock to rock and peering into the water, through the drifts of seaweed to the bottom, pointing out crabs and tiny fish to each other. I fell down so many times I lost count, and each and every time was accompanied by Charlie struggling to hold in his snorts of laughter once he'd checked I was uninjured. Three band-aids, a hole in my jeans, a fresh crop of bruises on my ass, and several total soakings later, we noticed the tide getting close and called it a day, heading back along the beach, past the diner, my new overturned tree sheltering spot, and onwards to the truck where we had left it in the parking lot.  
"You still sure about going to Billy's?" Charlie checked. "Cos I can always collect my fishing gear from Harry tomorrow instead, and we could just head home for piazza, a shower and bed, if you're not sure." I shook my head.  
"No really, Dad, it's fine. Although maybe I'll ask Jacob if I can raid his closet for some dry, warm clothes of the non-ripped variety" I joked, tugging at my cold wet jeans. I always hated wet denim, the way it clung to my skin and chafed was unbelievably uncomfortable.  
"Ok then, kiddo. Let's do it then." He said, going round to the driver's side and pulling out my keys to unlock the truck.  
"Hey, Chief!" A deep voice called out from behind us on the path, and we both turned to see who was coming. The owner of the voice was a tall, a very tall Quileute man with cropped hair and a bare chest, wearing just shorts. Not even any shoes. "Jeeze, he must be mad, it's so cold today and he's out wandering about like it's high summer in the Bahamas!" I thought to myself, although I couldn't help but be impressed by his physique. My eyes ran over his naked upper body, taking it all in. The guy had an eight pack, and incredibly well defined chest and arm muscles. "I guess with a body like that, you take any chance you can to show it off." I was aware of Charlie clearing his throat loudly.  
"Hmm?" I murmured, tearing my eyes away from the guy to look at Charlie, who was rolling his eyes at me with a mixture of exasperation and amusement. "Sorry, Dad, I sort of zoned out there for a moment. Did you say something?"  
Charlie's moustache twitched "Yes, Bells. I was just asking you if you remembered Sam here. Sam Uley." Charlie shifted his feet awkwardly. "He's the one who... Erm... Found you. You know that night." He said carefully.  
Pain.  
Burning, freezing, tearing, echoing pain.  
Agony.  
Nothing else existed.  
As I struggled to drag in a breath with absent lungs, the edges of my vision blurred and darkened, and I was vaguely aware of Charlie and Sam shouting to me, I couldn't understand the words, but that didn't matter. Nothing did for that moment. As I felt my knees buckle under me and a strong, large, hot pair of hands grab me under my arms and swing me up into equally hot arms, I had a sharp memory of being carried from the forest and for a second I thought I was back there again, and the last few months had been a terrible, vivid dream.  
"Oh shit no. Not now. She was coming back, she was doing better, damnit. Please, please no. Not again. Please Bells, please, kiddo, don't go back inside your head again. Just breathe. Come back to me. You promised. You promised you wouldn't do this to yourself again. To me again. Please, Hun. Please"

Charlie's words started to cut through my agony, and I struggled to hold on to them. To hold onto him, he was my lifeline and I grabbed hold, following his broken voice back to reality and away from the yawning pit I had been tumbling towards. He was right. I had promised, and I refused to break that promise. If I was going to have to leave him for his own safety once Victoria returned, the least I could do for him was to actually be present during the time we had left together, and not lost at the bottom of that abyss. If I had limited time left, I was going to make the most of it, for both of us. I was going to live not simply exist. With a will I didn't know I had, I snatched hold of my panicked breathing and slowly and carefully forced it back to a normal pattern. I could feel the familiar bench seat of my truck underneath my back and I squeezed the warm, but not hot, hand I now felt in my own.  
"That's it, kid, come on back. Slow, even breaths. You can do it. Steady yourself, Bells. I'm right here. Not going anywhere. Take your time." Charlie's voice was steady but slightly cracked, calm laced over barely controlled panic, and I used the regret I felt over worrying him once again to push away the pain from my chest.  
Opening my eyes a few moments later, I was was met not by eyes that matched mine, but a deeper, darker brown pair, underneath a strong, worry creased brow. "Who the fu... Oh yeah. Sam." I reminded myself, and I cast my own eyes about to find Charlie sitting next to me.  
"It's ok. I'm ok, Dad. I'm sorry." I whispered. "It just took me by surprise and got away from me for a moment there, but it's ok now. I've got it locked back up again." That was how I visualised it in my mind. Sort of like a room with a huge pit in the floor, wanting and waiting to suck me back down if I made the wrong move. But my determination to change things had put a door on the room. Not a very strong one yet, but hopefully it would grow stronger, and I had a good, sturdy lock on the handle.  
"Nothing to be sorry about, Bells. You're doing great, just stay right there for a few more minutes til you're completely ready to sit up." He said, and I nodded and went back to regulating my breathing. "Shit. Can't let that happen again. I was far too close to falling."  
Within a few more minutes I was ready to sit up, and those large, hot hands were back to help me. "Thanks, Sam." I mumbled with embarrassment. "I'm sorry about that. Probably not the response you get from most girls huh?" I tried to joke, instantly regretting it and blushing bright red "Good one, Bella. Way to sound like a squealing fangirl."  
The corner of Sam's mouth curled upwards a tiny bit and the furrows in his brow smoothed a little. "Not to worry, Bella. I'm not quite sure what I did to freak you out back there, but I'm really sorry. Are you going to be ok?" He asked.  
"It was nothing." I replied, and at his look of shocked disbelief I added "I mean you did nothing to freak me out. I was just hit with some bad memories and they kind of ripped my breath away for a few minutes. Not your fault. "  
"Ahh. Ok I understand." He said and squeezed my knee in reassurance. "Memories can be tough to fight through sometimes." I sent him a questioning glance and he waved me off with one hand. "Anyway, enough about that. Are you feeling a bit better now? I was just heading back home, but if you or the Chief need something...?" Both Charlie and I shook our heads "No, no, we're good." We both spoke at the same time, and I felt a tiny smile on my face as I glanced over at him in amusement.  
"You go on, Sam." Charlie added. "Me and Bells here will just sit for a bit til we're both ready to head out of here." Sam reached across me to shake Charlie's hand.  
"Ok Chief, if you're sure then." As he pulled back he seemed to sniff at me, his nostrils flaring and his brow creasing again, but it was over before I really had time to take note, so I wrote it off as my imagination. "Bye then, Bella, Chief." He nodded once at each of us. "See you about sometime." With that he turned and jogged off back down the path. "Ahh. Out jogging along the beach. I guess that explains the shorts and lack of shirt or shoes." I thought to myself absently, pulling my hair back away from my face, "Probably goes part of the way to explaining that physique too. Exercise freak I expect." I turned to face Charlie in the driver's seat. "I really am sorry about that, Dad. It just happened so quickly, I couldn't catch it before it got away from me."  
"It's ok, kid." He reassured me, gently rubbing my back. "You feeling ready to drive home now?" He asked.  
"Home? No, we're going to Billy's first." I reminded him.  
"But I thought that after that little incident you'd rather just skip it and head back home instead." Charlie said, confused.  
"No really, Dad. I'm ok now. It's all locked back up again, and besides, I really need to go into the store on the way home, and I'd rather not look like I've been rolling around in the tide pools when I go there. It'll also give me a little more time to pull myself back together before we bump into someone in the store." He nodded in agreement.  
"Ok then, kiddo. I'm going to take you at your word. But the first sign you show of needing to get out of there, then we're off." He aid firmly and I gave him a tiny smile.  
"Sure, Dad. No problem." He turned the key and with the familiar loud roar, my truck turned over and we headed off to the Black's place.  
At Billy's house, Charlie turned to me and gave me an assessing look. "You sure?" I was a little exasperated with him for asking again, but I guessed I couldn't blame him. He'd gone from heartbroken despair, to cautious hope, to awkward emotional sharing, to slightly less cautious hope and then back to despair again, all the the space of a single day. I couldn't blame him for wanting to be careful with me so neither of us had to go through anymore for today at least. "Fuck. Has it really only been one day?" I thought with wonder. "Today has felt at least a week long. I should probably take the next few days a bit slower. No point rushing things and then having it all fall apart on me."  
"Definitely sure. Lets get in there before they wonder what's up. They've got to have heard this beast pull up." I gestured vaguely at the truck with a small smile and he nodded and opened his door.  
"Ok then, kiddo, lets go."

Jacob opened the door before we got there and I turned and raised my eyebrow at Charlie. He snorted and said "Yeah yeah, you were right." under his breath before he raised his voice for Jacob to hear. "Hey there, Jake. Bells and I thought we'd just stop in for a bit as we were on the Rez. It ok to come in, or are you and Billy busy?" Jacob grinned easily at us and called over his shoulder. "Dad, there's a couple of palefaces out here. Do I let them in, or shall I run them off our land?" I found myself smiling gently at his light-hearted teasing, and when I heard Billy's voice call out for us to come in, I ducked under Jacob's arm as he held the door and poked him in the ribs as I passed, making him squirm as I hit one of his ticklish spots I'd remembered from when we were kids. Suddenly I realised I'd not had to duck very much to pass under his arm and I stepped back a little in the cramped hallway to get a better look at him. "Jeeze Jake. You been standing in a bag of fertiliser every night?" I gestured to his height as he looked at me, a little confused. "They say steroids mean that the growth isn't... Well... Proportional you know. I pointed at his junk, blushing a bit as I made the innuendo, regretting mentioning his "little Jacob"almost immediately. The outright laugh I heard from behind me changed my mind immediately. If I could make Charlie laugh like that, when I knew damn well he hadn't had a true moment of joy for the last few months, it was worth stepping out of my usual reserved character once in a while if that was the result. Noting Jacob's blushing cheeks at my jibe and Charlie's laugh, I stepped into the living room where I found Billy staring at me in astonishment.

"Bella?" He said, his eyes wide as he took in the small smile on my blushing face and the grin on Charlie's. "Hey there kid. How you doing?"  
I looked down to my purple DMs, embarrassed now, and not sure quite how to answer. "Fine" would be a lie "Trying to dig myself out of my selfish self destruction" while true, sounded far too melodramatic.  
"I'm... Working on it, but yeah, a little better." I settled with that, and, relieved at his understanding nod, I crossed the room and went to sit on the couch.  
"Umm Bells, I wouldn't do that. Unless you want Billy bitching about water stains on his furniture" Charlie warned me, reminding me in perhaps the most embarrassing way possible that my ass was filthy and soaked. Jacob burst out laughing, and the blush that had just sprung up at Charlie's words grew steadily deeper.  
"Had an accident, Bells?" Jacob taunted me. "Thought that you were too old for that." I scowled at him and narrowing my eyes, replied with as much dignity as I could muster "No, Baby Jake, I did not. I just fell down at the tide pools. A few times." Not even my use of his old hated nickname could prevent Jacob's roar of laughter, and as it was joined by Billy's and Charlie's, I gave up my tenuous hold on my dignity, and rolled my eyes. "Fine. Laugh at the clumsy girl, why don't you all? While you're trying to get yourself under control, may I borrow a pair of sweat pants or something, please? I'm freezing over here." Still laughing, Jacob nodded and led the way to his room, where he grabbed a pair of sweats from his closet and handed them to me. He wandered back off to the living room, still chuckling away at my expense, and I closed to door behind him and began the tricky task of unlacing my wet boots, and peeling the wet denim off my freezing body. Once I'd finally got myself into the sweats, rolled them up at the waist and the ankles, so I didn't trip over them as I walked, and snagged myself a pair of dry socks from Jacobs dresser, I quietly opened the door and padded, boots in hand, down the hall to the living room.

The voices stopped me just as I was about to enter the room however. They clearly hadn't heard me coming back, and were talking about me in hushed tones.  
"I don't know what to tell you, Billy." I heard Charlie murmur. "We had a bit of a breakthrough early this morning, and she seems to have found a last reserve of strength to start pulling herself back together. It's not going to be a miracle sudden cure or anything, we've already had a couple of 'wobbly moments'" I didn't even need to see Charlie to know that he had just used giant air quotes around that phrase "but she's found some determination from somewhere, and I think she's finally on the mend." I heard Billy's wheelchair creak as he moved, and I peeked through the crack of the door to see what he was doing. He'd rolled himself a bit closer to Charlie and was gripping his shoulder firmly.  
"So glad to hear that, my old friend. We've all been worried about her, and also about you. And that was without having seen her. Jeeze, Charlie, she's all skin and bones and I thought she was pale before, but now? Hell, she's almost transparent." Charlie nodded helplessly.  
"She's only been eating when I pretty much force it on her, and I think she's only getting an hour or two's urn disturbed sleep every night. Also, I've been struggling to get her in the shower at all unless I lead her there, and hold her up and wash her myself. Talk about awkward. If it hadn't been so heart breaking, I'd have laughed at myself having to deal with that!" He admitted in a broken voice, adding, when Jacob and Billy gave an appalled gasp, "But today she not only voluntarily showered by herself and washed her hair, but she cooked breakfast, ate a smallish portion with me, suggested a walk on the beach, talked a few things over with me, ate a pretty decent sized burger for lunch, and suggested we come visit you." Charlie's voice was such a mixture of astonishment, awe, hope and pride, that my eyes welled up again and I had to swallow the lump in my throat. My hard day was worth it to hear that in his voice. Even if I hadn't already been determined to keep pulling myself out of my pit, that would have settled any doubts.  
"That fucking Cullen really screwed her up. It's just as well he's gone or I'd have been tempted to go set fire to the leech after seeing her looking so broken." Billy's voice was filled with hate and fury, but I was far too busy gritting my teeth against the ripping agony in my empty chest to worry about how he had just said a bit too much in the heat of the moment. I wrapped one arm around myself and firmly pressed the other hand against my mouth to prevent myself from making a sound and giving away my position behind the door.  
"Leech?" I heard Charlie and Jacob say together, and I fought my laboured breathing back to normal so I could hear Billy's reply.  
"Err yeah...you know... Cos he kinda sucked the life right out of her when he went?" Billy was quick, I'd give him that. It looked like he'd dodged a bullet with that fast explanation, as both Charlie and Jacob both nodded in slightly bemused understanding.  
"Anyway, both of you, while she's getting changed, I need to give you a heads up." Charlie said quietly. "Don't go questioning her. Just let her give as much as she feels ready to for now. Don't bring up any memories, and whatever you do, for fuck's sake, don't say His or Their names where she can hear you. It causes her actual physical pain, and throws her back into that zombie mindset again. Hell all it took was me stupidly mentioning the night she got lost when we bumped into Sam Uley earlier, and she grabbed at her chest and collapsed fighting for breath and passed out for a few minutes. Just don't make that same mistake, please" Billy's and Jacob's murmured assent came almost over the top of Charlie's last few words, though I did think I'd heard a snort from Jacob at Sam's name. Jacob was suddenly struck by a thought, it seemed, as he added  
"Well if Bells is making a bit of progress, maybe I can help by getting her over here where it's quiet and there's no one about to gawk at her, and we can just hang, or talk if she feels like it?"  
I felt the corner of my mouth lift a little, Jacob always was a good kid when we were little; always worried about other people's feelings, and it seemed that however tall he grew, he wasn't growing out of his kind nature.  
"Yeah, that might be good, Jake. How about you ask her when she come back in." He paused. "Come to think of it, she's taking a hell of a long time. You wanna go check she's not fallen own trying to get her boots off?" Hearing this, I quickly but quietly padded away from the door, jamming my hip into a sideboard in the narrow hall.  
"Ow! Shit!" I cried out, rubbing my hip as I saw Jacobs head peer around the door. Apparently I'd managed to get far enough away from the door to allay suspicion, as all I got from him was a snort of laughter, and an "Alright there, clumsy girl?" from the massively tall teenager.  
"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine." I grumbled, still rubbing my hip as I limped slightly on my way back to the living room.

We ended up staying for pizza and while Billy and Charlie chatted together as they watched some ball game on tv, Jacob and I played a few hands of poker for bottle caps, stopping every once in a while for me to redistribute the pile of caps I'd won off him.  
"I'll never know how you manage to bluff so well at poker when you blush like a tomato if you try lying any other time." Jacob grumbled at me as I once again took the pot, scraping the bottle caps towards myself.  
"It's not real lying, that's why." I told him. "I've always looked as bluffing as part o the rules, so I know I'm not doing anything wrong, so the blush stays away." I shrugged and began sharing he bottle caps back out again.  
"Well I'm going to arrange a poker night with my friends Quil and Embry in the next few days, and you should totally come. It'd be fun watching you fleece someone else for a change. I noticed our dads tensing a little as they awaited my response - seems they weren't quite as oblivious to us as I'd thought. "Sneaky, sneaky."  
"Well ok then." I said, hoping I was making a good decision. "But on three conditions." I added "One: Make it a week's time, so I'm feeling and looking a bit better. Two: We play for pennies and dimes only. And three:" I gave him a small, evil grin. "Don't warn them!" Jacob gave a loud chuckle and he rubbed his hands together in anticipation.

"Conditions accepted." He said with a grin. "Poor guys won't know what hit 'em!" The dads joined in the laughter and we started wrapping things up, it was getting late and Charlie and I were both feeling physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted. Charlie grabbed his fishing gear which Harry Clearwater had dropped off for him at the Blacks' house, and chucked it onto the truck bed, we said our goodbyes, and we headed off back home after our long day.

I'd taken my first few steps up the ladder from my pit, and despite the roller coaster the day had proven to be, I felt like I could keep taking some more steps. Maybe taking it a little slower, but never stopping or going backwards from now on.  
Once we got back home, I tiredly dragged myself upstairs, giving Charlie an unaccustomed kiss on the cheek on the spur of the moment before I headed up, and pleased I'd done it when I saw the flustered but pleased look on his face.  
"Night, Dad. Sleep well" I garbled through a huge yawn.  
"You too, Bells" he replied.  
"Huh yeah. We'll see" I thought as I closed my bedroom door and changed into a pair of scruffy but warm flannel pyjamas. "Time to find out if I've finally settled my unconscious and can actually get some proper sleep." I wasn't going to waste my time hoping I wouldn't be having the 'alone in the forest' dream, but I was hoping that my working through the dreams earlier would make the other dreams ease up on me a little. "Hmmm though there is that one scene I wouldn't mind so much" was the last thing I remembered thinking before my head hit the pillow and, exhausted, I fell straight to sleep.


	7. How it was & How it is

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so it was time to attempt a spov chapter, and where all the previous chapters typed themselves almost, I had to force this one out with a crowbar. I hope it doesn't read that way though; you'll have to let me know what you think.

Sam POV.

It was just a couple of months before my eighteenth birthday that my life changed so dramatically that I could now barely recognise any similarities with my life before.

I'd never really been a typical teenager; having had to step up to fill my dad's shoes when he walked out twelve years ago made me an adult before my time. Taking on odd jobs whenever I could to help my mom make ends meet meant that I never really had the chance to socialise with kids my own age outside school, but I never minded too much. My mom and I were all each other had, and that was more important to me than whatever childish shit my schoolmates were getting up to after class. When Leah and I started dating, in our sophomore year, I couldn't help but worry that adding her into our lives would tip things off balance, but as it turned out, she fit seamlessly into our little family, even helping out around the house on occasion, and my mom loved her nearly a much as I did. Which was a big part of why Mom wasn't speaking to me right now, and hadn't done for nearly two years now.

She believed I had completely gone off the rails and was now on a mission to follow in Joshua, my father's footprints. I couldn't really blame her; I wasn't allowed to tell her any different, and the evidence of me disappearing for two weeks with no explanation, and then not long after my return, breaking up with Leah for no apparent reason, compounded by my constant leaving the house at all hours without telling her why or what I was doing was compelling.

The truth of the matter, which I was forbidden from telling anyone, even my own mother, was that thanks to the nice family of vampires that had moved into the area about six months before, I was now a werewolf.

The first time I phased into my wolf form, I didn't have the first idea what was happening to me. One moment I was my usual self, though angry as hell about a stupid kid in my class who I'd heard making comments about my dad earlier that day, so I went out back to chop some wood to try to burn off the anger. But my mind kept running the kid's comments over and over, making me more and more angry as I chopped, the next moment I felt like I was shaking apart, my muscle felt like they were vibrating themselves into a puddle and then I just... Exploded. I felt all my bones breaking and shifting, my joints dislocating, there was excruciating pain and then I fell still. I went to call out to my mom, to get her to call an ambulance, but all that came out was an animalistic whining and growling. Turning my head to see what had made the noise, I caught sight of my own body, but it wasn't me, I was a wolf.

I did what any sane person would do. I freaked the fuck out. It was lucky I was outside, because I through myself around a fair bit, trying to, I don't know, maybe shake myself out of my delusion? Maybe. But of course that didn't work. Terrified, and convinced I'd has some kind of psychotic break or something, I tore off into the forest as fast as I could, and holy shit was I fast! Seeing the world blur around me as I ran did nothing to convince me I hadn't gone insane or that I wasn't suffering from some hallucination, in fact the thought ran through my head that maybe someone had fed me something spiked with LSD or peyote, and I must have run for miles in my panic. At the time I didn't know how much time was passing as I ran about in my madness, completely terrified of what had happened to me and more and more firmly convinced as time went by that I was completely barking (pardon the pun) mad. I later learned that I was gone for about two weeks. Two weeks of running wild in the forest, eating what I could catch, drinking from dirty puddles, and slinking about outside the Rez, trying to catch the odd glimpse of my mom or Leah, sure in my heart that I could never return to them as I was either a total nut job who thought he was a werewolf, and so was too dangerous to be around those I loved, or I actually was a werewolf, and so was too dangerous to be around those I loved.

Eventually I was exhausted enough to catch more than a fleeting nap, and in my sleep I phased back. I stumbled for hours though the forest, naked and filthy, and starving hungry, until I got close enough to my own house to risk making a run across the open ground and in through my back door. When my mom came back home a couple of hours to find me showered and dressed, and steadily eating my way though the entire contents of the kitchen, she was so relieved to see me that she didn't ask that evening where I'd been. But that didn't stop her in the morning. My shrugs and muttered evasions made her angry and worried but what was I supposed to tell her? "Oh yeah, Mom. I just went totally bat shit crazy for a couple of weeks and I've been living out in the forest alone, eating squirrels - and one time a whole deer - raw, cos I thought I was a giant wolf"? Just no. So I just kept it to myself and let her believe I'd been up to no good somewhere. It broke my heart to see her worried and disappointed in me -it still does now- but the truth would've been worse, so I just stuck it out.

Leah was just as bad. She'd been just as worried while I was gone, and was just as angry and confused as Mom when I refused to say where I'd been, and for the first time our relationship was under a real strain, she didn't feel she could trust me anymore, and I was so scared I'd have another mental breakdown that I didn't trust me anymore either, so the tension just built. It wasn't until nearly a week later, by which time my refusal to explain my disappearance had driven an angry wedge between me and Mom, and Leah and I were on seriously shaky ground, that I finally got an answer for what had happened to me. Old Quil had come by to talk to my mom about something and as he came in the house I casually shook his hand. The moment his hand clasped mine, his eyes widened in shock and his grip on my hand firmed as he stared at me in astonishment. It took him a moment to recover his wits, and he made a stuttering excuse to Mom about how he'd just remembered something he needed to go do, and he shot out of our house like someone had lit his ass on fire. Later that evening, I got a call from Billy Black, asking me to go down to the council hall and do a couple of odd jobs, so I headed down there and Billy, Old Quil, and Harry Clearwater were there waiting for me. I'll never forget the feeling of astonished relief that came over me when Billy began the conversation with "So just what colour wolf are you, Sam?"

Over the next couple of hours they explained to me just what had happened to me, explained the old legends and how they were all true, and also that I couldn't tell anyone about it. I think I must've gone through every emotion in the book that evening; relief that I wasn't in fact insane, fear that I would hurt someone, anger that my hopes and dreams were now just so much shit down the sewer as I was stuck here on the Rez forever, pride that I was now basically the new Chief of the tribe, and despair that despite knowing all this, I still couldn't set my mom's or Leah's worries and frustrations to rest.

It was the very next day that I went, broken hearted, to the Clearwater's and broke up with the girl I loved so much, hurting her and myself in the process, and causing my mom to think I was heading down the same track that Joshua had done years ago. The bitter irony of it was that I had split with Leah precisely because I didn't want to follow in Joshua's footsteps. The Elders had told me there was a chance that I would imprint on another woman; meaning I would instantly care infinitely more for that woman, despite any previous ties I might have, and even if it was as rare as the Elders insisted, I couldn't bear the thought of maybe starting a family with Leah, and then years down the line having to walk out on her and my kids because I'd bumped into my soulmate in the dairy aisle at Walmart.

So here I am. No girlfriend, Mom not talking to me, living alone in a house the council gave me. I'm not alone in the wolf thing anymore. I'm not sure whether I'm more relieved at not being alone, or horrified that others have to suffer the same fate as me, but I guess it's pointless to feel either way. It is what it is, and we are what we are. About six months ago Jared phased for the first time, followed just six weeks later by Paul. So now we are three. But looking at the way a couple of guys on the Rez are suddenly shooting up, I'm guessing that we won't be just three for much longer. I hope I'm wrong - not only would I not wish this cursed life on anyone else, but the last thing I want is to be responsible for more traumatised teenaged boys - I don't think I am wrong though. It doesn't matter that the Cullen leeches have left the building; it's too late. The fever has set in, the changes have begun, and once they do, there's no stopping it. I know the signs, and also I can actually feel them getting ready to join us. I guess it's an Alpha thing. Yeah. There's the ultimate punch line to all this; my mom and ex-girlfriend, along with most of the tribe think I'm this irresponsible, dangerous, bad boy gang leader, when in actual fact I'm responsible for the safety and well being of the entire tribe, including a pair of troubled teenage boys/men/wolves with anger management issues. And I'm only twenty years old for fuck's sake. Twenty today actually. Happy fucking birthday to me.

Feeling sorry for myself today, my third birthday with nobody to make note of it, the pack not even knowing, and my mom not talking to me, I sent the guys out on patrol without me and, after i spent the morning catching up on a little much needed sleep, I took the chance for a little solitude on the beach. The weather's too cold and windy for tourists, and it's a week day, so I had a good chance of having the entire beach to myself. I headed out at at a slow (for me) jog, towards the cliffs, and had been out for just over an hour when I caught a really enticing scent. Casting my eyes about, I spotted, about a half a mile up-wind of me, what looked like Chief Swan and a small female. "Must be his daughter" I reasoned. "I thought Billy had said she'd turned into a total lock-in." In fact the way Billy had made it sound, the girl had become a complete basket case. Catatonic and unresponsive pretty much all the time. Screaming through the night from her nightmares, and an automaton during the day at school, work, and home. I could easily believe it.

The night I had gone out with Jared, and a newly phased Paul to search for her after her copper haired leech boyfriend had abandoned her in the forest, I'd never seen a more pathetic sight. It still haunted my dreams. Not her physical appearance; apart from being filthy and soaked to the skin, she looked fine. But her eyes. God her eyes! They were just... Empty. Her empty, dead eyes and her endless litany of "he's gone, he's gone, he's gone" have woken me up from a deep sleep on more than one occasion. When we'd headed out in search for her at Billy's request, I was completely in sympathy with Paul's muttered complaints about the leech lover bringing any troubles she had on herself. But once I'd found her, and seen those eyes... Well. I could tell that the leech hadn't sucked her blood, but damn me if it didn't look exactly like he'd sucked her soul out instead. Almost as troubling was her reaction when someone mentioned the leech's name. You could almost feel the pain ripping through her. She was in agony, not only emotionally but physically. So yeah. I could easily believe Billy's second hand descriptions of how she'd been for the last few months.

I caught up to them just as they reached an ancient truck, and called out to the Chief; he'd asked me the week before if I had time to come do a few repairs around his place, so I figured I'd kill two birds with one stone. Save myself a phone call by arranging a visit to look over the work now, in person, and find the source of that amazing scent. I knew it wasn't the Chief - I'd spent enough time with him since I phased to be able to recognise his scent quite easily, so I guessed it must be Bella. The last time I'd seen her, she'd reeked of the leech family, their over sweet, bleach stink masked her own scent almost completely. But now, even overlaid by her father's scent, her own wonderful scent shone through, drawing me in.

The Chief and Bella both turned when I called and he raised a hand in greeting as I approached them. "Holy crap. The state of her! She's more than half way dead!" I was horrified at how Bella looked. Her skin was dry and so pale I could easily see the veins on her hands and face, she didn't just have bags under her eyes, it was a whole matched set of blackish purple luggage, and she was so thin! "Fuck me. If she weighs as much as a hundred pounds, I'll eat Paul's shorts." At about 5'4" it made her look positively skeletal. No wonder her dad had been tearing his hair out over her. What had she done to herself? She watched me as I approached and I was at least relieved to see that her eyes weren't that empty void I'd seen there before. She looked a little glazed over for some reason, but it seemed more due to distraction than anything else. When I reached them, the Chief shook my hand and I asked him

"Hey, Chief, how's it going? Is it ok if I come by tomorrow to check out what you need doing round your place?"

"Hi, Sam. Yeah that'd be good. Any time is fine, I've got the day off, and Bells and I were just planning on hanging out together for a lot of it." He turned to Bella. "Kiddo, that's ok with you, right?" He got no reply; she still seemed deep in thought about something, her glazed eyes staring straight through my stomach and chest. "Bells? You remember Sam? Sam Uley?" Still no response, so he cleared his throat loudly to get her attention. That seemed to jog her out of her fog a little.

"Hmm?" She murmured, finally turning to look at the Chief, who was rolling his eyes at her with amusement. "Sorry, Dad, I sort of zoned out there for a moment. Did you say something?"

The Chief's moustache did a kind of twitchy thing. Either from annoyance or cos he was smiling - I don't know which.

"Yes, Bells. I was just asking you if you remembered Sam here. Sam Uley." He shifted his feet awkwardly. "He's the one who... Erm... Found you. You know that night." He said carefully.

She seemed to totally collapse in on herself.

The look on her face was one of complete agony, and she suddenly seemed incapable of drawing breath.

"BELLA" The Chief and I both yelled to her at the same time.

"Are you ok? Can you hear me?" I asked. She looked like she was going to pass out, so I ran forwards to catch her as the Chief continued shouting her name and telling her to just breathe.

I got to her just in time to catch her under the arms as her knees gave way. As I swung her up into my arms and turned to place her on the bench seat of her truck, I absently noticed the smell of blood pooling under her skin. She'd bruised herself quite badly somewhere. Her beautiful scent made me want to run my nose over her, to find the bruises by scent, though when I noticed the bruise smell was coming from her ass I was glad I hadn't given in to the instinct. "Yeah, awesome move that would've been, Sam. Sniffing her butt, would've totally looked 100% human. And in front of her dad too." I laid her down in her truck, trying to block out the desolation I could now hear in the Chief's voice.

"Oh shit no. Not now. She was coming back, she was doing better, damnit. Please, please no. Not again. Please Bells, please, kiddo, don't go back inside your head again. Just breathe. Come back to me. You promised. You promised you wouldn't do this to yourself again. To me again. Please, Hun. Please" He seemed to be getting through, and I was relieved; hearing this was just heartbreaking. Her panicked breathing was slowly returning to a normal pattern, and I saw her hand move a tiny bit as she squeezed his.

"That's it, kid, come on back. Slow, even breaths. You can do it. Steady yourself, Bells. I'm right here. Not going anywhere. Take your time." The Chief's voice was cracking a little, though he was clearly trying to hold it steady, and she seemed to latch onto it like it was all that was pulling her back from wherever she had just been. She lay there for a couple of minutes. Eyes still shut, and concentrating hard on her breathing, it seemed. Then slowly her eyes opened and met mine. They were full of confusion for a moment, then I saw recognition as she realised who I was, and she turned a little to see the Chief who had run around to the driver's side door and climbed in the truck to sit next to her.

"It's ok. I'm ok, Dad. I'm sorry." She whispered. "It just took me by surprise and got away from me for a moment there, but it's ok now. I've got it locked back up again."

I was baffled. "What's she on about?" I wondered. "What took her by surprise and got away from her? It's like she thinks about her panic like its a living thing. An animal to control. Huh. A bit like how I think about my wolf, when the anger's running high and trying to burst out of me in wolf form."

"Nothing to be sorry about, Bells. You're doing great, just stay right there for a few more minutes til you're completely ready to sit up." The Chief said, and she nodded, still concentrating on her breathing as far as I could tell.

"Thanks, Sam." She mumbled with embarrassment. "I'm sorry about that. Probably not the response you get from most girls huh?" She joked, and I had to smile a bit at that. "Brave girl." I approved silently. "Trying to ease the load on her dad by breaking the tension a little."

"Not to worry, Bella." I reassured her. "I'm not quite sure what I did to freak you out back there, but I'm really sorry. Are you going to be ok?"

"It was nothing." She replied, and my disbelief at that must've been easily read, because she quickly added "I mean you did nothing to freak me out. I was just hit with some bad memories and they kind of ripped my breath away for a few minutes. Not your fault."

Now that I could easily understand. I was frequently bothered by my memories of my first phase; the terror and confusion was still very real to me when my mind went back there, and I could set my heart pounding even now.

"Ahh. Ok I understand." I squeezed her knee. "Memories can be tough to fight through sometimes." She looked at me, clearly wanting me to explain what I meant. But I couldn't explain, even if I thought for a second she'd believe me, so I waved her off with one hand. "Anyway, enough about that." I said, quickly changing the subject. "Are you feeling a bit better now? I was just heading back home, but if you or the Chief need something...?"

"No, no, we're good." They both spoke at the same time, and I was impressed again with her resilience as a tiny smile curled around the edges of her mouth when she glanced over at him in amusement.

"You go on, Sam." The Chief added. "Me and Bells here will just sit for a bit til we're both ready to head out of here." I took a last chance to get a whiff of Bella's enticing scent as I reached across her to shake the Chief's hand.

"Ok Chief, if you're sure then." I drew in one last sniff as I pulled back, and I could almost feel my wolf wagging his tail with delight. "Why the fuck is my wolf so pleased with that? It's not like she's my imprint; I've looked her in the eyes two or three times since I phased and nothing happened at all. Weird." I thought to myself, quickly moving back before she could notice me sniffing at her. "Bye then, Bella, Chief." I gave them each a nod. "See you about sometime." And I turned and jogged back down the path. "I certainly hope we do see her about again." Now that was disconcerting; I had no idea if I'd thought that, or my wolf.


	8. Grilled cheese & Gossip

Bella POV

As it turned out, I was right. I didn't avoid the 'Alone in the forest' nightmare, in fact if anything it was worse. The entire time I was chasing Him I could feel someone or something watching me. Not helping, not caring, not even following me as far as I could hear, just watching. It added a sinister tension to the dream that made my dream self's skin crawl, adding that to the already overpowering terror and loneliness. As had become my usual, I woke screaming, and Charlie came in to calm me down.

"Sorry, Dad. I was fairly sure this'd happen, but I was hoping..." I said wearily to him as he rhythmically rubbed my back.

"It's ok, Bells." He whispered. "We knew not to expect too much. The dreams will fade out before long I'm sure. But for tonight, you've had your dose, so you lie back down and try to get some proper sleep now." I shuffled down under my covers, nodding sleepily and was already asleep before he left my room to return to his.

My next dream found me once again in the ancient village of La Push. I was once again dressed in traditional Quileute clothing, but this time while it was me doing the domestic chores, it was also not me, in that way that only dreams can manage to convey. I watched as me/not me sat skinning a deer carcass and the violence started in the background. Victoria, all wild and unkempt was once again slaughtering her way across the village, and with my knew awareness about what this dream meant, I wondered. "Where are the wolves? Why aren't they protecting their tribe, their families?" Then I saw on the ground, a giant wolf, covered in blood and twitching in his final death throes. "Oh God, there was only one left, and she's killed him."

From behind me I heard a terrible half human growling noise, and I turned to see an old man, shaking all over and before I could move towards him to help, he burst apart and instead there stood a huge, silvery grey wolf. He threw himself at Victoria, snarling and snapping and biting at her, but he was so far past his prime, I couldn't see how he could possibly survive, let alone defeat the feral female. Sure enough, she was soon no longer defending, but on the attack, and clearly winning if the yelps of pain from the wolf were any indication. "Time for the sacrifice again then." I thought as once more me/not me raised my knife to plunge into my own heart. But this time I paused with the knife point touching my skin. Instead of stabbing straight through this time, me/not me simply dragged the knife across the skin and muscle of my chest, great rivers of blood flowing behind the path of the blade, but this time it wasn't a fatal wound.

"Victoria" I called in an almost seductive voice, and sure enough she turned, her nostrils flaring at the scent of fresh flowing blood. She took a step towards me, then another, then all out ran to grab my neck and plunge her teeth into the other side, but my distraction had worked, the old wolf had the time to grab her head between his enormous jaws and rip it from her shoulders, just as I saw from the corner of my eye two young boys shudder and rip apart into their own wolves. Me/not me faded into black to the sound of the three wolves tearing Victoria into pieces.

Once again the scene changed completely. The village became just a single dark room, the tribe, Victoria, the wolves and me/not me became a single man and woman, terror and anger became passion and lust as the two writhed and moaned, sweat slick skin sliding over more sweat slick skin, hands and legs twisted together, grunts and groans filling the room. A magnificently toned male body, running with beads of sweat, and with a tribal tattoo clear on one bicep, roughly flipped the woman over, pulling he up onto all fours and simultaneously plunging back inside her as he fisted his hand into her hair. The screams were now of impassioned release as they come came together and once again the man's teeth cut through the skin on the back of the woman's neck, his growls somehow becoming the word "Mine" spoken in triumph. And in the corner of the room, a huge black wolf growled lowly in what I could only interpret as approval.

I shot upwards in my bed, suddenly wide awake and gasping for breath, casting my eyes wildly about the room, searching for what, I couldn't say. "Woah." I murmured under my breath. I was still panting heavily and I was coated with sweat myself. My panties were soaked with excitement and my skin was tingling all over, for the first time I had actually orgasmed in my sleep, "That dream is so HOT! I almost hope I don't work out what I'm trying to tell myself with this one, so I can keep on having it over and over again. It's certainly a fuck load better than any of the other dreams!" I reached over to my nightstand and gulped down the water I kept there, my hands shaking a little and my breath slowly returning to normal. "The body on that guy looked familiar; Sam's. even down to the tattoo. It figures I'd fill in the blanks with the best example of male physique I've seen." I looked at the glowing green numbers on my alarm clock; 4:35. Sill time to get some uninterrupted sleep before I had to get up for school. Wait, no, yesterday was Friday, so I could sleep in for a while, I wasn't due at work til 1pm. I settled back down, resolving to leave the dream analysis for the next day, and take the opportunity for now to give my body some proper, healing sleep. I let my bone-weariness pull me under, and didn't stir for the rest of the night.

When I eventually woke just before mid-day I could hear Charlie banging around downstairs in the kitchen "Oh shit. I hope he's not trying to cook down there. I don't think my body can handle food poisoning on top of everything else." I hauled myself out of bed, stiff and sore from the unaccustomed activities of the day before, And shuffled like a geriatric into the bathroom, picking up my toiletries on the way. "Huh. I never did go to the store yesterday and replace this lot." I remembered, looking at my strawberry scented shampoo and conditioner. "I'll go after work today." After showering and washing my hair, I slipped into Charlie's room and swiped another plaid shirt from his closet, before returning to my own room and dressing in a pair of faded black jeans and an old band t-shirt, pulling Charlie's shirt on over the top and rolling the sleeves up a few times. Grabbing my work name tag, and an elastic to hold my hair back once it had dried a bit, I headed downstairs to see what Charlie had been up to in the kitchen, though a smell of slightly burnt toast was giving me a clue.

"Hey Dad. How did you sleep?" I asked him as I squeezed past him to get at the fridge, hoping to find some juice.

"Pretty good, thanks. How about you? You're looking a little less drained today, do I assume you managed to get some proper sleep in the end?" He asked, still fiddling around with something on the stove. I opened the fridge to grab the juice. No luck. It was pretty much empty, except for a couple of eggs, some very tired looking ham slices, and a dribble of milk left in the bottom of the carton. Sighing, I closed the fridge and turned to find Charlie putting a plate holding a couple of slightly singed grilled cheese sandwiches down on the table.

"Yeah I actually did, thanks." I gave him a small smile, and flopped down into my usual seat at the table, wincing as the bruises from the day before made themselves known. "This looks great, thanks, Dad" I said, gesturing at the grilled cheese, and grabbed one off the plate, juggling it from hand to hand to stop my fingers from burning.

"Oh hold on, let me get you a plate" Charlie quickly grabbed one for me from the cupboard and I gratefully dropped my sandwich onto it and blew on my fingers.

"I hope you don't mind, but I raided your closet again." I plucked at the collar of my shirt to show him what I meant and he chuckled at me.

"No that's fine, kiddo. Though I guess I'd better put a load in the machine if I'm going to be going through all my shirts twice as fast as usual." He sat down with me and started tucking into his own sandwich. "So did you decide to go to work after all today then?" He asked, eyeing my name tag where I'd dropped it on the table.

"If that's ok with you, Dad?" I was suddenly worried he'd be offended. Had he planned something for us to do together today? "If not, I'm sure I can call Mrs Newton..."

"No no, it's fine." Charlie waved off my offer "I've got a ton of stuff I can get on with today, I was just checking you felt up to working, but if you're sure you'll be ok, then that's great." I nodded in agreement and, picking up my plate to take it to the sink I added

"I figured I'd go to the store on the way home, stock up the kitchen a little." He smile ruefully "is there anything in particular you wanted for dinner tonight? I feel like cooking." I offered and his face lit up hopefully.

"How about lasagne? I've always loved your lasagne, no one else's can match it."

"Sure, dad. No problem at all. If you think of anything else, just call my cell phone and I'll add it to my list. I'd better head out or I'll be late. Thanks for brunch." I stood up stiffly and picked up my name tag and elastic, pulling my hair back into a ponytail as I walked into the hallway. My purple D.M.s from the day before we're standing next to the radiator, fully dried out from the day before, and I smiled at Charlie's thoughtfulness in making sure they'd be ready to wear again whenever I wanted them. Stepping into them, I grabbed my cell phone from the sideboard drawer and bent to tie them up, groaning slightly as my stiff and sore muscles protested. "Ok, I'm off now, bye, Dad. See you later!" I called over my shoulder and went out into the drizzling rain to my truck.

On Saturday afternoons, Mrs Newton always did the weekly stock count, and depending on how busy it was, either Mike or I were often drafted into the back to help out. I guess that with my autopilot Bella persona of late, I'd been almost the perfect assistant for a stock take - doing precisely as asked with no chit-chat to distract her as she trotted up the exact number of metal tent pegs, mosquito repellent sprays and bootlaces. So it seemed to be automatically assumed as soon as I walked in the door this afternoon that that was how I'd be spending my time today.

"Afternoon, Bella. Straight out back with me again today, please." Mrs Newton said as soon as she saw me, and accompanied her request with a hold and turn of my shoulders and a gentle shove in the right direction. "Wow. Is that ever going to get old fast!" I bitched to myself, though I knew I had no one but myself to blame for it. "Time to let them know the zombie has left the building, I guess." I turned back to her and offered her a small smile.

"Sure, Mrs Newton, no problem. But do you mind if I grab a quick coffee to take with me? We've run out at home and I really could do with a caffeine fix." I left her and Mike standing open mouthed as I headed back to the little staff room behind the cash register to fix myself a cup. "Anyone else want one while I'm here?"

"N... No, thanks though." Mike stuttered, echoed by his mother, and I picked up my drink, along with a pen and clipboard and walked towards the stockroom.

"Shall we get started then?" I asked the still stunned Mrs Newton over my shoulder, and she closed her mouth with a snap and started walking along behind me.

We were halfway through the stock take before Mrs Newton finally followed up the side-long glances she'd been sending my way with an actual question.

"So, Bella honey, how are you doing? You seem a little more ... lively than you've usually been lately. Has anything exciting been going on at home?" She was studiously keeping her head down, but I could see her darting the odd look my way to see how I took her question. I smiled internally, but kept my face completely pleasant but blank.

"No, not really. Just the same old stuff as usual." I refused to give the Forks gossip circle any more ammo than they'd already gleaned, and Mrs Newton was practically the chairwoman of the nosy brigade. If I'd thought for a moment she was actually asking out of concern, I would've tried to find some kind of platitude to feed her, but as it was, I was just going to go with 'nothing to see here' until she gave up on the issue. "Why? Has there been anything exciting going on in town?" Maybe re-directing her with her favourite topic - gossip - was the way to go. It worked.

"Oh my, yes." She said excitedly, leaning forward as if sharing something top secret. "There have been hikers going missing for the last two months. It's up to five now, and only one has been found. Well I say they've been found, but what I mean is their body was found. Looked like an animal attack apparently. But two weeks ago the fifth hiker went missing. I don't know what the police department are playing at. Surely they could put down their doughnuts long enough to..." She broke off suddenly. Obviously just now realising just who she was talking to, and who my dad was. "Yes well anyway. It's a very sad business. Their poor families." She finished off lamely. I gave her I tight, fake smile.

"Yes. It's an awful thing to happen. Have we got any signs up or flyers going out to help with the search? After all, it our customers who are most likely to either be in danger of being attacked by this animal themselves, or to maybe help in the search for those already missing." I knew there were none up in the store. Maybe it was a cheap shot, but I was disgusted at her excitement at the expense of the poor missing hikers, like the gossip was the only important factor. Her rudeness about the Forks police had also seriously grated on my nerves. So yeah, cheap shot perhaps, but she started it.

"Well no, dear, we haven't." She replied, a bit flustered. "I did give it some thought, but it would be bad for business you know. It might scare people away from going out in the forest, and therefore from buying hiking and camping equipment, so I decided against it." I couldn't help the look of shocked outrage on my face at her thoughts. "Selfish, greedy bitch!" I tried hard to rein my anger in, to swallow my retort, but the words came bubbling, hot and angry, out of my throat before I could stop them.

"No, quite right, Mrs Newton. You wouldn't want to miss out on a couple of hundred bucks just to help save a few lives, or to put the questions of the families of the missing hikers to rest; that's just not sound business sense." I raged. "No, it's much more sensible to do nothing to help, but instead spend as much time as possible bad mouthing the police department, who actually are working hard to try to find the missing, and prevent any more people from meeting the same fate." She stared at me with gaped mouthed astonishment as I ranted. I took off my name badge and handed it to her. "I think I'd better leave. I'm sure my dad could use some help on the weekends and after school." I shrugged, then widened my eyes in a sarcastic parody of sudden realisation. "Oh! Or I could work at the diner. I'm sure they need help supplying all those doughnuts to the police."

With that, I spun on my heel and stormed (hiding my winces from my sore muscles) out past Mike, through the door, with its glaring lack of missing posters, climbed into my truck and sped off, my truck protesting the mistreatment until I rounded the first bend and let my foot ease up on the gas a little.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not entirely sure how that happened; At the beginning of this chapter I had no plans of Bella doing something so out of character. She just sort of took over a bit there and ran off in her own direction. Oh well. I'm sure she has a plan. I can only hope she'll share it with me as I tackle the next chapter. :0)


	9. Motorcycles & Mortification

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so this chapter was s'posed to be me getting control over my characters and putting them back on the right path after Bella took matters into her own hands while I was writing last night and quit her job. Bella and Sam, however, refused to co-operate and clearly have their own agenda, so you lucky people will get 2 chapters today, cos that's how long it's going to take me to rein them in and get things back to my original plan. Enjoy. :0)

I drove a round town aimlessly for nearly an hour, trying to calm myself down after my outburst. I wasn't sure just what had come over me. I'd never been the sort of person to lose my temper like that, normally anger for me was characterised by stuttering frustration, accompanied by tears, as if my tear ducts were hard wired to my temper, and yet today I had been able to say exactly what was going through my mind without getting flustered and tearful. No. It wasn't that I had 'been able to say' it. I couldn't stop it.

It had boiled out of me, unstoppable, and devastating, like a pyroclastic flow. I couldn't make myself feel sorry for it though. The horrible woman had deserved every word, especially after speaking ill of my dad. Charlie was a good man, one who worked incredibly hard for the protection of his community, and I wasn't going to just stand there and let her say anything different. "Well, Bella. You were planning on making some changes. Looks like one or two are just happening by themselves." The thought was both welcome and disturbing at the same time, and I felt my empty chest throb.

I pulled up at the side of the road, wondering where in the hell I was. I wasn't concerned - Forks is a small town, there's only so lost you can get, but I did still plan on going to the store, and I wanted to beat Charlie home so that I could fill him in on what had happened at Newton's myself, before the town gossips started ringing the phone off the hook. Up ahead I could just make out the cemetery. "I must be on Calawah way" I realised, and I started to make a U turn to head back towards the store. Halfway through making the turn, I spotted something sitting on the lawn of one of the houses. I couldn't make out what it was, but whatever it was, it had a 'free to collector' sign leaning against it. Having spent years digging around flea markets and yard sales with Renee, it was hard wired into my very being not to pass it by without investigating, so I completed my turn, put the truck into park, and stepped out into the rain to see what it was. "A pile of scrap metal." Was my first conclusion, but then I noticed the wheels. It was a motorcycle. No. Two motorcycles. They were in pretty bad shape, maybe they'd never run again. But maybe...

I stood there like a statue, deep in thought and staring at the scra.. the motorcycles. I was planning to make some changes. And motorcycles were certainly different. The hole in my chest gave a painful twinge at the thought of not only making changes, but doing so deliberately. I may have resigned myself to the fact that He and I would never fit together again, but I still loved Him. I probably always would, so the pain was to be expected. Hopefully, with time it would lessen, or I'd at least get used to it. I knew I wasn't ready to make big changes yet, just one day after I started to pull myself out of my pit, but these motorcycles would take weeks to fix up. Maybe by then I'd be ready, and if not I could always sell them on and maybe make a few bucks.

My feet, it seemed, were already making the decision for me. Without me consciously telling them to, they were making their way up the path to the house of the current owner. When they finally stopped in front of the door, I took the hint and knocked on the door. A kid answered. I recognised him from school, a freshman I thought.

"The motorcycles on your lawn, are they really free for whoever wants them?" I asked him, pointing over my shoulder at the pile of sc.. the motorcycles.

"Yeah." He answered, shrugging. "My mom wants rid of them, so if no-one takes them, the garbage truck will collect them tomorrow."

"Then I'll take them." I decided. "Can you help me load them onto my truck?"

A lot of huffing and grunting, pulled muscles and scraped knuckles later, I was driving away, the proud owner of two broken down, rusty motorcycles, with no idea how to get them fixed up, or where to store them. I knew Charlie's opinion on motorcycles; he had responded to far too many RTAs involving them to think they were a good thing, especially on the almost permanently rain slick roads of Forks, but I had no intention of lying to him about them. I had damaged our relationship enough, and lying to him about anything at his point seemed just so wrong that I couldn't bring myself to do it. I was eighteen, an adult, and I would behave as such. If he really, really hated the idea of me riding one, I'd just drive them to the scrap yard myself. No loss. Noticing the time, I realised I'd better get a move on if I wanted to hit the store and get back before him, so I sped up a little and headed my truck in the right direction.

Mrs Newton had clearly been on peak performance today; as I wandered around the store, I couldn't help but notice several of her cronies giving me the stink eye, but I stubbornly refused to acknowledge their hostility, and returned each glare with a pleasant smile, and the odd "Afternoon." Seeing how much my seeming obliviousness annoyed them made me smirk internally, though I did wonder just how she'd related the confrontation this afternoon. She could hardly have told them all the absolute truth of the matter; it would cast her in a much worse light than me, so no doubt she'd either coloured it carefully in her favour, or simply lied outright. I found I really didn't give a shit either way. The people I cared about would hear my side of the matter soon enough, and anyone who chose to believe Mrs Newton's version was simply not worth sharing my oxygen with. "Hmm. Another change I hadn't planned on making - it seems I no longer care about drawing attention." Rubbing my chest absently as the thought of more changes made it ache, I tripped over the wheel of my shopping cart and blushed as I heard someone sniggering at me. "Ok. Lets amend that. I no longer care about drawing attention from those I actively dislike." I went down the last aisle, grabbing myself some coconut shampoo and conditioner to replace what I had at home, and made my way to the checkout.

The cashier was a woman I knew well - her husband had been the Chief of police before he was invalided out and had in fact recommended Charlie as his replacement. I smiled at her as I put all my groceries on the counter in front of her.

"Hi, Mrs Green. How are you?" I asked as I rummaged in my pocket for my money. She glared at me and made no reply. The smile fell from my face. "Oh dear. Clearly one of Mrs Newton's inner circle." I forced my smile back and pretended not to notice her hostility. As the last few items went into brown bags, I looked up to see what I owed, and saw, sitting on the counter in front of me, a large box of condoms. Puzzled, I raised my eyebrow and looked questioning lay at Mrs Green.

"I figured you should probably stock up, dear, if you're going to keep throwing yourself at young men the way Mrs Newton caught you throwing yourself at her Mike in her stock room this afternoon." She said with venom, and tucking the box into one of my bags "The poor boy didn't know how to deal with the situation as he'd already turned you down on several occasions. If you're so anxious to sleep with every single male in town, you'd best start to use protection. For their sakes, if not for yours."

Eyes wide.

Mouth gaping.

Silence.

I stood there in shock for a moment. "...!..." I had nothing. "Mike turned me down several times? Throwing myself at all the guys in town? Oh. My. God. Seriously?" All noise around me had completely ceased as everyone near the checkout paused to see how I would respond. Finally my mouth closed. I felt my shoulders shaking. My breath was coming in great heaving gasps, "Oh fuck, Bella, don't cry in front of all these busybodies. It just what they want. Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry"

It took me another few seconds to realise I wasn't crying. I was laughing my ass off. Great snorts of laughter tore themselves out of my throat, I could barely drag in the next breath as my hysterical giggling doubled me over.

"S. s. s. seriously? That's what she went with? Throwing myself at her son in the stock room?" I grabbed at the counter to hold myself up. "Oh, and don't tell me, she walking in and caught me, and had to rescue her poor innocent son from my clutches?" Another burst of laughter ripped through me.

"Like you don't already know." Another lady, I think she was a teller in the bank, spat under her breath from next to the other till, clearly another member of the gossip circle. Mrs Green, however, looked a little less sure of herself.

I turned to face the other lady. "Yeah, ok. So I went from being a total shut in two days ago, and don't pretend you don't know about that, to 'The Great Floozie of Forks' today. When was I supposed to be seducing all these men? When I was being catatonic at home, when I was being a zombie at school, or maybe when I was being robotic at work?" My laughter was totally out of control now, I think I actually peed myself a little, I was laughing so hard. "You lot are all so desperate to believe bad things about me, feel free." I snorted "While you're at it, here's a few freebies. When I was six, I cut a little girl's hair off in class, cos she was hitting people with her braid on purpose. When I was eight, I stole a pack of gum, then took it back half an hour later and confessed cos I felt so guilty. Oh! Yeah! And one time I tipped out all of my dad's bait when we were out fishing cos I was cold and bored and wanted to go home, then I pretended I'd tripped over the bait bucket by accident." At this last one, I heard Mrs Green start to laugh along with me.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I should have known you better. In all the years I've known you and your father, you've never been that sort of girl. I don't know what I was thinking." She apologised, looking very sincere, and I smiled at her through my giggles.

"Doesn't matter, Mrs Green. People make mistakes, I don't hold it against them." I reached out and squeezed her hand. Finally gaining control over my breathing, I turned to the little crowd that had, by now, gathered round the checkout. "What actually happened, for those that care more about the truth than idle gossip and slander, is that Mrs Newton was bad mouthing the police and their efforts towards finding the missing hikers." I made eye contact with as many of the known gossips as I could, one by one. "I got mad, which I probably shouldn't have done, questioned why she didn't have any missing posters up for the hikers, or any flyers on the counter, and when she said it was because it would be bad for business, I shot my mouth off a bit, quit, and walked out. Not a very exciting tale, but of course there was no way you were going to hear any of that from her as it would make her look bad." I shrugged and turned to Mrs Green. "I guess she was relying on the fact that lately I've barely communicated with my own dad, let alone anyone else, and so she thought she could spread whatever lies she chose and I wouldn't say anything different. Well. She was wrong." I turned to pick up my grocery bags, wanting to make a grand sweeping exit, but there were just too many to manage by myself all in one go. "Shit! So much for a dignified storm out. Guess I'd better swallow my pride and ask for some help." Suddenly a pair of strong, russet skinned arms reached over me and picked up several of the bags, leaving me with only one to carry.

"Fantastic job, Bella. Now allow me to assist you in your grand exit." I looked up into Sam's smirking face and gave him a grateful smile.

"Thanks, Sam. Perfect timing." We turned towards the exit and walked together to the door and he bent down to whisper in my ear.

"Are we leaving with, or without a one fingered salute?" I giggled a little and gave it a bit of thought.

"Without I think." I sighed in resignation. "At the moment I have the moral high ground. I probably shouldn't give it up for a rude gesture." I smirked a little "No matter how much they deserve it." He grinned widely at this and for a second I was taken aback. "Beautiful" was all I could think for that second as the grin lifted all the worry from his face and lit it up, making his eyes almost glow. I tripped a little, and he somehow juggled all the grocery bags and managed to grab my elbow before anyone else noticed my slip.

"Careful, Bella. Wouldn't want to ruin that dignified exit." He joked, and I nodded. He carried my bags over to my truck with me, and put them on the passenger side of the seat when I unlocked the door.

"Thanks again, Sam. I really appreciate the help."

"Of course." He shrugged "You handled all of that so well, I couldn't do anything else but help you out. You're doing good, Bella. Charlie will be so proud of you when he hears about this. And you know he will hear about it. That was a good half of the Forks gossip brigade you just set in their places. Someone's bound to fill him in, and probably pretty quickly too." He was right. I quickly walked around, unlocked the driver's door and scrambled into my truck.

"Good point. I'd better shift it if I want to get to him before the gossips" I said, throwing the single grocery bag I held over with the others. To my absolute horror, something fell out of the bag and fell, through the still open passenger door, to the ground at Sam's feet. Something box shaped. Something brightly coloured. Something with "Trojan" printed in big bold letters across the top of it. My face flamed red instantly, and I banged my head against the steering wheel and hid my face in my arms.

"Oh for fuck's sake. In front of the hot bodied guy? Kill me now. Seriously. Just open up the ground, and swallow me and my truck. Please, God, you'd be doing me a huge favour." Sam's laughter from next to my truck grew louder and louder.

"Did you know you're saying that out loud?" He chuckled, making my flush an even deeper red.

"Shit." I banged my head once more against the steering wheel. I turned my head to him still resting it on the wheel. "Well that was embarrassing." I stated obviously. "Any chance you could just pretend that I just walked with dignity from the store, climbed into my truck, thanked you politely and drove off?" I almost begged.

"Wellllllll" he drew the word out as he pretended to think it over. I banged my head again, once, twice, thr... On the third time, a large, hot hand placed itself in my way, protecting my head. I looked up. Sam had reach across from the passenger side and shoved his had between my head and the wheel.

"Careful, you don't want a huge bruise there" he murmured, his face just a couple of inches from my own. "Ok. I'll give you a pass on this one. It never happened." I smiled gratefully at him and his face, so close to mine, grinned back. His grin turned a little evil. "But now you owe me." And with a wink, he pulled back and closed the passenger door. He gave me a half wave, and strode off back into the store, and I drove off quickly, still trying to gain control over my blushes as I headed home to begin damage control with Charlie.

"I was right though." I thought as I drove. "When he smiles like that, and even more so when he laughs, he really is beautiful."


	10. Lasagne & Last straws

I made it back home about an hour before Charlie. It took me three trips, juggling three and four bags at a time to get all the groceries inside. "Jeeze how big are Sam's arms, that he can manage all these but one in one go?" I felt completely addled. The last two days had thrown so much at me and I was at the end of my tether. After so long doing nothing, being nothing, I just couldn't handle so much all at once. I needed to slow down. Take stock. Re-learn how to just be. I took a deep, steadying breath and mentally broke down all the things I had left to do that day into simple, manageable steps, so I could just get through until bed time.

"Ok. Step one: Put away the groceries." That was a nice easy one. I set myself to the task, emptying one bag at a time, and deliberately not focusing on the box on condoms in the last bag, which I threw into the back of my nightstand drawer when I took my new shampoo and conditioner up to my room to put away. I grabbed the old, strawberry stuff and took it downstairs to throw into the kitchen trash can. "Good. That's one job done. Now. Step two: Start dinner."

I took the ingredients from the fridge and cupboards and quickly lost myself in the rhythm of the kitchen. This was why I loved to cook. My hands pretty much took over, doing the tasks with no fuss and bother without me needing to really think about it. Freeing up my mind to focus on other things. "Well, now step two is underway, why not work on step three: Go over those dreams?" This was probably my best chance to do some thinking on the dreams. If I didn't, they'd only repeat again that night, and I really needed some restful sleep if I could manage it. So I turned my mind to the task as I chopped and stirred.

The Victoria dream had, at the time, seemed like just more of the same scenes I'd seen before, but as I turned it over in my mind, there were a few things that stood out. The old man that had turned into a silvery grey wolf. The more I thought about him, the stronger the feeling I got that he was a powerful man, despite his ancient appearance. Not just powerful in position in the tribe, although that was clear too from his clothes, but he had exuded a strength, almost a magical strength, as if despite his body being weak, his soul was a brightly burning flame of power. The feeling of right this time was so strong, it shook me a little. I wondered who the old man represented to my subconscious mind. The only person I could think of who was even close was Billy Black, but he was too young to fit the bill, and though on occasion he seemed to be a lot more powerful than his wheelchair bound body suggested, it wasn't the same level of power which emanated from the old man in my dream. The thought gave off that 'nearly but not quite' feeling. Like I was on the right track, but missing the point at the last minute. "Grrr. Frustrating. Maybe he's a character from the old legends." Again, that very strong feeling of right hit me hard. I'd have to look out that book I'd bought about Quileute legends when I was trying to figure out what Ed...

The pain hit like a sledgehammer to the chest.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid, Bella." I'd been concentrating so hard on the dream, that the line of thought about the book and it's significance crept up on me unawares. I sat, curled up on the kitchen floor for a few minutes, fighting for breath with my missing lungs, rocking back and forth as I struggled against the pull back into the pit. I forced myself to focus on the image of Charlie sobbing with me in my bedroom, and found that as dreadful as it was to see, it provided me with a lifeline to follow away from the abyss, and after a few more minutes, I was able to slam the door shut on the room holding my pit, and begin to balance out my breathing again. Pulling myself to my feet, I reached out a shaky hand to the knife and took a few more deep, steadying breaths before I went back to my chopping. "I must be more careful where my mind goes. If I break down like that in front of Charlie, it hurts him so much. I can't do that to him over and over." I warned myself. The recovery time had been a little less on this occasion though. The edges of the pain a little duller. I chose to concentrate on these tiny positives as I stirred the ground beef and tomato sauce, rather than thinking about the pain itself.

As I began building the giant lasagne in it's tray, I allowed my hands to find their rhythm again and carefully went back to running through my dream again. "So the old man is important somehow, and I need to look him up." I avoided thinking about the specific book.

Instead I turned my attention to the next part of my dream. I had never been both me and not me before in one of my dreams. I had always either been watching other people, or had been clearly involved myself. It was very confusing. I seemed, in the dream, to be linked with the old man somehow, but as I couldn't place him as a metaphor for someone I knew in reality, I could only assume that the not me part of myself in the dream was the part that was linked to him. Right. This time it was a gentle feeling washing over me, reassuring in the turmoil I had been feeling that day.

A niggle edged at the corner of my mind; in this dream scene, there were people I either knew, or understood what they represented - me, and Victoria, and there were also people I couldn't place as representing anyone in reality - not me, the old man/wolf, and the two young boys who turned into wolves right at the end of the scene. "Then maybe I'm mixing two dreams together. A dream based on one of the legends, and the dream about Victoria coming back for her revenge." Again, once more, the right feeling spread over me like a warm comforter. "But I thought I'd settled that one. She'll come back, and I will have to sacrifice myself to keep Charlie safe. So why is it repeating?" Usually, once I'd worked out in my conscious mind what my subconscious was trying to tell me, the dream stopped repeating. I needed to work out what was different this time.

I topped the lasagne with cheese, placed it in the oven, and started in on the salad.

"So what was different in this scene, compared to last time?" The most glaring difference I could see, apart from the presence of the old man/wolf and the boys, was the stab to the heart in the previous dreams, and the cut across the chest this last time. "Ok, so a fatal wound isn't necessary - just shedding blood will distract her. But what's the point of distracting her? There's no-one around who can take advantage of the distraction and kill her." I sighed, it was probably just me projecting a touch of wishful thinking into my dream. I didn't want to die. I would, if it meant keeping Charlie safe, but that was a very different thing to actually wanting it. Lacking any right feeling, I abandoned this line of thought and instead switched to the other dream scene, the sex scene.

I was a little torn on this one. Working out what message I was trying to send myself would mean the dream would stop repeating, but I wasn't sure I wanted this one gone just yet. It was a little too enjoyable for my own good. But then again, which did I need more; restful, undisturbed sleep, or sleeping orgasms. For a moment I actually considered it. It had been a really, really great orgasm. "Don't be ridiculous." I chided myself. "Your body needs proper rest to build itself back up. If you need great orgasms, go buy a new vibrator." It was a good point. I focused on the dream with greater resolve. I was already pretty sure that I knew what the sex and biting part of the dream was about in any case, as I had already reminded myself, the conversation with (I took a deep breath) Carlisle - the ache in my chest throbbed, but I had been ready for it and held firm - when he stitched up my arm gave me more than enough of a clue, but I just wasn't ready to make myself remember the conversation in detail. At this early point in my recovery, the damage done by forcing myself to think on it would do more damage than could be balanced out by resolving the dream and getting a better quality of sleep.

Instead I gave thought as to who was in this scene, and why. I could no longer pretend that the woman wasn't myself. The fact that I could feel everything that happened, as it happened, combined with the milky paleness of the woman's skin, and the waterfall of mahogany hair, made pretending otherwise ridiculous. And I had a fairly good idea who the man was. This last time at least. Sam. Though I was also equally sure that I'd just taken the sight of his undeniably ... erm ... attractive body, and simply fitted it into the dream where applicable. Hell, I'd even got his tattoo in there. "So definitely Sam then, but probably only cos the dream needed a male figure, and his was both the latest I'd seen, and also the best." The right feeling failed to make its appearance, but I figured it was due to the fact that I refused to recall that conversation which would resolve the dream.

Finishing the salad, and taking it to the table, I looked instead at the last part of the dream scene; the black wolf in the corner of the room. I already knew that the wolf represented the extinct shape shifter clan of the Quileute tribe, but I failed to see how that could be of use or importance to me. After all, the keyword here was extinct. I banged the tray of garlic bread down on the work top in frustration. I was clearly getting nowhere fast with this picking at my dreams. I should just deal with the fact that with the possible exception of the old man/wolf and me/not me nuance to the Victoria dream scene, I was going to get a repeat performance again tonight. I gave a heavy sigh and started cleaning down the work surfaces. The lasagne and garlic bread were in the oven and the salad prepared, so I guessed I could call both steps two and three done for now. I heard Charlie's cruiser pull up outside. Time for step four: Talk to Charlie about the motorcycles.

"Hey Dad. How's your day been?" I asked as I stepped out of the front door to meet him. He stopped and looked at me quizzically. Coming outside to meet him wasn't something I'd ever done before, so he as wondering what was up already.

"Pretty good, thanks, Bells" he said "Was there something wrong? What you doing out here?" I took a deep breath and began my first salvo in 'Operation: Convince Charlie That Motorcycles Aren't Quite As Bad As He Thinks'.

"Well I wanted to show you something I picked up today, and run a few ideas past you about it. But I'm going to need you to listen to everything I have to say, and not just dismiss it out of hand." I prepared him as much as I could. "If you're really not happy with it once you've heard me out, I promise I'll just forget the whole thing." I added as I led him to the back of my truck.

"A pile of scrap metal" he said, looking at me for an explanation. I snorted with laughter, making him grin in return. "What's so funny?"

"Nothing really, Dad. It's just that I said the exact same thing to myself when I first saw them." He grinned again. And then his grin faded into a frown.

"Them?" I saw the moment he realised what he was looking at, and quickly jumped in before he could veto it right off the bat.

"I know what you're thinking, Dad. But just hear me out? Please?" I pleaded with him and he sighed in resignation.

"Come on then, lets hear it." I gave him a little, grateful smile, took a deep breath, and plunged in.

"Well I was driving around town this afternoon - I'll explain why over dinner - and I saw the pile of scrap, as we both labelled it, sitting on someone's lawn marked 'free to collector' ..." I filled Charlie in on the little tale of how I found the motorcycles, and my reasoning behind picking the, up. He listened, his face alternating between worry, interest, understanding, and more worry. As I came to the end of my speech. He gestured for me to come in closer, and he leant down to look me dead in the eye.

"I you can make me two serious promises here, Bella, then I won't make you scrap them straight off." It was very rare that he called me 'Bella' so I knew he was completely serious about whatever these promises were.

"What is it you need me to promise?" I asked, warily.

"You are to ask someone who knows exactly what they're doing to teach you to ride safely. That's number one, and number two, yours will be an off road bike. You can ride it up lanes and tracks, around fields and hell, even on the beach, if the tribal cousin say its ok. But you will never, ever ride a motorcycle on the road. Especially here in Forks where the roads are so wet all the time." I was more than happy with this compromise. I had my truck for driving around town. The motorcycles were more a project than anything, and if I ever felt ready to have a go on one, riding on a track or lane would easily serve the purpose.

"That's absolutely fine, Dad. I promise you I'll get someone to teach me and I won't go on the road on one." He sighed and nodded, resigned.

"Well ok then Bells. Now you just need to work out how to fix them up." He smirked at the thought.

"I'll figure something out, don't you worry." I retorted. "Now. Dinner will be about twenty minutes, so you've got time to wash up ready."

"Oh crap!" He replied, making me blink in surprise. Not the response I'd expected. "Sorry, kiddo. It's just that I just remembered I'd asked Sam Uley round to have a look at those few jobs I wanted done, and he called earlier to say he'd be by at about 7:30." I looked at the clock on my cell phone. 7:20. I sighed.

"Did you want to ask him if he'd like to eat with us?" I offered. "There's more than enough; I'd planned to freeze a few portions, so I made extra." Charlie grinned.

"That'd be great, kid. Thanks." He headed into the house to go and wash up, and I returned to the kitchen to check on he oven and finish cleaning up after myself.

The house phone started ringing less than a minute after I'd gone back into the kitchen. "Right on cue. That'll be the gossip train pulling in. I wonder who they've got watching for Charlie to arrive back home." I lifted the receiver and pressed the decline button. It took under thirty seconds for it to ring again. After several more presses of the decline button, I gave in and hit the call button, opening the line at our end, and preventing any incoming calls from connecting. About five minutes later, I heard a truck pull up outside.

"That'll be Sam" Charlie called into the kitchen as he headed to the door. "I'll just show him the jobs outside first. Back in in a moment." He was outside before I could reply, so I busied myself hooking the colossal lasagne and garlic bread out of the oven and taking them across to the table, and setting an extra place for Sam. The phone gave a shrill tone, a reminder that there was a line open, and I hit the decline button to close the line. Before I could try the ploy again, the phone rang once again, but I'd already started to press the call button, so I accidentally answered the call. Grimacing, I put the phone to my ear.

"Swan residence"

"Hello there, dear. I'd your father there?" "Unbelievable. It's the bank teller lady." I realised.

"Yes, he is, thanks." I replied, and hung up, quickly opening a new line to prevent another call. From outside I heard two voices roaring with laughter, neither of them Charlie. "Two? Guess I'd better set a fourth place at the table." As I was doing so, Charlie came back inside, followed by a still chuckling Sam and another guy, just as tall and very nearly as muscled. Neither was wearing a shirt.

"Bells, this is Jared Cameron. He works with Sam." Charlie introduced the new guy, and I nodded to him from the other side of the table.

"Hi. Nice to meet you. I'm Bella." I said, offering a small smile. I looked at Charlie. So are they joining us? Only it's all ready and I don't want it to get cold." Charlie looked expectantly at the two younger men.

"You want to join us, guys?" He asked. "Bells here makes the best lasagne you've ever tasted, and there's plenty to go around." Sam and Jared looked at each other, seemingly communicating silently with their eyes.

"That'd be great, yeah, if you're sure?" Sam replied, with a small smile at me, and with an answering smile I said

"Really, it's fine. I made extras anyway, so please." I gestured for them to sit down and we all settled together around the table. Just as we were all taking our first bites, the phone made that god awful shrill tone again, and I jumped up to close the line before Charlie could wonder what the noise was. Of course, as soon as I did so, the phone rang again.

"Stupid fucking busybodies" I whisper grumbled under my breath, and looked up as Jared choked a little on his mouthful. "You ok?" I asked him as Sam whacked him heavily on his back. Jared nodded at me, his hand over his mouth to cover his cough, but his eyes dancing with mischief. I shrugged off the weird feeling that he'd heard my grumbling and glared at the still ringing receiver in my hand.

"You gonna get that, kiddo, or shall I?" Charlie asked me, and I gritted my teeth and replied.

"No. I'll get it." I took a breath and pressed the call button.

"Swan residence"

"Put your father on the phone, you little tramp" I didn't recognise the woman's voice, but there were no prizes for guessing which story she'd heard and was dying to pass on.

"Sorry, he won't fit." I replied, hanging up the phone and switching it to silent. The stereo sound of choking snorts came from Sam and Jared and I looked at them, confused. They couldn't possibly have heard both sides of the call. I shrugged, figuring they must've guessed what the call was about and sat down, turning to Charlie and saying. "Well I guess I'd better tell you what happened this afternoon before they start knocking at the door next." Charlie looked baffled and asked

"Before who start banging? Was there a problem at work or something today, Bells?" I chuckled bitterly.

"Yeah. 'Or something'." Sam gave me a warm smile and interjected.

"Tell you what, Chief, you'd have been proud of your daughter today if you'd seen her in action. I only caught the second act, and that was impressive enough, but I'm guessing the first act was a real show stopper." All eyes were suddenly on me and as usual, I reacted by blushing like a tomato on a sun bed. "Uh oh. Time for step five: Tell Charlie before the gossips do."

"Yeah ... Ummm... See at work today..." Keeping my eye down at my fingers as they picked at each other, I launched into the story of what had happened with Mrs Newton at work, what she'd said, what I'd said, and my resultant unemployed status. "And that's why I was driving around town aimlessly when I found those bikes." I finished off, still with my eyes firmly on my hands. There was total silence from the others and I hesitantly looked up to see both Sam and Jared looking at Charlie, and his eye on me.

"So if that was the first act, what was the second?" He asked Sam, and Sam looked to me for approval to tell the story. I nodded my assent, and he began telling the others all about my adventure in the grocery store, minus, thank fuck, the embarrassing incident back at the truck. I reddened again, just remembering it. It seemed Sam had been closer by than I'd thought, as he'd clearly heard every single word that had been spoken at the checkout. Silence reigned once again after Sam had finished his part and again he, Jared and I looked at Charlie for his reaction, while Charlie stared at me. His moustache began to twitch.

"And on the phone a few minutes ago?" He asked. I filled him in on the call, minus the 'tramp' comment, no need to add that in. His moustache twitched even more. Suddenly he could hold it in no longer and great roars of laughter filled the air. It was a wonderful sound, something I'd not heard enough of over the years, and certainly not at all in the last few months. Jared's and Sam's laughter soon joined Charlie's, and even I found myself giggling along a bit.

"Oh Bells, hon, I'm so proud of you. You really gave all those nosy bitches what they had coming, but never once crossed the line. You even managed to stop Mrs Green in her tracks, get her back on the right track, and managed to make sure there were no hard feelings. Truly a masterful piece of work. He stood up from the table and came round to my side, giving me an awkward noogie/hug type thing that somehow managed to convey all his love and pride, without embarrassing either of us with a public emotional display. Charlie's cell phone rang just then and he went into the living room to answer it. It was his work line.

Sam and Jared had already cleared their plates, despite the huge portions I'd served them, and Charlie had almost finished his. Although my appetite was slowly returning, I was struggling to finish off the modest portion I'd served myself, and so I sat back, putting my fork down.

"Thanks for dinner, Bella, it was amazing." Sam said, grabbing his and Jared's plates, and taking them to the sink.

"Yeah it really was. Best lasagne I've ever had. I'll definitely be coming back here again." Jared joked, sitting back and rubbing his stomach appreciatively. They both fell silent for a moment, and somehow the room felt a little tense.

"I'm really sorry to eat and run, Bella, but I've just realised the time, and Jared and I need to get back to the Rez. We promised we'd give another quote for a house over there this evening. Thanks again, it really was an awesome dinner." He gave me one of his beautiful grins and I waved him off.

"It was no trouble, really. I'd already cooked it all, you two just helped us eat it. And you helped that whole gossip telling thing go better too, so I owe you some thanks I think." I smiled at them both as I walked them to the door. Just as he was about walk down the porch steps, Sam leaned down to whisper in my ear "That's two you owe me then." And with that, he and Jared hurried into their truck and were gone.

I turned to go back inside, and met Charlie coming out.

"I'm sorry, Bells. I've got to go. Another hiker's gone missing, we need everyone we've got to join the search. Stay indoors, and lock everything up, will you? I'll call you every couple of hours to check you're ok." I gave him a quick hug.

"Sure, dad. I'll be fine. You just keep yourself safe and good luck out there."

"I just hope it's not another animal attack." He said, shuddering at the memory of the last one. "It's bad enough finding bodies out there in the forest, but when they're all pale and bloodless it makes it worse somehow. Creepier, or something." He pulled the door to behind him, and at the last moment, ducked his head back round. "Lock this." He said, tapping the door, and he was gone.

I did as he asked, locking the front door and checking the back door and all the windows before sitting down at the table and finally allowing myself to think about what he had just said.

"Pale and bloodless."

"Oh fuck no."

That was it. The last straw. My mind simply couldn't take any more right now, and the edges of my vision blurred and darkened. As a passed out onto the floor I simply said

"Victoria".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There. It took some wrestling, but I finally got the character at to co-operated and do as I asked. So now I'm back on track, and where I'd planned to be 2 chapters ago. :0)


	11. Waves & Wandering minds

It was dark when I woke, sprawled on the kitchen floor, and with what felt like a large bruise forming over my left cheekbone. It was my cell phone ringing that woke me, and I slowly pushed myself up til I could reach it where it lay on the table.

"Hello?" I mumbled into the handset, dragging myself off the floor with one hand on a nearby chair.

"Bells, it me" Charlie's voice seemed overloud in my ear, and I pulled the phone slightly away from me before he could continue. "I'm just checking in to make sure you're ok. I'll be home in another three or four hours, but I don't want you waiting up for me. Just head off to bed, and I'll look in on you when I get back."

"You found the hiker then?" I asked. "Are they ok?" I started trudging up the stairs so I could go check on my cheek in the bathroom mirror.

"No Bells, I'm afraid he's not. We found his body about half an hour ago, in the forest near to the Rez. Looks like another animal attack, but this time we had a witness who said they'd seen a huge bear through the trees, so at least we've got something to go on, finally." He sounded so tired and sad. Charlie took his responsibilities towards the safety of the community very seriously, and any life lost always hit him hard. My relief at hearing that this was a bear attack, and nothing to do with Victoria, however was hard to contain. I didn't want him to think I was uncaring of the life that had been lost, but only a few hours ago I'd thought that a feral vampire was in the area, determined to take my life, and any that stood between her and me, so now I felt as if a ton of weight had been lifted from my shoulders.

"Well I'm sorry you guys couldn't find him before the bear got him, Dad, but I'm glad you've got something to explain all the missing persons. If you're still out there in the woods, please do me a favour and be careful?" I dreaded the thought of the bear getting his claws and teeth into Charlie, without him I was completely lost. I'd slip back into my pit, and I wouldn't even fight it.

"Of course, kid. But there's no chance of it coming back here right now. There are so many people here, with floodlights and loud generators running them, I'd be willing to bet that bear's miles away right now." There was a muffled voice in the background calling for him. "I've got to go, Bells. You go on to bed, and I'll look in on you when I get back in, like I said. Night."

"Night, Dad" I replied, and hit the end button on my phone.

I stared at my reflection in the mirror. A large, ugly bruise was already forming on my left cheek, and it looked like it might even turn into a black eye.

"Wonderful." I told my reflection. "How are you going to explain that to Charlie?" I gave myself a warning glance "And without lying?" My determination to be as truthful as possible with Charlie remained. I wasn't going to show him the disrespect of making up far-fetched tales to cover up relatively minor things like this anymore. Telling him the whole truth about vampires was, of course, still out of the question. It would put him in far too much danger if he knew everything about that - it gave literal meaning to the phrase 'what he doesn't know, won't hurt him - but surely I could tell him most of the truth when it came to explaining other things.

I was too tired to shower before bed. The burden of all the events of the last two days dragged on me like weights tied round my neck. I felt like an old woman of eighty instead of an eighteen year old, not only in body, but in mind too. My brain was reeling with all the millions of thoughts bustling against each other inside, each clamouring for my attention like a class of spoilt children, all screaming "look at me, look at me!" The only thing I could do was to try to get some decent sleep, and hope that in the morning I was rested enough to sort through the hodgepodge.

Charlie hadn't yet got home when I woke, screaming, from my usual nightmare. The echoing silence of the house built on the disquiet and loneliness of the dream, and it took me a long time to settle my breathing down enough to even begin to try sleeping again. Lying there in my bed, staring at the shadows cast by the trees on my ceiling, while I forced myself into slower, more even breaths, I tried to imagine the sound of the sea in the background. Each crashing wave a breath out, the dragging sound of sand and pebbles being sucked back as the wave retreated, a breath in. The exercise was relaxing and I could feel all my tense muscles easing and turning to jelly. Eventually, my eyes began to droop and I slid back under into sleep.

Screaming, fighting, fear, vampires, wolves, blood, sweat, sex, lust, my dream scenes ran through my mind, jolting me awake once more a few hours later, but I refused to even think on them for a second, punching my pillow a few times and stubbornly rolling over with my eyes clenched shut still. For once, it seemed, I got my way. I didn't wake again until late morning, the sounds of Charlie watching some ball game downstairs greeting me and making me smile.

I felt... Rested. I couldn't remember the last time I'd experienced that feeling, and I lay there, stretching luxuriantly in my bed, revelling in the fleeting moment of peaceful relaxation. Sadly, there's only so long a bladder can hold before its demands are un-ignorable, and so I forced myself out of bed and shambled off to the bathroom, grumbling about the stupid plumbing system of the human body. Catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror as I washed my hands, I winced at the very large, very dark bruise which now encompassed the left of my face, from halfway down my cheek, to the lower lid of my eye. "Well no-one can say I didn't do a proper job of this one." I mused, and I jumped straight in the shower to stall going down and letting Charlie see what I'd managed to do to myself. I washed and deep conditioned my hair, shaved every are I could think of, and exfoliated myself to within an inch of my life, but eventually I ran out of stalling tactics, and headed back to my room to get dressed. As I passed the stairs, I called down.

"Morning, Dad. Do you mind if I grab a..." I broke off, seeing a blue plaid shied hanging from my door handle. "Never mind. Thanks dad!" I pulled the shirt off the hanger and disappeared into my room to get dressed.

As I expected, Charlie noticed my new facial decoration in about three seconds.

"What happened there?" He asked in a deceptively calm tone, his face belying it with his tense eyes and jaw.

"I fell last night and must've cracked my face on either the floor, or the table on the way down." I said truthfully avoiding the reason for falling down in the first place.

"Hmm. Well please be more careful. And you should've called me to let me know."

"Sorry, Dad. I figured you ha enough to worry about last night." He nodded, but added.

"Ok, Bells. and maybe you're right; I did have a lot on my plate last night. But I still like knowing what's going on this you too, ok" i swiftly agreed, glad to end the conversation, and flopped down next to him on the couch.

Charlie and I spent most of the morning just hanging out together in front of the tv. I wasn't really watching; in fact I wasn't even entirely sure what sort of ball game was playing, but I nonetheless revelled in the quiet companionship and normalcy of the morning. As we sat together in the kitchen, eating the soup I'd heated up for lunch, Charlie explained that he had to go down to the station that afternoon to meet with the dead hiker's family and file the coroner's report.

"Sorry, kid, but it's got to be done, and it's my job to do it. Will you be ok by yourself for the afternoon?"

"Yeah, of course." I reassured him. "Actually I was thinking I might head down to First Beach again for a while. I find it so peaceful there, and it helps stop my mind from running at a million miles per hour. Maybe I can get some thinking done, and soak up a little sun wile I'm at it." The sun had indeed made a rare appearance. It was still cold, and likely to be pretty windy at the beach, but really that was all to the good for my purposes; it reduced the chance of other people being out there, and I had in mind a visit to that shelter in the hollow of the fallen tree I'd spotted last time we walked on the beach. I figured I could sit there pretty much as long as I liked, and no-one would spot me. Peace and quiet, and that balanced feeling I always got at First Beach seemed like the perfect thing for me right now.

"Ok then kid, but do me a favour and stay away of the forest? I know you're unlikely to go walking in the woods anyway, but right now, with this rogue bear on the loose, I really don't want you even close to the edge of the forest, ok?" I reassured him that I'd do as he asked, and we both left the house together. Charlie headed towards the station, and I turned my truck towards La Push.

Despite the sunshine, the beach had been kept pretty much deserted by the biting wind, the only exceptions being a few brave souls braving the conditions to surf the resulting breakers. I parked my truck at Billy's being more confident I could find my way alone to the beach from there, and grabbed Charlie's Forks PD hoodie from the passenger seat. Pulling it on, I headed down to the beach, tucking my hair inside the hood, and pulling the hood down to protect my face from the cutting gusts blowing in from the sea. It didn't take me long to find my new thinking spot, and as I pushed a few dangling roots to one side to peer into the hollow, I discovered it was even better than I'd hoped. The prevailing winds had blown sand into the hollow where, protected from the rain by the mass of roots hanging over it, it had dried out, making a soft, dry drift, ideal for sitting on. I ducked under the roots and sat down with my back to the root system, facing the sea. The moment I sat down, the wind was cut off completely, the only sign of it being the sound of it as it whipped by, and the waving of the angling roots above. Perfect. I wriggled my ass more firmly into the sand, creating a sort of sandy armchair for myself, and laid my head back. "This really is the perfect spot to escape the world for a while, and find myself some balance." I thought, revelling in the peace.

Determined not to send my thoughts reeling again as they had been the night before, I simply sat there, allowing my thoughts to drift in and out as they pleased, like wild birds visiting a feeding table. If they chose to land and stop a while, I'd have a closer look at them, but the ones that just hovered nearby or landed for a second only to flit off; well I wasn't going to chase them down. I wondered idly what it would be like at school the next day. How would my class mates react to me no longer being on autopilot? Would they just go back to how things were before? Would they just ignore me? Would they even notice? I was fairly sure that pretty much everyone would notice some change at least. Apart from anything else, I was a hell of a lot cleaner than I had been a couple of days before, and besides that, I was alert and responsive, the dark shadows under my eyes had lifted following two nights in a row containing proper, restful sleep, and while, of course, there was no real visible sign of me putting weight on, I still looked just healthier than I had done, and the mere act of me eating would be sure to garner a little interest at least. I gave a little snort of amusement as I suddenly considered "I wonder how Mike Newton's going to play things tomorrow? Will he play up the 'Bella's a filthy harlot who tried to jump me in the stock room' angle, or will he be a decent guy and tell the truth?" Whichever he chose, I decided that I wouldn't be drawn into any arguments over Mrs Newton's lying gossip. I planned to rise above it all and keep my moral high ground. Well as long as my shiny new temper allowed me to, anyway. I let the thought drift away and without thinking about it, I matched my breathing to the incoming and outgoing waves, much like I had in my imagination the night before.

In.

Out.

In.

Out.

In.

Out.

The rhythm relaxed me completely and again I felt my muscles turn to jelly as I sat/laid there in my sandy armchair. My mind was free to meander as it pleased and I couldn't say how long I remained like that when something popped into the forefront of my head of it's own volition.

"Taha Aki. That's the old man in my dreams. The first spirit wolf in the legends." I didn't need the right feeling that floated across my skin to know I had hit on the correct answer, but it was a nice feeling just the same. Somewhere in the very tiny portion of my brain that was still slightly alert, I was relieved that I wouldn't have to get the book I knew was still on my shelf and research the name; I didn't want to have to remind myself of the treaty and therefore the Cullens if I could avoid it.

That same, tiny part of my brain registered surprise that I just thought of the Cullen name without it making my chest twinge with pain. My body and mind were too relaxed to register it, if indeed it had twinged. "Maybe here and now, in this relaxed frame of mind is the right time to give it some thought then."

In.

Out.

In.

Out.

I allowed myself to continue the memory uninterrupted, for once not worried about inflicting pain on myself. I remembered Carlisle telling me about making the treaty with the last of the shape shifter clan, it was a part of the conversation we'd had as he stitched my arm up on my birthday. My memory of the conversation came to life, playing in my mind like a private screening of a movie. I was just a spectator, not a participant, and also had no intention of thinking of His name, and this reassurance and separation from myself removed any lingering worry that tiny active part of my mind had about the memory causing me pain.

Carlisle stood in front of Bella, as she sat on his desk in his office. Beside her on the table was a small collection of medical instruments and a small metal bowl holding the little pieces of glass Carlisle was removing from her cut. Carlisle was explaining to Bella how soul bonds worked for all sentient beings, how werewolves, vampires, shape shifters and humans completed their soul bonds, and made both mates stronger in doing so. He was telling Bella about how souls should be imagined as having a shape, with unimaginably tiny ridges and furrows, and when a soul met it's mate, their two shapes matched up perfectly, locking together with absolute precision, the join between the two almost indistinguishable. Bella was asking if Carlisle believed that her and ... Him were soul mates, and Carlisle was saying that yes, he believed they were, but that until the bond was completed through the sharing of fluids both via sex and via a bite, as Bella aged and experienced different things in her life, her soul would change shape and at some point would no longer be the perfect match for ... His. His wouldn't change short of a huge event forcing it to, because, as a vampire His soul's shape was as frozen as the rest of him. As Carlisle was finishing stitching Bella's wound, he told her that all supernatural species completed their bonds in much the same way, and that once this act was complete, the join between the two souls was not just indistinguishable, it was non-existant. The two souls were literally fused together. The sum greater than the two parts.

The memory pretty much complete, my mind allowed it to drift away.

In.

Out.

In.

Out.

The alert part of my mind gave me a gentle nudge, and I ignored it, content in my drowsy, dreamlike state. It gave a stronger nudge, and I felt a small crease form in my forehead as irritation washed over my deep relaxation. A much stronger, physical nudge came this time, and I allowed the alert part of my brain to remind me that it couldn't physically touch me, so someone else must've done. My return from my relaxed state was so sudden, it was almost painful, as my muscled stopped being jelly and became muscles once again.

IN.

The breath came as a huge, choking gasp as my eyes focused and met, just a couple of inches in front of me, with a pair of dark brown, almost black eyes belonging to Sam.

"BELLA!... Oh! Thank fuck for that! Are you ok, Bella? Have you taken something?" I was filled with indignation.

"No! Of course not! Shit. Can't a girl have a little nap in a warm cozy spot without being scared half to death?" I snapped at him, trying to push him back. All I achieved was shoving myself back into the root system behind me, Sam didn't budge an inch. He raised an eyebrow.

"You always nap with your eyes wide open and staring?" He asked.

"I don't know what to tell you, Sam. I was minding my own business, thinking and relaxing, listening to the waves, I fell asleep and was dreaming when someone" I glared hard at him "shoved me and woke me up." His face held a mixture of confusion, disbelief, and amusement at my little tirade. He took a couple of steps back, standing up outside my shelter, and holding back the dangling roots that were dancing in the wind.

"Well I'm very sorry, Miss Swan. I didn't mean to wake you." His sarcastic stress on the word 'wake' was clear, "It's getting dark, so maybe me waking you from your nap" again with the sarcasm "was a good thing. Wouldn't want the Chief worrying about you." Despite my extreme annoyance at him, I couldn't escape the fact that he was right. I'd been in my little hollow much longer than I'd intended, and I had no desire to cause Charlie any worry.

"Damn him. Can't he at least have the good grace to be wrong when he's being this annoying?" I groused to myself under my breath, and gave him another glare, which increased in strength as I found him already sniggering behind his hand at something.

"Fine. I'll just be going then." I grumbled, pulling at one of the roots above me to haul myself to my feet, only to have the root pull free, dumping me unceremoniously back on my ass. He laughed outright at this, and put a hand out for me to grab.

"Here, I'll help you up." I took hold of his huge, hot hand, and he pulled me to my feet.

"Thanks." I muttered with bad grace, and pulled the hood back over my head, tucking my hair inside it before stepping out into the wind.

"Come on, I'll walk you back to your truck." He offered, and if it weren't for him being such an excellent wind break, I might have refused, but the wind had really picked up, and walking with him there to shelter me a little would certainly be much easier.

"I'm parked up by Billy Black's place." I told him, and he gestured with his head, a sort of chin jerk, which clearly meant 'let's go then'. And so we did. Me with my hands jammed in my pockets, and my head down so I could watch my feet and at least avoid the indignation of tripping as we walked along.

"So why were you holed up under a fallen tree, napping?" Sam asked me, and while I ignored the sarcasm, my eyes narrowed for the cover of my hood at his cheek.

"I noticed the spot the other day when I was walking with Charlie, and when I needed peace and a place to think today, it just sprang to mind. Why? Is it a problem me being there?" I asked, hoping that there wouldn't be an issue over it. I liked my new spot, and didn't want to have to give it up.

"No, no, it's fine, Bella. I was just wondering, that's all" he held up his hands at my defensive tone. We reached the truck a moment later and I lifted my face from the ground to say goodbye. The wind instantly tore my hood back and set my hair to whipping about my face. I ran my hands through it and pulled it back behind my head. Suddenly, Sam's fingers gripped my chin, and he gently but firmly turned my head to the right. A sound I could almost categorise as a growl left him.

"What's this? Who hurt you?" He demanded angrily, his body tense and shaking, though his fingers were still gentle on my face. I pulled back a little, unaccustomed to physical contact from someone I'd didn't know too well.

"That'd be my kitchen floor." I shrugged. "I fell last night and smacked my face against it pretty hard." He stared at my face for a moment, obviously searching for the truth of my statement. Satisfied, he gave a small smile.

"Well hell, Bella. Try not to put dents in the floor over there, won't you?" I gave him a smile back.

"Ok. I'll make. Point of trying." I agreed. I unlocked my truck, and went to climb in. "You need a lift anywhere?" I offered, but he shook his head.

"No thanks, I'm just stopping in to talk to Billy for a bit. You take care now. Oh! And thanks again for dinner last night. Jared won't stop going on about how awesome your lasagne is. I swear the guy is probably off somewhere right no writing sonnets to it." I chuckled at the thought.

"Well I look forward to hearing them. Bye Sam." I climbed into my truck and turned over the engine, the load roar cutting though the noise of the wind outside.

I was so distracted by my weird conversation with Sam, that I was halfway home before I realised that I was still holding a lot of that peaceful feeling I'd found at the beach, and I was pulling up outside the house before I realised that I'd been thinking about the Cullens - even if I had avoided His name - I had remembered the conversation with Carlise which I had been avoiding the memory of, and it hadn't caused my chest any pain at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not 100% happy with the way I've described Bella remembering the conversation with Carlisle, but I had to do it in a way that wouldn't send her back into her "pit" and this was the only way I could see it working. Let me know what you think?


	12. Scents & Scandals

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it's time for another try at Sam's POV. it seemed to flow a little easier this time, so here's hoping it reads well too.

Sam POV

I'd always hated grocery shopping.  
Not 'hate' like some people hate sprouts, or Mondays, or finding out that their new pants that they love wearing are dry clean only. I really hated it. I'd never had many things in this world that I truly hated; Vampires, of course topped the list, followed closely by what I did to Leah and myself when I first phased, people who don't know the difference between 'they're', 'their', and 'there', and who say 'could of', instead of 'could have', and then grocery shopping.  
Unfortunately, with the amount that the pack would eat, grocery shopping was a frequent necessity, and while I probably could've just delegated the job to Paul or Jared every time, it helped to allay suspicions about us if we rotated, and also alternated between the supermarket in Forks and the Rez store. Shopping carts as full as ours being bought by the same person in the same store every three or four days would be sure to be commented on by the local gossips before long.

It was my turn to do the grocery shopping though, so I was spending my Saturday afternoon pushing a cart, piled so I high I could barely steer it, through the aisles of the supermarket in Forks. As I wrestled the damn thing down the chips and snacks aisle, I heard a few older ladies in the next aisle gossiping excitedly in hushed tones.  
"I never would have believed it of her myself, but Dianne Newton told me that she walked in on it herself. The Swan girl had poor Michael backed up against the wall in the stock room, her hand shoved down his pants. Dianne tells me that Michael was nearly in tears. Apparently he's been fending her off for months, but the little tart won't take 'no' for an answer. He told Dianne that she's slept with the vast majority of the boys at the high school, and pretty much all of them at La Push. The girl's a walking STD, he says." The shocked gasps of the other women didn't really ring true in my opinion; they sounded more thrilled than appalled, and having had first hand experience at the hands of small town gossips I knew that the women in the next aisle were far more invested in hearing more, embellishing it at their leisure, and passing it on than they were invested in hearing true facts. I stopped in my tracks and listened as they continued with their character assassination.  
"You know, I believe I've heard similar things myself." A second woman interjected excitedly. "I also heard," she added in a confiding tone, "that the sudden departure of the Cullen family was less to do with the Dr getting a new job offer, and more due to a certain girl being found in a compromising position with both of the youngest boy's brothers." She said with completely insincere distaste. "At the same time!" The shrieks of gleeful horror from the other women at this "fact" actually made me gag in disgust. Literally.  
"Yes, well I don't know about that," another woman, one with apparently a modicum of decency, said quietly, and with genuine sadness "but I do know that Dianne told me that when she asked the Swan girl what she thought she was doing, she was treated to an absolute barrage of abuse and curse words, and Dianne felt she had no option but to fire the girl on the spot. I've known the girl and her father all my life, my husband was the one to recommend him for the position as Chief, as you know, and I never thought she'd turn out like this." "Ah. That must be Mrs Green." I realised. She, at least, didn't seem happy to hear the gossip. Although she was still passing it on. The first woman jumped back in excitedly.  
"Well Dianne told me that her Michael told her, that apparently the little slut was heavily into drugs, and that she left Phoenix so suddenly, and in the middle of the school year, under the cloud of a pregnancy scare. It seems she's not learned her lesson." The others all tutted and 'hmmed' with smug self satisfaction as I fumed on the other side of the shelves. "How dare they spread such malicious shit?" My hands clenched on the side of the shopping cart. The girl was already fighting against heartbreak, anyone who had seen her since the Cullens left could see she was in a desperately bad way, and for all of this to be breaking now, when she was just beginning to pull herself back together? Well it might just break her completely.

I was completely unconcerned as to whether there was any grain of truth in amongst the garbage they were spouting; it was Bella's business, not mine, and certainly not theirs. It was also completely besides the point. The part about drugs, if true, I disapproved of personally, but not only did I not believe it was true, not for a second - not with the Chief for a father - but also, I'd been brought up to believe that everyone deserved a chance to change if they could, and whatever Bella had left behind in Phoenix, should stay there.  
A sudden breeze from the direction of the store entrance announced the enticing scent of the worst possible person who could come in at that moment, though from the smell of it, at least she had her father with her for support. My wolf sat up and begged as he recognised her unique, delicious odour, "Seriously? What is it with him at her scent?" and I froze for a moment, undecided as to what to do.  
"I don't believe it." The first woman spoke up again. "How she can have the nerve to show her face in public, amongst decent people, is beyond me." She spat with venom. "And in my store, too. I've got half a mind to ban her from the place."  
"Lady, you've got half a mind, period" I thought, with a snort, and I turned to head to the end of the aisle, resolved to keep an eye out for Bella and the Chief, and step in if I thought they might need my help.

The gossips, it seemed, weren't quite brave enough to actually confront Bella, which I was even more relieved about when I saw that in fact the Chief wasn't with her. His scent was on her because she was once again wearing one of his shirts over her own band t-shirt, not because he was accompanying her to the store. Bella was, however, given a number of flat glares and disapproving, under the breath 'tuts', as she roamed the aisles, filling her cart. She kept a calm, pleasant expression on her face, though with my enhanced vision, I could see the tiny tell tale signs that she wasn't as unconcerned as she appeared to be. "Brave girl." I remembered thinking the same thing the previous day; she was obviously stronger than her frail appearance would suggest. After refusing to acknowledge the first few glares, she seemed to up her game, offering bright smiles in return for each disapproving look, and even a couple of cheery "Good afternoon"s. I even saw a tiny smile curl one side of her mouth a fraction as she noted how much her unconcern annoyed the vicious biddies. "That's the way, Bella. You show those bitches!" I silently cheered her on. I trailed her throughout her entire visit to the store, more and more impressed with her handling of the situation, and kept carefully out of sight as she walked to the checkout to pay.  
"Hi, Mrs Green. How are you?" She asked and as she noticed the glare she got in reply, the smile dropped off her face. She quickly forced it back though, and continued as if she hadn't noticed, busying herself with packing her groceries away into brown bags. When she looked up to pay, and saw Mrs Green placing a big box of condoms in the last bag, she looked completely confused. "I guess she didn't add those herself then."   
Seeing Bella's confused expression, mrs Green spoke up, disappointing me in my thoughts that she was at least a little better than the other gossips.  
"I figured you should probably stock up, dear, if you're going to keep throwing yourself at young men the way Mrs Newton caught you throwing yourself at her Mike in her stock room this afternoon." Her voice dripped poison. "The poor dear didn't know how to deal with the situation as he'd already turned you down on several occasions. If you're so anxious to sleep with every single male in town, you'd best start to use protection. For their sakes, if not for yours."  
Bella stood stock still for a few seconds, her eyes wide with shock, and her mouth hanging open. "Oh fuck! she hadn't even known exactly what the gossip was; only that there was gossip. The poor girl's going to completely fall apart!" I started forward, determined to help her maintain at least a shred of dignity in front of these revolting people.

Everyone around the checkouts had fallen silent, a school of piranhas eagerly awaiting the first drops of blood to begin their feast, and then breaking the silence I heard the last thing I had expected. Bella Swan, all 5'4" and maybe 95 pounds of her, was standing in front of all those hateful, vicious bullying gossips, and laughing her fucking tits off! "Forget 'brave girl'. She's a fucking warrior," I thought in awe. "The chief would be so proud of her right now. Hell, I hardly know her and I'm proud of her right now."  
"S. s. s. seriously? That's what she went with? Throwing myself at her son in the stock room?" Bella grabbed at the counter to hold herself up. "Oh, and don't tell me, she walked in and caught me, and had to rescue her poor innocent son from my clutches?" She threw her head back with another burst of laughter, wild and beautiful as her hair flew back behind her shoulders.  
"Like you don't already know." Another lady - from her voice, it was the one spreading that shit about Bella indulging in a Cullen sandwich with the hulk leech and the scarred leech - spat under her breath from behind the other till, but I noticed that Mrs Green was looking like she'd realised she'd made a pretty big mistake in believing what she'd heard. Bella wasn't going to allow the other nasty bitch the satisfaction of getting the better of her it seemed, and she turned and replied to the biddy;  
"Yeah, ok. So I went from being a total shut in two days ago, and don't pretend you don't know about that, to 'The Great Floozie of Forks' today. When was I supposed to be seducing all these men?" Bella's laughter was starting to take on a worryingly hysterical edge, and I readied myself to step in if she lost her hold over herself.  
"You lot are all so desperate to believe bad things about me, feel free." She snorted "While you're at it, here's a few freebies. When I was six, I cut a little girl's hair off in class, cos she was hitting people with her braid on purpose. When I was eight, I stole a pack of gum, then took it back half an hour later and confessed cos I felt so guilty. Oh! Yeah, and one time I tipped out all of my dad's bait when we were out fishing cos I was cold and bored and wanted to go home, then I pretended I'd tripped over the bait bucket by accident." I couldn't help a laugh of my own as Bella listed her 'heinous crimes' for all to hear. Everyone in the store had done that much, and most of us much worse in our time. it seemed that Mrs Green agreed, as she joined in the laughter.  
"I'm sorry, Bella. I should have known you better. In all the years I've known you and your father, you've never been that sort of girl. I don't know what I was thinking." She apologised sincerely. "I guess that redeems her part in this a little." I thought grudgingly. At least she had the courage to speak up in front of her friends and apologise.  
"Doesn't matter, Mrs Green. People make mistakes, I don't hold it against them." Bella was too forgiving in my opinion, but I guessed it was her choice. Mrs Green's apology seemed to help Bella regain a little control, and she managed to put a stop to her laughing fit. She turned to the little crowd that had, by now, gathered round her at the checkout. "What actually happened, for those that care more about the truth than idle gossip and slander, is that Mrs Newton was bad mouthing the police and their efforts towards finding the missing hikers." She boldly stared at one face at a time, unerringly picking out the gossips from the rest of the crowd. "I got mad, which I probably shouldn't have done, questioned why she didn't have any missing posters up for the hikers, or any flyers on the counter, and when she said it was because it would be bad for business, I shot my mouth off a bit, quit, and walked out. Not a very exciting tale, but of course there was no way you were going to hear any of that from her as it would make her look bad." She shrugged and turned to Mrs Green. "I guess she was relying on the fact that lately I've barely communicated with my own dad, let alone anyone else, and so she thought she could spread whatever lies she chose and I wouldn't say anything different. Well. She was wrong."  
"So that's what started his all off? That Dianne Newton is an evil mare! Spreading all that shit about someone just to save face a little. And to deliberately not help out in some small way over the missing hikers so she could keep turning over her usual number of bucks. Greedy, selfish, evil bitch!" The worst part of Mrs Newton's inactivity regarding the missing hikers was that without knowing there was a possibility of danger in the forest, more hikers were wandering about in there, getting attacked, and making the job of the pack that much harder. She was all but sending an all-you-can-eat-buffet into the woods, endangering my pack every time we had to protect one of them. I caught myself growling and forced the noise to stop before someone noticed. My hands were shaking too, and tightened my grip on the cart to make them cease. Phasing in the middle of the Forks supermarket wasn't high on my 'to-do' list.

Looking back at Bella, I saw her contemplating her grocery bags. She was stuck. If she wanted a dignified exit, she'd have to leave them, asking for help or making a return trip would ruin all her brilliant work so far.

Abandoning my cart full of groceries, I quickly strode up behind Bella and reached over her to gather up all of her bags except the one she already held.  
"Fantastic job, Bella. Now allow me to assist you in your grand exit." She looked up at me with a grateful smile.  
"Thanks, Sam. Perfect timing." We turned towards the exit and walked together to the door and I bent down to whisper in her ear.  
"Are we leaving with, or without a one fingered salute?" She gave a little giggled and seemed to give it a bit of thought.  
"Without I think." She heaved a sigh. "At the moment I have the moral high ground. I probably shouldn't give it up for a rude gesture." She smirked a little "No matter how much they deserve it." I gave her an appreciative grin and her eyes widened for some reason. Out of nowhere, she tripped and I quickly shifted all the grocery bags in my arms so I could grab her elbow before she could face plant where they could all see.  
"Careful, Bella. Wouldn't want to ruin that dignified exit." I joked, and she nodded at me.

We headed over to her truck and put the grocery bags on the passenger side of the seat when she unlocked the door.  
"Thanks again, Sam. I really appreciate the help."  
"Of course." I shrugged "You seriously handled all of that so well. I couldn't do anything else but help you out. You're doing good, Bella. Charlie will be so proud of you when he hears about this. And you know he will hear about it. That was a good half of the Forks gossip brigade you just set in their places. Someone's bound to fill him in, and probably pretty quickly too." Knowing I was right, she quickly unlocked the driver's door and scrambled into her truck.  
"Good point. I'd better shift it if I want to get to him before the gossips" She said, and chucked the single grocery bag she held over with the others.  
The pack of condoms fell out of the bag and landed at my feet. I looked down at them, idly wondering for a few seconds why she'd kept them. Who she was planning on banging. The thought bothered me for some reason and I frowned a little, then looked up at Bella, then my laughter started. She was so embarrassed! I'd never seen anyone's face get so red, so fast. Bella banged her head against the steering wheel and hid her face in her arms.  
"Oh for fuck's sake. In front of the hot bodied guy? Kill me now. Seriously. Just open up the ground, and swallow me and my truck. Please, God, you'd be doing me a huge favour." She though it was hot bodied? even through my laughter, i preened a little. I got the impression she thought she was only saying this inside her own head. My laughter doubled.  
"Did you know you're saying that out loud?" I chuckled, and to my surprise, she managed to turn even redder.  
"Shit." She banged her head once more against the steering wheel. She turned to look at me, her head still resting on the wheel.  
"Well that was embarrassing." She stated obviously. "Any chance you could just pretend that I just walked with dignity from the store, climbed into my truck, thanked you politely and drove off?" She almost begged me.  
"Wellllllll" enjoying myself immensely, I dragged the word out, deliberately making her think I was debating it. She began to bang her head again, but I couldn't have that; she'd hurt herself if she kept it up. Moving inhumanly fast while she wasn't looking, I reached across from the passenger side and shoved my hand between her head and the wheel, protecting her forehead.  
"Careful, you don't want a huge bruise there" I murmured, her face was just a couple of inches from my own, my nose was full of her incredible scent. My wolf wanted to roll around in it like a Jack Russell terrier in a pile of fox shit. "Weird."  
"Ok. I'll give you a pass on this one. It never happened." I gave in. She smiled gratefully at me and I grinned back. I let my grin turn a little evil. "But now you owe me." Winking at her, I pulled back and closed the passenger door. I gave her a quick wave, and strode off back into the store as she drove off quickly; I had my own quick mission to accomplish.

I found my abandoned cart and took it to the checkout, deliberately waiting in the longer queue so I could be served by the owner, who was still muttering nasty little insults aimed at Bella, and obviously planning what she would do to make Bella pay for talking back to her. Finally it was my turn to be served, and I waited patiently as she rang everything through, the bill coming to nearly $200. When she looked expectantly at me for the money I gave her a bright smile and said in a loud, carrying voice;  
"Oh I don't want to actually buy all this... Well actually I do, just not from an evil, bullying, gossip like you. I really just wanted you to total it all up so you could see just how much money I won't be spending in your store every week. And neither will either of my work mates who, I'm sure you know, usually spend about the same." It looked like the pack would be doing all of our grocery shopping in the Rez store from now on. My grin turned feral. "In fact, as Chief of my tribe, I'm suddenly realising I should encourage my people to keep their money to the Rez as much as possible." I looked around, noticing that several other members of the vicious little pack of gossiping biddies were the owners of businesses in Forks. "I do so hope that won't put a dent in any of your profits, ladies. After all, then you'd all have to work that much harder, and might find yourselves short on time you could be using to spread nasty little lies about other people behind their backs. Well." I clapped my hands together once, loudly, "I guess I'll be off. I've got a couple hundred people to chat to about the new tribal policy on spending outside the Rez. Ta ta." I raised my hand and wiggled my fingers at the store owner in the most sarcastic wave I could muster, turned and strode back out of the store, grinning fit to split my face.

Repeating my entire grocery shop at the store on the Rez was a real (for me) trauma. When I got back to my place I found Jared and Paul lounging around in my sitting room.

"Make yourselves useful and put this lot away." I said, dumping the bags on my kitchen table and making my way into the sitting room to flop down on the couch. I was too restless though and after a moment I got up again and began pacing.

"What's got your panties in a bunch, Boss?" Paul asked, coming back into the room and throwing himself down in a chair. Jared strolled in behind him and leaned against the wall.

"I'm going commando, just like you, and for the hundredth time, Paul, don't call me Boss" I growled.

"In answer to your question though, nothing's 'got my panties in a bunch'. I'm just too full of adrenaline to sit still." They both tensed.

"Why? What happened? Was it the red headed leech again?" Jared demanded.

"No no. Nothing like that. No vampires. Just people. There are some seriously nasty pieces of work living in Forks, and it's not always the ones you expect." They looked confused at my cryptic answer, so I tried to explain. "I was in the store in Forks and..." I stopped. "Hold on. I've got a better idea. Come outside and phase. I'll show you. It'll be quicker than explaining it and you'll understand it better that way anyway." That was one of the big advantages and disadvantages of the pack mind. Not only could we see and hear what each other was thinking, but we could feel the emotions of the others too. It helped us understand each other so much. We might not agree with the emotions we felt from each other, but it helped us to understand where one another was coming from on a lot of issues. They both followed me out of the house and around back, where we would remain unseen by any passers by, and we all stripped and phased.

"Look." I showed them my entire trip to the Forks supermarket, from first hearing the nasty gossips, to my final sarcastic finger wiggling wave and triumphant exit.

"Fuck me. Those are some lovely people, right there." Jared's tone dripped sarcasm. "But I've got to say damn, that Bella Swan's a strong one to handle all that so well. Who'd have thought it from someone so tiny?" He compared the brief memory he had of her from just a couple of weeks after she first came back to Forks, with my memory of her from the store. "Holy shit, dude. What the hell happened to her? Has she got cancer or something? She must've lost about twenty pounds. You think she's got an eating disorder or something?"

"Bad, isn't it?" I said "but she looks better than she did yesterday." I showed them the memory of her from the previous day, the huge bruise-like bags under her eyes, the drawn, dry skin, I even showed them her weird panic attack.

'Yeah. I see what you mean." Jared agreed. "She at least looks like she got some sleep last night. But still..." Jared was cut off by Paul jumping in angrily.

"What the fuck is all this shit about? Who the hell cares? So the little leech lover managed to hold her own against the Forks biddy brigade. Big deal. She deserves whatever she's got coming to her anyway for fraternising with vampires. In my opinion there's no smoke without fire. Even if she's not been doing the same here, I'd be willing to bet she slept her way through half her school back in Phoenix, so if the gossip caught up with her she deserves that too. No way you're telling me that a girl who looks like she does, or did before the leeches left anyway, hasn't had more than her share of boyfriends." Paul was pacing back and forth in his anger, the grey fur of his hackles raised. "And as for the drugs thing? I wouldnt be at all surprised. If she doesn't look like a heroin addict - pale, unhealthy skin, drastically underweight, bags under her eyes, long sleaved, baggy clothes and zoned out expression - then I don't know who does!" I growled at him angrily.

"That's not the point, Paul. No-one deserves to have vicious rumours spread about behind their backs, especially not an already damaged young woman. You know, you've seen, how I feel about gossips and why. I don't care if she's sleeping with every guy from here to Seattle, that's her business and no-one else's." I wasn't prepared for the flinch of pain that caused me, so I wasn't able to hide it from the others. "And seriously, Paul? Heroin addict? Do you honestly think the Chief wouldn't catch onto that shit in a split second?" Paul had made me so mad that had I not already been in wolf form, I would've phased instantly. Jared took the momentary pause in our argument to interject.

"What I'm curious about, Sam, is your wolf's fascination with her scent. What's got him so excited that he wants to rub himself all over her?" He paused to think for a moment, then leapt up in excitement. "Did you imprint on Bella Swan, and somehow keep it from us." Since Jared had imprinted himself, about two months before, on a girl in his class, he had been almost obsessed with seeing Paul and I join him in his perma-happy state. Paul froze, almost incandescent with rage at the thought, and I was quick to set them right.

"No, of course not, Jared. Number one, I don't think that's even possible - dont the Elders say that imprinting is about genetics, about creating better wolves for the future? - She's not even native, so that rules that out. And number two ..." I deliberately thought of every moment in which mine and Bella's eyes had met, to show them the proof. "See? No earth moving, no gravity shift, no choirs of angels singing in the background. Nothing. I don't know what my wolf's issue is, but I'll tell you this. If I was able to choose freely for myself without having to worry about hurting the woman later on should I imprint, Bella Swan is exactly the sort of woman I'd pick for myself. She's selfless, strong, loyal, forgiving and kind." I flashed through memories showing examples of each of these qualities for them to see. "And she may look pretty unwell right now, but she really is very beautiful when she's healthy." A brief flash of Bella laughing today, head thrown back, face light and open, smooth white throat exposed, and sheets of thick wavy hair falling down her back like a mahogany waterfall, ran through mt mind. "Hell, she has her moments even now." Paul shot forward to stand so close to me that our muzzles were touching.

"You've got to be kidding me." He snarled in fury. "Have you forgotten? Do I have to spell it out to you? She. Is. A. Leech. Lover. She fucks the undead. She's a necrophiliac. She likes to ride an icy, stone pole. She is the definition of scum" My frail grip on my temper failed. Snarling and growling I leapt up, pinning Paul to the ground, his belly in the air, and his head turned to the side in submission. The Alpha tone rolled through my words.

"ENOUGH. Be silent, Paul." I continued on in my normal voice. "I couldnt ever offer her a committed relationship, as Ive got no guarantee that I wouldn't imprint and have to leave her, and anyway, as of right now, she's in no way ready to think about dating, and I don't know if she ever will be, at least before she graduates and leaves for college. But I do know, that if she ever is ready, and looking to date before she leaves, I would count myself very lucky to have the chance to date Bella. And I will take that chance if it comes up. And you, Paul Lahote, will show her some respect, or if you can't manage that simple task, you will keep your fucking mouth shut. Am I understood?" I issued the Alpha order with relish. Normally I hated the thought of removing Jared or Paul's free will, but on this occasion I was more than glad to do so. It was only a small measure of protection I could offer her, but I was determined that she would not be hurt by at least this one person. I hadn't actually planned on saying any of that about dating Bella, I'd not given the matter any conscious thought at all, it had just sort of spilled from my mouth all by itself, but now that I had said it, I found myself very pleased with the idea, and planned to follow up on it if the opportunity arose.

"Let's have no more of this for now. Paul, you have patrol from now til midnight. Jared," I turned at looked at him over my shoulder "you and I have quotes to make at a couple of houses for repairs. We're due at the first one at 7:30, so lets phase back and grab what we need so we can head out." Paul scrambled to his feet and tore off through the woods to start his patrol like there were a hundred marriage minded women on his tail, and Jared and I shifted back and grabbed our clothes. As we climbed into my truck Jared grasped my elbow and pulled me to a stop.

"I don't want to piss you off, Sam, but you know that wolves are monogamous animals. They mate for life. Casual dating might really send your wolf for a loop. It might not work out, and I don't wanna see you hurt yourself trying to be with Bella even if its just for a short time." He swallowed and took a deep breath. "And I won't let you hurt her in the process either." He warned me with a wary expression, obviously worried about my response. I smiled. This was why he and I were so close. He really was a good guy. I was truly lucky to know him.

"I really hadn't thought about that, Jared. I wasn't planning on saying any of that, it just sort of said itself. But now I think about it, my wolf seems to like Bella a whole lot for some reason, I think it might actually work out. But if it looks like its not going to, I'll make sure to back out of the situation before either of us are in too far. I don't want to see her hurt any more than you do." I clapped him on the shoulder and jerked my head towards the truck "Now come on. We've got a quote to make." I started the engine and turned to smirk at him. "At Chief Swan's house."


	13. Bloodsuckers & Bewilderment

We hadn't even gotten out of the truck outside Chief Swan's house when he opened the front door and came out to meet us, leaving the door open behind him. Two wonderful scents wafted behind him from inside; One was, of course Bella's, and the other had my mouth watering in a completely different way. My stomach rumbled loudly, reminding me I'd not eaten since my early lunch, and begging me to find the source of that second smell and shove as much of it as I could manage down my throat. I climbed out of the truck, Jared following suit on the other side and walking round the front to join me just as the Chief got to us.

"Sam. Thanks for coming by." he said, holding his hand out to shake. "Oh, and Jared, isn't it? Jared Cameron?" When Jared nodded, he shook Jared's hand too, and then gestured to the side of the house. "The biggest job I need doing is stripping the old shutters off the windows on this side, where the damp is worse, and then replacing them all with new ones." He pointed out the tatty shutter to us, and we launched into a discussion about materials, paint colours, and timings. Inside, the house phone rang and whilst of course, the Chief couldn't hear a thing, Jared and I could hear every word on both sides of the call.

"Swan residence" Bella answered the call, her voice a little wary. I guessed she'd been either fielding calls from the town gossips wanting to pass on their lies to her father since she got home, or had been avoiding answering the phone at all for fear of the same thing.

"Hello there, dear. Is your father there?" Even with the distortion of the phone, I, and through my memories, Jared, recognised the voice as one of the biddies in the store earlier that day.

"Yes, he is, thanks." Bella replied, and hung up the phone, making Jared and I burst into surprised laughter. "Nicely done." I thought appreciatively and then quickly excused our strange behaviour to the Chief, blaming a stupid inside joke Jared and I had just shared for our roars of laughter.

The Chief asked us to follow him inside to continue talking about the work that needed to be done, as the rain was beginning to worsen, and we followed him, still chuckling, to find Bella laying a fourth place at the kitchen table. I wondered who they were expecting for company, a little jealous both of the fact that someone else would be eating whatever smelled so delicious, and that someone else would be getting to spend time with Bella.

"Bells, this is Jared Cameron. He works with Sam." As the Chief introduced him, Jared held up a hand in greeting. She nodded at him politely.

"Hi. Nice to meet you. I'm Bella." She said, with a small smile, then looked at the Chief and asked "So are they joining us? Only it's all ready and I don't want it to get cold." The Chief looked at us questioningly. "Awesome." I thought. "I get to eat whatever smells so great, and I get an excuse to spend a little more time getting to know Bella. Perfect. Jared had better not balls this up."

"You want to join us, guys?" The Chief asked. "Bells here makes the best lasagne you've ever tasted, and there's plenty to go around." I looked over at Jared, silently communicating a promise of slow death if he screwed up here. I needn't have worried; he was clearly just as eager to try some of Bella's cooking as it smelt so fantastic, and was almost as eager to get to know her a little in person, instead of just through my memories.

"That'd be great, yeah, if you're sure?" I sent a small smile to Bella, and she smiled back, saying;

"Really, it's fine. I made extras anyway, so please." We all sat together round the table and were just taking our first bites, when the phone made a horrible shrill tone to announce an open line and Bella jumped up to fix it. "Ah. So that's how she's been avoiding the phone ringing off the hook. Clever. Simple but effective." I thought, just as the phone began to ring. I then fell quickly back to eating, partly because the food was so amazing I couldn't not eat, and partly to cover the fact that I was planning on listening in to the call.

"Stupid fucking busybodies" Bella grumbled under her breath, not realising Jared and I could hear her as clear as day. Jared barely caught his laugh in time to prevent suspicion, so I whacked him heavily on his back, disguising his laugh as choking on a mouthful. Easily believable with the rate at which he was devouring his lasagne.

"You ok?" Bella asked him, solicitously, and Jared nodded at her, his hand over his mouth to cover his laughing, and completing the charade that he had choked a little. Bella shrugged a little and then turned her head from us to glare at the phone in her hand.

"You gonna get that, kiddo, or shall I?" The Chief asked her and she spoke through gritted teeth.

"No. I'll get it." She took a breath and pressed the call button. "Swan residence"

"Put your father on the phone, you little tramp" Yep. Another member of the gossip brigade. I nearly let loose a growl at the vicious tone of voice, and the rude name she'd called Bella, and I felt Jared tense beside me.

"Sorry, he won't fit." Bella replied in a cool tone, without betraying a single hint of emotion, and then hanging up the phone and pressing what I guessed was the silent button. Jared and I both struggled to hold in the laughter this time, and Bella looked at us, confused, not realising that we had clearly heard both sides of the call. She shrugged, and sat down, turning to the Chief and saying. "Well I guess I'd better tell you what happened this afternoon before they start knocking at the door next." He looked baffled and asked

"Before who start knocking? Was there a problem at work or something today, Bells?" She chuckled bitterly.

"Yeah, or something." I gave her an encouraging smile and jumped in.

"Tell you what, Chief, you'd have been proud of your daughter today if you'd seen her in action. I only caught the second act, and that was impressive enough, but I'm guessing the first act was a real show stopper." I said, and we all turned to Bella to see what she would say. She blushed bright red and struggled to begin.

"Yeah ... Ummm... See at work today..." She stared down at her fingers which were picking at each other, as she related the story of what had happened with Mrs Newton at work, and whilst I'd gathered the gist of it from what Bella had revealed earlier at the store, I grew madder and madder as she told us word for word what Dianne Newton had said, and more and more impressed as she repeated her own parts of the fight.

"And that's why I was driving around town aimlessly when I found those bikes." She finished off, still with her eyes firmly on her hands, and I wondered absently, "Bikes? What bikes?" We all sat in silence, Jared and I looking at the Chief to see his reaction, and his eyes still on Bella.

"So if that was the first act, what was the second?" He asked me, and I looked at Bella to make sure she was ok with me telling the next part of the story. She nodded at me, and I began telling the the Chief (and pretending to tell Jared) about how amazing she'd been in the supermarket, leaving out the hilarious condom incident, at which she looked very relieved. She reddened again, and I smirked a little to myself, realising she must be remembering her embarrassment at the time. I didn't relate what I'd heard the gossips telling each other; not wanting to cause unnecessary upset, but I did repeat everything that had been said at the checkout. Silence reigned once again after I'd finished my part and she, Jared and I looked at the Chief again for his reaction, while he stared at Bella. His moustache began to twitch.

"And on the phone a few minutes ago?" He asked. She filled him in on the call, minus the 'tramp' comment, obviously wanting to protect him from realising just how unpleasant some of the women were being to her. The Chief's moustache twitched even more. Suddenly he could hold it in no longer and great roars of laughter filled the air. After a few seconds, Jared and I couldn't help but join in, even Bella giggled along a bit.

"Oh Bells, hon, I'm so proud of you. You really gave all those nosy bitches what they had coming, but never once crossed the line. You even managed to stop Mrs Green in her tracks, get her back on the right track, and managed to make sure there were no hard feelings. Truly a masterful piece of work." He stood up from the table and went round to her side, giving her a weird hug combined with a noogie, obviously he wasn't too comfortable with public emotional displays, but she seemed to appreciate the gesture.

The Chief's cell phone rang just then and he went into the living room to answer it. Jared and I could hear the person on the other end of the line telling him about yet another missing hiker, and we looked at each other covertly, and I jumped up to clear our plates. We had to leave to investigate, but couldn't look suspicious.

"Thanks for dinner, Bella, it was amazing." I said, and Jared caught on quickly.

"Yeah it really was. Best lasagne I've ever had. I'll definitely be coming back here again." Jared joked, sitting back and rubbing his stomach appreciatively. We both fell silent for a moment, hearing Paul's howl from the forest. "Fuck. Vampire again. Probably the red head. Fuck!" Bella looked like even she could feel our tension a little.

"I'm really sorry to eat and run, Bella, but I've just realised the time, and Jared and I need to get back to the Rez. We promised we'd give another quote for a house over there this evening. Thanks again, it really was an awesome dinner." I flashed her a large grin, trying to disguise the stress, and she waved me off.

"It was no trouble, really. I'd already cooked it all, you two just helped us eat it. And you helped that whole gossip telling thing go better too, so I owe you some thanks I think." She smiled at us both as she walked us to the door, and I took a few extra, precious seconds to lean down, take in a last lungful of her amazing scent, and whisper in her ear,

"That's two you owe me then." And smirking to myself, I hurried into the truck, with Jared right behind me and we drove off, only to pull up round the corner, out of sight, jump out, run into the forest and phase.

As soon as I phased, I was aware of Paul's barely controlled rage, as he valiantly tried to keep the red headed leech away from a terrified hiker who was in a tight ball on a lower limb of a tree, whilst also trying to keep out of sight of the same hiker. The red head was laughing, lips still red with stolen blood, obviously from the dead body lying broken and forgotten behind her. A pair of missing hikers then, not just one. She seemed to playing with Paul; lunging forward, the dancing back out of range of his teeth as she taunted him about how delicious the other hiker had been.

"You're doing great, Paul." I commended him. "Just keep it up for another few minutes. We're coming up behind her. Hopefully we'll be able to trap her between us this time, and put an end to her pointless sick game." I put on another spurt of speed, trying to run as silently as possible so as not to alert her that she had more company.

"Trying, Boss." Paul replied, his mental voice strained as he pushed himself off from the ground to leap in front of another forward lunge from the red head. "It's weird; she wants to get past me, but I get the feeling she's not really after his dude in the tree. It's like she wants to get by me for another reason. Though fuck if I can guess what it is she's really after." I looked at his memory of the fight so far. He was right. She didn't seem to give. Shit about whether she got to murder the other hiker or not. But she definitely wanted past Paul.

Jared and I slowed, and sneaked the last few hundred yards on our bellies, getting as close as we could without alerting her to our presence.

"On three, Jared and I will jump her." I ordered tensely. "Paul, you be ready to do the same from your side, and we'll pin the bitch between us. One," Jared and I raised ourselves a little, tensing for the attack. "Two," we crouched on our haunches, ready to leap. "Three! Oh fuck!" As we all pounced, her head shot up, as if she somehow knew we had her, and she made her own leap; straight up, and grabbing a branch, she swung herself over the top of us and landed a few yards behind where Jared and I had paused, waiting for our moment. Jared, Paul and I all collided painfully, and landed in a tangled web of furry limbs, and she laughed, and raced off, calling over her shoulder.

"Bye for now, doggies. I'll be back for what's owed me. You can't keep me away from it forever."

"That BITCH!" Paul was nearly frothing at the mouth in fury, as we all scrambled to our feet to give chase. Tearing through the forest, following her over-sweet, bleachy scent, I asked the others "Any ideas about what the fuck she thinks is owed her?"

"Not a clue" came Jared's reply, right on top of Paul's "No fucking idea, Boss" and I growled a little in frustration. "I get the feeling she's gonna keep in coming back til she gets what she wants." I said. "Or until we kill her." They both snarled their agreement to that last part and we ran on. Suddenly, we all came to a screeching halt. The trail had ended. Just like that; a sudden dead end, with no clues as to where she had gone.

"Shit!" Jared growled, looking upwards into the branches above. "She's gone up into the trees. We won't be able to follow her scent, and for all we know, she could be doubling back, trying another tactic to get past us." Paul and I both knew he was right, and, no signal necessary, all three of us turned tail and headed back to Forks and he rez to keep her away from whatever it was she was after in one go hose two places.

"Ok." I said "Paul, you run a loop round the Rez, Jared do the same round Forks. We need to check if she's come back this way. I'll head back to the hiker, and make sure he's safe. Paul, once you've run your loop, if its all clear, you grab some shorts for Jared and me, and meet us by my truck." They both nodded once in agreement as we ran, and after another five miles, we began to veer away from each other, all set on our particular tasks.

I ran on until I had once again found the hiker in the forest. There was no sign of the leech being back to get a second course, but I was reluctant to abandon him all alone with his friend's body, so I lurked in amongst the trees until I could hear part of the search party breaking through the undergrowth not far away. The hiker seemed o be in shock; sitting stock still in stony silence, and I was a little concerned that the search party might pass right by him, so I decided to try to jolt him out of his shock. I figured that if I let loose a bit of a growl, and allowed him to catch I fleeting glimpse of me through the trees, his mind would make the logical leap and think I was a very big bear. If I was really lucky, he would make he further assumption that that same bear had killed his friend, and reports of a rogue bear might serve to keep people out of the woods for a while, cutting down on the red heads buffet bonanza. I examined my plan carefully, and, seeing no holes in it, I set it in action. Growling lowly, I made as much noise as possible, breaking branches as I passed, and starting any small animals in my path as I moved through the trees, careful to only allow him a few, slightly obscured glances at me. It seemed to work; the next time one of the search party called out his and his friend's names, he screamed back

"Here! Over here. Come quick. A huge bear attacked my friend and its still here somewhere." Snorting internally at the stupidity of the man for yelling so close to a supposedly mad bear, drawing attention to himself, I silently crept back into deeper cover, and, once I saw the first member of the search party reach the hiker, I ghosted off deeper into the forest to loop back around towards the truck.

Jared was already there, having completed his run around Forks, and just as I arrived, so did Paul.

"Anything?" I asked them both, already knowing the answer, but too wired to just stand there in silence.

"All clear. No new scents." Jared reported, and phased back, collecting a pair of shorts from where Paul had dropped them on the ground.

"No sign of the bitch at the Rez either." Paul confirmed "Whatever it is she's after, it looks like she's given up for tonight."

"Ok, good job, Paul. You did really well to hold her off til we could get there." I complimented him. "I'll take patrol now. You and Jared head on back home and get some sleep. We're going to have to keep our guard up from now on. She was far too close to town for my liking tonight. We'll have to run wider sweeps and try to cut her off before she gets so close next time." Once Paul had phased back, I let him tie my shorts to my hind leg for me, then waited til he and Jared had gotten back into the truck and driven off before I melted back into the forest and began a loop of my own around Forks.

My route took me right past the Swan house, and I could hear Bella inside, mumbling something about explaining something to the Chief, without lying to him. Wondering what that was about, and figuring she must be on the phone - either that or she was having a conversation with herself - I flopped down in the undergrowth just inside the edge of the forest behind the house, and waited to see if she'd explain more. A light came on in a window next to the tree in the back of the house, almost directly in front of where I lay, and then quickly went off again and I heard her breaths evening out into a sleep pattern almost immediately. "She must've been exhausted to fall asleep so fast" I thought, then it occurred to me that until the Chief returned, she was completely alone in the house. I decided to hang on where I was til the Chief got back, now that the hikers had been found I figured it wouldn't bee too long before he was home.

Bella had been asleep for around half an hour when the screaming started. Just before it began, she'd been mumbling in her sleep. Begging someone, I didn't have to think too hard to guess who, to come back, not to leave her. My heart bled for her as I heard the misery and loneliness in her voice, but then she began a blood curdling scream which put all my fur on end, and I shot to my feet, looking around for a sign to show me what was attacking her. The screams cut off suddenly, and all I could hear was her crying, her sobs almost more terrible to hear than her screams had been. I realised she had been screaming in her sleep. "Is this why she looks so exhausted all the time?" I wondered. I had to admit, if my sleep was interrupted like that, I wouldn't do much sleeping either. She seemed to regain control of herself quite quickly, and I listened as she schooled her breathing back to a steady, rhythmic pace. I knew she had fallen back asleep, when I heard her mumbling start up again. This time it was something about a woman named Victoria, and blood, and a knife. The poor girl was positively riddled with nightmares. At some point though, her dream must've shifted, as her mumbles shifted into moans and sighs, grunts and groans. From the sounds of it, whatever she was dreaming now, it was good. I felt a familiar heat curling in the pit of my stomach as the thought of Bella moaning and sighing for me popped into my head, and I grew uncomfortable listening to her having such an intimate dream. I felt like a voyeur, and I was honestly relieved when my sensitive ears caught the sound of the Chief's cruiser approaching the house. I loped back into the forest and ran another loop around Forks, then a few loops around La Push, before calling it a day and returning home to get some sleep of my own. And if I dreamed about having a certain brunette writhing and moaning underneath me... Well that was my own business.

I slept like the dead until a little after noon, knowing that Jared had early patrol and would call if anything was wrong, and when I finally woke up I felt completely refreshed and full of energy, if more than a little hungry. After a quick shower, and a big breakfast, even by my standards, I headed down to my moms house. She worked on Sunday afternoons, and I tried, whenever possible, to do a few chores around her place while she was out. She might not be talking to me, but I loved her fiercely still, and if I could do any little thing to make her life easier, I would always try to do it. I chopped some wood for her, and stacked it under the back porch, and then I made a start on fixing a few loose shingles I'd spotted on her roof. It took me a few hours to get the whole roof repaired, and I jumped down and ran the hose over my head and upper body to get the worst of the sweat and grime off. I had to meet up with Billy Black to discuss the latest leech attack, and I didn't want to walk into his house stinking and filthy. Deciding to walk along the beach to his place, rather than go straight through town, I headed down the beach path, and not long after I'd passed the driftwood trees that piled themselves up in the same spot every year, I caught, once again, that glorious scent. "Bella? What's she doing down here again?" There was the faint smell of the Chief overlaying her own scent, and I wondered if she'd come out for a walk with him once more, or if she was wearing one of his shirts again. Looking ahead, I couldn't see any sign of her, or anyone else for that matter, and the gusting wind made it almost impossible to narrow down exactly where her scent was coming from. I continued to wander along the beach, allowing the waves to wash over my feet every so often as the frigid water had no effect on me with my higher body temperature. Her scent grew stronger as the wind occasionally washed it around me, and I stopped, looking around me to see where she was. Still no-one to be seen. Puzzled, I remained completely still for a few minutes, listening hard to try to catch anything above the crashing waves and blustering wind. There it was. Slow, almost impossibly slow, measure breathing, and an almost worryingly slow, steady heartbeat. I turned my head a little to try to gauge the direction. It seemed to be coming from a fallen tree on the edge of the beach, so I wandered towards it to investigate. Her scent grew stronger. It was definitely her, but I was confused by the alarmingly slow heart rate and breathing. Was she ok? As I got closer to the tree I realised that the way it had fallen had created a sheltered hollow under the root end of the tree, and this appeared to be where the sounds and her scent were coming from. Not wanting to startle her I called out her name in a low voice.

"Bella?" There was no reply. The wind was probably blowing my voice away from her. I tried again a little louder as I stopped right by the wildly blowing roots that covered her sheltered spot.

"Bella. It's Sam. Are you ok?" Still nothing. I was getting worried. Her breathing and heart rate showed no sign that she had heard me at all, even though I was calling in a loud voice straight into her shelter. I held some of the roots to one side to peer into the hollow.

"Bella? Can you hear me? It's Sam." Still nothing. I was right in front of her. With her eyes wide open like that, she must see me, but still there was no response at all. "Oh fuck. Has she gone back into her zombie state? What happened?" Her face was shadowed, but I could see her well enough to see that her eyes were open. I nudged her shoulder.

"BELLA? Are you ok?" Still a big fat nothing, and I could feel panic rising. "Was Paul and that evil biddy in the store right? Was she on something?" I couldn't smell any drugs, but the slow heart rate, the low breathing, the spaced out expression, they all certainly hinted at something being in her system. I decided to give it one more try before I just reached in, picked her up, and ran her to the clinic. I shook her shoulder and yelled right in her face.

"BELLA!..." Suddenly her eyes snapped into focus and she was actually looking at me. Her heart rate rose, along with her breathing, and I was almost weak with relief "Oh! Thank fuck for that! Are you ok, Bella? Have you taken something?" the look she gave me was filled with indignation.

"No! Of course not! Shit. Can't a girl have a little nap in a warm cozy spot without being scared half to death?" She snapped at me, and tried to shove me back, out of her face. All she achieved was shoving herself back into the root system behind her, with my strength and size, I didn't budge an inch. I was filled with shame at believing, even for a split second, one of the ugly rumours that had been spread about her. I knew better than to believe anything those nasty bitches had said. Trying to cover my shame, I got a little snarky. I raised an eyebrow.

"You always nap with your eyes wide open and staring?" I asked her.

"I don't know what to tell you, Sam. I was minding my own business, thinking and relaxing, listening to the waves, I fell asleep and was dreaming when someone" She glared hard at me, a kitten thinking it was a lion, not realising she was staring down a wolf, "shoved me and woke me up." I didn't believe thats what had happened. People don't sleep with their eyes wide open like that, but it might've explained the heart and breathing rate. Sleep would slow both. But not that much. I'm sure my confusion, disbelief, and amusement at her fierce attitude made my face a picture. I took a couple of steps back, standing up outside her shelter, and holding back the dangling roots that were dancing in the wind.

"Well I'm very sorry, Miss Swan. I didn't mean to wake you" for some reason, when I was unsure of myself, sarcasm always seemed to be my default position. "it's getting dark, so maybe me waking you from your nap was a good thing. Wouldn't want the Chief worrying about you." She seemed even more annoyed that she couldn't deny I was right, I held back my smile at her irritation.

"Damn him. Can't he at least have the good grace to be wrong when he's being this annoying?" She groused to herself under her breath, and gave me another glare, which only grew more angry when she noticed I was sniggering behind my hand; she couldn't have known that I could hear every word, despite her low volume and the wind and waves trying to swallow her words.

"Fine. I'll just be going then." She grumbled, pulling at one of the roots above her to haul herself to her feet. When the root she used pulled free, dumping her down onto her ass, I couldn't help bursting into laughter. I put a hand out for her to grab.

"Here, I'll help you up." She took my hand, and I hauled her to her feet, enjoying the feeling of her tiny hand in my own giant one.

"Thanks." She muttered, with more irritation than gratitude, and she pulled the hood back over her head, tucking her hair inside it before stepping out into the wind.

"Come on, I'll walk you back to your truck." I offered, and for a second, I thought she would refuse, but for some reason I couldn't explain, she actually accepted my offer.

"I'm parked up by Billy Black's place." She told me, which kind of worked out perfectly, so I gestured with his head, in a 'let's go then' sort of way, and we set out to Billy's. She walked slowly, in silence, her head down, I'm assuming to keep the wind from pulling her hood back. I tried to break her angry silence.

"So why were you holed up under a fallen tree, napping?" I asked her, and while she ignored the sarcasm, I could sense she wasn't too impressed with me being so obnoxious.

"I noticed the spot the other day when I was walking with Charlie, and when I needed peace and a place to think today, it just sprang to mind. Why? Is it a problem me being here?" She looked worried, like I was going to ban her from the Rez, and I quickly spoke to reassure her.

"No, no, it's fine, Bella. I was just wondering, that's all" I held up my hands at her defensive tone. When we reached the truck a moment later and she lifted her face from the ground to say goodbye, The wind instantly tore her hood back and set her hair to whipping about her face. She ran her hands through it and pulled it back behind her head "Beautiful." I thought. "She looks a little more rested, though if what I heard last night was her having a more restful night, i shudder to think how other nights have sounded. The bags under her eyes are nearly gone, her skin looks a little healthier, that wonderful hair, flying wildly in the wind, that bruised cheek and black eye ..." My silent stock take of her beauty ground to a shuddering halt at that last part. My hand flew up and, reminding myself to be gentle, my fingers gripped her chin. I gently but firmly turned her head to the right. At the clearer sight of the bruising, I couldn't help the low growl that escaped me.

"What's this? Who hurt you?" I demanded angrily, my whole body tense and shaking, "Oh shit. I can't phase in front of her, and definitely not this close to her. I'd rip her to shreds. And with my hand already on her face, once I have claws I'd scar her face for life!" I forced myself to calm down, and tried to gain control over my shaking pulled back a little. "Shit. I've scared her now." I thought to myself, finally regaining my control

"That'd be my kitchen floor." She shrugged. "I fell last night and smacked my face against it pretty hard." I stared at her face for a moment, obviously searching for the truth of her statement. Satisfied, I gave a small smile.

"Well hell, Bella. Try not to put dents in the floor over there, won't you?" She smiled back.

"Ok. I'll make. Point of trying." She agreed. She unlocked her truck, and went to climb in. "You need a lift anywhere?" She offered, and I shook my head.

"No thanks, I'm just stopping in to talk to Billy for a bit. You take care now. Oh! And thanks again for dinner last night. Jared won't stop going on about how awesome your lasagne is. I swear the guy is probably off somewhere right no writing sonnets to it." She chuckled at the thought.

"Well I look forward to hearing them. Bye Sam." She clambered in to her truck, started the noisy thing, and drove off. I watched her til she rounded the corner, and then trotted up the few steps to Billy's door. To my surprise, it was the Chief, and not Billy or Jacob who opened the door for me.

"Sam." He said cheerfully. "Just the man, and perfect timing." He walked behind me as I passed through the narrow hall into the sitting room, where Billy was already parked in front of the tv.

"Perfect timing?" I asked, looking to Billy to see what the Chief might mean. Billy just shrugged, and turned to the Chief.

"So what's up, Charlie?" Billy asked. "And what's so perfect about Sam's timing?"

" Well" the Chief replied, sitting down comfortably in the couch, and gesturing me to do the same. "I was coming to let you know, Billy, that the surviving hiker from last night reported a rogue bear in the forest, but seeing as its almost certainly not a bear, and rather one of your wolf protectors, I'd say that Sam here is the perfect man to discuss it with. Wouldn't you?" He sat back with a smug look on his face and Billy and I froze, neither of us having a clue what to say.


	14. Warnings & Wonky bits

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I know; I left things on a bit of a cliffhanger last chapter, but I'm such a terrible person, I have no intention of putting you out of your misery just yet. Instead, I'm flitting right back to Bella POV, and you'll all have to wait to find out how and exactly what Charlie knows (and what Sam and Billy intend to do about it) a while longer. :0p

Bella POV

I beat Charlie back home, and taking into account the ever strengthening wind outside, and the chill it was bringing with it, I decided to cook up something hearty and warming for dinner to welcome him home. I guessed his paperwork, and tying up loose ends surrounding the poor dead hiker and the rogue bear had kept him longer than he'd expected.

I flew around the kitchen, peeling and chopping, and throwing a huge chicken into the oven to roast, and once I'd got everything either already cooking, or prepped and ready to cook, I sat myself down at the kitchen table to finish up the last of my homework. My return to school the next day was already going to prove... interesting, bearing in mind the whirlwind of gossip that was bound to follow me there, not only from the vicious efforts of Mrs Newton, but also from the simple fact that I wasn't going to be the zombie they'd all become used to over the last few months. I didn't need to add extra trouble for myself by being behind in my school work. Nearly an hour of notes on the prohibition era later, dinner was pretty much ready, and Charlie still wasn't back. I cleared my books back into my school bag, laid the table so that when he did get back, we could sit and eat straight away, and I set about collecting up dirty laundry to run a load or two through the machine; with me wearing stuff from Charlie's closet, he'd soon run out of shirts unless I kept on top of things. I'd just finished closing the machine on the first load when I heard Charlie coming in the front door, and I called out

"Hi, Dad. Dinner's pretty much ready, so if you go wash up, we can sit down straight away."

"Ok, Bells. Back down in a minute then." He called back, and I heard him heading up the stairs as I walked back into the kitchen to bring our food to the table.

Charlie was pretty quiet over dinner, he looked a little shaken up, and I guessed that dealing with the coroner and the dead hiker's family okay had upset him more than he'd like to admit, so I decided to turn the conversation towards something completely different to take his mind off his upsetting day.

"So, Dad. You got any ideas about who I should ask for help with my motorcycles?" I asked him

"We'll it's funny you should ask, but actually yes." He replied, reaching across the table to help himself to more mashed potato. "You know Jacob Black is a pretty good mechanic. He's the one that got your truck up and running, as you know. So maybe you could ask him to have a look. It might also be a good idea for you to hang out with him while he works sometimes. If you're going to ride one, you should understand at least the basics of how it runs and how to make simple repairs." Be began spooning out extra mash onto his plate.

"You been conspiring with Billy to get me over there more often?" I asked jokingly, and he dropped the mashed potato bowl on the floor.

"What? No! What do you mean? Why would we do that?" He asked alarmed. "Woah, calm down, Charlie. I'm not so fragile that I'll fold in on myself again just cos I think you're interfering." I jumped up to grab a cloth and clean the sticky mess from the floor.

"Relax, Dad. I'm not mad. But you and Billy trying to set me and Jacob up is a no go, just so we're clear. I'm not ready to even think about dating, I'm not sure I'll ever be ready. But I am sure that if I ever get to that point, it wouldn't be with Jake. I just don't think about him like that. In my head he's quite firmly in the brother/best friend box. Anything else would just be weird." Charlie relaxed a little as I finished mopping up and sat back down.

"Oh well. Can't blame us for trying though." He quickly said, his voice sounding a little too cheerful, strained even. I guessed he'd been really worried I'd react badly to his interfering, so I let him off the hook.

"No I can't blame you. Just as long as you let it go now. Oh, and tell Billy to do the same." He nodded his agreement.

"But all that aside, Bells, Jake is probably your best bet on the motorcycles, and however sneaky I was trying to be, learning a bit about how to do simple repairs is still a good idea." I hadn't noticed how tense he still was til I saw how far his shoulders fell in relief when I agreed.

"Sure, Dad. It's a good point. I'll ask Jake tomorrow after school."

The feeling of peace and calm I'd gained during my strange sort of doze at the beach was still holding when I climbed into bed that night, and I was cautiously hopeful that I might get at least some respite from my nightmares as a result. So I was disappointed when I woke up screaming as usual, with Charlie sitting beside me, shushing me and rubbing my back to help me regain my calm. It had been the standard 'Alone In The Forest' dream as usual, but once again with that added feeling of someone or something watching me as I ran, stumbled, and crawled through the trees. Once Charlie had helped me to calm back down, he headed back to bed and I settled back down to get myself back off to sleep, ready to confront my next set of dreams and following them, get a decent bit of rest.

At first, I thought there was no difference at all in the first scene; the 'Victoria Attacks the Village' scene appeared just the same as it had all the previous times. I was weaving a basket, and watching a small group of children play this time, before the screams in the background alerted me to the fact that the vampire had arrived. Then I noticed that instead of there being just one old man standing not far behind me, there were two. They were completely identical, but whereas one was standing alert, looking to the source of the screams, the other was standing and staring right at me/not me.

"Taha Aki" I greater him, knowing now exactly who he was, although I couldn't say why there were suddenly two of him.

"Watch" he said to me, and I obediently turned to watch the other Taha Aki shake and explode into wolf form, then throw himself into battle with Victoria.

"I understand this part." I told him. "The Quileutes had a clan of shapeshifter wolves, you being the first, who protected the tribe from the cold ones." He nodded gravely and gestured for me to continue watching the fight in front of me.

"Watch" he repeated, and again I turned to witness the struggle. As had happened before, Victoria was gaining the advantage, and not me stepped forward, knife in hand. Somehow though, this time I was separate from not me, and I was able to stand by and watch as the knife was plunged deep into not me's chest. I watched Victoria become distracted and lunge at not me, and then I watched as the wolf Taha Aki took advantage of her distraction and ripped the head from her shoulders. I turned again to the Taha Aki next to me.

"Yes I know all of this. I know I'll have to sacrifice myself to save my father. Why do I have to see it again?" I asked in frustration.

"Watch" was the only response I got, and the dream scene reset itself.

This time I was cooking over a fire when the screams started, and when one Taha Aki became the wolf it was me who stepped forward with the knife, and not me who stood back and watched.

"Watch" Taha Aki told me again, and I saw me drag the knife over my chest instead of plunging it straight in, and this time the wolf was able to rip Victoria apart before she reached me.

"See?" Taha Aki asked me. "Then, and now. The same, but different. Death and life." I didn't really understand him, but I didn't want another replay so I nodded.

Instantly, the scene changed and I was again watching myself in the throes of passion with the huge man.

"Watch" came from beside me, and I looked to see Taha Aki standing there watching along with me.

"I am. But I really wish you wouldn't. It's kind of private, what a girl's 'O' face looks like" I grumbled at him, mortified that someone else, even a dream someone, was seeing me, even a dream me, in such an intimate situation. The old man gave a small amused smile and thankfully kept his attention on the me watching, instead of the me being thrust into by the gorgeous, sweaty, muscular man.

"Life, love, passion, mates" the old man stated, gesturing somehow at both the entwined couple and the huge black wolf watching from the corner. The word mates was spoken just as the man plunged his teeth into the moaning, naked me, and then suddenly I was wide awake, sitting bolt upright in my bed and breathing heavily. "Ok. That was fucking weird." I thought. Never before had I been so alert in one of those dreams. I'd never been both in the dream, and at the same time been just a spectator, watching it all take place. "Well not before this afternoon at this beach" I helpfully reminded myself, and I wondered if maybe this was the key to finally understanding what my subconscious was trying to drum into my conscious mind, and in doing so, making the dreams stop. Maybe I just had to make myself be a dispassionate spectator, therefore able to take in the facts without becoming so emotionally involved in the scene. It was something to consider. Deciding I'd do just that; consider the possibility, but not right now, I settled back down under my covers and evened out my breathing to allow real sleep to take me. I needed to get some proper rest so I would be able to cope with whatever was thrown at me at school in the morning.

I made it to the kitchen before Charlie the next morning, and was already sitting down in front of my scrambled eggs, a portion on a plate sitting in Charlie's spot too, when he wandered into the room, carrying one of his plaid shirts.

"Morning, kid. I wasn't sure, but I thought you might want one of my shirts again today." He said as he offered it to me. I smiled gratefully and took it from him, pulling it on and rolling up the sleeves between bite of my breakfast.

"Thanks, Dad. Did you sleep ok?" I asked. He sat down opposite me, tucking into his own eggs and answered.

"A few weird dreams, but other than that, yeah, thanks" he replied.

"Yeah I can relate." I said, and I took my plate and rinsed it off before picking up my bag. "We'll I guess I'd better get going. Being late wont help with whatever the day has in store for me." I grimaced slightly at the thought of how my day was likely to play out.

"Just you be that strong young woman you've shown me over the last couple of days and everything will be fine, kiddo" Charlie told me with a proud look on his face and I hoped rather than believed he was right. "And if for some reason it gets to be too much, I won't be mad if you feel you have to leave early." He added, and I was flooded with gratitude and affection for him. He knew it was going to be a tough day for me, and while he also knew there wasn't much he could do to help me at school, he was trying to give me options if I needed them.

"Thanks, Dad. But I'm sure it'll be fine. Or, well, probably not fine but at least not so bad I won't be able to cope." I gave him a kiss on top of his head as I passed him on my way to the door and he coughed a little uncomfortably.

"Yes, we'l, the option's there if you need it, anyway. Take it easy, Bells. Are you calling Jake after school about the bikes, or going down to La Push to see Him?"

"Not sure to be honest." I replied, one hand on the door, "I guess I'll see how the day goes, and how I feel at the time. Bye Dad. Have a good day."

"You too, kid" I heard as I closed the door behind me, and I jumped into my truck and headed off to face whatever the day held.

Driving my truck into the school parking lot erased any hopes I might have been foolish enough to allow myself, as every single head turned to watch me pull in and park. Everyone, from the least popular freshman, to the most popular senior, who was, for some unexplained reason Lauren Mallory, was standing around in small groups, casting the occasional glance my way every so often. Everyone except Angela Weber and Ben Cheney, who were walking over to me with friendly smiles on their faces.

"Hi Bella. Glad to see you back, how are you feeling?" Angela asked as she got to me, giving me a big hug "Don't worry, Ben and I have your back. You're not alone. Smile and don't let them see they're bothering you" she whispered to me before she pulled back.

I smiled a little, relieved. However bad things got today, I ha at least two good friends who wouldn't let me face it all alone. "I'm feeling a lot better, thanks " I said squeezing her hand and catching Ben's eye to give him a grateful smile too.

"Well you're certainly looking better than you did on Thursday, no offense." Ben said to me as we all turned and headed for the main entrance, ignoring completely the whispering kids still standing around in the parking lot. I laughed a little.

"Yeah. And smelling a bit better too, I bet." I joked. I wanted to make it clear they didn't need to walk on eggshells around me.

"I wasn't going to mention that, but yeah. Definitely." Angela teased and I jabbed her lightly in the ribs with my elbow. After opening the door for us, Ben took up a station on my right, as Angela linked her arm with mine on the left. "I know you're not much into the touchy freely thing" she explained as we walked to home room, "but a united front looks so much better to anyone who might be watching." I offered up silent thanks to anyone who might be listening for giving me such good friends and we all sat down together in the the back of the room, with Angela and Ben still flanking me.

"Ang and I have compared our class schedules and between us you've got friendly company in all your classes all week except for gym and math." Ben confided to me in a quiet tone as the other kids began to file in to the room. "I don't think your math class will be too much trouble, as the only one in there you'll really have to worry about is Jessica and she wasn't exactly in the front of the line when they were handing out brains. But gym might be a problem. You've got both Lauren and Mike in that class with you, as you know, and they're both pretty determined to make your life difficult."

"Well bearing in mind that I thought I'd be in for hell in pretty much every class, dealing with them in just gym class should be a breeze." I said, trying to sound nonchalant. Judging by the worried expressions on my friends' faces, I failed.

"Bella, you're going to have to watch yourself with those two. Lauren's always had a problem with you and she's grabbing the opportunity to kick you when you're down with both hands, and I don't know what really went down between you and Mrs Newton, but whatever it was, Mike's sticking to his mom's version of the incident, and telling anyone who'll listen all about the numerous times you've tried to get into his pants." Angela warned me seriously. I quickly gave her and Ben a condensed version of the fight at Newtons and Ben and Angela both looked disgusted.

"That woman has always been a money grabbing parasite." Ben spat under his breath, "and she's always been the first to spout any far fetched gossip when given the chance. But this really does take the cake." He looked absolutely livid. "I'm sorry to be the one to tell you, Bella, but there's also a lot of rumours going around about you sleeping around in Phoenix, and moving here due to a pregnancy scare. As well as a lot of stories about you being a drug addict." He looked sympathetic. "Ang and I don't believe a word of it, in case you wondered, but even if it was all true, you've never been anything but nice to both of us, and we're not ones to judge people by their pasts, only by how they treat us." My eyes welled up a little at his heartfelt kind words, and I reached out to squeezed each of their hands.

"You're good friends, both of you. Thank you." I said "There's no truth to any of it, by the way. Charlie would've caught me out the first time I got high and put a stop to that, and as for the pregnancy thing... I'm still a virgin, for fuck's sake. I'm pretty sure that makes any of the rest if it impossible." I gave. Bitter little laugh. "Mind you, short of a publicly screened pelvic exam, I'm pretty sure none of them are going to believe that for a second. Ben gave a snort of cynical laughter, which drew the teacher's attention, and we fell quiet for the rest if the class.

When the bell went, I headed off alone to my math class, refusing Ben's kind offer of walking me there as I didn't want him to be in trouble for being late to his own class. As I walked through the hallways I moved in a weird bubble of silence. The kids in front of me would whisper and giggle, shooting glances at me and then grow silent and staring as I passed. Then, once I'd gotten by them, they'd start up their gossiping again. I was grateful to arrive at my math class for the first time in my life. My heart sank though as I entered the classroom to discover the only free seat was next to Jessica. Steeling myself, I lifted my chin and strode over to the empty seat, sitting down and offering Jessica a pleasant smile.

"Morning, Jess. Had a good weekend?" I asked her, earning a wide open mouth and blank stare as she tried to work out what to say.

"Erm yeah. It was ok, thanks. How about you? Anything interesting happen?" She asked, clearly fishing for more gossip to add to her already oversized haul.

"Nothing much really." I lied, opening up my books. "Just hung with my dad and his friends on the Rez, did some cooking and housework, and caught up on my sleep. I'd been having real problems with insomnia for quite a while, and it finally seems to be letting up on me. Just as well; from what Charlie tells me, I've been something of a zombie for the last few months from lack of sleep." I managed to keep the blush from my face as I spoke, trying to imagine the conversation as a hand of poker; I was bluffing to try to get the chance to work out what was in her hand. "And if she doesn't believe me, or pass that on as a reason for my recent behaviour, I wasn't speaking quietly, so one of the nosy asses siting around us here might pass it on themselves." I thought, silently congratulating myself on my clever manoeuvre.

"So is that why you've been sleeping around so much?" She asked, seeming to genuinely believe what she was asking. "Trying to exhaust yourself into sleeping properly?" I almost felt sorry for her. Almost. She was actually so stupid that she completely believed the bunch of lies she'd been spoon fed. Funnily enough, I felt no malice coming from her at all. She didn't seem to my old my supposed behaviour against me, she was just desperate to know, to be the first with the information. I began to wonder if this wasn't the real reason behind Jessica's hunger for gossip. Unlike most of the others, she wasn't doing it to be hurtful, or out of malicious glee, she was just clever enough to know that she was as thick as the grease on a McDonalds burger, and was desperate to be the first to know any gossip so that she could use her information to disguise her stupidity.

"No, Jess." I answered with more gentleness than I would've had before my epiphany. "I haven't been sleeping with anyone." I decided to sacrifice my own pride a little to get my point across. "You saw what I've looked like the last few months; the bags under my eyes, the greasy hair, the weight loss, the smell." We both winced at the memory. "You really think anyone would want to sleep with that?" I asked her and she looked thoughtful.

"But then why would Mike's mom say all that stuff?" She wondered.

"Because I caught her out being a bitch and quit my job, so she needed to cover her ass. Making up some shit about me was an effective way of doing that." I explained just as the teacher started up the lesson, and I let her spend the rest of the hour running it through her mind.

Angela was waiting for me outside the classroom to walk with me to our English class, so I was saved the lonely walk through the hallways a second time.

"How did it go with Jessica?" She asked as we walked, ignoring the whispering that surrounded us.

"Not as bad as I'd expected." I answered, and I filled her in on what was said, and my theory behind Jessica's gossip habit.

"You might actually be right on that one." Angela mused. "But I'm afraid the same can't be said for pretty much everyone else. It's all about malice and enjoying other people's misfortune with most of them."

"Yeah I know." I sighed. "It's just nice to know there's at least one person who's not being mean deliberately." I added, and we sat down and pulled our books out. We continued talking quietly, me telling Angela about my motorcycles and my plan to get Jacob to help me with them, until the teacher arrived to start the class. I never thought I'd be grateful for Mr Berty's dry old fashioned teaching style, but right now I was glad he wasn't one for opening up class discussions. The less time my class mates had to snipe at me, the better my day was likely to go. I pretended to follow along the reading of Moby Dick like everyone else, but instead I was thinking over that first dream scene from the night before. I was right. Being somewhat distanced from the events as I had been helped me make more sense out of it. I decided that Taha Aki had kept repeating "watch" in that slightly annoying way to reinforce the idea of observing and being separate from it all. The scene repeating itself, and the old man's talking of "then and now" made me think that the first scene, the one where not me had stabbed herself, was me re-hashing one of the legends I must've read in that book, whereas the second scene where I had just cut myself to distract Victoria was me telling myself that I didn't necessarily have to die to get her attention away from my father. That right feeling washed over me with each realisation, but I couldn't see how distracting Victoria but not letting her kill me would keep Charlie safe. Sure it'd be great if I didn't have to break his heart that way, and I'd prefer to take that route of course. If I could. "Which would be just fine if I only had someone there who was able to fight her off. Which I don't." I thought in frustration. I had the feeling I was missing something important, but I couldn't for he life of me see what.

Angela nudged me to get my attention when I didn't move along with everyone else when the class ended. I scrambled to my feet, apologising to her for zoning out, and a voice from behind me said

"What's the rush, Bella? Got some drugs to take between classes?" I turned around to see who had spoken. Great. One of Lauren's cronies. Everyone else stopped in their tracks to see how I would respond.

"Why? You Jonesing for a fix?" I asked, one eyebrow raised, and turned to link my arm with Angela's then walked out, head high, accompanied by the shocked laughter of my classmates.

"That was brilliant" Angela whispered to me as we headed to Spanish class. "Just keep that up, and they'll be either too impressed with your comebacks, or too scared of them to carry on bitching at you."

"I'll do my best, Ang." I said as we walked in to our next class.

Spanish was uneventful, luckily, and it being a double lesson, it took us right up to lunch. "Now for the big challenge." I thought to myself. "There's no way lunch will go without at least one person causing trouble."

Ben joined us in the lunch queue, and after giving Angela a quick kiss hello, he turned to me and said. "All anyone could talk about in my business class was how you verbally bitch slapped one of Lauren's little clones when she started on you. Nicely done, Bella." I grinned at him, grabbing a sandwich and an apple for myself.

"Well thanks. I don't know why it is, but the last couple of days, exactly the right words come to me when I need them, instead of me getting flustered and tearful like I used to. I can't honestly say I don't like it." They both grinned back, and we sat down at a free table together. I was only a few bites into my sandwich, when Lauren stalked over to our table and stood glaring at me. The lunch hall fell quiet as everyone prepared themselves for an entertaining show.

Decided to give up on the anorexia then Bella? Or are you just planning to go the bulimia route instead?" She asked snidely, and loudly, gesturing to my lunch.

"No, I'll leave the self induced vomiting to you, Lauren." I answered. "Actually, I see your fingers look a little sore from catching them on your teeth when you shove them down your throat, I said, pointing at the first two fingers on her right hand that bore tell tale signs of her doing just that. "I've got some ointment in my bag that might help, if you want?" I offered sweetly, giving her a false smile. Her face paled, then reddened, an ugly scowl crossing her brow.

"Whatever, Whore. Just because you worked your way through all the guys at this school, and all the men on the Rez, don't try coming on to me like that, you std riddled dike. Even if I had any interest in girls, I wouldn't have anything to do with you." She looked triumphant as a number of her friends giggled and gave each other lame high fives at her bitchy comment. My smile just grew wider.

"'Whore' indicates that I take money, goods or services for sleeping with people, Lauren. Not my style at all, though I know a few people that might do that." I gave her a sudden innocently interested expression. "Hey, Lauren, who paid for your boob job?" She gasped and clutched her hands protectively to her breasts as a few laughs started around the room. "Whoever it was must've paid bargain basket prices. I've never seen such a wonky job." The laughter increased, Ben and Angela joining in openly. "You must not be very good in bed, if all you got paid for it was a Wallmart brand boob job." Even a few of Lauren's clones giggled a little at that, before she turned and silenced them with a glare.

"Jealous that I've got something decent on top, while you've barely got a handful, Swan?" Lauren sneered, eyeing my admittedly kind of flat chest.

"Not at all. It's clear to anyone that mine are all natural, whereas even if the wonky job your McSurgeon did wasn't screaming 'bad boob job' to anyone with eyes in their head, the first time you get on a plane, they're bound to explode with the cabin pressure at high altitudes." Ben let out a massive snort of laughter at this, joined by most of the guys in the hall.

"Ha! That's where you're wrong." Lauren crowed "They didn't explode when I flew to Aspen over Christmas." The roars of laughter from all around the hall at her unintentional admission of having fake tits alerted her to what she had just said. She looked absolutely livid. "You nasty, disease ridden, dike whore." She spat with venom. "Don't try to deflect attention from yourself. You walk around here like you're better than everyone else. Just cos you were able to sucker one of the Cullens into spending his time, and money on you. Well you're not. Everyone knows about you now. Everyone knows how you've sold yourself to everyone that could pay, and given yourself away for free to most of the Rez when they couldn't pay." I hid the flinch of pain I felt in my chest from her insinuations about Him as she looked around triumphantly.

"Make up your mind, Lauren. Am I a dike, or am I sleeping with anyone with a dick?" I hurried on before she could do more than open her mouth to answer. "If I'm a whore, perhaps we could ask anyone in the room who's used my services, the services of a 'disease ridden whore', to raise their hands?" Everyone looked around the hall, baring myself, Angela and Ben, who all stared stonily at Lauren. "No? No takers? Guess I'm innocent of that charge then. Maybe it's cos I'm such a big lesbian. Maybe the numerous girls I've slept with would raise their hands?" Again everyone except myself and my friends looked about for raised hands. "No joy there either. Guess I can't be a 'dike' either. Now there's no-one here from the Rez, so I guess I can't prove that one's not true either, but Lauren, why is it only the guys from the Rez who wouldn't be able to pay? Isn't that more than a tiny bit racist?" I noticed several kids in the hall begin to realise the same thing, and more than one look of disgust was now being sent Lauren's way. "Calling me 'dike' rather than just saying 'gay' or 'lesbian' was a pretty big giveaway too. Who knew you were such a bigot?" I gave her a stern, disapproving look. "So I think I'm better than everyone cos I was dating E..Edward?" I forced myself to say his name, barely hesitating over it, and clenched my fists around the pain.

I took a steadying breath and continued. "What's really got you mad, Lauren? That I dated him? Or that he wouldn't date you?" Angela laughed outright at this point, and I turned and smiled at her. Turning back to Lauren, I let the smile drop and my face became set. Angry and determined.

"Here's how it's going to be, Lauren. And I suggest you listen closely, because this is your only warning. You will not spread any more lies about me, or my dad, or about anyone I care about. If I hear of one rumour that can be traced back to you, if I find out that you've been passing notes in class about me, if you write anything about me online, I will not only sue you for slander and libel, I will also press criminal charges for defamation of character. Lucky for me that's a criminal offense here in Washington. Especially if the lies spread are in regards to diseases, such as sexually transmitted diseases, or relate to a woman's chastity. Old fashioned, I know, but the law's the law. And with my dad being the Chief of police, you think I'd find it too hard to make the charges stick? No. Neither do I." Her face grew paler and paler with each word. "Now" I said, shooing her away with my hands like a troublesome fly, "you and your lopsided sweater bumps get out of my face. My friends and I are trying to eat our lunch." Turning my back on her, I sat down and picked up my sandwich, completely ignoring Lauren's indignant spluttering and the laughter and scattered applause coming from around the lunch hall. I focused only on my sandwich for several more minutes, still fighting against the pain and panicked breathing that was threatening to overtake me after saying His name out loud. Angela touched my arm gently, and I glanced up to see her looking at me in concern.

"Bella. We've sat here for long enough to prove your 'unconcern'" she whispered. "Do you want to go outside for a bit to calm yourself down?" I looked around, noticing that everyone had gone back to chatting amongst themselves.

"If you guys don't mind, then yeah. Please." I answered, and straight away they both stood along with me, and seemingly casually linked with an arm each. Then, with my friends steadying me to disguise my wobbly knees, and carefully held back panicked breathing, we made our way out o the side door of the dining hall, and around the corner where I instantly dropped to the ground, gasping for breath with absent lungs.

It took me the rest of the lunch hour to pull myself back together, Ben and Angela quietly coaching me to get my breathing back under control. I resisted their attempts to get me to go home for the rest of the day though. I refused to let the likes of Lauren or Mike chase me out of school. When the bell rang, I was sufficiently recovered that I hauled myself to my feet, and allowed Angela to walk with me to biology class. She sat beside me, rather than in her usual spot, because her lab partner was off sick. A fact I was very grateful for since Mike sat behind me in this class with Tyler. As I sat down I heard him whisper to his friend

"Here comes the molester. Keep your hands over your junk if you want to keep it safe." I sighed heavily, he last thing I wanted after my showdown with Lauren was more confrontation, but I wasn't about to let him continue spreading his and his mother's malicious shit. I turned in my seat.

"Mike. You and I both know that your mother's story is a pack of vicious lies with more holes than a shower head. I'm sure that you know what I told Lauren at lunch?" He nodded warily, so I continued. "Well the same goes for you. In fact I'll add to it. Lauren has never liked me, and never made a secret of it, so I can understand a certain amount of animosity from her. But you? You pretended to be a friend. We talked together at school, and worked together for nearly a year. You tried to get me to agree to date you more times than I can count. But now, because you're a weak, spineless little twerp who does whatever mommy says, you're setting out to ruin me and through me, my dad, just because I had the nerve to tell your mommy a few home truths? Pathetic. You do not talk to me. You do not breathe near me. If we are forced to sit near each other in class, you will pretend I don't exist, and I will do the same with you. Other than that, you get the same warning Lauren did. And I suggest you pass it on to your mommy. Don't think for a second that just because she's an adult, I won't have the nerve to press the same charges against her. That would be a bad mistake for you both. And that's the last thing you'll ever hear me say to you." I turned back round, and began chatting cheerfully with Angela as if I'd never seen or even heard of Mike, Spineless Wonder, Newton.


	15. Meditation & Motorcycles

Whilst Angela had computer science, the last class of the day for Ben and I was history, and as I had completed my homework the night before, and the teacher was just re-capping what I'd already covered in the assignment, I was able to spend my time sitting quietly and pretending to pay completely attention, whist I was, in fact spending the hour trying to quiet my racing brain.

After the showdown with Lauren, and then my little speech to Mike, I had some hope that the gossip situation might come to an early close. At school at least. Indeed, when I walked into the history classroom, several of my classmates made a point of saying a friendly "Hello" to Ben and I. I glanced at him and we both rolled our eyes at the fickle nature of high school kids. Only a few hours before I had been lower than the shit on their shoes, and now all of a sudden, I was worth stopping a conversation to greet. I sat in silence as the class debated the pros and cons of prohibition, holding my own private debate instead. The subject in my mind was whether to take to bikes down to Jacob after school, or just call him to see if he could help. The bikes were still in the back of my truck, covered by a tarp to protect them from the weather, so it would be a simple matter to just drive on over to La Push once school let out, but I was mentally and emotionally exhausted. I needed, no... I desperately needed to calm my mind and find some balance again. "Like I did on the beach yesterday." I reminded myself. "Why not combine the two? Head down to First Beach, find that peace I found yesterday, then once I'm calm and relaxed, go on to see Jacob about the bikes." It seemed like a sensible plan. I no longer had to work on Monday afternoons, and Charlie wouldn't mind getting a pizza in instead of me cooking, I was sure. Decision made, I dragged my attention back to the room just in time to find everyone packing their books back away. Saying goodbye and thank you to Ben and Angela in the parking lot, I climbed into my truck and left a message at the station for Charlie, telling him where I was going, then set off for the beach.

The wind had let up during the night, but the rain was coming down in torrents and I was a little anxious as I approached my little hollow about whether or not it would be dry enough inside to sit comfortably. I needn't have worried. The overhanging roots seemed to do an excellent job of keeping the weather out, and the small drift of sand was as dry as it had been the day before. I flopped down into the soft pile and wriggled my ass into it until I was once again in a comfortable sandy armchair, then closed my eyes and focused on the sound of the waves coming in and out. In and out.

In.

Out.

In.

Out.

Quicker than it had happened before, my body loosened and relaxed, and my mind floated away, drifting back and forth with the rhythm of the waves. I let go of the confrontations at school, the stress of trying to figure out my dreams so they would stop, and every other conscious thought and simply let everything flow freely as it pleased.

In.

Out.

In.

Out.

A thought lazily drifted in about how to handle Billy and Charlie's trying to set me up with Jacob. I really liked the guy, but not in that way, however I knew he did have a little thing for me. I'd taken advantage of it unfairly when I was looking for information to answer the Cullen puzzle, and now I was going to have to do some damage control. Perhaps just laying things on the line straight away would be the key. Make it clear I could use all the friends I could get right now, but that's all I could use. It seemed like the best way, the fairest way to handle things. The thought wandered away again and I didn't chase it.

I wondered briefly if I'd ever be ready to date again, and unbidden an image of Sam, shirtless, his eight pack and well defined pecks on view popped into my mind. If I ever was ready to try dating, he would be about the only guy I would consider. He'd been the only one to catch my attention since He left, I'd been taken by surprise by my interest, but it was there nonetheless. Not that I would be able to allow anything serious with him; Like it or not, and whatever my dreams suggested about not having to die, Victoria would be coming back for her revenge, and it would be cruel to allow Sam to develop any long term sort of feelings for me, only to hurt him by losing me when she killed me. A ripple of amusement coated my mind; How arrogant I was to assume that he would be interested in me just because I myself had felt a slight attraction to him. An image of myself in the mirror the morning that I pulled myself out of my pit crossed my thoughts and my amusement turned grim. No. He wouldn't find that attractive, so it was foolish to think on it any longer. I sent the idea skittering away on the tide and again floated outside of any thought.

The next thing to find its way to the front of my mind was that frustrating feeling of missing something important about the Victoria dream. On so many occasions during my analysis of my dreams, I had filed things away in the 'haven't a clue pile' and I knew I'd be getting no rest until I started digging through that pile and getting a clue. I knew I was missing something. Something about the extinct wolf shape shifters, and that if I could just work it out not only would the dreams stop, but I might have given myself a way out of death-by-Victoria. I resolved to give it more serious thought. Something I had already learned, even if only subconsciously was the key, I just had to keep poking through all I knew until I hit upon the right fact to finish the puzzle.

I let myself drift again, hoping for an answer to float through my brain, though I knew trying to force it in this state of mind was counter-productive. No. I should let it come naturally if it wanted too.

In.

Out.

In.

Out.

I was aware, in the tiny alert part of my mind, that time was getting away from me once more, so I slowly began deliberately pulling my conscious thought forward again. The relaxed calm stayed with me though, making me feel more rested than I had in months. It was clear that this dozing, this meditation I supposed it could be called, was doing me good. Both mentally and emotionally I felt so much better than I had just two days ago, and the well rested feeling must surely be doing my body some good too. If only because it was helping to restore a more normal appetite. Bit by bit I came back from my relaxed state, until I was once again fully aware of everything around me. Judging by the slightly darkening sky, I had been in my hollow for at least a couple of hours. If I didn't want to worry anyone about my whereabouts, I should head over to the Black's house sooner rather than later. Pulling my hood over my head against the rain, I pushed through the roots and out of my hollow and walked as quickly as I could, without tripping over my own feet, back to Billy and Jacob's house where I had parked up as usual.

Knocking at the door, I was slightly taken aback by Jake opening it mid bang. "Ok, there's no way he's grown a couple of inches in three days." I told myself. "I must've just mis-judged it before." I gave it a little more thought. Jake, Sam, Jared. They certainly made them big on the Rez. Either they had some amazingly good genetics, or they really were taking some kind of steroid, and I couldn't see Sam doing that, or Jared or Jake, for that matter. And Billy would never let that shit slide. Shrugging away the thought, I smiled up (and up) at Jacob and gesturing over my shoulder at the truck I said

"Hey! hows it going? Can I borrow you for a moment, Jake?. I've got someone to show you and then a proposition to make." I winced at my choice of words as I saw his expression light up in expectation. If I was to make it clear where we both stood in regards to our relationship, that was exactly the sort of comment I should avoid.

"Sure sure, Bells. What you got for me then?" He said, squeezing past me on the small porch, and heading down the steps to look in the truck.

"It's under the tarp." I pointed out. "I was wondering if you could take a look and tell mew if there's any hope for them, or if I should just drive them to the scrap yard now and forget about it." Intrigued now, he pulled the tarp to see what I was talking about.

"Hey. A pair of rusty pieces of shit. You do bring me the loveliest things, Bells." He turned, grinning at me. "So you want me to see if they can be saved? You do realise that even if they can be, and I'm not at all sure it's possible, it's going to cost a fair bit?"

"Yeah I know. I was hoping that if we raided all the scrap yards in the area, we might be able to find the parts and keep the costs down. In payment for your work, I was going to offer you your choice of the two finished products." I told him, attempting to sound persuasive without straying even a pinky toe over the line into flirting.

"Right. Well then lets get them into the workshop to had a proper look." He said, bending to haul one of them up.

"Careful, Jake." I warned him "They're really he..." I was going to tell him how heavy the machines were, but before I could even finish, he'd picked one up, without any effort it seemed, and lowered it over the edge of the truck.

"We're not all tiny little wimpy rungs lie you, bells." He laughed, winking at me to remove any sting from his jibe. "They're so stripped down, they're not that heavy really. He added, passing the second bike over the back of my truck, and jumping down behind it.

Together we pushed the motorcycles out of the rain and into his workshop, him with apparent ease, and me with a lot of grunting, cursing, and slipping in the mud. Once we were under cover, Jake threw me an almost clean old towel to dry off a little and started looking over the bikes while I rubbed at my face and hair, trying to get the worst of the rain and mud off myself before I caught a cold. Before long it was clear he was in his own world, muttering things about "gaskets and HT leads", and a number of other things I didn't understand either. I sat myself quietly in a corner, still feeling nicely relaxed from my time on the beach, and content to just wait and watch til he remembered I was there. After about twenty more minutes, during which Jake had picked up a notebook and started making copious notes, he finally snapped back into the real world and seemed to remember my presence.

"Shit. Sorry, Bells. I was totally gone for a while there, huh?" I gave a little laugh.

"Yep. But it's ok, it was interesting to watch you figuring your way through things. Can you put me out of my misery though? Are they worth fixing?" I asked hopefully.

"It'll take maybe a couple hundred, but yeah I think I can get them both up and running again. Does Charlie know about this, or are we keeping it on the down low?" He asked, obviously not at all bothered either way. "Boys. They're all the same. A bit of the forbidden makes everything more fun." I mentally rolled my eyes.

"It's ok. I talked to him about them on Saturday. He said that as long as I get someone to teach me to ride properly, and keep my promise never to ride mine on the road, then it's ok with him." I then went on. "Charlie thinks it would be a good idea for me to learn a bit about how to keep it running, in case I ever need to make emergency repairs, so if you don't mind, I'd be coming down a fair bit to watch you work and pick up what I can?" I hoped he'd be ok with it, as after a bit of thought, I'd decided Charlie actually had a point on this one.

"Sure sure. That's no problem." Jake replied, then turned to give me a shy kind of smile. "I'd really enjoy spending some time with you anyway." I gave a tight, polite smile back. "Crap. Here it is. He came to the point much quicker than I thought he would." I marshalled my words carefully, I had to say this exactly right so that I didn't lose a friend, but also so the point was very clear.

"I'd enjoy spending time with you too. Not having any siblings of my own, I've always considered you my baby brother, and now we're older, it'll be nice to be friends as well as siblings." I said to him, carefully choosing my words. "There. Shot him down nice and quick, and hopefully painlessly too. I've not only friend zoned him, I've sibling zoned him too. There's no coming back from that." I looked over to make sure I'd not upset him too much. He looked a little disappointed, but not too torn up, so I hoped I'd handle things right.

"Yeah. Well I've got a couple of sisters already, but I could always use more friends." He said "But you do know I was kinda hoping..." I cut him off before he could say any more, not wanting to add embarrassing him on top of upsetting and disappointing him.

"Charlie and Billy seemed to want to set us up, but don't worry, Jake, I set Charlie right. I told him that I was no where near ready to even think about dating again, and that even when or if I ever am ready, that you and I are just friends and don't see each other in a romantic way at all." Jacob's face fell a little further, but he quickly took the out I'd offered him.

"Thanks, Bells. The last thing we need is the dads on our cases, trying to force us together. Just good friends. Best friends even, but that's it?" There was a hint of a question at the end of his sentence there, and I answered him firmly.

"Best of friends. And that's all." I offered him a fist to bump, and he forced a smile and did so. I hid how much my knuckles hurt afterwards. The boy was very strong. Jake cleared his throat and change the subject.

"So I'll make some calls about these parts." He tapped the notebook still in his hand "Work out the cost and, if its not too rich for your blood, I'll arrange to collect whatever we need, or to have it sent here. That sound ok?" I grinned at him.

"It sounds perfect, thanks Jake. I really appreciate this." I looked over at the sorry looking pair of bikes. "How long do you reckon it will take?" He stared at the ceiling, mouth moving slightly as he made some calculations.

"Three weeks, maybe four? I don't think it would take much longer than that, anyway." He sounded sure of himself and I wondered to myself if I'd be ready to give riding a try by then, or if I'd still consider it too much of a change. I guessed I'd have to wait and see.

"Sounds great, Jake." I said with a smile. "I'd better be heading back home before Charlie start wondering where I've got to though. Are we still on for poker night with your friends on Friday night?" I asked. "Quill and Embry, wasn't it?" He gave me a big grin.

"Yeah we are." He said. "I'm looking forward to watching you fleece those two. They're both far too full of themselves. Last time, when Quill won all my money, he walked around as pleased with himself as a dog with two dicks for weeks afterwards. He was unbearable. It's time he got what's coming to him." I laughed along with him.

"Awesome. I'm really looking forward to it. Just remember, don't warn either of them. I'll lose a little on purpose to start with, then turn the tables on them. It'll be fun." He smirked at the thought. I didn't feel too guilty about tricking them; it was only a nickel and dime game after all, so I wouldn't be bankrupting them, but from what Jake had told me about them, Quil at least was a cocky little ass, and taking him down a peg or too might be entertaining. I gave Jake a hug goodbye and went back out to my truck, leaving him in the workshop, still adding things to his notebook.


	16. Routines & Real Friends

Slowly, over the next few weeks, I began to build myself a rough routine; Wake, shower, dress, breakfast, school, La Push, home, and bed. I was careful not to be too rigid with keeping to it - it would do me no good to have forced myself out of one regimented lifestyle, only to fall into another, albeit more healthy one.

So I was happy to vary my routine if necessary - if Charlie wanted to spend some time with me, or if Angela and/or Ben offered to hang out one evening - but for the most part anyone who cared enough to be interested, would have a pretty good idea where I could be found at any given time.

On school days, I'd get myself up, before Charlie if I could to save us both from his breakfasts, and head off to school, where I'd split my time between talking with Ben and Angela, ignoring Mike, (who clearly wasn't intelligent enough to understand the concept of pretending someone didn't exist, if his pointed comments whenever I was in hearing range about how "Some people might assume that a girl who spent all her free time with a group of large, toned boys on the Rez, was spreading her legs for them all, not that he thought so, but some people might." were anything to go by) avoiding Lauren (who, having had her usual bullying outlet of vicious gossip-mongering cut off, had embarked on a campaign of "accidental" locker shoulder checks, toe crushings, and book bag whackings) and sometimes some actual studying.

After school I'd alternate between spending a little time in my hollow before heading over to the Black's place, going to the diner on the beach to hang out with Jacob, Quil, and Embry before heading over to the Black's place, and spending some time volunteering at the tribe's drop-in centre, where I might find myself doing anything from looking after the young children whose parents worked late, or cooking for the Rez's "Meals on Wheels" project, to tutoring kids from the Rez high school who needed extra help... before heading over to the Black's place.

My time in my little hollow was always peaceful and calming, and I began to find that the peace I acchieved lasted longer and longer into the following days. By experimenting at night, after waking from my nightmares and then again later each night from my other dreams, I discovered that I could find a similar peace through imagining the sounds of the waves and matching my breathing to the rhythm, allowing myself to completely relax and mentally float away, but while it was similar, it wasn't quite the same quality of calm and relaxation I would find on the beach, so I continued to visit my spot when I could.

My time hanging with Jake, Quil, and Embry was relaxing in a different way. They had such a joy for life about them, such an energy, that I couldn't help but feel swept up along with them, and my smiles, which since I crawled out of my pit had almost always been small and reserved, began to feel more natural on my face, and would break out more freely and often. Getting to know them on that first poker night had been a revelation to me of how friends could be as close as brothers and, after riding out about half an hour of Quil's indignation at being schooled and fleeced by a girl, I was proud that he had accepted me as a member of the group as close to him as either of the other two. Embry had accepted me with open arms after the first hand I flattened him with, his more calm, quiet manner was a relaxing balm to the inner turmoil I had been feeling. They had both been so sceptical when Jake walked me in to his kitchen that night, where the other two boys were already sitting, loudly mocking each other about who was going to be leaving with all the money.

"Guys, I've brought us a fourth to play, we can finally get a proper game going." Jake said, wandering in ahead of me, I was completely hidden behind him, his giant form totally obscuring their view of my much smaller one.

"Cool." Came a voice from the left of the table, "Always nice to have fresh meat. As long as he doesn't bitch to much when I take all his money, he's more than welcome."

"When who takes his money" this voice was quieter, but filled with amusement at the other boy's bravado. "I think you'll find, if you think back carefully, that I've taken a hell of a lot more money off you in the past than the other way round." I smiled at the friendly banter and peered around Jake to catch a glimpse of his friends.

"This is Bella, guys. Try not to be quite as weird as you normally are. We wouldn't want to scare her off now, would we? Bella, this is Quil" He pointed at the loud one, "and Embry." He jerked his head towards the quieter boy. Giving them each a shove, Jake sat down at the table with them, and I stepped over to pull out my own chair.

"Hi guys." I gave a little wave. "I hope you don't mind me joining your game. I've only ever played against Jake or my dad, so I thought doing a proper poker night might be fun." I said truthfully, not adding the fact that I always wiped the floor with both of them.

"Erm. Hi Bella. Nice to meet you." Said Embry politely, sending Jake a questioning glance.

"Yeah hi there." Said Quil with a slightly leering smile. "So nice to meet you. I'm Quil Ateara. But you remember me, right?" I looked at him, confused, and turned to Jake for assistance, but before Jake could speak, Quil snapped his fingers and said "Oh no, thats right; we've only met in my dreams." Jake and Embry rolled their eyes and snorted at his over the top flirting and I blushed, not knowing quite how to react.

"Erm. Ok. Well" I had no idea what to say. Luckily, Embry rescued me.

"Don't mind him, Bella. He swallowed about five pounds of cheese when he was little, and it's been coming out ever since in the form of god-awful pick up lines." I giggle a little and started to relax. Quil gave Embry's shoulder a rough shove, then turned to Jake.

"Dude. A girl? I thought we were going to get a proper game going. Now we'll spend half the night explaining over and over that a flush beats a straight. No offense" he added hurriedly, turning back to me. I waved him off.

"None taken. It's ok. I know the rules. I'll try not to bather you with questions all night." Out the corner of my eye I could see Jake bating the inside of his mouth, trying desperately not to laugh.

"So shall we play? Or just spend the evening talking about it?" He asked his friends, and we all dug out our change while Embry shuffled and began to deal. I methodically lost hand after hand, raising when I should fold, and folding when I should re-raise and after an hour or so, not only was I down to my last few coins, but I had faded into the background as far as Jake's friends were concerned. They chatted amongst themselves as if I wasntr even there and I was free to watch each of them and learn their tells. Embry would tap his left heel repeatedly when he was excited, and blink too much when bluffing. Quil rubbed the tip of his thumb against the tips of his fore and middle fingers on his left hand when bluffing, and checked his cards too often when he thought he had a good hand. I don't need to watch Jake; I already knew that he bit the inside of his mouth when he had a decent hand, and rubbed the back of his neck when bluffing. Finally I got the hand I'd been waiting for; a pair of jacks. Not the best I could hope for, but enough to work with. I sighed.

"Guess I've got no choice but to play this hand." I said, sounding resigned. "I won't have enough for the ante on the next one. Embry smiled sympathetically and just called, jake, knowing what I was up to, wisely folded, but Quil shot me a crafty grin and said. "Sorry, Bella. Maybe I should be chivalrous and just fold, but this hands too good to waste, and I bet Embry on the way over that I'd clean out whoever Jake brought to join us. Nothing personal. I will just call instead of raising though." He added, after getting stern glares from the other two. I looked at his left hand. Rub rub rub. I shrugged and gave a sad nod. Jake dealt the flop. A six, a nine, and a jack, all unsuited. I checked, and Embry followed suit, but Quil raised, forcing me all in. With all our cards face up on the table (my pair of jacks, Embry's queen and jack of hearts, and Quil's seven and ten of clubs - I knew he had nothing good) Jake dealt the last two cards a three of spades and a four of diamonds. I smiled and pulled the pot over in front of me. "Finally. I won a hand! I gave a little fake squeal of excitement and saw Jake cover his smile with one hand.

"Well done, Bella. You live on for another hand." Embry said, and Quil gave me a little grin.

"I'll get you next time." He jokingly shook his fist at me, and Embry took over the deal. I started to play properly, raking in pot after pot after pot, til it was just Quil and I left. He was down to just a few coins, while in front of me was a veritable mountain of change. I had a nothing hand. A pair of threes, with nothing of use in the flop. I judged that Quil had at least a pair of tens, maybe the start of a straight, but I was raising him hard, and when the turn card was dealt, I made a bet that would put him all in. He chickened out and folded. He only had enough left for one last hand, and Embry dealt. I got a pair of kings, but I just checked, faking a bad hand. Quil saw his chance and tried to bluff big, like he had a pair of aces. I just checked when I could, and called him at his every raise and let him go all in, trying to force me to fold. When he saw my hand he was livid, knowing I'd played him. Of course it didn't help his mood anyway when the final card dealt was another king, giving me three of a kind, when he still had a handful of nothing. He sulked for the next half hour, while Jake and Embry laughed at his childishness, and I was a little worried I'd alienated one of Jakes friends, but once he'd finished sulking, Quil gave me a little grin and said.

"Guess that's what I get for assuming girls can't play poker, eh?" I laughed and told him

"Don't feel too bad, Quil. Neither Jake nor my dad have ever beaten me, and Billy refuses point blank to play with me after Jake and Charlie told him about how I play." Quil's answering grin turned a little evil.

"Sometime, we should take you to play the Elders. They hold a pretty big game once a month. You could make us all rich" he gave a 'Bond bad guy/Dr Evil' kind of laugh, and rubbed his hands melodramatically and we all burst out laughing.

It had been a fun night, and I'd made two new, good friends.

Jake, Quil, Embry, and I made an arrangement to play every Friday night, though the boys all begged that we only play for change once a month and stick to matches or bottle tops the rest of the time. I didn't mind. I wasn't playing to make money, just to enjoy the company of my new friends. The last Friday though, Embry hadn't shown up. Apparently he'd been off school, sick for a few days, and neither I nor the others had heard from him. I hoped he was ok.

My time at the drop-in centre often found me bumping into Sam. Apparently he'd been volunteering there for years, and I really enjoyed working with him. Banging elbows with him in the kitchen as we cooked meals for the older members of the tribe who struggled to look after themselves, watching him play dress-up with the really little kids while I refereed a pool tournament between the older ones, and sitting opposite him at a table while each of us talked high school kids through whatever homework assignments they were struggling with. My noticing Sam's attractiveness before, had crossed into a little crush on the guy, and I was strangely ok with that. As the days went by, I was gradually beginning to let go of Him, not just in my head, but also with my heart, and as the pain slowly faded, bit by bit, so my crush on Sam grew. I knew I didn't stand a chance at dating him; he was always kind and friendly, and often joked with me, but I wasn't going to let myself read anything into it. I might've been looking a lot healthier, having put some weight back on, gotten rid of most of the bags under my eyes, and having spent a lot of time outdoors, which made my skin look more like skin and less like tracing paper, but I wasn't stupid enough to imagine myself in his league, and so I very carefully didn't allow myself to imagine he might ever be interested in me in any way other that as a friend.

The only sour point to my time in La Push was the issues Jake, Quil and Embry had with Sam, Jared, and their friend Paul. My friends really didn't like them, calling them hall monitors gone mad, and insinuating that Sam was running a gang on the Rez. I didn't understand what their problem with Sam or Jared was. Both of them were great guys, and whenever I spent time with either or both of them, I really enjoyed myself, but Jake, Quil and embry either couldn't or wouldn't see in them what I saw.

Them disliking Paul, I could kind of understand though. One time at the drop-in centre, I was stuck with tutoring him. He was a truly strange guy. I could feel the anger and resentment rolling off him, but whenever he lost his cool, and opened his mouth to (I assume) curse at me, he seemed to end up lost for words, his mouth opening and closing with just a choked, almost strangled noise coming from him, as the anger in his eyes increased and his hands even shook with fury. I guessed that a lot of his anger came from his struggles in school. I could tell he wasn't stupid, but he had real problems with his reading, his writing was dreadful, and his spelling worse. I ended up picking up some literature about dyslexia for him from the councillor at my school, but I was a bit nervous to give it to him. Maybe I'd give it to Sam and ask him to pass it on. I was fairly certain that was where Paul's difficulties lay, and with the right support, there was no reason why he shouldn't do just as well as any of his class mates.

After the drop-in centre, or the diner, or spending time alone in my hollow, my time over at the Black's was spent watching Jake fix the bikes, and also cooking for Jake, Billy, Charlie and myself. With me spending so much time on the Rez, Charlie had taken to joining me at Billy's for dinner as a group. It worked out well for all of us; I still got to cook and spend time with Charlie, he got to hang out with his best friend, and all three guys got to eat healthy, home-cooked, tasty meals instead of constant take out and TV dinners. Everyone was happy.

The bikes were almost ready though, and I had to decide before much longer if I thought I was ready to make a bigger change and go from 'quiet and cautious Bella' to a Bella who takes a risk every now and then.

Ever since the rogue bear had been seen by the surviving hiker, there had been numerous sightings reported, though no more missing hikers. Charlie said that with a dangerous bear on the loose, people had stopped going out into the forest, and that it would be that way until the bear was found and destroyed. Whatever the reason for it, his workload at the station was once again back to normal for a town the size of Forks, so we were able to enjoy more time together, particularly on the weekends. As much as I wasn't really interested in fishing, I would still go with him one day each weekend, and take along my homework. We would sit together, side by side on the banks of he river, often in a companionable silence as he fished and I studied, juggling my books, pens, notebooks, and the large umbrella I always took to protect myself and my homework from the ever present rain. At Charlie's insistence, we never went far from the road on our fishing trips, always remaining in sight of my truck in case of the rogue bear making an appearance. Perhaps it was this nearness to passing traffic that caused the feeling of being watched that I sometimes got. I should say feelings of being watched as there were two distinct impressions; One was completely benign, the sort of feeling I might get on a train, noticing another passenger looking at me for want of anything else to stare at, whereas the second feeling was much more uncomfortable. There was a sort of uncomfortable itch to it, a danger, which would set me on edge whenever I felt it, and leave me rolling my shoulders, trying to alleviate the tension. I only mentioned it once to Charlie, as the one time I did, he immediately packed us up, cutting short our outing, and quickly getting us back into the truck and on the way home. I guessed he figured it might've been the bear prowling about, as he certainly looked pretty tense himself.

The other day of my weekend would be spent catching up with the week's laundry, finishing up my homework, and making a run to the Rez grocery store. After the gossip incident at the supermarket in Forks, Charlie point blank refused to spend another penny there, preferring the higher prices, longer drive, and more limited choice of the Rez store. I knew that before long I'd have to make a run to the larger supermarket in Port Angeles to stock up on things I just couldn't get at the Rez store, but I wasn't going to complain; he was showing his support of me in a very clear way to the gossips. Sending them a message that said "Don't mess with my daughter".

When Charlie had questioned the bruises on my arms from locker checks, and I'd told him what was going on, he had asked me if I wanted him to make a complaint to the principal about Lauren's new tactics and I'd asked him not to. She wasn't able to do much more than she already was without getting herself in a lot of trouble, and petty though it might've been, I really wanted to give her enough rope to hang herself. Sooner or later she'd go too far, and despite always being the one on the receiving end at the moment, I was looking forward to seeing her get what she had coming.

And so this was how my life carried on, until the last Sunday in February, which is when one phone call was the the beginning of everything changing. Again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe a little too much detail on the poker game? Let me know; Quil's not the only one Bella will end up schooling over a pack of cards in this story, so I'd appreciate the feedback so that when I write the next poker game, I can make improvements if needed.


	17. Shocks & Sharing

Sam POV

Billy and I must've sat there, frozen in shock like a pair of ice sculptures for nearly a whole minute before the Chief finally broke the tableau by speaking again.

"Oh for God's sake, you two if you're not going to speak, then at least breathe would you? Billy might be easily portable for trips to the hospital, but I think it would take about three of me to carry Sam out to the truck." I let out a burst of surprised laughter, quickly joined by both Billy and the Chief, and the thick tension in the room eased a tiny bit. I still didn't know just how to start this conversation though, so I looked to Billy for help; the Chief was his friend, so maybe he would have a better idea of how to handle this than I did. Billy leaned forward a little in his wheelchair.

"So Charlie. How about we start with just how you know about the wolves?" He asked with a calm I'm pretty sure he didn't really feel. I certainly didn't.

"Ah. So there is more than one then." The chief said, pleased. "I was almost positive that Sam here was one, and I had my suspicions about Jared too. I assume he is the other?" I was impressed.

"So you didn't know. You just had a pretty good assumption?" I asked him. "What would've happened if you were wrong, and the rogue bear really was just that - a bear?"

"Well then you and Billy would've had a good laugh at my expense, and I'd have eventually bought both of your silences with the threat of no more of Bella's cooking." He gave us a smug look. It would've worked; Bella's cooking was too good to miss out on just to keep up a joke against the Chief. "If there's one thing I've learnt over my years as a police officer, it's how to get information out of people. Make them think you know more than you really do, and it's amazing just how much information they spill without realising their mistake." I was impressed. I might be a wolf, but the Chief was a wiley old fox.

"Ok then, Charlie. You might've gotten a certain amount out of us already, but this is too important for us to play games with you." Billy said seriously. "Sam and I are just going to sit here nice and quiet, and you can tell us just exactly what and, more importantly, how you know." I nodded at Billy, and we both sat back with our lips sealed, clearly indicating that we had no intention of speaking again til the chief spilled.

"Ok. Sounds fair." The Chief agreed. "I grew up hearing Billy telling me bits and pieces of the tribes legends when we were kids, I never took them seriously, and he knew it. I always just took them as campfire stories, made up to scare us kids, but with the increasing number of missing people in the last few weeks, and the bear sightings, I started to wonder a little.

At first I laughed at myself, told myself I was being a silly, gullible old man, but then I started noticing things. Things most people would've overlooked unless they'd had the police training I've had, combined with the stories from my childhood." He stood up and walked to Billy's fridge, pulling out three beers and offering one each to Billy and I. Opening his beer, he took a long swig, then continued with his story.

"The first thing I noticed was, of course, the sheer size of you, Sam. Not that it's unheard of for a guy of, what were you, seventeen?" I nodded. "Yeah, ok a guy of seventeen to have a growth spurt, but seriously, you were growing inches a week there for a while, as far as I could tell from the odd glance at you when we passed each other on the Rez or in town. I admit my first thought was that you were taking some sort of steroid, but short of catching you in possession in town, there wasn't much I could do; Iv'e got no authority on the Rez, as you know. A few weeks later, I began to notice how much time you were spending here at Billy's place, Sam." The Chief said, turning to look at me as he sat back down. "Even though you're much closer to Jake's age than Billy's you never came to hang out with the kid. He makes no secret of his dislike of you, no offense, so it was clear you were spending time with Billy. I couldn't work out why that would be, and when I noticed you were also spending a lot of time with Harry Clearwater, despite breaking up with his daughter, and also with old Quil, something began to stir in the back of my head. For some reason, the three Elders of the tribal council had a special interest in you, and when two of those Elders had a reason to dislike you - Billy because of his son's issues with you, and Harry because of his daughter's - and yet treated you as a friend and equal ... Well the nosy old police chief in me was fascinated."

I turned to stare at Billy with growing unease; if someone outside the tribe had reasoned this far, and then followed his line of reason to find the truth, how many others within the tribe might do the same? Billy looked as concerned as I was, but made a 'shushing' gesture with one hand. We should hear him out completely before we did anything else. The Chief was continuing on. "It was a long while before anything new caught my attention, and so the other things remained just an annoying niggle in the back of my head, popping up front every so often to bug me. The next thing was how you always wander around half naked." He smirked at me. "Now I don't care how proud you are of your muscles, running about all the time shirtless in winter in Washington ain't exactly subtle, son." I blushed. I knew that going around in just shorts was nothing to do with showing off my physique, but I could see how it would look to everyone else. "I'm guessing you just don't feel the cold at all" the Chief asked, and I shook my head. He smiled and carried on. "Ok, so you don't need to cover up, but you might want to give a little thought to putting on a shirt every now and then anyway, at least in town, to keep people from talking. Now after I'd noticed how you dressed, or didn't as the case may be, I started paying closer attention. Again it's been a while since I came up with anything new, but then there was yesterday." He settled back into his chair a little, placing one ankle on the other knee in an outward sign of relaxation. I didn't buy it. "He's just as tense as Billy and I. He's just refusing to show it." I thought.

"What do you mean, Chief?" I asked him, wondering what exactly about the day before had tipped the scales and brought him to his final conclusion.

"Really, son, you should call me Charlie. It seems to me that when a man knows you turn into a giant wolf every so often, you should be able to call him by his first name." I smiled.

"Ok, Charlie, thanks. But anyway, what about yesterday?"

"It was several things. First, I got the first good look at Jared that I've had in a while and he's just a tall, and shirtless as you. One could be an anomaly, two is suspicious, and adding Jake and the growth I've noticed in him lately, three makes a pattern, but I'm guessing we'll come back to that latter.

Second, you and Jared seemed to reacting to, and sometimes laughing at, things I couldn't hear. Yet you both reacted at the exact same time, like you'd heard something. My hearing's pretty good, so I figured if it was something I couldn't hear, then it was something no-one could hear. Yet you two did. It was interesting.

Third, the amount of food the two of you packed away, yet still looked like you could finish off what was left in the lasagne pan, along with whatever was left on my and Bella's plates, and still have room for desert.

Fourth was the way you and Jared sped out of my place just after I was called about the missing hikers, and the final thing was the fact that I set out just a couple of minutes after you, when you were 'headed off to do another quote on the Rez' yet just around the corner, I drove past your parked truck with neither of you anywhere to be seen. At the time, I was far too busy to do much more than file the fact away for later, but last night, after a few mad dreams, as my brain hooked all the facts I've learned together into a pretty picture, I came to the conclusion that maybe all those stories Billy used to tell me weren't quite as fictional as I'd always assumed, and maybe the Quileute tribe was the unknowing charge of at least one, and most probably two very large wolf protectors." He finished his tale and chugged the rest of his beer, looking between Billy and I to see our reaction. "Holy shit. He worked the whole thing out himself from circumstantial evidence, niggling feelings and 'a few mad dreams'. The man's brilliant. He's wasted on the force in a small town like Forks. He could've done wonders on big cases in Seattle." I was seriously impressed. Worried, but impressed. Was it just him, just the way his mind worked? Or had other started putting together the clues? Had he told anyone else? "Oh fuck me sideways with a chainsaw. Has he told Bella?"

"Alright then, Charlie." I started, feeling a little weird calling the Chief by his first name. "So you know that Jared and I are werewolves, you suspect that Jake might be too, and you understand that us wolves are here to protect the tribe." I summed up, taking my turn to o fetch us all a new beer apiece from the fridge. "What we need to know from you is simple. How much of the wolf stuff do you actually know and understand, who else you've told about it, and what you intend to do with the information." Billy nodded along, taking the beer I handed him as I sat back down. Charlie and I each opened our own.

"I guess I don't know much about the wolves at all really. Just that you exist, and that you protect the tribe." He answered, taking a swig of his new beer.

"So you know about the cold ones, the vampires, too then?" Billy asked him, surprised. Charlie shot beer out of his nose, choking and spluttering, and alarmed, I reached over and pounded him on the back to help him regain control.

"Vampires too? Shit. Ok, no I didn't know that bit. That's what you protect the tribe from? Is that what's been taking all the missing hikers and campers? Vampires?" Billy and I nodded gravely

"That's what our wolves are made for, Charlie. To kill vampires. They protect the tribe, and recently the town too, from the leeches, keeping them from killing and feeding in the area, chasing them off, or killing them outright." Billy told him with pride.

"Well damn. I never really put any thought into that part of your old stories, Billy. I remember you talking about the cold ones, but the word vampire never really came to mind. So these disappearances lately, are they the work of one single vampire, or several different ones?" He asked, his police hat back on for a moment. I chose to answer that one.

"We think its all down to just one. A red headed female who seems determined to either get into town, or onto the Rez for some reason. She says she's come for what she's owed." This thought made me growl under my breath "She'll get it too. Especially as, as far as I'm concerned, what she's owed is being ripped apart and burnt." Charlie grimaced at the violent image.

"Sorry Charlie" I said, "but that's the only way to make sure they stay dead. They have to be dismembered and burnt, or they can reassemble themselves, given enough time, and return to kill some more." He nodded reluctantly, understanding, but not liking what I had said. "We managed to chase the red head off again last night before she killed the second hiker, but I'm pretty sure she'll be back. She's very persistent, and we don't know what it is she's after." I scowled. "She's also amazingly good at getting out of trouble. We had her pretty much pinned down last night, but she still escaped." Billy interrupted me.

"All this is very interesting of course, but we still need to know, Charlie, who have you told? And what do you intend to do with your information?" Charlie looked surprised.

"I've told no-one." He said, and I breathed a sigh of relief, echoed by Billy. "For one, who would believe me? Anyone I told would assume I've cracked under the pressure if being the chief of police, and I'd soon be sending out invites for people to visit me in my lovely new white room, featuring deluxe padded walls." He gave a little chuckle. "As for what I intend to do, well... Nothing. Unless there's anything I can do to help out sometime, I don't think there's anything to do. Although I would like to ask one question, and maybe a favour?" He looked at me rather than Billy.

"I can't make any promises without knowing what it is, Charlie, but if its something I can do, without causing danger to the tribe or us wolves, then I'll try." I said.

"I wanted to know; just how close to town is this vampire getting?" I grimaced.

"Too close for my liking." I answered. The closest scent we've caught was less than a mile from the edge of town, but I've not worked out a pattern to her attacks." He quickly got up from his chair and said

"Hold on a minute. I'll be right back." He left the room and headed out to his truck. A moment later he was back, carrying a map of the area. He spread it out on the floor and we all crowded round it. Pulling out a marker pen from his pocket, he marked the last known locations of all those still missing, and then the place where the only other body to turn up had been found. Finally he marked the place we'd found and fought the red head the night before.

"May I?" I asked, holding out my hand for the pen. Charlie passed it to me and I went to work, marking each spot we'd encountered the leech ourselves, and then the spots where we'd come across her scent, explaining what each mark I was making related to. Finally I marked the Cullen mansion. Charlie gave a questioning look at that, but let it pass for the time being. I was relieved. I wasn't sure how well it would sit with him that his daughter had dated a vampire.

We all sat back and examined the map in shock. The bright red dots on the map formed a sort of corridor leading through the forest towards town. This wasn't a surprise really, but what was a surprise was that the corridor was leading in the general direction of Charlie and Bella's street. Charlie spoke first.

"I don't know if what she wants is in my street, or if she's just identified the street as a weak spot, and the easiest place to get into town without being spotted, as it is that street that runs closest to the forest edge, but hits makes the favour I was going to ask a little more urgent." He said, once again looking directly at me rather than Billy. "I don't like the thought of Bella home alone as much as she is with me working different shifts. Now she's not working anymore, she's even more likely to be at home by herself more often, and with this vampire heading directly towards our street, I'd like to ask if she can spend more time here on the Rez. I'd say its probably the safest place in the area right now, and I'd feel a hell of a lot better being out at work if I knew she was safe and not alone." I didn't even need to think about it.

"Of course." I said, quickly echoed by Billy. He continued

"Bella's never any trouble to have around, Charlie. She'll be more than welcome here whenever you can talk her into it. I'd guess your only problem will be getting her to agree. You know how stubborn she can be if she can't see a reason for what's being asked of her." They both smiled affectionately.

"I've already thought about that" Charlie said, his smile turning a bit calculating. "She picked up a couple of motorcycle wrecks yesterday. Not much more than a big pile of rusted crap in my opinion, but she asked me for permission to try and get them running again, but she's got no idea of who to ask." Billy began to grin himself, clearly catching Charlie's drift quicker than me.

"Well now, I'm sure Jake would be delighted to offer his help." Billy was all but rubbing his hands in glee, and I had a bad feeling that I knew what the two older men were planning. I was right.

"Yep, I thought as much." Charlie said with a smirk. "And who knows what else might develop while they're working. I'll suggest to her that she'd be sensible to learn a little about how to do basic repairs while Jake's working on them. That'll keep her here more often, and if they're in each others company that much ..." He tailed off. Insinuating that the outcome would be a foregone conclusion. My heart sank. Both fathers clearly believed that it would only take close proximity for Bella and Jacob to develop feelings for each other. They both knew both their own child and the other's well. Who was to say they wouldn't be proved right. I interrupted.

"So, Charlie. Earlier you were vying suspicions about Jake being one of us wolves. It wouldn't bother you, then, to have Bella involved with one of us?" I tried to keep my voice light. "La la la, just asking an innocent question, la la la, no ulterior motives or agendas here, la la la" I willed him not to notice how truly interested I was, for two very different reasons, in his answer. He didn't seem to read anything into my question, although Billy was casting me curious and slightly suspicious glances.

"Why would it bother me?" Charlie asked with genuine confusion. "You're all good guys, good men, and who would she ever be safer with?" Charlie really was an exceptional man. He'd discovered that werewolves really do exist, he'd learnt that we tear apart and burned other sentient creatures, even if they were blood-sucking killers, and he was so non-judgemental that he was genuinely confused as to why he might be concerned about his daughter becoming involved with one of said werewolves. Exceptional.

"Good point, Charlie." Was all I could say. If I succeeded in arguing against Jake, based on his mere potential wolfiness, I would only be shooting any case I might make for myself down in flames. Charlie looked at Billy.

"So is Jake...?" He broke off, not knowing how to word his question. But Billy got the gist.

"Not yet." He answered. But he's well on his way through the change. And once the change begins, there's no stopping it. Sam reckons Jake's got a few weeks yet though." Billy's voice held that mix of sadness and pride that I heard whenever we discussed Jakes change between us. I understood it completely. I felt it was important to give Charlie a warning.

"Once he does make the change, Charlie. It won't be safe for him to be around Bella for a while. Our tempers rule our phasing completely for a air while when we're new. And anger is never far below the surface. It would only take the tiniest thing to set him off, and as she doesn't know about us, we wouldn't be able to warn her out of he way in time. If he phased too close to her he could do some serious damage." Charlie was asking the warning seriously, and he considered for a moment.

"Maybe we can tell her that Jake's sick or something, then stall her as long a possible until he's in control?" He suggested. It seemed a workable plan. I hoped for Bella's sake we'd be able to pull it off. She'd already been abandoned once. Both by the boyfriend, and by the entire family. I hated the thought of taking someone else away from her. Especially when she wouldn't understand why.

That all decided, we sat back and Billy and I began to carefully pick through what Charlie might already know from the stories he'd heard as a kid, and what we felt he should know, taking care to avoid anything that we weren't sure he should know. We could always give him more information later, but we couldn't un-tell him something if we later decided it was a mistake to let him know that articular bit.

So for the next half hour, we answered questions as best we could, telling him about the pack structure, owning up about Paul's existence as a member, and letting him know about the enhancements our human forms were granted as part of the deal. When we finally reached the end of what we could tell him right away, he slapped his hands on his thighs and stood up. Shaking my hand, then Billy's, he thanked us for being so open and honest with him, and I walked with him to the door. Just as he was about to get into his cruiser he turned back to me and said.

"Oh. I almost forgot. When we were looking at the map?" I nodded

"Yeah? Did you forget to mark something, Charlie?"

"No" he replied. "I was wondering. Why did you mark the Cullens place?"

For the second time that evening, I froze.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok. Last time I did this to you I wasn't at all sorry; I found it rather amusing, especially as I knew I was switching povs in the following chapter.
> 
> This time I am a little sorry, but I promise that I'm not changing povs again, so you can find out how Charlie takes the news as soon as I update next.


	18. Promises & Paisley Dresses

Before I started speaking, I wondered how badly Charlie was likely to take this piece of news, and if the answer was "very", whether Bella would ever forgive me for blowing her secret for her.

"How much do you remember about the cold ones in the stories Billy used to tell you, Charlie?" I asked him, stalling for time as I tried to think of a way out of telling him just what the Cullens really were.

"Lets see ..." Charlie began, searching his memory. "I remember he described them as fast, unnaturally beautiful, icy cold, with hard skin like stone. I think that's all. But really, I don't see what this has to do with the Cull..." He broke off, it was his turn to stand frozen as he realised how the description of the cold ones matched up to his daughter's ex-boyfriend and his family. "No." He finally spoke again. "You're telling me that the Cullen family are vampires? The whole family?" I nodded grimly. "Did she know" he asked me, and I reluctantly nodded again.

"We're pretty sure she did. Billy tried to warn her away from them early on in the relationship, but she shot him down, saying it was her business, not his." I shrugged helplessly. "There wasn't anything else we could do without breaking the treaty, so we kept as close an eye on the situation as we could from a distance.

"Treaty?" He asked, "What treaty? Why would you have a treaty with a family of vampires? Did they hurt her? Was she in danger? Is she in danger?" The questions boiled out of him at such a rate I couldn't hope to keep up.

"Slow down, Charlie." I told him. "I'll try to answer all your questions, buts lets deal with them one at a time shall we?" I gathered my thoughts. "Ok, lets answer the most important ones first. No, they didn't hurt her as far as we know. Well apart from the number her ex did on her when they left, that is." We both grimaced. "Yes, she probably was in danger, no matter how alternative a lifestyle the family led. Accidents happen, and mistakes can be made, however careful people try to be." I held up my hand as he began to ask the obvious question, stopping him from speaking.

"Hold on, Charlie, I'll come back to that one in a moment, lets answer the first few questions first. I continued on "No, I don't think she's in any danger now. They did a thorough job of packing up and leaving no trace or clues as to where they've gone. I don't think they'll be back this way for several generations. Now as to why we had a treaty with them ... They first came to this area 70 Years ago, and the doctor, their leader, met with Billy's grandfather, Ephraim Black. The leeches explained that they weren't like the others of their kind; they hunted animals, drinking from their blood, instead of humans, and claimed that it made them less violent, and more able to assimilate themselves into human society. Ephraim made an agreement with them that as long as they never bit a human, and kept of the tribal lands, the Quileute tribe wouldn't expose their secret, and the wolves wouldn't hunt them down." Charlie looked confused.

"But how could you tell that they weren't killing humans? They'd hardly do it where you could see them, or leave the evidence lying around, if it would break the treaty."

"We'd be able to tell by the colour of their eyes." I explained. "Leeches that drink human blood have red eyes, the animal diet caused the Cullens' eyes to turn that weird gold colour." He nodded in understanding.

"So that's why none of the Elders would visit the hospital where Carlisle worked." He mused. "All this time I was arguing with Billy over his 'unreasonable prejudice' against the family, and it turns out he had a perfectly good reason for keeping away from them." He rubbed his hand over his face, looking troubled. "What was Bella thinking? She knew what they were, but still went merrily on her way, putting herself into danger every day with them." Personally I agreed, but I couldn't bring myself to condemn her any more than her own actions already had.

"I think she was just a girl in love for the first time, Charlie. You know as well as I do that there's not much thinking goes on when love is in the equation" he nodded ruefully

"Yes, and she's always been so stubborn that once she had decided she was in love with him, she wouldn't have let anything stand in her way." He agreed, and I felt a little admiration for her strong mindedness, as well as a little hope for my own cause; if she had been willing to risk her own life to remain in a committed relationship with a leech, surely she might consider a little casual dating with a werewolf? Charlie's face firmed, "Even if that's the case, I'm going to have to have words with my daughter. To have put herself in that danger, to have no thought towards her own safety, to have lied to me over and over? I knew there was more going on that she was telling me. I just thought she had more respect for me than to keep such important things from me." He looked so sad and disappointed.

"Charlie you can't say anything." I warned him urgently. "How would you tell her you found out? If you say anything to her about the Cullens, she'll never believe you suddenly just realised it yourself out of the blue." I could see he knew I was right. I suspected he was just sounding off, trying to let some of his anger and disappointment out while he could. "Besides," I continued "how could she have told you? There's no way you would've believed her, and I'd be willing to bet she was sworn to secrecy. I may not know her that well, and certainly not as well as you do, but I don't get the impression she's the sort of person who breaks promises. Promises like not telling secrets. Promises like the one I'm going to have to ask you to make about our secret." His shoulders sagged.

"Yeah I know." He said, sounding a little defeated. "And I know it had to have eaten at her every time she was forced to lie to me. She hates lying. Especially to those she loves." He sounded proud of her, and I could understand why.

"So we're agreed then?" I asked. "You won't say anything?"

"We're agreed, I promise. " He said, then a sly grin crept over his face. "But I reserve the right to tear a strip off her about lying to me and putting herself in danger if she ever finds out about you wolves by herself. I'll ground her for the rest of her life." He chuckled. "Even if she's fifty when she finds out." I laughed along with him.

Charlie got into his cruiser and left for home, and I went back inside to see Billy.

"He's a crafty one." Was the first thing Billy said when I walked in. I gave him a confused look, and he chuckled a little. "You think he'd really forgotten to ask you about the Cullens til he was just about to leave? Not Charlie. He knew damn well that I would've helped you duck around the question and avoid answering, so he waited til he had us separated and then asked. Like I said; crafty." I had to agree. Charlie Swan was sharper than a bag full of scalpels.

I didn't see anything of Bella for a while, but I knew she'd been on the Rez after school each day. I often caught her wonderful scent as I walked along the beach, most often it was coming from that little hollow I'd found her in before. But sometimes I caught it coming from the diner on the beach, mixed in with Jake's and a couple of others. I knew from talking with Billy that she was spending time with Jake, mending the bikes she'd picked up, just as we'd planned, and that she'd also been spending a lot of time hanging with a couple of friends of Jake's - Quil Ateara and Embry Call. I was glad she was spending so much time in La Push without being forced into it, and I made a suggestion to Billy that he could mention the drop-in centre to her, and see if she'd be willing to volunteer there every once in a while as another excuse to get her to the Rez. The fact that I was often there volunteering myself had nothing to do with my suggestion. At all. Absolutely nothing whatsoever.

The first time we bumped into each other at the drop-in centre turned out not quite how I might've planned it.

I was minding some little kids for the afternoon. A lot of members of the tribe worked hours that didn't exactly fit in around the local school or nursery, and so, rather than having to pay out huge chunks of their pay on child minders, they would have them brought straight from their school to the drop-in centre to play until they finished work. On this particular day we were playing dress-up. The little ones were having a fantastic time, pulling an old paisley dress over my head, tugging on it til it nearly ripped as they tried to force my too wide shoulders to fit. I was stuck, with my arms trapped over my head, half in and half out of the sleeves, and my head and face still completely covered, and running around after the kids, their delighted screams leading my way, when I suddenly ran straight into something bigger. Someone bigger. Someone bigger who smelled amazing. "Seriously. Bella shows up now? Could this be any more embarrassing?" I thought despairingly, as I pulled my head through the dress finally, and looked down to see her thoroughly amused expression. It had been just over a week since I last saw her and I was surprised at the improvement a few short days had made. Her skin looked fresher and healthier, the bags under her eyes were almost gone, and her face, and I expected her body -though it was impossible to tell under yet another of Charlie's shirts - had filled out a little, making her look less skeletal. She was definitely improving.

"Oh. Hello, Miss...?" She joked, holding out her hand to make the introduction, and making the little ones giggle.

"Miss Newton, Dianne Newton's younger and much more attractive sister-in-law" I supplied with a straight face and her eyes sparkled with repressed laughter.

"So pleased to meet you." She said. "I came over to see what all the yelling was about. I'm refereeing a pool tournament in the other room for the older kids, and we're just between games at the moment."

"Ah, I see" I replied. "We'll try to keep it down to a dull roar in here then. The kids all giggled again, breaking out into their own roaring noises, and stalking each other around the room like lions, dress-up forgotten.

From that day, we were often at the centre at the same time. Either cooking together for "Meals on Wheels" or looking after the kids, or running the tutoring program. She came down every third day, except on the weekends and I was pleased to be able to get to know her a little better. My wolf on the other hand was just thrilled to be around her. I often had to restrain myself from burying my face in my hair and filling my lungs with her scent, as the wolf strained at the reins I had holding him back. I had tried flirting with her gently, knowing she wasn't ready yet for anything more, but she was either oblivious to it, or she realised what I was doing and was letting me down as gently as she could. I would've been concerned that she was ignoring my flirting because she had the beginnings of something going with Jake, but both Billy and Charlie had mentioned in passing how she had responded to the idea of the two of them getting together. She wasn't at all interested, and had been sensible enough to make it very clear to all parties concerned to avoid awkwardness and hurt feelings.

Bella didn't come to the Rez on the weekends though, so, to reassure Charlie, I agreed that one of the pack would keep an eye out for her at these times. On one day of the weekend, she made a point of going fishing with him. It was clear that she had little to no interest in be actual fishing - she would always bring a book to read, or some homework to do - but it was equally clear that she simply wanted to spend some time alone with her dad. Despite there being no new leech scents in the area since we chased the redhead off the hiker, I still advised Charlie to remain close to where he parked while they went fishing. He knew one of us would be watching them, and, if an emergency arose, we would be able to hold the leech back while he and Bella escaped to their vehicle and drove off.

Paul voiced his disgust at being what he referred to as 'Princess Bella's royal guard dogs' on several occasions. In a way he was right; we were responsible for protecting the whole tribe, and, since the Cullens left, forks too. Yet one of us would spend hours watching over just two people. But as far as I was concerned we owed Charlie. He had worked out our secret, and had not only promised not to tell anyone, even his own daughter, but had offered any help he might be able to provide, at any time we needed it. Paul in particular had needed it. Twice in the last three weeks, he had gotten into fights with some kids from Forks. And twice Charlie had 'made the arrest' himself, so that the paperwork could be 'lost in the system' and Paul's official police record remained clean.

Charlie understood the problems that we faced due to our tempers, and he seemed to understand Paul's personality quite well too. After chatting with Paul for a while, the second time he 'arrested' him, and understanding that a lot of his anger came from frustration, mainly frustration from failing at school no matter how hard he tried, Charlie had suggested to Paul that he go to the drop-in centre and make use of the tutoring facilities, failing to mention that Bella was one of the tutors. Despite his fury at having to be taught by 'the leech lover', and his extreme annoyance that my Alpha order forced any disrespect he might've wanted to throw in her face to remain closed inside his mouth, choking him on the words, Paul's schoolwork was improving a little, and as his schoolwork improved, so too did his temper.

It was the third weekend since Charlie confronted Billy and I about what he knew, that Jared finally caught a new scent trail from the red headed leech. Worryingly, it had started out heading down the corridor that Charlie, Billy and I had noticed when looking at the map, then suddenly veered off heading directly towards where Charlie and Bella were fishing. I had been the one watching them fish that day, and Jared had just been doing a routine patrol sweep around our territory when he picked up the trail.

"Leech trail, Boss. Heading straight down that path you showed Paul and I." Jared warned me. I knew I should've been more insistent about getting Paul to quit calling me Boss. Jared had fallen into the habit all too easily, and now did it without thinking when he was in wolf form.

"Fresh, or old?" I asked.

"Fresh. About an hour."

"Follow it, but don't engage. I'll start heading to you and we'll tackle the bitch together." I told him, getting to my feet and beginning to carefully slink back into the cover of the deeper forest so I wouldn't be noticed by Bella who was reading under an umbrella next to Charlie.

"Will do, Boss. She's going straight as an arrow towards town. She'll come out of the forest on Charlie's street if she keeps heading straight... No wait. The trail turns here. She veered off, going almost due west." I pictured the map in my mind, trying to work out where she might be going, and was alarmed to realise she was heading right for the spot where Charlie and Bella were currently sitting. It was weird. The only thing I could figure was that maybe Bella's scent was drawing her this way, looking for a tasty snack. I had discussed Bella's scent with Jared a few times, trying to work out why it had my wolf behaving like a cat after a bag of catnip. Jared confirmed that he found her scent pleasant himself, though it didn't have his wolf sitting up and begging like it did mine. Maybe her scent was just unusually pleasant to us supernatural types, and that what had distracted the red head from whatever she was after in town.

"Fuck. She's heading right to me. Cut the corner and get your furry ass over here ASAP. Keep it quiet and stealthy once you get close though, I'll lay low and we'll try to trap her between us." I ordered, slinking around behind Charlie and Bella, keeping my eyes peeled for the leech. I finally saw her sitting in a tree a few hundred yards away from the Swans, watching them intently.

"Shit. She's down wind from me. She almost certainly knows I'm here." I told Jared, letting him see the image I could see of her perched in her tree. "We won't be able to take her by surprise. The best we can do is chase her off again this time." I said, keeping my growls of frustration silent. I saw Bella roll her shoulders, looking around her as if she knew someone was watching her with malicious intent. She rubbed her arms a few times, flexing her neck back and forth.

"Dad, can you see or hear anyone else around here?" I heard her ask. "Only I feel like I'm being watched. She was perceptive. Maybe even more so than Charlie if that were possible. After all, it was her, not him that realised they were being watched. Charlie stiffened, his head shooting up and turning this way and that, looking for whoever might be watching them.

"No Bells. I don't hear or see anyone." He answered with false calm. He began reeling in his line and packing up his gear. "But if you feel uncomfortable, then we'll head back early today." He stood, reaching out to pull Bella to her feet to, and hurried them off towards her truck, ignoring her protesting.

"Shit." A quiet, musical, almost child-like voice said from the tree, and now that Charlie and Bella were climbing into the truck, I began working my way quietly towards the leech. She might've been able to smell me, but I had no intention of letting her see me until I was close enough to make a grab for her. I made sure to keep myself positioned in between the leech and the truck which was now beginning to pull out of its parking spot. The leech looked undecided. She seemed to weighing up her options; attacking a pair of humans when she knew there was a wolf right there somewhere, or forgetting about her snack and heading back to town and whatever it was that was drawing her there.

"I'm here, Boss. I'm coming up behind her, about a hundred yards away from her now." Jared showed me what he was seeing - the back of the leech as she dropped down from her tree.

"Ok, Jared. Good job. Get as close as you can, as quietly as you can, and I'll do the same." I told him. "I don't think we'll get her this time, but it's worth trying, and if we miss her, we can still chase her off."

"On it." Jared answered, and we moved in unison, getting closer and closer, til we were each only twenty yards or so from the bitch. She gave a little smirk.

"I know you're there, wolf. I could smell your stench a mile off in pouring rain, with a stick of decongestant shoved up each nostril." Her childish voice chimed.

"Not too clever at the witty banter this one, is she?" Jared said, waiting patiently for my signal.

"No. But we can't have everything, mustn't be greedy." I said and Jared sent me a mental smirk. On my signal, we both launched ourselves at her.

She had been expecting my attack and was ready for it, dodging to one side and kicking out at me as I leapt just fractions of an inch past her. Her foot connected solidly with my ribs and I felt at least two of them crack under the assault, forcing a small whine from me.

What she hadn't been expecting was Jared's simultaneous attack from the rear, and she barely escaped having her head torn from her shoulders, somehow rolling her upper body out of danger. Once again, her uncanny ability to escape had left her alive against the odds, but this time she hadn't gotten away scott free. Jared had managed to get his teeth around her hand, and when she tore it free, she left her left pinky and ring finger behind in his mouth. He spat them to the ground, where they wriggled about in the leaf mould, their ghastly white a stark contrast to the surrounding brown and green. The leech stared down at her fingers, then up to the two of us as we stalked forwards, growling. With a frustrated snarl, she spun and sped away, back away from town now, and we followed in hot pursuit.

"Where's Paul?" I asked Jared, hoping he was somewhere either nearby, where he could join the chase, or better yet up ahead so he could head her off.

"Not sure." Was the reply, "I think he might've had plans to go to Port Angeles today though." Jared added hopefully. I stopped for a moment to let out a loud howl, calling Paul's attention if he was in earshot.

"If he is in Port Angeles he won't have heard that, but it looks like we're heading in that general direction, so I'll call every 10 miles or so til he does hear us." I told Jared. "Hopefully we've got someone in front of her without her realising it." I caught back up with Jared and we continued to race after the redhead, me stopping every 10 miles to let out a loud howl, until I finally felt Paul phase in just as we approached the outskirts of the city.

"What's up, Boss?" He asked the moment he was in wolf form. "I just booked it out of the movie theatre. Its a miracle I heard you over all the gunfire." Jared and I quickly filled him in, and he was instantly on the alert, ready to join the action. "Excellent." He said with a mental evil grin. "I'll lurk around on the edge of the forest just outside the city, and you herd he straight to me. Then we can finally end the bitch." I quickly thought his plan through.

"Ok Paul, but whatever you do, don't let her catch sight or scent of you, or she'll veer off and be in the sea before we can get to her." I warned him.

"Got it, Boss" he answered and we saw in his mind as he carefully tucked himself under a couple of fallen branches, hidden from view. Unless the wind shifted, she never know he was there til he sprang out at her.

Jared's and I pushed our speed even harder, driving the leech into our trap.

"We'll be right in front of you in about two minutes, Paul. Get ready." I warned him grimly. Finally we were going to see the last of this troublesome bitch. Up ahead, she faltered a little, slowing for just a few strides, then suddenly veering off at a right angle to her previous path. She was heading for the ocean, and Jared's and I were just too far behind to cut her off and herd her where we wanted her.

"What the FUCK?!" Paul, Jared's and I said in unison. There was no way she could've seen Paul, and the wind hadn't shifted to carry his scent to her; Jared and I would've caught the scent too had that been the case. Paul tore out of his hiding place, racing after her just a few paces in front of Jared's and I. But it was too late. Reaching the cliff edge, she didn't hesitate for a second as she threw herself over the edge and into the ocean. Game over. Leeches held the advantage in the water, and there was no way we'd catch her now. The three of us skidded to a halt on the edge of the cliff, the speed of our claws digging into the ground sending a spray of grit, leaves and dirt over to be picked up and blown away by the sharp cliff wind. Standing side by side, panting, sending huge clouds of steamy breath into the air to be swept off by the wind too, the three of us watched the fiery red of her hair as it trailed on the surface of the water, the leech cutting through the waves faster than a shark.

"How did she know?" I wondered aloud. "Without sight or scent of you, Paul, she still knew to veer off and head for the water." The other two were equally baffled. There was something odd about this particular bloodsucker. It seemed that however tight we pulled the noose, she still managed to wriggle free and escape us.

"You know, Boss, once Jacob phases we'll be in a better position." Jared reasoned. "Not only will we have one more of us to tighten any trap we catch her in, but we'll have the element of surprise. She'll be expecting three of us, then we can spring the fourth one from whatever direction she chooses to run." It was a good plan, and I hoped it would work. Much as I regretted the inevitability of Jacob joining us in this difficult life, I would be glad of the extra set of paws. And when he chose to take over as Alpha, I'd be glad of the rest from the responsibility.

"Or maybe she'll just give up now. We've never managed to rip any bits off her before. Maybe that's what will make her give up on whatever she's after." Jared suggested, not that even he believed he was right. Whatever this leech wanted, we all knew she wouldn't quit til either she got it, or we got her.

"We'll we can but hope, I guess." I said. "Speaking of ripping bits off her. When we get back, one of you needs to go back and find those fingers and burn them, before someone finds them." I told them, shuddering at the thought of them still wriggling around on the forest floor, looking for their owner.

We watched until the redhead disappeared from view, then turned as one and ran for home again, each caught up in our own thoughts. Mine were still mired in plans for when Jacob made his first phase. Every little detail was jumbling together in my brain, from how to handle and calm him when he first became a wolf, to how to handle keeping Bella away from him till it was safe. From explaining to him that he was the rightful Alpha, to the best tactics for using him in the pack to get the redhead bitch, and everything in between. My roiling thoughts were setting Paul and Jared's teeth on edge.

"Shit, Boss. Any chance you could give it a rest? My poor tiny brain can't handle that many thoughts at once." Paul complained. "To be honest, I don't see how you can think all of that and keep all four legs moving in the correct sequence all at once." Paul's light hearted bitching lifted the tense atmosphere surrounding the three of us a little and Jared's gave a snort of laughter, his tongue lolling from his mouth in a wolfy sort of smile as he ran. As it turned out, all my planning about Jacob's first phase became academic. A new wolf joined our lives as we approached the outskirts of Forks. We felt the phase, and all three of us skidded to a halt. But it wasn't Jacob's voice that echoed in our heads.

"What the actual FUCK?" The new voice said, just this side of complete panic. "What's happening? Where did my hands go. Where the fuck did my hands go?" Whoever it was, they were fast approaching a total breakdown of control, and I quickly spoke up.

"Calm yourself. It's ok. You're ok. We're here to help."

"Who the fuck are you? Where the fuck are you?" The new voice asked, and we could see what he saw as he spun wildly, turning his head this way and that, trying to find where my voice was coming from and making us all dizzy.

"I'm Sam Uley. Stop looking around for me; you won't see me, I'm several miles from you with Jared's Cameron and Paul Lahote. Look" I showed him our location, and turned to look at first Jared's and then Paul so he could see we were wolves like him.

"Can you stay still where you are and look slowly around so we can see your location?" I asked as quietly as possible, trying to infect him with my calm. It worked. He stilled, and slowly panned his head around, showing us the backs of several houses, then a distant glimpse of a boatyard.

"The west of La Push, near Paul's house." Jared's spoke up, and we turned in that direction.

"We're coming. Stay calm and quiet, and if you can do so without attracting attention, try to get into the woods there out of sight." I told him. "Sorry. I almost forgot. Who are you?"

"Embry Call." The new voice answered.


	19. Dates and Death

Stephenie Meyer owns the Twilight Saga. I own twitchy fingers that enjoy writing for no profit.  
________________________________________  
Chapter 19: Dates and Death  
The staff at the clinic woke me every hour and re-checked my vitals, with me getting crankier and crankier every time. I'm not sure when he arrived, but the first time they shook me awake, Charlie was sitting next to my bed.  
"Dad?" I was feeling very groggy, and most of me wanted to just go straight back to sleep, but a small part of me knew I needed to reassure him that I was ok. I looked at him around the nurse who was taking my blood pressure. "Guess I need to work on actually steering the bike next time, huh?" I joked feebly.  
"Next time?" Charlie asked with a mixture of amusement and anger on his face. "I'm tempted to tell you that the bike can just rust away where it fell, and you're already talking about next time?" I was fighting against my eyes closing once again.  
"Too tired to fight right now." I told him. "Later." I drifted back off  
"Sure, kid. Later it is." I heard him reply as sleep pulled me under once more. Th next time I was woken Jake had replaced Charlie by my bed, and he was glaring daggers at someone by the door. I painfully turned my head to see who was there, and was unsurprised to find it was Sam, leaning casually against the wall and completely ignoring the daggers Jake was sending his way with his eyes. I turned my head slowly back, wincing as the nurse shone her little flashlight into each eye in turn.  
"Jake." I called, dragging his attention away from Sam. "Is my bike ok?" He rolled his eyes.  
"I don't know, Bells, I was kinda more concerned about you and the dent you made in your head than the bike." Sam snorted from his place by the door, and Jake continued. "You should've seen yourself. Your eyes were all wonky and you were talking complete shit." He grinned a little. "If that's how you are when you're concussed, I shudder to think what you might be like drunk." I opened my mouth to protest, but the nurse interrupted me.  
"She needs her rest, boys. Best to let her sleep now. We're going to have to keep waking her every hour as it is." Sam pushed himself off the wall and walked over to my bed.  
"I'm glad to see you're doing a little better. You get some rest and I'll come see you tomorrow, if that's ok?" I nodded at him sleepily and he left, leaving Jake to say his own goodbye.  
"Looks like you'll be out of here by the afternoon if you get the all clear from the doc in the morning." He told me. "Charlie's gonna stay with you tonight - he's switched shifts with one of his deputies and is planning on working tomorrow instead - so I guess I'll head home now. I'm taking your truck, and I'll bring it back tomorrow afternoon, to pick you up and bring you home, ok?" I was already falling back asleep, and mumbled a barely audible  
"Ok" back. I was just aware of him leaving the room, and Charlie coming back in before I was gone again. At each awakening during the night, Charlie was right there, in the uncomfortable looking plastic chair by my bed. One time, he was sleeping, his head resting against my feet, but every other time, he was watching over me, anxiously looking to the nurse to confirm that I was ok for another hour.  
It was an incredibly long and frustrating night. Every single hour, on the hour, I was woken by a nurse, asked stupid questions about the date, my name, and where I was - questions which I was positive that even a person who'd had no head injury at all would struggle to answer sensibly after being deprived of sleep so efficiently - was poked and prodded, and had a light shone in my eyes, and then, just when I'd settled back down to sleep, the whole process would repeat again. By the time the doctor came around at nine the next morning, I was a cranky, frustrated, bewildered mess. Poor Charlie wasn't much better, and, as he had to go into the station to work that afternoon, I had urged him to go home and get a few hours sleep before he had to start his shift. The doctor had declared me out of any danger of slipping into a coma in my sleep, and confirmed that I could be discharged that afternoon, so, once Charlie had headed off to get some sleep, I lay back down to do the same, finally, blissfully undisturbed.  
The dream felt like it began instantly. Like it had been pressing to jump forward all night, unable to actually flower in my brain due to my constant waking. Now I was soundly asleep, it roared into the forefront, shouting for my attention.  
Taha Aki actually appeared relieved an impatient when the scene started. For the first time, he grabbed my upper arm and turned me towards what he wanted to see.  
"Watch." It was his usual, stunningly witty turn of phrase, but more demanding, urgent even.  
"Okay, okay, I'm watching" I grumbled, still, even now I was actually asleep, grumpy from my disturbed night. As I watched, Victoria attacked the village, just like she always did, only this time I was watching the beginning of the attack, as she raced into the village, speeding between the buildings so fast that I barely caught sight of her at all, sometimes only seeing her blaze of red hair flying behind her. No matter how fast she moved, amidst the screams and death, that fiery red would always catch my eye, like she was carrying a flaming torch everywhere she went. Nothing more happened in my dream this time. I didn't have to once again witness me/not me either stab myself in the heart or slash at my own chest. I didn't watch Taha Aki turn into a wolf and attack Victoria, it was just a constant loop of flashes of flame red hair flitting from place to place in the village, leaving a trail of death and destruction in her wake.  
After what seemed like hours of the same horror, Taha Aki finally relented, letting go of my arm, and turning to me with a more gentle expression.  
"Rest now." He told me as the background faded away into black nothingness, and I accepted the command gratefully, feeling the alertness I usually felt in those dreams fading along with the background. Withe the last of my awareness before I drifted into more mundane, restful sleep, a thought popped into my mind. "When exactly did I start thinking of Taha Aki as a separate entity, and not just another character my subconscious mind created to get the message across to my conscious mind?" It was too late to contemplate it; my mind slipped away, and real sleep flowed over me like an avalanche.  
I was woken at about one by Sam coming in with my lunch.  
"Hey there, Bella. How're you doing now?" He asked, setting the tray down on the little hospital table by my bed. "I just intercepted the nurse bringing this in for you."  
"A little better, just tired." I sat up, blearily wiping the hair back from my face with an internal grimace "Awesome. I'm sure I look just great right now." As the smell of the food reached me, my stomach began making alarmingly loud noises, unsurprisingly, I guessed, bearing in mind I'd not eaten anything since breakfast the day before. As I blushed he chuckled.  
"Well that answers my next question; I was going to ask if you were hungry." My blush grew deeper.  
"Well I guess I could manage something." I tried for a casual tone and failed. He pushed the little table over my bed, and I tucked a pillow behind me to stop myself from falling backwards. I started tucking into my lunch, not even the fact that it was standard revolting hospital fare putting a dent in my appetite.  
"So," he began, sitting on the end of my bed, "you were saying some... Interesting stuff yesterday. Can you remember any of it?" I paused in my chewing to cast my mind back, starting from when my bike skidded out from under me. The memories were hazy; something about the trees being on fire tickled in my brain, reminding me also of the dream scene I'd just had. Mentally shrugging off that thought, putting a pin in it for later. "What else did I say?" I wondered. "I remember something about Sam's face and his mouth being pretty. Oh shit. And his body being all muscly and his abs being used as a cheese grater. Please, please, PLEASE let me have not said anything about that." Even the thought of it had me blushing again. I looked up at him cautiously, and his smirk killed any tiny hope I might've had that my big fat, stupid mouth hadn't blabbed everything I had thought while concussed.  
"Oh shit." I hung my head in defeat. "Can I plead temporary insanity? You can't hold what a girl says when her brain's all jellied against her, right?" He laughed out loud, throwing his head back, once again making me think "beautiful"  
"I guess if you put it like that I'll have to cut you some slack this time." He said to my relief, "though that'll make three you owe me" he added, and I swallowed, wondering just when he was planning on collecting these I.O.U.s and what exactly I was going to have to do to pay him back. A few helpful suggestions in the form of snapshots from my steamy dream scene flashed through my head, and I sternly forced them back. "Not like he'd be interested" I reminded myself. I hoped he'd assume the extra blush that came to my face right then was just due to me remembering the things I'd said the previous day.  
"There was something else you said though, that I'm curious about." He went on, leaning forward a little. I was filled with dread. "Oh shit. What else did I say? Did I proposition him or something? Tell him that he fucks me roughly from behind every night in my dreams? What?" I was scanning through what I might've said in panic.  
"Y-yes? What was that then?" I asked, getting ready to fall into a terminal shame spiral.  
"You talked about someone called Taha Aki. I was wondering where you'd heard the name?" Relief flooded my body. "Oh is that all? Jeeze. I'm glad I didn't try to guess out loud what I'd said, or I'd be busy sinking through the floor right about now!" I laughed a little shrilly in my relief and said  
"Oh that? It just a name I think I probably read in a book. I had this dream where he was talking to me." I told him, avoiding the fact that it want just one dream, one time, but was every night, and and that I was beginning to get the feeling he wasn't just a product of my subconscious mind. He looked troubled. He seemed to mumble something like  
"Well that's not possible" under his breath, but it was so quiet I couldn't be sure, so I let it go. He cleared his throat and looked out the window.  
"I hear Jake's coming by to pick you up once he's out of school." He said. "Ae you going to stop and pick up your bike on the way home, or did you need me to go do it?"  
"No that's fine, thanks." I said, picking up my fork again. "We'll do it in the way." It was a kind offer, but I didn't want to owe him anymore; he'd already done so much to help me.  
"Ok then. There's just the issue of these favour you owe me then." He said with a little smirk. "I'd like to cash one of those in now, if I could." I grew a little concerned. I'd known the I.O.U.s would've come back to bite me in the ass, I just hadn't thought it'd happen so quick.  
"Oookaaay" I said guardedly, dragging the word out a little. "So what exactly is it you want?"  
"A date." He said without hesitation. I was confused. Thinking I'd mis-heard him, I double checked.  
"A date?" I asked. "Like a dinner and movie, going out together, picking me up from my house kind of date?"  
"No, a fruit from a palm tree." He rolled his eyes with a grin. "Of course a going out together kind of date. So what do you say? Wednesday night? I know it's a school night, but they're showing a few old classics at the movie theatre in Port Angeles Wednesday night. We won't be late, I promise." My confusion grew. "What the hell would he want to go on a date with me for?" I wondered. My mouth must've been hanging open in my shock, as he reached out and gently pushed it closed with a couple of fingers.  
"I ... Um ... So ..." I was completely at a loss for words. His face grew worried.  
"It's ok, Bella. If you're really not interested, that's fine. We'll just forget I said anything about it." He said in a rush, standing up and turning towards the door.  
"NO!" I almost yelled at the look of shock on his face, I lowered my voice. "I mean no, it's fine. Wednesday's fine. If you'd like. Um ... What time?" He looked almost as relieved as I must've done when I discovered I hadn't propositioned him in my confused, concussed state.  
"Four thirty sound ok?" He asked. "We can eat after the movie and I can have you back home by ten thirty or eleven at the latest."  
"O-ok" I stammered. "Four thirty on Wednesday then." He grinned at me.  
"Good." He turned for the door once again. "I'd better be going. I've got several jobs on at the moment, so I should get back to them or I'll never get paid." His hand was on the door knob, just beginning to turn it when he seemed to think of something. He quickly strode back over to me and bent down, his face coming level to mine. For a moment I thought he was just going to whisper something to me, but instead he placed a warm, gentle kiss on my cheek, lingering for just a few seconds before pulling back with a small smile.  
"Til Wednesday. Bye Bella." He said in a low voice, and I couldn't do anything but nod dumbly back, my voice had taken a vacation without warning. He walked back to the door and this time left through it, leaving me sitting dumbfounded on the bed, one hand loosely holding the fork, which was dripping pasta sauce on the bed, while the other and had raised by itself to press against my cheek, where the feel of his kiss still lingered, a pleasant sort of tingling on the skin.  
________________________________________  
By the time Jake arrived to pick me up I'd managed to collect my wits which had apparently dribbled out of my ears while Sam was visiting and I was dressed and ready to leave the moment he came in.  
"Someone's eager to get out of here." He joked and I gave him a tight, weary smile.  
"Yeah, well you'd be pretty eager to get out of somewhere that inflicted sleep deprivation torture on you too." I told him, pulling him along behind me towards the exit - or trying to, he was just far too big for me to actually manage to shift him. I breathed a sigh of relief when we finally hit open air; I'd been more than half afraid the doctor would suddenly change his mind and insist on keeping me in for another night. A walked over to my truck, and Jake handed me the keys, walking around to the passenger side. As we pulled away, him giving me directions to take us back to the loggers trail I asked him  
"Did Charlie give you any grief about my accident?" He grimaced a little.  
"He was starting to, but Sam interrupted him and told him exactly what had happened. Apparently he'd seen the whole thing. He made it clear it was neither of our faults, so I'm not in trouble, and I'm pretty sure Charlie will give in and let you ride your bike again, though I'm almost positive he'll make you wear a helmet from now on." He told me. "Actually, it's something I should've thought of yesterday."  
"Ok. So neither of us is in trouble, and I can probably still ride my bike. So why the grimace?" I asked him.  
"Why did it have to be Sam that fixed it all for us?" He asked bitterly. "I hate the thought that I owe that dick anything. And, while I'm thinking about it, why was he there anyway. He saw the whole thing, but what was he doing there so that he could see it? Stalk me much?" He said, scowling out the window as we drove along. "Whenever I see him, I catch him looking at me. It's weird. No. It's more than weird. It's fucking creepy. He looks at me like he's expecting me to do something any minute. I wish I knew what. I'd do it straight away just to get him to leave me the fuck alone." I didn't know quite how to respond to this little rant of his. I had a feeling that now wasn't the most opportune moment to mention the date I'd agreed to go on with Sam, so I kept it to myself. The whole date thing might go really badly and never be repeated. No need to get Jake all wound up over a possible nothing. I'd tell him after the date, if it looked like there might be a second one.  
We turned up the loggers trail and I drove on past where I'd parked the day before, bumping along the track until we got to the turn I'd failed to make on my bike. There it lay in the mud, still where it had fallen, a trench dug into the ground, made by the handlebars as it had skidded along. And there, about five feet away was the large tree stump where I'd hit my head. I stopped the truck, climbing out and walking over to my bike. Jake followed, bending to haul it up out if the mud for me. He put it on it's stand.  
"I'll just go pull the tarp back so we can load the bike onto the truck" he told me, squeezing my shoulder gently as he walked by me. I just nodded and stared into the forest, trying to itch the scratch that had just started in the back of my mind. Something was sitting right there in my mind, just begging to come forward, but here, in the freezing drizzle, standing in the middle of a muddy track by the forest wasn't the time to try and pry it out. I went to grab the bike by the handlebars, intending to push it over towards the truck, when something caught my eye. A piece of pink paper, damp from the usual rainy weather, was wedged, tightly folded, under the worn, cracked leather of the bike seat. I pried it out, curious. Opening it up, I caught my name written in neat but flowery writing at the top. It was a letter. For me.  
"Dearest Bella," it read.  
"You can hide in your dogs' kennel as much as you want, but it will only delay the inevitable. I've been patient, but now I'm going to have to press the issue. What you took from me can never be replaced, but then that's not why I'm here, is it?  
A mate for a mate, that's how it goes. Yours killed mine, now I'm going to return the favour. You should know, I'm not at all fussy about who else gets taken out in the process. That father of yours seems like such a good man. It'd be a shame to deprive the town of such an upstanding member of their community, wouldn't it? A dutiful daughter would see to it that he was kept out of danger.  
It's time to face facts, dearest Bella. You're a danger to everyone around you, because I'll keep coming, over and over until I get what I want. No guard dogs can hold me off forever.  
I've never really been one for melodrama, but on this occasion the turn of phrase is so deliciously apt, I can't resist.  
'I'll get you, my pretty. And your little dogs too'  
Victoria"  
I was a statue. Every muscle locked in place, my brain wildly casting about, searching for what to do.  
Nothing.  
I had nothing.  
My head felt empty, like a harsh wind had howled through, scouring all thought away with it.  
The pink paper was crumpled in my fist. I was dimly aware of Jake wheeling my bike back to the truck, and still I stood there, frozen.  
Some distant part of me noted his return, him grabbing my shoulder, calling me, yelling for my attention, and still I stood there, frozen.  
I felt myself lifted up, carried to the truck, placed inside, but I couldn't kick start my brain to do more than absently note these facts.  
Slowly, painfully slowly, a tiny part of awareness seeped back in to register Jake's panicked voice.  
"Shit, fuck, what should I do? Bella please. What do I need to do? Should I take you back to the clinic?" Somehow my head managed to shake no.  
"Should I take you home?" My head, once again acting on it's own nodded and, seemingly relieved at getting some response and some form of direction, Jake turned the truck around on the trail and tore out of there.  
Without knowing how, still trapped in my frozen body and mind, I found myself being carried inside my house and placed on the couch. The door to the room holding my pit was rattling on it hinges, flying open, the pit was screaming my name, at he same time both terrifying and comforting to me. With the last of my awareness I noted Jake again yelling for my attention.  
"Should I call Charlie? Bella? BELLA? What should I do? I'm gonna call Charlie."  
Charlie.  
Charlie.  
I had to keep him safe. Letting my pit swallow me again would kill him in two ways. First emotionally, then physically, when Victoria came. Like a rope thrown for a drowning person, I grabbed hold of his name, and pulled myself away from the pit, out of the room, slamming the door shut behind me. I had promised. I had promised him I wouldn't do this again. I wouldn't, I couldn't let his last memories of me be poisoned by seeing me back in a zombie state. A the door slammed behind me, I forced my body to move. I reached out and grabbed Jake's wrist before he could pick up the phone.  
"No, Jake. Don't call him." My voice sounded weird to me; calm and quiet, no sign of the total meltdown currently going on inside. "It was just the exhaustion from yesterday and last night catching up with me. All he'd do is worry, and there's no need for that when a little more sleep will fix it."  
"I don't know, Bells. You sure?" He didn't sound convinced. "That was fucking scary. It was like before, you know, you were just ... gone."  
I had to up my game, convince him. I forced a wan smile on my face, sent the necessary signals to make my frozen hand lift and drag through my hair, then rub across my face in a tired gesture.  
"Yeah, I'm sure, Jake. It's nothing that sleep won't fix. Why bother him when all he'd be able to do is sit and watch me dream?" His face grew a little more relaxed.  
"So do you need me to help you to your room?" He asked, and I shook my head.  
"No. Thanks, Jake, but I'm gonna grab myself a shower, then head straight to bed. I'm sorry I freaked you out." He gave me a small smile.  
"So you should be, Bells. Don't pull that shit on me again. I just about crapped my pants when I couldn't get a response out of you." He headed to the door. You mind if I ride your bike back to the Rez? It needs a quick going over anyway in the workshop, to make sure it's not damaged from your fall." I shook my head once again and he gave me a quick grin.  
"Cool." He said "I'll give you a call tomorrow to see how you're doing. Think you'll go to school?" I shrugged. I was reaching the last of my reserves and I needed him out of there before I broke completely.  
"Ok. Well I'll call you anyway, like I said. Get some sleep, Bella. You look dead on your feet." He left, closing the door quietly behind him. "I am dead. And there's nothing I, or anyone else can do about it." I thought. I sank to my knees, the crumpled pink paper I'd been holding in my fist falling to the floor. My eyes, staring at the screwed up ball, filled with tear, blurring everything into unrecognisable watery shapes. I was dead. My body just hadn't accepted the inevitable yet. She was coming, and I was dead.


	20. Answers and Acceptance

Stephenie Meyer owns the Twilight Saga. I own twitchy fingers that enjoy writing for no profit  
________________________________________  
Chapter 20: Answers and Acceptance  
I had been kneeling there on the kitchen floor for maybe half an hour when the phone ringing startled me out of my stupor a little. The machine clicked on and I heard Angela leaving a message, asking if I was feeling any better, and if I'd be at school the next day. I made myself focus on her voice, the mundane thought of school making a useful first step away from my melt down. Just like I had before, the last time I'd been overwhelmed by events, I broke things down into small tasks to be accomplished, rather than trying to make myself absorb the whole impossibly large picture in one go. "Ok then." I told myself. "Step one: get up off the floor and put together something easy for dinner later." I didn't let myself look any further ahead than this small step for now, knowing it was best to ease myself slowly back into action, so I put my whole attention firmly on the contents of the fridge, choosing ingredients to make a simple stew that could sit in the oven and be ready for a late dinner when Charlie to back. Once the meat and onions were browned, the vegetables and stock added, and the whole pot placed in the oven to cook, I had reached a much calmer frame of mind and was ready to tackle step two: return Angela's call. I made the conversation as brief as possible, reassuring her that yes, I was feeling better and yes, I would be back at school the next day so no, I didn't need her to arrange bringing me my homework.  
The call to Angela complete, I dragged myself upstairs for step three: take a shower. My hair was still full of grit and mud from my fall the day before, and my skin felt just as grimy, so I wasn't surprised, just a little disgusted by the murky colour of the water that ran off me and down the drain. The running water gave me an idea. What would really help me right now was that relaxed calm that I always achieved when I sat in my hollow at First Beach. I was in no condition to drive over there right now, but I had already proved to myself that I could pit myself in a similar state of mind here at home by imagining the sound of the waves crashing against the beach and ebbing away again. I quickly finished up in the shower and towelled myself off, pulling on my pyjamas and leaving my hair to dry in natural waves down my back.  
Once I was in my room, I sat myself down on the floor, not wanting to risk falling asleep on my bed while my mind was still in such turmoil. I shuddered to think of the dreams that would chase me down into sleep if I did. "Right. Step four then: get myself balanced again." I crossed my legs and let my hands fall loosely in my lap, my chin dropping to my chest as I relaxed my muscles as much as I could. I imagined the waves, and matched my breathing to the imaginary sounds.  
In.  
Out.  
In.  
Out.  
It took a little longer than it would in my hollow, but my body began to relax completely, and my mind started its usual drifting reverie. I let the turmoil and panic flow out on my exhales and gradually my mind emptied, allowing the thoughts to come and go as they pleased once more. The first thought to fly in was the same as the last thought I'd had before awareness fled and normal, restful sleep had taken me earlier that morning. "When did I start thinking of Taha Aki as a separate person, rather than just the creation of my own mind?" Letting the memories of weeks of the same dreams flow through my mind, I wasn't able to pinpoint the time when I had begun thinking of his differently, but the fact that I did was inescapable. He had become a companion I shared the dreams with, one who could point out which parts of the dreams to focus on, and which parts to skip over. The dreams that morning had been the first time he'd physically directed me, and the first time he'd displayed clear emotion, but now that I was allowing the memories to fly in and settle, I noticed that he had appeared progressively more irritated with me each time the dream scenes repeated. Like a teacher frustrated with a student who was just missing the point of an explanation each time it was made. Whilst I had often been frustrated with myself during my life, I'd never before constructed a character to portray this frustration, and so, for the first time I allowed myself to ponder the possibility that maybe he wasn't just a construct of my own, but something else. I wasn't at all prepared for the right feeling that flowed over me right then, and then another thought shot in, quick as a darting fish. "Of course it follows that if Taha Aki isn't just a figment of your imagination, then those dreams aren't you sending subconscious messages to yourself, but something else." The thought darted back out again as quick as it had come, leaving only another right feeling behind in its wake. The surprise almost jarred me out of my peaceful, floating state of mind. Not ready yet to let it go, I focused again on my breathing, letting the thought drift away again.  
In.  
Out.  
In.  
Out.  
For a long while, nothing new came forward, I was simply adrift without thought, letting the peaceful feeling soak into my every pore. Eventually though, a new thought made itself known. "What on earth was Victoria talking about with all of her dog references in the letter?" It was an interesting point, despite the fear which that tiny alert part of my mind was trying hard not to feel. Putting aside her corny, melodramatic close to her note, she had mentioned dogs twice more; telling me I could hide in the dogs' kennel, and also that guard dogs wouldn't keep her away forever. But what dogs? Charlie and I had no pets whatsoever, never had done, and as far as I was aware, none of our neighbours had so much as a chihuahua. Mrs Fenton, three houses up the street had several cats, but that was it. And even if all the neighbours had kept whole packs of Rottweilers, I didn't see how that would inconvenience a vampire for a moment, short of the barking being irritating while she killed me. One of those little itches in the back of my mind set in once more. Something to do with the phrase 'pack of dogs'. Knowing better than to try forcing the connection, I merely left my mind open, letting the knot unpick itself until I could see the relevant thread. "You can hide in your dogs' kennel as much as you want" ... "No guard dogs can hold me off forever" ... "Pack of dogs." The three things circled and bumped along in the front of my brain until they suddenly clicked together like pieces of a jigsaw. "I don't have a dog, much less guard dogs; The only place I could be accused of 'hiding' in recently is the Rez, hardly a kennel," I mused. "But 'a pack' makes me think of wolves as well as dogs, her word 'guard' brings protector to mind, and the 'kennel', the Rez ..." The sudden realisation drove me right out of my relaxed state and I was sitting, wide eyed and staring, rigidly upright on the floor.  
"Holy shit." I breathed "She's talking about wolves. She wasn't talking about an extinct species either." I knew I was talking to myself, but didn't care right at that moment. "Apart from the fact she'd have no way of knowing about them if they were extinct, long dead shape shifters would, of course offer no protection whatsoever, so that means they're back. There are wolves in the tribe again. HOLY SHIT!" I sprang to my feet, suddenly full of excitement. "The 'bear' sightings. It was wolves. There've got to be at least two of them - she was talking about dogs, plural, not dog, singular." I stopped abruptly, realising a terrible truth. "All those missing or dead hikers and campers. If it wasn't a rogue bear, that means it was Victoria. She's been around for months, trying to get to me, but not able to get past the wolves." I thought, not able to utter such a horrible conclusion out loud. All those people, dead. And ultimately because of me. I sat back down, this time on the edge of my bed. "Do the shape shifters know she's after me? Or are they just protecting their territory in general?" I considered the question for a few minutes, turning it this way and that in my head. "No. They're just protecting their territory. Most of the missing people disappeared miles away from me, so they'd have no reason to guess its me she's after." I flopped backwards across my bed, arms above my head, staring at the ceiling as I thought. I gave a wry snort of amusement suddenly, as another point struck me. "No wonder Taha Aki was getting so frustrated with me. He's far too patient actually. How dense he must think I am, not to get what he's been trying to show me. Poor guy. I should have gotten it when he started showing me the 'then and now' stuff. All this time he's being trying to show me that the wolves are here now, not just then. But they don't know that I need their protection in particular. And I don't know who they are, so I can't tell them." In fact, I knew it was more my stubborn streak, determinedly clinging to the 'facts' I thought I'd known, than stupidity. If I'd let myself accept that maybe what I'd thought I'd known wasn't precisely correct, then I probably would've realised the truth almost immediately.  
I began picking away at this new knotty issue; how to find out who the wolves were so I could beg for their help, when I heard Charlie's cruiser pull up outside. My eyes flew to the dark window. It was much later than I'd guessed. I'd been sitting on the floor longer than I'd thought. I began pulling myself together so I wouldn't worry him over my mental state. Between the calm I'd gathered about me from sitting in my calm relaxed state, and the enormous relief that maybe there might be some kind of help available to me after all, it was easier than I might've guessed to make myself appear 'normal', and I quickly but calmly headed downstairs to pull the stew from the oven and serve it up for our dinner.  
Charlie looked about as exhausted as I felt as he trudged into the kitchen, removing his gun belt and hanging it up on a hook by the door, just as he always did. He slumped down into his chair at the table and gave me a weary smile.  
"Hey, Bells. How're you feeling?"  
"Sort of like you look, if I'm honest, Dad." I told him, squeezing his hand gently as I slid his plate in front of him. He sniffed appreciatively at the aromatic steam rising off the plate and dug straight in, barely waiting for me to sit down and join him. We ate together in silence for several minutes before he looked up from his plate and asked  
"You and Jake pick up that bike of yours?" I swallowed nervously, both at the memory of finding the letter, and out of concern that Charlie might be about to ban me from riding my bike again. It seemed a little silly to me that I even cared; not five hours before I had been convinced I was sure to die within a few days, but here I was now, worried that I might have a favourite toy taken away? But it was more than that to me. It represented the changes I had been making, and still intended to make. It was freedom from fear of falling back in my pit. Despite only having one short, disastrous ride on it, I already loved that bike. I needed that bike.  
"Yes. We collected it on the way home from the clinic. Jake's got it at the workshop right now to check it over." I told him. He grunted, tucking back into his stew and chewing thoughtfully for a few moments.  
"You're not getting back on that thing" I opened my mouth to protest, but he held up a hand to hold me off. "Without a helmet." He finished his sentence, and I sat back, relieved.  
"No problem, Dad. I should probably have thought about one before anyway." He nodded his agreement and let the subject drop. I had gotten off pretty lightly on that one. I'd expected the conversation to go on for hours, but he'd obviously spoken his piece and was done with it. "Thanks, Dad. And I'm really sorry to have worried you again." I stood up and gave him a quick hug on my way to clear our plates away to the sink. He looked awkward but pleased at the gesture; neither of us were much for outward demonstrations of affection.  
"Leave the dishes, Bells." He said. "We could both do with some decent sleep. I'll tackle the dishes in the morning if you'll set them to soak." I wasn't about to argue. After the sleep deprivation at the clinic, the finding of the letter and my subsequent meltdown, and then the revelations I'd had at home this afternoon, the day felt like it had been at least three weeks long, and in spite of the still lingering calm I had achieved on the floor in my room, I was exhausted. Physically, emotionally and mentally. Sleep sounded pretty good right then.  
"Ok Dad. I've already showered, so I guess I'll head straight to bed then, ok?" He stood up and headed for the stairs himself.  
"Sounds like a plan, kiddo. I'm gonna shower, then do the same. You sleep well."  
"You too." I replied, and climbed the stairs to my room.  
That night was the first since He left that I didn't have the 'Alone in the Forest' nightmare. Ordinarily I'd have been ecstatic about that sort of progress, but knowing the cause; that my great fear of loneliness and unworthiness - which it had always been clear to me was the root of that particular nightmare - was now eclipsed by the fear of the all too real vengeful vampire who was now close enough to getting me that she could leave little notes attached to my property.  
Instead of having to suffer through my usual waking up screaming, only to have to spend several minutes calming myself down enough to fall back asleep, I skipped straight ahead to the dream scenes which I had just begin to accept weren't actually of my own making, but something else's. I was wary when I found myself standing by the loggers trail with Taha Aki by my side. This was new. I guessed that now I'd worked out the full meaning behind the 'Victoria Attacks the Village' scene, I wouldn't be suffering repeats of it from now on. That had always been how these things worked in the past. I turned to look at Taha Aki. Well, more to glare at him really. It was time for some more direct answers if I could get them. So he wasn't a figment of my own subconscious attempting to communicate with my conscious mind, fine. I had accepted that, and my stubborn nature demanded that now I'd worked it out I wouldn't shy away from the truth. But I wanted the whole truth. Not just the dribs and drabs I was being fed at his convenience.  
"Right then, Taha Aki. Time for some answers I think. Don't you?" I asked him in a firm tone, folding my arms across my chest. "I know I've been stubborn about seeing the real truth instead of what I'd convinced myself was truth. But I'm done with that now. So it's time for you to spill. No more cryptic shit." He smiled indulgently at me but gently shook his head  
"You're not ready yet, young one." He sat, cross legged on the ground and signalled for me to do the same. "Truths given but not learned lack the understanding necessary to put them into action." It was the longest speech I'd heard him make so far. Despite the cryptic nature of it I was able to follow his point, though I really didn't like what I'd heard. Just like in a math class, if someone provided you with the answers to every question on a quiz, but you didn't understand how the answers had been calculated, you hadn't actually learned anything. Given a similar test later on, without the answers being provided, you fail.  
"So what're you saying? You can't tell me anything?" I demanded crossly. He shook his head again.  
"No, young one. This is one lesson you must learn. You listen, but don't hear. Look, but don't see. Understand, but don't accept. Of the three, the last is the most vital lesson to learn. Much of what you wish and need to know, you already understand. But until you accept what you understand, what could be, or should be, never will be." He stood and held out his hand to help me up too. I was still trying to puzzle out the meaning of his latest cryptic offering as he began to lead me forward.  
"Come. There are things you must see, and you need proper rest too." I took a step forward with him and instantly the scenery changed. I was standing in the middle of the meadow, our meadow, and I waited for the echoing pain in my chest to rip through me with the memories, even inside my dream, but there was only a dull ache. Like regretful nostalgia, and nothing more. I was once again an observer, watching me/not me, dressed this time in modern clothes, being approached by a tall male figure. His features were blurred and I couldn't make out what he was wearing. In fact the only thing I could tell about this male was that he wasn't human. No human moved with that sort of grace.  
"Vampire." I said,  
"Yes." Taha Aki agreed. "Watch." I did. I watched as not me assumed a submissive stance and the vampire attacked. The scene reset. I watched as me/not me dropped to her knees, begging, and the vampire attacked. The scene reset again. I watched as me/not me ran, as me/not me became aggressive, and as me/not me looked uncertain and hesitant, and the vampire attacked. Finally I watched as me/not me appeared relaxed and confident, by her body language clearly chatting with the vampire, and the vampire hesitated, talking with her until as the scene faded to black, I saw him throw a surprised and fearful look over his shoulder. The meadow, the vampire, and me/not me disappeared and I was in La Push once more.  
I was a little surprised to be seeing the Victoria scenes again, I'd thought these were done with now I'd solved the puzzles they held. This time, however, the scenes sped past me a breakneck speed, the only parts that stuck in my mind being the flashes of flame-like red hair. "Wait. Flame-like hair. Forest on fire when I came off my bike. Flashes of red through the branches." Even inside my dream my blood ran cold as ice. "Fuck! She was that close? Jake and Sam could've been killed. I must keep my distance until I've found the wolves and hopefully rid my life of the vengeful bitch, or it'll be more than just Charlie I put in danger alongside myself."  
The Victoria scenes completed, darkness rolled in again and I was once more alone with Taha Aki on the loggers trail. He turned to me, his face grave and stern, and spoke.  
"So much to learn, young one, and little time to do it. Some paths may be altered by your actions, and only through seeing, understanding, and accepting can you hope to make the right choices." He told me. Seeing I was struggling to understand, his expression gentled. "Acceptance is the key to relieving your greatest worry, and also to setting your feet on the path to true happiness. You have seen and understood much already, and now accepted some of it. Look to the rest of what you know, learn to accept truth and reject assumptions, and you will find what you seek." With that, he walked away from me and I felt the awareness I always felt in those dreams slipping away with him as real sleep took me once again.  
When I woke the next morning, the peace I had found the evening before was still with me to some degree, although it was edged with a buzzing sense of purpose. As I showered and dressed, my mind ran with half baked plans for finding out who the shape shifters were. I thought about it as I ate breakfast with Charlie, as I drove to school, as I sat through class, and as I hung out with Jake and Quil at the diner after school. I thought about it as I cooked for Jake, Billy, Charlie and myself at the Black's house, as I drove home, and as I got ready for bed. No matter what angle I held the problem at in my mind, though, I could see only two possible solutions.  
One was safe, but very unlikely to succeed. I could just flat out confront Billy with what I knew, and ask him who the wolves were. He was the Chief of his tribe, he must know the answer to my question. But there was no way he'd spill, he'd just pretend they were merely myths and legends, and I'd never get any more out of him.  
The second solution would probably get me a meeting with the shape shifters, but was very very risky, I would be taking my life in my own hands. I could simply march myself into the forest, making as much noise about it as possible, and wait for Victoria to find me. Gambling my life on the hope that the wolves would be waiting for her to make her next move on the area, and would take their opportunity to close in on her.  
It really was a huge risk to take, but after nearly twenty four hours of poking away at the problem, I just couldn't see any other way of getting to communicate with them, and so, reluctantly, I made my decision.  
After school the next day I would make my desperate move.


	21. Newbies and New Theories

Stephenie Meyer owns the Twilight Saga. I own twitchy fingers that enjoy writing for no profit.  
________________________________________  
Chapter 21: Newbies and New Theories  
Sam POV.  
Embry turned out to be the easiest new wolf I'd dealt with so far, and the hardest. His natural calm, easygoing nature led him to gain control over his temper with much more ease than the rest of us had, and I was frankly amazed when he'd mastered the ability to hold back his anger, and was safe to return to school in about a week.  
But that, of course, was where part of the difficulties with Embry began. Neither Jared nor Paul has had the sort of friends, more like brothers, that Embry did. Sure, they'd each had a group they'd hung out with, and close friends within those groups, but nothing like the bonds Embry had with Jake and Quil, so neither of them had found it too hard to ease themselves away from their friends, a necessity both to help protect our secret, and to keep their friends safe in case their tempers got the better of them. But Embry ... Poor Embry felt like I'd taken half his family away from him. He never said as much, but sharing mind space, it was inevitable that I'd know, and feel, what he felt about it. He understood why I had to order him away from them, but that didn't make it any easier for him to do it. Both emotionally and physically.  
Both his friends considered him family too, and neither of them was about to take Embry's strange new behaviour sitting down. They were angry and concerned; they knew something was wrong, but of course Embry couldn't tell them what, so both their worry and their bitter anger made Embry's situation even harder for him to bear. Like me, he'd grown up with his family consisting of just himself and his mom, and losing two friends he loved like brothers was tearing him up. And there lay the other difficulty with Embry's phase. The fact that he had.  
He shouldn't have been one of us at all. His mother, Tiffany, was a member of the Makah tribe, who had moved to La Push single and pregnant. Everyone had always assumed that Embry's father was also Makah, and Tiffany had never challenged the assumption. But now we knew better. His father had to be Quileute, and not just any member either, but one who carried the wolf bloodlines. That put just three men in the frame for fathering him; Billy Black, Quil's father, Quil IV, or my own father, Joshua. All three would've been married when Embry was conceived, so the possibility for scandal and in-fighting was huge. We all hoped that the culprit was Joshua; he had already proved himself a shitty husband and father, so there was less potential anger and heartache for everyone concerned if it was true. I hoped it was true for another reason too. Having grown up alone with my mother, and especially now she wasn't talking to me, I craved true family connections like a middle-aged woman with PMS craves chocolate. To know I had a half brother would be amazing. Especially one like Embry. He was a smart, kind, calm soul and although I'd not known him past the nodding if we passed on the street stage before he phased, now, only a little more than a week later, I really enjoyed his company. Unfortunately, getting a DNA test done to see if we shared a father was just not possible. None of us knew what an analysis of our DNA might reveal about us, so instead we were forced to content ourselves with trying to spot similarities in our features, both human and wolf. I often fancied I could see something familiar in the shapes of our mouths and noses, and Paul swore that the black spots on Embry's wolf's grey fur were due to our shared parent.  
How Embry himself felt about the revelation regarding his father, whichever of the three it was, he was trying hard to keep to himself. He seemed to doing a pretty good job of keeping Jared and Paul in the dark, but keeping his Alpha out of his head was a much harder task. I'd had more than a few flashes of his true feelings on the matter, and they were a tangled mess of relief at knowing the possible candidates had narrowed down from hundreds to just three, anger with his mother for refusing to tell him what he had every right to know, shame for the knowledge that his very existence proved that one man had betrayed his wife and family, and hope that he might one day discover which of us, Jake, Quil, or myself was really his half brother.  
When Jared, Paul and I found him, the day we'd chased the leech to Port Angeles, Embry was, unsurprisingly, a quivering, shivering reck, lying, muzzle tucked under his front paws, on the forest floor, tail tucked between his legs, and shaking from head to toe. What was surprising was that he'd managed to stay put without an Alpha order; his natural instinct would've been to run, as the rest of us had done when we has first phased. I was impressed and told him so.  
"You did well, Embry. Now you need to try to calm yourself down, so you can phase back." He seemed surprised at my praise, so I let him see how I had reacted the first time I phased, and Jared and Paul, taking their cue from me did the same. I could feel Embry's pride at handling himself so well in the circumstances, and I let him feel my own pride for him too. As a distraction it was working well. His shaking slowed and then came to a complete stop, and his muzzle came out from under his paws to rest on top of them instead. I'd learned from Jared and Paul's first phases that it would be quicker to just show him my memories of Billy telling the wolf stories, rather than attempting to put them into my own words, so I did the same for him, not knowing if he would've heard them at all before now as he had been brought up as Makah, not Quileute. He seemed fascinated by the legends, but incredulous about the existence of vampires, so I decided an educational visit might be in order before we started trying to help him phase back.  
"Jared, you can have the honour of burning the leech's fingers as they're your trophies." I told him. "Take Embry with you. He could benefit from seeing proof of the bloodsuckers' existence and also get a nose for this particular bitch's scent."  
"Ok, Boss." I winced internally at the term, knowing that Embry would almost certainly pick up the habit now too. Jared stood and looked to Embry, jerking his head in the correct direction. "Come on then, Newbie, lets go finger hunting." Embry rose to his feet, confusion and curiosity colouring his mind.  
"I'll show you as we run." Jared told him, and they slipped off silently through the trees.  
Once they were gone, Paul started walking along the tree line toward his house.  
"Left my shorts back in Port Angeles in the rush to get to the redhead in time." He told me as he made a quick dash to his own back door, looking under the steps for one of the spare pair he kept under there for emergencies. We both phased back and went into his house, grabbing a beer from the fridge as we passed through the kitchen.  
"So, you think it was a coincidence, the redhead veering off track like that and making a beeline for the Swans?" Paul asked me, twisting the cap off his beer and taking a long drink. It was the same question I'd been asking myself.  
"I really don't know, Paul. On the one hand, it's a bit of a coincidence, isn't it? She's been heading towards their street whenever we've chased her off before, and then, bam, she's making right for them, completely off her usual course. On the other hand, it's just as possible that she was heading in her usual direction, caught a whiff of Charlie or Bella, or both, and decided to take a detour for a quick bite." He rolled his eyes at my bad, unintentional pun.  
"I guess it's possible." He said reluctantly. "But coincidences like that make me uncomfortable. I was wondering if the bitch had caught Charlie's scent after he'd been out searching for that first missing person, and decided it was a vintage she'd enjoy, so she's been gunning for him ever since." I took a gulp from my beer, picking at the label as I considered Paul's theory. It actually wasn't a bad one.  
"So you think that's why it looks like she's been heading towards their place?" I asked him.  
Yeah." He said, leaning forward as he warmed to his theory more. "And I just realised, if she knows he's a police officer, she might've been taking the hikers and campers on purpose, to draw him out where she could get him before we could stop her." Paul looked both excited and horrified at his realisation. I was chilled to the bone. I'd always respected Charlie, but over the last few weeks I'd really come to like him, look up to him as a sort of father figure. God knows I'd never had a real one to look up to. The idea of a leech hunting him was just appalling.  
"Fuck." I breathed. "You could be right. It would explain a lot. Although why she thinks Charlie's something she's 'owed' is beyond me. Something about it feels a little off, but it's the best working theory we've got, so I think we'll up security on Charlie for a while." Paul nodded. I was a little surprised he didn't make a fuss about protection for the 'leech lover's' father coming before protection for the Rez, but then I realised a couple of things. First, it was Paul's theory, so he wasn't about to dismiss it, second, Charlie had done a lot for Paul in particular lately, and Paul was nothing if not loyal to those he thought deserved it.  
A short sharp howl from the forest nearby alerted us to the return of Jared and Embry, so pay land I headed outside to phase back to wolf form once more. The moment we phased we could feel Embry's shock, horror and revulsion at what he had witnessed.  
"They just kept wriggling. Like two thick, white worms, digging through the leaf mould. If we'd left them would they have eventually found their owner? Can the leech feel her missing fingers? We're the fingers aware at all." The image in his mind of the redhead's lost digits s rambling about kept repeating in his mind. They were interesting questions, and ones which I couldn't believe none of us had thought to ask before. Personally I hoped the bitch had felt it when Jared burnt her fingers. It was the very least of what she deserved.  
"Huh. Imagine if the parts of a partially dismembered leech did eventually find the rest of their body" I mused. "It's got to be the easiest way of tracking a leech ever. Just follow the ripped off hand or whatever, then tear the rest of the leech apart." Jared gave a small sniff and rolled his eyes towards Embry. I grasped his point immediately. None of this was serving to calm him down any. I shook the thought clear.  
"Thoughts for another time though. Embry, you need to try to calm yourself if you can. Phasing back to human form takes concentration. You need to imagine yourself as human. The best way is to picture yourself doing something that requires a human form. Paul, why don't you show him." Paul nodded and began to imagine himself driving. He pictured every tiny detail as clearly as he could. From taking the keys out of his pocket and putting them in the ignition, to putting the car in gear and turning the wheel. Then he smoothly phased back to his human form and stood there naked before us.  
"See? It's both simple and yet very complicated at the same time." I told Embry. "Jared?" Jared pictured himself brushing and braiding his imprint, Kim's hair. It was a peaceful, relaxing scene and I silently commended Jared on picking something that both demonstrated the best way to phase back and at the same time help to relax and calm Embry some. His playful, light-hearted nature made it easy to forget the deep thinking that often went on behind Jared's joking nature. As Jared flowed back into his human form I turned to Embry. I didn't expect him to get it right first time; it had taken the rest of us several attempts to manage to phase back, but I had hopes that with his calm nature, Embry might get it before too many hours passed.  
"Ok then. Imagine yourself doing something that requires hands, something that you enjoy, that relaxes you." I told him, and he began to picture a scene of him playing cards. In his mind he shuffled and dealt, his friends appearing at a table with him, Jake, Quil, and then Bella. They talked and laughed as they played, and I was so fascinated by this insight into a laughing, playful Bella, that for a moment I forgot to help Embry focus. Realising after a moment that I had allowed my attention to wander, I re-focused and began to direct Embry once more.  
"That's it. Concentrate on how relaxed you are, then on your hands. Picture yourself shuffling and dealing again. Allow yourself to feel the cards in your hands, feel your fingers gripping the edges, feel the smoothness of the cards as they slide over each other, then push your mind into the human form you're imagi..." I stopped short in my coaching as Embry amazed us all and phased back. It was a choppy phase, sure, forced bit by bit rather than as a smooth motion, but nevertheless he'd done it first try. I phased back and joined with the other two in congratulating him.  
"Really well done, Embry. None if us managed it first try. We're all very impressed." I assured him and he blushed a little, probably in part from being naked in front of three relative strangers as well as from embarrassment at the praise. Paul handed him some of his spare shorts from under his back steps and Embry scrambled to get them on as quickly as possible. We all filed back inside Paul's house, as his mother wasn't likely to return for several more hours, and Paul grabbed a beer for each of us as we all flopped down in the living room. The next couple of hours were spent filling Embry in on the ins and outs of his new life. We covered who he could and couldn't tell, patrolling routes and schedules, signal howls and fighting tactics. Despite his calm disposition, I planned to keep him off school for at least a week to help him come to terms with things before he would have to confront his friends. This of course was something he wasn't at all happy with, but after explaining the dangers of both exposure of the secret and accidentally hurting them, he reluctantly agreed without me having ti issue an order. I set him to patrolling alongside Jared for the next few days, until he'd learned the routes for himself, and then we left, Paul heading out for his turn at patrolling, and the rest of us to our respective homes.  
The next week and a half was hard on all of us, taking extra time to help train Embry, while still keeping up our usual patrolling schedule, and then even more so when he returned to school and had to separate himself from Jacob and Quil. We all felt his depression like it was our own, and so on the Sunday I decided a rest day with a bit of bonding was called for. Billy had told me that Jake had finished work on the bikes and would be calling Bella to come over. Charlie had already arranged to come over to the Rez to watch a game with billy and Harry Clearwater, so, with both Swans on the Rez and relatively safe, I ran a early patrol, the met the rest of the pack on top of the cliffs for some cliff diving. It was just what we'd all needed; the chance to relax and act our ages for a change. I always worried over the way these teenaged boys were forced to become adults overnight, so seeing them, if only for a short time, able to throw off the responsibility weighing on them lightened my own burden a little.  
We'd been on top of the cliffs for a couple of hours, messing about like unruly kids, when I heard the unmistakable roar of Bella's truck driving down the coast road. Looking over, I could see the bikes in the back of the truck lurch as the truck suddenly skidded to a stop. Bella jumped out of the cab, gesticulating wildly first at the cliff where we were, and then at who I assumed was Jake still sitting in the truck. I wondered what the problem was for a moment before a few screeching words drifted over to us.  
"Fuck...fall...phone. NOW!" I heard her yell, and realised at once what was going on. "Ah. She thought Paul fell, rather than jumped." As I watched, she began to calm a little so I assumed that Jake was explaining to her just what we were doing, and that no one needed medical help. Not sure where they were planning to take the bikes to ride, I guessed I should shadow them, I had after all given my word to Charlie to keep her out of harm's way. Saying a quick goodbye to the guys, I jogged down the track from the cliff to the lay-by where I'd left my truck earlier, and I raced off in the direction I'd seen them heading, keeping my window open so I could catch their scents as I drove and not lose them. As it turned out I didn't have to worry about losing them, Bella's ancient truck being so slow, I was more in danger of them noticing me trailing them than I was of losing sight of them. They pulled onto an unused loggers trail, and I held back at the entrance, not wanting to interrupt them, but at the same time wishing I could be a witness to her first ride. As I sat there in my truck, listening to Jake double check with her that she knew what to do, I allowed myself a little fantasy of Bella, dressed in skintight biking leathers swinging her leg over her bike to dismount, removing her helmet and flicking her head back to shake free her hair. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, rearranging my now half hard dick in my cut-offs. The sound of a bike being kick started after several attempts cut through my reverie and I could just make out Jake's voice over the engine.  
"Ok now, Bells. Slow and steady. Keep your feet out to start with, so you can catch yourself if you need to, and give it just a little gas as you slowly release the clutch" with that I heard the bike slowly moving off. The engine got louder as the speed apparently increased, she was obviously growing in confidence, I smiled to myself, impressed with how quickly she had picked up the basics.  
Suddenly the engine noise cut out completely and I was chilled to the bone to hear Jake's panicked voice yelling.  
"BELLA! Oh fuck no." Another, different bike was kick started and by the sound of it, ridden at speed along the track. "Fuck. What the hell happened?" I wondered, starting my own engine up and heading up the trail to see if I could help. I hoped it was nothing more serious than a little tumble, but the panic I'd heard in Jake's voice was disconcerting. By the time I got past Bella's truck and far enough up the trail to round the bend and see what was happening, Jake had already reached her, dismounted his own bike, and was bending over her lying in the grit and mud. from the gouge her bike had put into the ground, she had been going too fast to make the turn and the bike had skidded out from under her. Visions of broken limbs raced through my mind, causing a little panic of my own, which was more than doubled when Jake moved just enough for me to see her face and realise she wasn't wearing a helmet. "Stupid idiots. It didn't occur to them to get her a helmet, at least for her first time?" I pulled my truck over to the side of the trail, in case an ambulance might be needed - it would have to be able to get past easily - and could hear Jake still panicking as he tried to get Bella to answer him. "Shit. She must've hit her head. Is she conscious?" I could clearly hear her breathing, so I knew she was alive, but Jake's position, kneeling next to her meant that I couldn't see any more of her than her mud encrusted legs.  
"Bells? Bella? BELLA?! Are you ok? Did you hit your head? Can you move everything?" The desperation in Jake's voice was clear, he was close to breaking point. He began patting down her limbs, running his hands over her legs, looking for injuries, and despite knowing precisely why he was doing it, and despite the tension of the situation, I could barely keep myself in check. My wolf really didn't like seeing his hands on her like that. "What the fuck is that about? First the scent thing, now no-one's allowed to touch her?" I'm not sure if I was asking my human self or my wolf self this question, but either way, this wasn't the time for internal debate. Bella had apparently hit her head, and without a helmet, it could very well be a serious injury.  
"Heeeey Jakey. Watcha doooin'?" I was relieved to hear her voice; she was conscious, although from the slow, slurring speech it was clear she'd hit her head very hard. Jake answered her, clearly relieved himself to have her finally answer him.  
"Just checking you've not broken anything, Bells. Relax. I'm not getting fresh or anything. You hit your head?" I jumped out of my truck and was striding over to them as Jake asked her this. Her reply was strangely cheerful, and still slurred. She sounded almost drunk.  
"Yup. Haaaard."  
"BELLA! You ok? Is she ok? Bella?" I was still a couple of yards behind Jake, but I couldn't hold my worry in check any longer.  
"That's clever." She slurred. "Do it again." I was confused. "What's clever? do what again? What's she on about?" Jake turned to look at me, his face holding the same confusion I felt. Once he saw who it was that'd called out, though, his face hardened into an angry mask. I was saddened but not surprised. He and Quil blamed me personally for what they saw as Embry's betrayal of their friendship, but while I sympathised for their loss as they saw it, right now I just didn't have time to tip-toe around his feelings; Bella's welfare was the priority. I peered over his shoulder at Bella, getting my first proper view of her. She didn't look too good. There was no blood that I could see or smell, but she was caked in mud and grit, her jeans, the shirt and hoodie she was wearing, which she'd clearly commandeered from Charlie once again, and her hair and face were all thick with it, and much more worrying, her eyes were unfocused and a little crossed.  
"Bella! Are you ok?" I asked her. "That was a fucking stupid question, Sam, she's just dug a trench into to trail, using her head and body. Of course she's not ok!"   
"No, no, noooo. That's not how you do it. Get Jake to show you how. He can say it without his lips moving." She answered, confusing me again. "I can see your lips moving. They're pretty. You've got a pretty mouth, Sam's face. It's a shame the rest of you isn't here. I like looking at your cheese grater."  
I couldn't help the pleased smirk that washed over my face. Finally I was getting a sign that she was interested in me. My wolf was having a little party in my head at the thought. Maybe I was right and it wouldn't be a problem for my wolf if I was to date her which, now I knew she at least had some interest in me, I was totally planning on asking her. She continued talking, the pronounced slur in her voice still there.  
"No. Wait. I don't mean cheese grater. Hey! Did you see the pretty fire in the trees?" Just at that moment there was a tiny shift in the breeze. A familiar, sickly sweet, bleachy smell hit my nose instantly. "Shit! The leech. She's here. Got to get Bella away from here, NOW. Got to get them both away from here." I quickly formed a plan to do so as quickly as possible. I turned to Jake.  
"She must've hit her head pretty hard." I said. "We'd better get her to the clinic. My truck's right on the bend there. If I carry her to it, can you ride your bike back to her truck and drive it to meet us there? We can pick her bike up later." His jaw tensed. He clearly knew I was right, but the source of the advice was sticking in his craw.  
"Fine. But you be careful with her. I'll only be a few minutes behind you. He warned me, then turning back to Bella he told her "Bells. Sam's gonna drive you to the clinic. I'll meet you there, ok?"  
"Silly Jakey. A face can't drive. Sam's face should've brought the rest of him. It's got arms. They're very muscly. They could help." Any other time I would've laughed, both at her almost drunken rambling, and at the fact that she had clearly been admiring my muscles, but I was beginning to tremble, needing to phase due to the proximity of the leech, but knowing I couldn't with Jake and Bella here; I was almost desperate to get her away to safety as soon as possible, and all the talking was holding things up. Her slurring ramble continued, however. "Also you could grate abs on his cheese. No. That's not right either. Cheese on his abs. That's it. You could cheese abs on his grates." Jake stood up and I stepped forward to pick her up.  
"Hey, there's the rest of him now." Her slurring was getting worse, and she was beginning to look pretty sleepy, she was definitely concussed, and now another danger was clear; I couldn't let her fall asleep with a concussion. Her eyelids started to droop. "Now his arms are here, he can drive." I picked her up and pulled her against my body, taking in a nose-full of her wonderful scent, mixed with Charlie's due to his shirt and hoodie, to settle myself down and it worked; slowing and then stopping my trembling and calming my almost feral wolf into a more manageable mindset. as I walked towards my truck, she forced her eyes open again.  
"Taha Aki's seen your butt." She said, matter of factly. "But it's ok, cos you smell good." I was so shocked i actually missed my step and tripped before catching my stride again and heading, quicker now, to place her into my truck. "What the actual FUCK?" I wondered. "Where the hell did she hear that name? And what the hell does she mean, he's seen my butt?" She nuzzled her face into the crook of my neck and her eyes drifted shut again. "Wait. She thinks I smell good?" My wolf was loving that, it served to calm him even more.  
"So do you, Bella, so do you." I murmured quietly so she wouldn't catch it. She was falling asleep, and I couldn't allow that, not with a head injury. "Stay awake now. Keep those pretty eyes open for me, Bella. We'll be at the clinic in just a few minutes." She looked like she was trying hard to do as I asked, but she was definitely struggling. Pulling my cell out of my pocket, I dialled Jared's number. It rang for a long time, and I was just about to give up and end the call, when suddenly I heard his voice.  
"Yeah?" He sounded out of breath. I guessed he'd had to run up the cliff path to get to his cell before it stopped ringing.  
"Redhead. Old loggers trail. Cut through the forest due East and you'll hit her trail." I murmured, knowing he'd hear me with no trouble, but not wanting Bella to catch my words. "All three of you go, but try to keep Embry under wraps unless you're 100% positive you can take her out or good. You were right the other day; having a fourth wolf to take her by surprise might be the ideal tactic."  
"On it, Boss" he replied and hung up immediately. I relaxed a little knowing I'd put the pack on her trail. I'd felt torn between needing to get Bella out of danger and knowing there was a bloodsucker on MY Rez and needing to chase her off or kill her. That job done, I quickly called Billy's place, giving him a quick run down on Bella's accident (but keeping the leech business to myself, for now at least) and asking him to have Charlie meet us at the clinic.  
Looking over at Bella, I could see her struggling to fight off the sleep again. I kept talking to her as I drove, shaking her shoulder gently when it looked like she was giving in to the sleep that was trying to overtake her. I told her how I enjoyed working with her at the drop-in centre, how much I liked her and admired her determination to change her life and overcome her depression. I told her how impressed I was with the way she was continuing to stand up against the bullying tactics of the local gossips. I was fairly certain she didn't register any of what I said past the fact that my talking was preventing her from giving in to sleep. I sped across La Push, taking every short cut I knew and was at the clinic surprisingly fast. Arriving at the clinic, I jumped out of the truck and ran round to the passenger side, pulling her gently out and carrying her through the clinic doors to stand in front of a very startled Sue Clearwater. Looking down at a very pale by now Bella, I told her  
"We're here. Stay awake now. No sleeping." She once again forced her eyes open, wincing at the bright lights of the clinic.  
Sue had me lay Bella down on a hospital bed and I held her hand while Sue picked up a little pen-light.  
"Hello, Bella. I'm Sue Clearwater." She said, shining the light into Bella's eyes and switching it from one eye to the other, then back again.  
"Can I go to sleep now please?" Bella asked plaintively. "I just want a little sleep."  
"In a little while. First I need to check you over and take a couple of X-rays. But once I'm done, you can sleep." Sue replied reassuringly, and she tried to wheel Bella away from me to the x-ray machine. I couldn't make myself let go of her hand. Not until I knew she was going to be ok. Sue gave me a curious look and I shrugged at her.  
"We both know the x-rays won't harm me. I'll stay with her til she's allowed to go to sleep, or until Charlie gets here." I whispered to Sue, and she raised a questioning brow at me, but made no comment.  
The X-rays only took about ten minutes, and Sue and the clinic doctor looked at them while I sat by Bella's bed, still holding her hand. I could clearly hear the doctor mumbling to Sue about the pictures.  
"Well she's either the most accident prone person I've ever encountered, or a victim of some serious child abuse." He was telling her. "Look at all these old hairline fractures. Most of them are years old, but if this is what her skull x-rays look like, I'd hate to see images f her arms and legs." He shook his head and I quietly snorted. As if Charlie would abuse Bella as a child, or allow anyone else to do so. He would've spotted the signs in an instant and fought Bella's mother tooth and nail for custody if he'd gotten even the slightest whiff of violence against his daughter. No. She was quite simply just the clumsiest, most accident prone person in the world, I had no doubt. Finally, they stopped talking and Sue walked over to us.  
"The doctor says Bella can get some sleep now, but we'll be waking her hourly to do vitals." She told me, trying hard not to eye my hand and how it was still keeping its grip on Bella's. I nodded my understanding and the next time Bella's eyes began to drift shut I didn't try to keep her awake, I just let her fall asleep quietly.  
Once I was sure she was fast asleep, I gently pulled my hand free and went outside to wait for Charlie to arrive. Jake got there first though, giving me an angry glare as he stalked into the clinic. I pretended not to let it bother me, but in truth his anger did make me sad. I would've done almost anything to have prevented Embry from having to join us, had I known he was going to, and the same went for Jake, who must be only days away from his first phase now if I was reading the signs correctly, and for Quil, who by the looks of things - his height and muscle tone, and according to Old Quil his temperature - wouldn't be far behind Jake.  
I pulled out my cell, and once again dialled Jared's number, wanting an update on the leech's whereabouts. He answered on the second ring this time, he'd obviously been waiting on my call.  
"Missed her, Boss." He told me straight away, knowing what I'd ask before I asked it. "She was gone before we even got there. Headed straight back along that corridor and out of the area again." I was torn between relief that she was off the Rez, and frustration that we missed her. Again.  
"So much for the theory that taking a chunk out of her would see her off for good." I said, rolling my eyes to myself. "Not even two weeks later and she's back. But Paul's theory that she's after Charlie isn't looking strong now either. It was Bella she was watching this time."  
"I wouldn't put that theory to bed just yet." Jared argued.  
"What do you mean?" I asked, confused.  
"What was she wearing?" He asked me. I wondered where he was going with this.  
"Jeans, a shirt and a hoodie." I told him. "Why? What the hell is that to do with anything?"  
"One of Charlie's shirts again?" He questioned. I was momentarily stunned. How had I missed that?  
"Fuck." I breathed. "You're right, it was. And his hoodie too. She must've caught his scent off them and come running." Paul's theory was looking stronger. I heard Charlie's cruiser approaching.  
"Got to go. Double up on patrol runs. Take Paul with you, and send Embry home for some rest. I'll take over with him in a couple of hours."  
"Got it, Boss." He replied and hung up. Just moments later, Charlie pulled into the parking lot and I walked inside with him. After getting the full story from Jake, he went into Bella's room to sit with her, and I wandered off to grab myself some coffee and something to eat.  
Returning to the waiting area outside Bella's room a couple of hours later, I was just in time to see Charlie coming out to seek some coffee himself. He looked a little shaken, unsurprisingly, at his daughter's accident, so I decided to leave off telling him the full details of Bella's adventure until she was completely out of danger. Jake had already gone in to sit with her so, nodding at Charlie as he walked past me to find his coffee, I quietly slipped into the room too, leaning against the wall by the door and running my eyes over her in the bed.  
"What do you want?" Jake asked rudely, not bothering to turn and look at me. He was beginning to tremble slightly. I didn't want to trigger his first phase right here in the clinic, so close to Bella, so I answered as quietly and calmly as possible.  
"Just wanted to look in on her and see how she's doing." The nurse walked in just then to wake Bella, so Jake was prevented from answering. He turned and glare at me instead. I kept my eyes on Bella, and saw her open her eyes and look blearily at Jake the, wincing at the movement, turn her head towards me. As she turned her head back, the nurse shone her little flashlight into each eye in turn.  
"Jake." Bella called, dragging his attention away from me. "Is my bike ok?" He rolled his eyes.  
"I don't know, Bells, I was kinda more concerned about you and the dent you made in your head than the bike." I snorted in amusement, and Jake continued. "You should've seen yourself. Your eyes were all wonky and you were talking complete shit." He grinned a little. "If that's how you are when you're concussed, I shudder to think what you might be like drunk." I actually agreed with Jake on this one. She was pretty funny as a concussed patient. I bet she'd be hilarious as a drunk. She opened her mouth to protest, but the nurse interrupted her.  
"She needs her rest, boys. Best to let her sleep now. We're going to have to keep waking her every hour as it is." I pushed myself off the wall and walked over to Bella's bed.  
"I'm glad to see you're doing a little better. You get some rest and I'll come see you tomorrow, if that's ok?" She nodded at me sleepily and I left, leaving Jake to say his own goodbye. I had a couple of things to talk to her about; that Taha Aki comment for one, and for the other? Well, now I knew she was attracted to me, I was going to take my chance. Maybe she was ready fo a date. If I didn't ask, I'd never know if I had a hope, but I wasn't going to ask either question while I had an audience, so they'd both have to wait til the next day. I walked out of the clinic and to my truck, driving home and phasing as soon as I got there.  
"Anything?" I asked Jared and Paul.  
"All clear, Boss" Jared answered and phased back out.  
"Fuck all." Came Paul's reply.  
"Ok. Good job, Paul. Do me a favour and wake Embry on your way home?" I asked him. "Tell him to phase and meet me by the cliffs."  
"Will do, Boss" he said, and I began my patrol run, angling towards the ocean to meet up with Embry.  
We completed our patrol shift at two that morning, and Jared phased in right on time to take over. Both Embry and I headed to my place. I'd offered him the spare room to catch a few hours sleep without his mom giving him trouble for sneaking out on a school night, and once we got in I threw four frozen pizzas in the oven and we devoured two each before stumbling off to bed. He was already gone, I assumed to get to school, when I woke at about eleven the next morning, so I showered and made myself a huge breakfast of eggs and bacon before making my way back to the clinic to see Bella. I was a little nervous about asking her about her Taha Aki comment, and a lot nervous about asking her out on a date, but I wasn't one to back down. I'd decided to take my chance, and I was going to do just that.  
When I arrived outside her room, a nurse was just about to take a tray of food in to her.  
"I can take that for you." I offered, and she gratefully handed the tray over. I pushed the door open and walked in, waking her with my entrance.  
"Hey there, Bella. How're you doing now?" I asked, setting the tray down on the little hospital table by her bed. "I just intercepted the nurse bringing this in for you."  
"A little better, just tired." She sat up, blearily wiping the hair back from her face. She looked amazing, her hair all tangled and wild, and with that tired expression she appeared ... "All fucked out. That's how she looks. Fucking hot!" That was all my mind could manage right then, I shoved my hands in my pockets quickly, hoping to disguise the more than half a hard on I was now sporting due to my over active imagination. As the smell of the food reached her, her stomach began making alarmingly loud noises, and I was glad of the distraction for both of us. She blushed and I couldn't help my chuckle - it was mainly from relief that she'd not noticed the uncomfortable bulge in the front of my cut-offs.  
"Well that answers my next question" I said. "I was going to ask if you were hungry." Her blush grew deeper.  
"Well I guess I could manage something." She was trying to sound casual, like her stomach hadn't just made a noise like a feral bear, but she wasn't fooling anyone, she was clearly starving. I wondered when she'd last eaten. Probably breakfast the day before. I pushed the little table over her bed, and she tucked a pillow behind herself to stop herself from falling backwards. Once she'd started eating I started in on my questions.  
"So," I began, sitting on the end of her bed, still trying to hide my now slowly deflating hard on. "You were saying some... Interesting stuff yesterday. Can you remember any of it?" She paused in her chewing, obviously thinking back, trying to remember what she'd said. She took her time thinking it through, then suddenly turned a deep, fire engine red. Yep. She'd remembered alright. I smirked, remembering all her talk about my pretty mouth, muscly arms and, if I'd successfully cracked her weird, concussed code, my cheese grater abs.  
"Oh hell." She hung her head in defeat. "Can I plead temporary insanity? You can't hold what a girl says when her brain's all jellied against her, right?" I laughed out loud, loving the way she was always so honest about her embarrassment, just like she'd been with the condom incident.  
"I guess if you put it like that I'll have to cut you some slack this time." I said to her clear relief. I spotted an in for asking her for a date, and carefully set it up. "Though that'll make three you owe me" I added, and she swallowed nervously, looking thoughtful for a moment and then suddenly growing even redder. A wonderful waft of her arousal drifted to my nose and my previously waning half hard on sprung back to full mast instantly. "Now what was she thinking that caused that reaction?" I wondered. Briefly wishing she was inside the pack mind so I could see whatever it was. Insanely curious though I was, I let it go. For now.  
"There was something else you said though, that I'm curious about." I went on, leaning forward a little. She looked almost panicked, though the arousal had spiked again for a brief second, and my curiosity almost burned me with its intensity.  
"Y-yes? What was that then?" She asked.  
"You talked about someone called Taha Aki. I was wondering where you'd heard the name?" She laughed a little shrilly, obviously relieved, and said  
"Oh that? It just a name I think I probably read in a book. I had this dream where he was talking to me." I was very troubled by that. I'd assumed someone, probably Jake or Quil, not Billy -he'd have known better, had told her the name. But there was no way in hell she'd read it. The name was taboo. No book could've had it in print.  
"Well that's not possible" I muttered, too quiet for her to hear, but i let the subject drop. I didn't think she was lying, I hoped she wouldn't lie to me anyway, so maybe she couldn't remember where she'd heard it. I couldn't think of any other explanation. I cleared my throat and looked out the window.  
"I hear Jake's coming by to pick you up once he's out of school." I said, stalling while I collected the nerve to ask my next question. "Are you going to stop and pick up your bike on the way home, or did you need me to go do it?"  
"No that's fine, thanks." She said, picking up her fork again. "We'll do it on the way."  
"Ok then. There's just the issue of these favour you owe me then." I said with a little smirk. "I'd like to cash one of those in now, if I could." She looked a little concerned.  
"Oookaaay" I said guardedly, obviously not wanting to commit herself til she knew what I was going to ask. "So what exactly is it you want?" Ignoring the screaming double entendre begging for attention in her question, I took a firm grip on my nerve and plunged straight in before I could chicken out.  
"A date." I said quickly. She looked confused.  
"A date?" She asked. "Like a dinner and movie, going out together, picking me up from my house kind of date?"  
"No, a fruit from a palm tree." I rolled my eyes with a grin. "Of course a going out together kind of date. So what do you say? Wednesday night? I know it's a school night, but they're showing a few old classics at the movie theatre in Port Angeles Wednesday night. We won't be late, I promise." I got it all out in a rush, my mouth almost tripping overitself in its hurry to get the asking part over with. She still looked confused. Her mouth hung open in shock, and I reached out and gently pushed it closed with a couple of fingers. "Fuck. What I'd like to stick in there!" The thought popped in before I could stop it, and I quickly shook it off before it could make my bulging cut-offs problem any worse.  
"I ... Um ... So ..." She was completely at a loss for words. I grew worried. "Oh shit. I've completely fucked this up. She's not interested. I've mis-read it completely. Oh shit, shit, shit. Abort! Abort!" I thought, completely panicked.  
"It's ok, Bella. If you're really not interested, that's fine. We'll just forget I said anything about it." I said in a rush, standing up and turning towards the door, before she could notice my hard on, which was rapidly deflating with my embarrassment and disappointment.  
"NO!" She yelled, shocking the hell out of me. She lowered her voice. "I mean no, it's fine. Wednesday's fine. If you'd like. Um ... What time?" I was almost weak at the knees with relief.  
"Four thirty sound ok?" I asked. "We can eat after the movie and I can have you back home by ten thirty or eleven at the latest."  
"O-ok" she stammered. "Four thirty on Wednesday then." I gave her a huge grin.  
"Good." I turned for the door once again. "I'd better be going. I've got several jobs on at the moment, so I should get back to them or I'll never get paid." I was just about to open the door, when I had a thought. Wanting to press my advantage a little, I quickly strode back over to her and bent down, my face coming level to hers, getting a strong waft of her beautiful scent. Despite wanting more, I just placed a warm, gentle kiss on her cheek, lingering for just a few seconds before pulling back with a small smile.  
"Til Wednesday. Bye Bella." I said in a low voice, and she nodded silently at me. I walked back to the door and this time left through it, not mentioning the fact that she was dripping pasta sauce on the bed, and smiling to myself at the pleasant tingling I could still feel on my lips from where they had pressed against her skin.


	22. Dead Deer and Dates

Stephenie Meyer owns the Twilight Saga. I own twitchy fingers that enjoy writing for no profit.  
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Chapter 22: Dead Deer and Dates  
Bella POV  
Of course it was typical that the one night I would've welcomed a few of those dreams to guide my way through my dangerous next move, I instead had my first dream free night of sleep in several months. I woke feeling like I'd never slept better in my life, but still I couldn't help but feel a bit abandoned by Taha Aki when I needed him most.  
Charlie had gotten in the habit of grabbing one of his shirts from his closet every morning and hanging it my door handle and that morning was no exception, a green plaid flannel shirt was waiting for me when I came out of the bathroom and I pulled it on once I'd blow dried my hair, and started down the stairs, still rolling the sleeves back so my hands could stick out. Knowing that if things went badly later that afternoon, I might not have another opportunity to do so, I was glad to be able to sit down for breakfast with Charlie, and I spent extra time cooking up a huge stack of pancakes and a large pan of bacon and sausage for the two of us to share. When he had to leave for work, I struggled not to get choked up and I uncharacteristically jumped up to give him a hug before he walked out the door.  
"Bye, Dad. Be safe today. Love you." I mumbled into his chest as he hugged me back.  
"You too, Bells. You ok? Something wrong?" He checked, holding me back at arm's length to look me in the eyes.  
"I'm good. Just wanted a hug." I was skating carefully around the edges of the truth, still not wanting to lie to him, but obviously unable to share the entire truth with him.  
"Well ok then kiddo. See you later." He said, squeezing both my shoulders gently, then walking out to his cruiser. Once he had left, I checked the clock. I was very edgy and nervous and I didn't want to suffer thought the whole day at school like that if I could avoid it. What I really needed was a quick trip to my hollow on the beach, but obviously I didn't have time for that. But if I made sure to set an alarm so that I didn't get lost in my own head, I figured I did have time to sit quietly and centre myself at home. Setting an alarm on my cell to go off just in time to get to school, I sat myself down on the floor with my legs crossed, let my hands fall into my lap and concentrated on my breathing as was now my usual practice.  
In.  
Out.  
In.  
Out.  
I imagined the sound of the waves to match each breath to and I let my body relax, allowing my nervousness to ebb away and replacing it with peace and calm. It seemed like both hours and seconds later when my alarm caught the tiny alert part of my mind and I pulled myself back to awareness, holding my calm around me like a blanket.  
As I pulled up in the school parking lot, I caught out of the corner of my eye a quick glimpse of Lauren and a few of her cronies furtively carrying what looked like a rolled up carpet around to the back of the gym and I vaguely wondered what on earth she was up to now. Her nasty little campaign of bullying tactics had been stepped up a gear recently. Ever since she had met me coming out of the bathroom and asked me in a snide voice if I was giving bulimia another try and instead of getting upset like she wanted, I had calmly responded that I couldn't if I wanted to as I had no gag reflex, she had been trying to come up with ways of making me puke in public. It was the desperate act of a spoilt child who wasn't getting her way, but that didn't dissuade her in any way.  
Her first attempt was predictably lame; she had one of her little clones sneak ipecac into my soda. Unfortunately for her, I instantly smelt something strange and didn't even take a single sip, just dumped the whole can into the bin.  
Her second attempt didn't fare any better, despite it being cleverer. Having worked out which table I always sat at with Jake and Quil (and previously Embry) she switched out the sugar jar for one full of salt. She should've done her research better. Ever since I had been old enough to drink it, I had taken my coffee just like Charlie; black, no sugar, so it was poor Quil who got a mouthful of salty coffee, which he promptly sprayed back out of his mouth, right over one of Lauren's cronies who had been stupid enough to be sitting in the splash zone. All she had achieved that time was a coffee stained, bitching minion, and a free refill for Quil. I had little doubt that whatever she had planned this time would be aimed at me, and I resolved to keep my eyes, ears and nose open for any sign of trouble so I could avoid it once more.  
The day passed pretty uneventfully right up to gym class; I had carefully stuck to an apple and bottled water at lunch, pretty much tamper-proof food and drink, though a very light meal, which suited me just fine after such a big breakfast as I'd had that morning, and had kept away from her and her friends as much as possible in the hallways and in class. As I walked to the gym changing rooms however, I noticed an unusually large number of kids milling about by the doors. Paranoid as it might have been, I immediately suspected that it had something to do with me, and that Lauren had planned to make my imminent downfall as public as possible.  
I was instantly on guard.  
Squeezing my way past the whispering crowd, I went into the changing rooms and walked to my locker. There was a strangely familiar smell lingering which for some reason reminded me of one of my mom's ex-boyfriends, a car salesman. I dropped my bag to the floor by my locker, catching a flash of Lauren and her friends dodging quickly behind the next row of lockers and was about to open my locker when I heard a commotion coming from the doorway. Miss Turner, the guidance councillor was pushing her way through the crowd of kids with Jessica in tow. Walking directly over to me, she put on her 'hey I'm your friend, not your teacher' expression and took a hold of my hand which was just about to click the latch on my locker.  
"Bella." She said in a voice that somehow managed to combine sympathy, understanding, judgement, and excitement, "Your friend here came to me out of concern for you. She wasn't telling tales, just rightly worried that if we didn't confront you with proof of your condition, you'd never admit the truth and get the help you need to take care of yourself and your little blessing." I just stood there staring blankly at her, my mouth slightly agape. "What the fuck is she talking about?" I wondered. "Little blessing? She can't mean what I think she means, can she?" One glance at the carefully arranged expression of understanding and empathy on the councillor's face gave me the answer. "Yep. That's exactly what she means. She thinks I'm pregnant. But what proof can she possibly think she has, and what does Jessica have to do with it?" I looked over to Jessica.  
"Erm, Jess. What on earth have you been telling people?" I was trying hard not to be pissed at her. Ever since the day I'd blown up at Lauren and Mike, I'd had a bit more understanding for Jess and the reasons behind her gossiping habit. In fact I'd had a quiet word with her, pointing out gently that being the first to pass on false stories didn't make her appear more intelligent, but in fact did the complete opposite once it was proved to be a bunch of lies. She had seemed to improve since then, but it looked now like she was backsliding.  
"Oh I didn't tell people." Jess was quick to reassure me. "Just Miss Turner. See when Lauren told me she'd seen your sonogram picture in your locker, and then I saw how you ate at lunch, I realised that you need someone to help you understand how to take care of yourself and your baby so you both stay healthy." She gave me a genuinely understanding smile, squeezing my hand, and I felt strangely touched by her mis-placed concern. She really had been trying to help me, and by the sounds of it, the crowd around the changing room doors wasn't down to her. It was probably the result of a few well placed hints from Lauren and her friends. I squeezed Jess's hand back and turned to Miss Turner.  
"We'll it was very kind of Jess to try to look out for me, and of Lauren to tell her about what she thought she saw, but I'm afraid they're both wrong. I'm not pregnant, Miss Turner. There's no sonogram picture in my locker, or anywhere else for that matter. Maybe we should get Lauren over here so that she can see that she was mistaken." I suggested helpfully. I didn't know precisely what she was up to, but I was fairly certain that whatever it was, it was in my locker, and I was determined that she was going to get a share in the treatment. "She's just over there, behind that row of lockers with her friends." I pointed out her location, and Miss Turner, a look of disappointment on her face (whether because she thought I was lying about the pregnancy, or because she wasn't getting her chance to be self-righteously helpful to the pregnant teenager I couldn't say) walked around the corner and came back a moment later towing a very reluctant looking Lauren along by her hand.  
"Lauren, dear, I'm sure you were just trying to be helpful, but Bella says you must've been mistaken. Why don't you show us what it was you thought to be a sonogram picture, so we can clear this whole mess up." Miss Turner said kindly, pulling Lauren over to stand in front of my locker.  
"I don't know what you're talking about, Miss Turner." Lauren was trying to wriggle out of both the blame and the strangely firm grip the councillor had on her hand, keeping her stood right by my locker door. "Jessica's obviously got the wrong end of the stick again. It's the sort of thing that stupid kids like her do." She failed to notice the hardening expression on Miss Turner's face. The councillor had a soft spot for Jessica, and she was beginning to realise that Lauren might not be the good friend she made herself out to be.  
"Oh no, Lauren. I haven't got the wrong end of the stick." Jessica assured the girl she imagined to be her best friend, missing the inference that she was stupid, "it wasn't the stick, the pregnancy test, you told me that you'd seen. It was the sonogram picture, remember? You told me you'd seen the picture and it proved you were telling the truth about her sleeping with all the guys on the Rez, and that I should tell everyone about it and that they'd see the picture too if they looked in the changing room doors at the beginning of our gym class." She reminded Lauren. Then she turned back to me. "But don't worry, Bella. After we talked about how gossiping didn't make me look good that time, I knew that I shouldn't tell everyone, so instead I went to Miss Turner to ask her what I should do. I grinned at her.  
"Just the right move, Jess. Thanks. You're a good friend. But really, I'm honestly not pregnant." I old her and looked over to Lauren, who was still trying to get free of Miss Turner's grip and move away from my locker. Miss Turner now had a very grim look on her face as she told Lauren.  
"You're staying right here til this is all cleared up, Miss Mallory." And she reached out and opened my locker.  
What happened next seemed to happen in slow motion, every detail crystal clear in every hideous detail.  
As she opened the door, something large began to fall out. Something with dozens of magic tree air-fresheners taped to it. "Ah. That's what was reminding me of the car salesman!" I somehow had time to think, as the horrible scene played out in front of me. The something was a rotting deer corpse, it's maggot riddled flesh dripping as it toppled out of my locker and fell directly on top of the unfortunate Miss Turner and the much more deserving Lauren. The two of them were knocked to the ground under the stinking body, becoming covered in a mixture of putrefying flesh and wriggling white maggots, and Miss Turner screamed and promptly turned and vomited directly onto Lauren, who in turn puked herself. The sudden cacophony of roaring laughter and screams from everyone in the changing room, and those outside who had managed to manoeuvre themselves into a good position to see through the door was almost deafening. After a lot of struggling, Miss Turner managed to pull herself free from under the revolting, rotting mess and struggled, slipping in the gunk on the floor to her feet. Dragging Lauren up too, she stalked back through the changing room door with Lauren once again in tow and made her way through the crowd, which magically parted as the two passed, giving them a wide corridor to walk through on the way to the principle's office. Figuring Jessica and I would be wanted there too before long, I picked up my bag and grabbed her hand.  
"Come on, Jess. We'd better get to the principle's office to help sort all of this out." I told her, and we made our own way out through the still laughing, noisy crowd of kids. "Well I gave her enough rope, and she's done a hell of a lot better than just hang herself!" I thought cheerfully as we walked to the office. "She should be pleased though; she finally managed to make someone puke." The thought set me off and it was several minutes before I could bring my giggles back under control.  
In the end there was quite the crowd gathered in the principle's office. The principle herself of course, me, Jessica, Lauren and Miss Turner, who were standing alone on the other side of he room as the rest of us tried to distance ourselves from the lingering stench, Lauren's parents, and Charlie. Charlie was actually there in an official capacity, to lay charges against Lauren for transporting bio hazardous waste without a permit, though he was ready to play the angry father card if I needed it. I couldn't bring myself to meet his eyes more than once as just in the fleeting second we did catch each other's expression, both of us came perilously close to bursting into uncontrollable laughter. So I kept my head down and kept biting my lower lip between my teeth to keep myself from collapsing in giggles.  
Lauren ended up with a three week suspension from school, a huge bill for cleaning the gym changing rooms and the principle's office to get rid of the lingering smell of death, the charge that Charlie had come to lay against her, which would probably result in a large fine at the very least, and also Charlie and I were to discuss between us whether or not to press civil and/or criminal charges of slander against her regarding her spreading the pregnancy rumour again. Personally, I had pretty much decided to go ahead with the charges. I had given her fair warning and she'd failed to heed it. Perhaps seeing her example might warn off some of the other more persistent gossips and put an end to it once and for all.  
When we finally got out of the stinking office at about three fifteen, I couldn't drive home and jump in the shower quick enough to suit me. The smell of dead deer seemed to stick to my skin and hair, and I'd never been more relieved to get under the hot spray as I was at that moment. As I showered I reflected on how useful Lauren and her vindictive mission had actually been today. I had been so absorbed in avoiding any traps she might lay that I barely had time to think about what I was planning to do after school. The rotting deer had actually managed to completely drive it out of my head until I had managed to wash the lingering stink out of my hair. I clung firmly to the calm I had pulled around myself that morning, refusing to let the panic that threatened as I remembered what I was about to do to take over. I set myself to simple tasks again. "Step one: Write a note for Charlie." I couldn't leave the house that afternoon, knowing there was a chance things might not go the way I'd planned and have Charlie wondering for the rest of his life what had happened to me. I owed him more than that. I planned to keep my cell phone switched on so he could activate the GPS if needed and find whatever was left of me, but he'd need a reason why I'd gone out into the forest. I still wouldn't be able to give him the whole story, for his own safety, but I could give him part of the story, hopefully just enough to keep him safe. I sat down at the desk in my room and began writing.  
"Dad.   
I'm so, so sorry to leave you like this.   
It's not something I ever wanted to do, but I need you to understand that I did it to keep you safe. Nothing short of that could ever make me do this to you, I promise, but I love you enough to put your life ahead of mine, so please try to look after yourself now I'm gone.   
I can't tell you exactly what has been going on, if I did you'd just end up right back in the same danger I'm trying to get you out of. If you really need to know a little of it, talk to Billy. He knows some of it, and tried in his own way to keep me safe. But you know me; ever the stubborn girl. I couldn't or wouldn't listen and as a result I put not just myself, but also you in this danger. So its my responsibility to do what I can to get us both out of it again.   
Please believe me when I say I'm not leaving this afternoon to try to get myself killed, which is what must've happened if you're reading this. In fact I'm planning on coming home and taking this letter back before you ever see it. But if things don't go according to plan, I need you to know I love you, I've always been proud that I was lucky enough to have you as a dad, and while I wish that some things had turned out different, I've never regretted coming to live with you. Not for a second. It gave me a chance to get to know you better, and to see what an amazing man you really are.   
Take care of yourself, and please forgive me both for putting us both in danger, and for failing to get myself back out of it again, though by doing what I'm doing now, you shouldn't be troubled by the danger yourself any more.   
I love you, Daddy.   
Bella"   
Folding the note in half, I rose, a little unsteadily, to my feet and, wiping the inevitable tears from my eyes, I walked over to Charlie's room to tuck the note under his pillow. If it came to the worst, and I never made it home, he'd eventually find it there and, while I didn't imagine it'd help much, I hoped it might take a little of the pain away.  
I took a big, shuddering breath and released it, searching in my mind for the slightly frayed edges of my calm. Once I had control over my tears I went back to my own room and thought on what to do next.  
"Ok. Step two: Get dressed. What do I wear to taunt a revenge obsessed vampire?" I wondered to myself, "Definitely not something of Charlie's. I don't want to mask my scent, or to remind her of his existence if I can help it." Opening my closet, I stood staring blankly at the contents for a moment. I had been wearing Charlie's shirts for so long that I had forgotten what shirts and sweaters I had of my own. Selecting a crimson red, long sleeved, off the shoulder sweater which would combine warmth with a tempting bare neck to hopefully draw Victoria in, and a pair of black skinny jeans, I got dressed quickly, deciding against using any deodorant, as my own scent should be as pure as possible to catch her attention. I quickly blow dried my hair - I didn't want to freeze outside due to leaving it wet from the shower - and then, perhaps bizarrely, considered make up. I never usually bothered with any at all, and it seemed strange to even consider it, but not only did I refuse to give Victoria the satisfaction of seeing any trace of my recent tears on my face, but also a morbid little corner of my mind insisted that if things went wrong and the wolves didn't show up in time, I'd rather look my best when I died and leave a better looking corpse. I again shook off the panic that threatened at that thought, and stubbornly applied a little mascara and eyeliner just to keep the morbid part of my mind happy.  
I was ready.  
I went downstairs and pulled on my purple D.M.s, they'd be helpful if I was clambering about in the forest, and opened the door. On the other side, hand raised to knock, and a surprised but pleased smile on his face was Sam.  
"Oh fuck." I suddenly realised. "Wednesday, four thirty. Date as in dinner and a movie, not a fruit." With everything else that had happened over the last couple of days, the letter from Victoria, and Lauren's backfiring trap, the date, which at any other time wouldve been right there in the front of my mind the whole time, had been completely forgotten. I stood in the doorway, frozen for a few seconds in shock.  
"Bella, hi." He said with a grin. "You look great. All ready to go?" I was still stammering, searching for a polite way out of the date as he gently took my elbow in one huge hot hand and led me over to his truck. My treacherous feet followed his lead without my permission.  
"Umm. The thing is, Sam, I umm." I didn't know what to say. I couldn't exactly tell him I'd completely forgotten about our date, and had made other plans. "Oh yeah, Bella. How would that go? Sorry Sam, I forgot all about you, and instead I was planning to go off alone in the forest to try and tempt a psychotic killer to come after me so that I could get a chance to talk to some werewolves. I'd ask if we could reschedule, but there's a chance I might end up the evening lying dead I the forest and I wouldn't want to let you down a second time." I snorted mentally. "Yeah. Perfect. He'd either run away screaming, or call in the little men in white coats." I stood dithering by his truck, staring blankly at the forest as I wildly cast around in my brain for a solution. Concerned, he leaned down to peer directly into my face.  
"Bella? You ok?" His musky, woodsy scent filled my nose and I could suddenly feel the tingly phantom print of the kiss he'd placed on my cheek on Monday. The sensible part of my brain shut down, giving in to my baser nature, helpfully feeding me bits of my sweaty naked sex dream alongside flashes of how Sam looked in the tight black t-shirt and dark blue jeans he was wearing at that moment. It was a little bit like being dazzled by Him, only less overpowering and uncomfortable. "Holy shit, he smells good." I noted absently. "Looks good too. No wonder I've been using him as the guy in my dirty dreams. There's no way I'm gonna get out of this date tonight without either seriously offending him or lying through my teeth. Which he'd totally realise was a lie, and then he'd end up offended anyway." I admitted defeat. I'd have to go through with the date tonight, and put off going to find Victoria and the wolves until the following afternoon. "Shit! The note for Charlie!" I realised I'd better run back inside and take it back out from under his pillow. I'd have to hide it until the following day.  
"Bella?" The concern on Sam's face was increasing.  
"Sorry. I spaced out there for a moment." I apologised. "I just realised I didn't leave my Dad a note to tell him I'd be out with you." It was a half truth, but one I could get away with. "Give me just a moment?" I gave him a small smile and he straightened up with a small, relieved smile of his own.  
"Sure." I quickly went back into the house, ran up the stairs and grabbed the note from under Charlie's pillow. Shoving it into my pocket, I half ran, half tripped back down the stairs, narrowly avoiding a serious fall and scribbled a quick note to Charlie which I stuck to the fridge door, then headed back outside. Sam was leaning against his truck, arms folded across his chest, and one foot propped behind him on the front wheel.  
"Damn" I whispered under my breath, low enough for him not to hear. "Worth risking an extra day for." I noticed a little smirk on his face, which then turned a bit puzzled and I briefly wondered what he could've been thinking about to bring about both expressions. If he'd been a vampire I would've assumed he'd overheard my whisper, but a human would've had no chance of hearing me so I knew I was safe. As I neared the truck, he opened my door for me, then went round to the driver's side as I climbed in. Once he closed his own door, he took a deep breath and started the engine. He looked a little pained for a moment, and shifted in his seat. I wondered briefly what was wrong, but he seemed to get over it pretty quickly and he aded me a pile of CDs and asked me to pick out what we'd be listening to, then pulled away from my house. "Must've had a cramp or something." I guessed, and set my mind to selecting our music. Deciding I needed a bit of a laugh to lighten my mood after the emotional roller coast my day had been so far, I picked a Tenacious D album and slipped it in the stereo.  
We passed our drive comparing events of our individual days. After he had told me about his day putting up tiles in the bathroom of what could only be described as a predatory cougar's house, I shared the events of the past few weeks, and Lauren's behaviour to me, to paint a background for him so he'd fully appreciate how what happened with the dead deer came about. We were about halfway to Port Angeles by the time I'd reached Lauren's 'bulimic comment' in the bathroom and my response.  
"So I told her that it was impossible or me to be even if I wanted to as I have no gag reflex." I was just about to go on to tell him about how that'd prompted Lauren to try to make me puke in public, but suddenly the truck veered a little towards the central reservation, and a strange sound from his side of he cab made me look up at his face. He seemed to be choking.  
"Shit. Are you ok, Sam?" I asked in alarm, grabbing the wheel and steering us back into our lane. "Do you need to pull over?" He seemed to get his breath back and he shook his head a little. He cleared his throat.  
"No, no. I'm fine." He assured me. "Sorry about that. I just sorta choked on thin air there." I ave him a sympathetic smile.  
"It's ok. It happens." I told him, noting he was once again shifting uncomfortably in his seat. "Must have cramp again." I guessed. "Probably pulled something at work today." As he settled back in his seat once again I shrugged it off and went back to my story. I was just rounding up the part about the dead deer and Lauren's punishments as we pulled into the movie theatre parking lot, Sam howling with laughter at my story, and me giggling along with him. He wiped tears from his eyes as he put the truck into park and turned to face me in the cab.  
"You know I haven't laughed that hard in years." He told me. "Thanks, Bella. However the rest of this date goes, that's the most fun I've had in a really really long time." I smiled shyly, not able to keep back the blush that stole over my face.  
"Thanks, Sam. I'm having fun too." I told him and he gently squeezed my hand. I looked up into his face and found his dark brown eyes much closer than I'd expected, staring with concentration into mine. The atmosphere in the truck cab seemed to almost crackle with static electricity, and I swallowed a little nervously. The action seemed to break his concentration and he sat back a little, releasing my hand and slapping his toned, muscled thighs lightly.  
"Well we'd best get moving or we'll miss the movie." He told me and opened his door. Following his lead I climbed out and met him in front of the truck, and I felt the light touch of his large warm hand in the small of my back, leaving me to the theatre.  
"Like I said on Monday, they're showing classics today, so I thought I'd let you pick between the two that are on tonight." He said, throwing me a grin. "Your choice is either '2001: ASpace Odyssey', or 'Monty Python's The Life of Brian'" I shook my head at the eclectic choices.  
"We'll I've never really been much of a sci-fi girl, so it's gonna have to be 'The Life of Brian' I guess" I said with a little laugh. "I've never seen it. Is it as funny as 'The Holy Grail?'" His grin grew wider.  
"Funnier" he said. "We'd better hurry or we'll miss the start." He lengthened his strides a little and grabbed my hand in his much larger and hotter one to help me keep up.  
After buying our tickets - he refused to let me pay, though I did reach for my money in my pocket - we stopped at the concession stand and he bought us some popcorn and a large coke to share while we watched. The screen was packed and we had to squeeze past several people to get o the last pair of seats, right in the middle of the second to back row. As we sat down, he turned almost sideways in his seat, and pushed his legs so they were under one of mine and over the other one.  
"Sorry." He said with a rueful grin. "My legs are too long to fit unless I sit like this." Stammering slightly, I told him  
"N no. I it's fine." I swallowed nervously, trying to fight back the image from my dream of our legs intertwined like this, only naked. I was glad of the lights going down just then, hiding my burning face. From where he sat on my left I thought I heard a quiet groan, but glancing at him, I couldn't make out enough of his face to tell if something was bothering him. I figured he'd tell me if there was a problem, and set about attempting to watch the film and ignore the hot images that kept slipping through my mind. It wasn't easy. After about ten minutes, the heat from his legs was pouring into my own, raising a light sweat, which of course led o more sweaty, groaning, writhing memories. Sam must've found the cramped seating pretty uncomfortable as he kept shifting around, each time causing his legs to rub against mine, which of course brought on another flashback every time it happened. By the time the film was done, I was more hot and bothered than I could ever remember being in a public place, my panties almost soaked through from my dirty thoughts. "Holy shit. I'm gonna need to get to the bathroom to mop myself up!" I thought. As the lights went up again I turned to Sam and mumbled  
"I'm just gonna head to the bathroom. Meet you out front?" He looked a little strung out himself. "Probably to cramp again from sitting so awkwardly." I reasoned. A look of intense relief crossed his face before he schooled it into a polite smile.  
"Guess I'll do the same. See you out front then." We both rose and he shoved his hands into his pockets as we followed the crowd out towards the bathrooms and exits.  
Several wads of toilet paper later, I stood outside the movie theatre, waiting for Sam to come out when one of my least favourite people pushed through the doors, inanely mis-quoting the movie.  
"Oh look, it's Bella. 'Where's her foetus going to gestate?" Mike, clearly-doesn't-understand-what-slander-is Newton said loudly with a snigger.  
"She's got it shoved up her box!" One of his friends yelled at the top of his voice, much to the hilarity of the whole group. I felt the anger boiling up inside, and it began to bubble over when Mike added in a smug voice.  
"Well as long as she doesn't try to pin it on me. I know how condoms work, you know. It'll turn out to be the spawn of one of her little native fuck buddies." Suddenly the grin dropped off my face, and I realised that towering behind me was the definitely not little (and sadly not my fuck buddy) Sam. He stepped towards Mike, each step forcing the smaller boy to crick his neck further and further back to keep Sam's stormy face in view. Keeping his voice very quiet and even, but perfectly audible to Mikes friends Sam spoke.  
"Listen very carefully, little boy." He began, widening his shoulders a bit, causing his intimidating size to be even more noticeable. "I'd be willing to bet that Bella's already told you, but apparently you're too mentally challenged to understand simple instructions, so I'm going to make it crystal clear for you." He poked a single finger into Mike's chest hard enough that it'd probably bruise. "Stop. Spreading. Rumours." He punctuated each word with a hard jab of his finger, making Mike wince. "You will not speak to her, or about her, or about any of her friends of family. Lauren Mallory is already facing criminal and civil charges for her behaviour. I'm sure your mommy would be mad and spank you if you ended up doing the same. And whether she does spank you or not, if I ever" another finger jab "hear that you have said anything" jab "more about Bella, I will be making a personal" jab "painful" jab "visit to you myself. Understood?" Mike nodded his head at a furious speed, rubbing his chest where Sam had poked him. Mike flinched as Sam bent down to whisper in his ear, his large hands clenched and trembling in anger at the spoilt child in front of him. I don't know what it was he said, but whatever it was, caused Mike to pale dramatically and stumble backwards a few paces before retreating with his friends at a very fast walk. I was feeling somewhere between disgruntled and mad, and was trying to work out exactly who i was most mad at and why, when Sam turned round to me, a hangdog expression on his face.  
"Sorry, Bella. I know you could've handled it yourself, but if I hadn't have said something to him, I might've had to hit him instead, and I know you wouldn't have wanted me to do that." I was astounded. Not only had he defended me, but he'd then known exactly why I was feeling mad about his, before even I had been able to sort out what I was feeling. I let my anger simmer down. Sam had merely been trying to help, and unlike the occasions when He ad gotten a little overbearing in His protection of me, Sam had realised what he'd done and apologised straight away. I smiled at him a little and held out my hand to him, for the first time initiating physical contact between us.  
"It's ok. Just try not to make a habit of it." I told him, trying to appear stern. He smiled back at me. "Or at least not on occasions when I can probably handle it myself." I amended and his smile widened to another of his beautiful grins.  
"Yes m'am." He said with a cheeky wink. "So, after that little interlude, shall we get this show back on the road and go eat?" He asked. I nodded. "What do you feel like eating?"  
"Anything but Italian please." I replied. Not wanting to run the smallest chance of ending up in the same place I'd eaten with Him that time.  
"Ok then." He said, walking off still holding my hand. "Anything but Italian it is then." I let out a little giggle and tried touch up my pace to keep up with him. Of course I instantly tripped, and he aught me by the elbow just as he had that time in the supermarket, stopping me mid-fall.  
"Sorry. I forgot how little your legs are." He apologised. I gave a mock snarl.  
"Hey!" I pretended to be mad. "My legs are just perfect thank you very much!" He muttered something hat sounded a bit like  
"You're not wrong there" but I couldn't be sure of what it was, so I didn't respond. He did slow his pace quite a bit though, and we wandered along at a relaxed pace til we found a promising looking Chinese restaurant. Once we'd both agreed, we headed inside and the hostess sat us at a quiet, private spot near one corner.  
Talk over dinner ranged from the movie, to our friends, to the kids at the drop-in centre, to our respective family lives, and we took a long time to finish eating, more interested in the conversation than the food in front of us. I told Sam about Renee and Charlie, and he told me about his mom and the little that he knew about his dad, or Joshua as he insisted on referring to him. I told him about Angela and Ben, and he told me about Paul and Jared. We both steered clear of discussing Embry, aware that the discussion would put a dampener on the mood of the evening. As we waited for our deserts, Sam rather carefully steered the conversation towards dating and what we were both looking to get out of it. I was both relieved and nervous to get this point covered. I didn't want to give him the impression that I wanted a long term, committed relationship, but at the same time, with the rumours that I knew were flying around about me, I didn't want him to think that I was some kind of slut either. With the situation as it stood with Victoria, I was concerned that not only could I not guarantee I'd still be alive and kicking in a month's time, but also I could be painting a target on is back by becoming involved with him in any form, yet the selfish side of my nature didn't want to give up the chance to have more evenings like this one. I didn't know quite what to say or do or he best, so I was relieved when he started the conversation by laying his cards on the table.  
"See the thing is, Bella. With all the responsibilities I have in my life right now, I'm just not in a position to be starting a committed relationship. I'm guessing that or you it's probably not on the cards right now either as you'll probably be heading off to college soon?" I nodded, meaning it as encouragement for him to continue, but realising a moment later that he'd taken it as agreement that I was looking into colleges. It didn't matter though. If he believed that was the reason I wasn't wanting anything too serious, then so much the better. I could hardly explain my real reasons. "So would you be maybe interested in going out with me again, and we'll just see where it goes?" He asked. "As long a we're both aware that its not going to end up with us growing old together." He added light heartedly. I grinned at him.  
"Yes. I've had fun tonight and I'd like to do it again sometime." I replied and he grinned back. "You know, of course that I had a really bad break-up last time though, so can I just ask one thing?" I asked him seriously.  
"Sure." He replied, putting down his drink and giving me his full attention.  
"When either one of us wants to call it a day, we just say it straight out. No lies, no drama, and hopefully we can stay friends afterwards." He blew out a breath of relief and another of his beautiful, full beaming grins spread across his face.  
"That's pretty much exactly as I'd want it too. I'll drink to that." He raised his glass. "No lies, and no drama." He said as a toast and I echoed it with a smile.  
"No lies and no drama." We touched glasses and drank. "So that's it then. We just see how it goes."


	23. First Kisses and Fighting

Stephenie Meyer owns the Twilight Saga. I own twitchy fingers that enjoy writing for no profit.  
________________________________________  
Chapter 23: First Kisses and Fighting  
It was closing in on ten o'clock by the time we left the restaurant. As we walked back towards the movie theatre where Sam had parked the truck, hand in hand once again, a comfortable silence fell over us. I used it to reflect over the drastic shift my day had taken from my original plan. I'd woken up that morning with no other thought in my head but my plan to go out into the forest to find Victoria and the wolves, instead, I'd somehow managed to derail Lauren's bullying campaign and land myself a casual kinda sorta boyfriend. It was a strange twist, but a satisfying one. Sam and I had played it sensibly and laid out our boundaries right from the start, so I was quite comfortable about what was going on between the two of us. I figured I could keep Sam off Victoria's radar by keeping the time we spent together on the Rez as much as possible - it would be too dangerous for Victoria to spy on me a lot there - and if I could subtly encourage Charlie to visit Billy more often on the Rez too, or Harry Clearwater, I could maybe even delay my confrontation with Victoria in order to contact the wolves for a little while.  
I knew I was being selfish in my desire to delay the inevitable, but I figured I could always change my mind again if I couldn't get Charlie spending more time on the Rez with the safety it would provide him. "Dammit, I deserve a little normal teenage life after all the shit I've been through." I reasoned. "And if I keep my eyes and ears open while I'm on the Rez myself, I can get a few clues about who the wolves are without having to resort to my original plan. Maybe I could ask Billy a few carefully casual questions to get some information without raising suspicions."  
My only worries were if I'd be able to keep my side of the 'no drama' agreement I'd just made, and what Jake would say when I told him I was dating Sam. I certainly had no intention of starting any drama that would involve Sam, but realistically, drama seemed to stalk my life whatever I did to try to avoid it. I guessed I'd just have to work hard to keep any drama that did arise away from my arrangement with him and hope for the best.  
The Jake issue was a little more problematic. I wasn't naive enough to believe he'd just be happy that I was taking steps to get over Him. Despite my open honesty about Jake's chances of a relationship with me, there was sometimes the odd hint that he still had a little crush on me. We had both ignored it, focusing instead on building a strong and close friendship, and I'd hoped that eventually the crush would just die away on its own. The main issue Jake would have with me dating Sam though would not be about the fact that I was dating, but who I was dating. The irritation he, Quil and Embry had all had for Sam and his friends had turned into all out hatred once Embry had "defected" to Sam's side, and I could only hope that our friendship was strong enough to overcome that argument that was bound to happen once I told Jake.  
I turned my head to look up at Sam as we walked along. He seemed deep in thought himself, a little crease appearing between his brows as he worked through whatever was going on in his head. I hoped he wasn't changing his mind about our agreement.  
"You ok?" I asked his, squeezing his hand a little to get his attention. He blinked a few times, obviously a little startled at being pulled from his thoughts.  
"Yeah I'm good." He reassured me. "Sorry. I just got a little side tracked by my own thoughts."  
"That's ok." I told him. "I get completely absorbed by my own thoughts too sometimes." He gave a little chuckle.  
"Yeah I know." I raised a questioning brow and he explained. "That time I found you on the beach and got freaked out when I couldn't get an answer from you, even when I was yelling right in your face." I reddened at the memory.  
"Oh. Right. That was the first time I'd done that." He looked a little confused.  
"Done what? Sat on the beach, thinking?"  
"No." I laughed. "When I need to quiet my thoughts and balance myself, I sit cross legged, relax my body, focus on my breathing and just sort of let my mind drift free. I find that if I'm not directing my thoughts consciously, but letting them come and go as they please, I can make more sense of things that trouble me. And the peaceful feeling I get after I've spent some time like that lasts for hours, sometimes even days." I rushed on, not wanting to look at him for fear that he'd be looking at me like I was the weirdest thing he'd ever seen. "I can do it anywhere really, but it works best at First Beach." He pulled me gently to a stop. Turning me to face him, he lifted my chin with his fingers to make me meet his gaze.  
"That's meditation you're talking about. Going into a meditative state like that is something that religious people and shamans, healers and wise men and women all around the world spend years and years learning to do. And you taught yourself to do it?" I nodded hesitantly.  
"Well sort of. I mean I kinda did it by accident the first time. You know, that day you found me?" He nodded, encouraging me to go on. "That's why I thought I'd just fallen asleep. I was so pissed at you for 'waking me up' you know." We both laughed at the memory, beginning to walk down the street again.  
"That's so amazing, that you taught yourself to do that. It just shows what a strong mind and spirit you have, to be able to do that, to learn how to put yourself in a meditative trance with no-one to show you." By this point I was completely red in the face, my cheeks clashing horribly with my crimson sweater. I'd never been particularly good at handling compliments, but praise on this level was something I'd never experienced before, and I was becoming a little uncomfortable.  
"Thank you." I said politely. "Though I'm not sure I really deserve the praise that much. I needed a way to deal with all the stress and upset I'd been through, and I was lucky enough to stumble across a way to do that. No more, no less." He must've registered the discomfort in my voice, as he let the subject drop, gently squeezing my hand as we wandered along, and turned into the parking lot.  
When we got to his truck, he opened the passenger door first for me, but I had already walked between his truck and the car parked close to its right side, so I had to squeeze back through the, now tiny, gap between Sam with the open door, and the neighbouring car. As I pressed past him, Sam caught my elbow and stopped me in my tracks. Searching my face for any signs of discomfort, he slowly began to lean down, gently pressing me back into the parked car behind me. "Oh shit. This is it. First kiss. Am I ready for this? Do I really want this?" I asked myself as his face came closer and closer to mine. My nose was filled with his woodsy scent and I could feel my pulse race and my body react just to his proximity. "Fuck yes I'm ready. I was looking for change, and here it is. And in a seriously hot form too. I'm ready, and fuck do I want this!" The thoughts flashed through my mind at lightning speed and when Sam paused, just a fraction of an inch from lip to lip contact, waiting, I guessed, to make sure this was what I wanted; I couldn't stop myself from closing the gap myself and pressing my lips to his. That fizzing, tingling feeling I'd gotten from his kiss on my cheek returned tenfold, but this time on my own lips as the heat from his mouth soaked into mine. His lips were soft, moulding to mine like His had been incapable of doing, but at the same time, still so strong. He inched forward a little more, deepening the kiss and moulding the front of his body against mine as he pressed me more firmly into the car. His hand let go of my elbow and gently ran up my arm, resting for a moment on my shoulder, then slipping around to the back of my neck and ending up cupping the side of my face and spreading round to the back of my head. "Jeeze his hands are huge!" The errant thought flipped through my mind then flew off as fast as it had arrived as his other hand rose to gently rest against the small of my back, between me and the car. His tongue ran slowly and gently across the seam of my lips, a clear request for entry and I didn't even have time to consider that this was further than I'd ever been, before my mouth opened slightly without my conscious command, letting his tongue inside to rub deliciously against my own. I couldn't help the approving moan that left my throat at the wonderful feelings he was causing, and his own quiet but deep groan as my hands moved, one to grip one bicep and the other to circle around his lower back, gave me a thrill of exhilaration. His hand, still cupping my jaw, slid to the back of my head and tangled in my hair.  
That was the end of any rational thought or self-control on my part. Instantly, my brain was flooded with images from my dreams of Sam roughly pounding into me from behind, his hair tangled fist pulling my head back, forcing my submission, our sweaty bodies rubbing together in our passion. My grip on him tightened and I pulled him more firmly into me, feeling the unmistakable press of his erection against my stomach, which only served to excite me even more. Heat poured out of his body into mine, both of us letting little moans escape our throats as our kiss went on and on.  
"Erm. Excuse me."  
One of Sam's thickly muscled thighs slid between my own and I couldn't have resisted the urge to grind myself hard against it if I tried, which of course I didn't. He in turn was gently rocking his lower body, pressing and releasing his rock hard cock against my stomach and letting loose more, louder groans of approval. I copied the movements of his tongue against mine instinctively, not pressing into his mouth, but more than happy to submit to his explorations in mine.  
"I said, excuse me!"  
Sam's fingers in the small of my back were digging in, pressing almost painfully hard into my skin. I hadn't noticed him passing beneath the bottom of my sweater and up to naked flesh, but I heartily approved at the feel of his burning hand against my skin. My hand dropped lower, of its own volition grabbing a handful of tight, hard, muscular ass and using it to pull his lower body closer still. Our lips moved on and on, our tongues brushing together almost frantically.  
"EXCUSE ME!" We broke apart, startled and both of us panting heavily like marathon runners. Slowly turning my head to see the cause of the interruption, I was suddenly brought back down to earth with an almost audible thud. Glaring at us, car keys in hand, was a thoroughly shocked and disgruntled middle aged man.  
"If you could bear to tear yourselves away from each other's tonsils for a moment, I'd quite like to get into my car!" The man said with disdain.  
I was mortified. Burying my face, which was now easily as crimson as my sweater, into Sam's wide, muscular chest in embarrassment, I mumbled a quick "Sorry" and then pulled myself free of his embrace and scrambled awkwardly into the truck, where I sat, hiding my flaming face in my hands. "What the fuck was I just doing? What would Charlie have thought of me? Shit! What must Sam think of me? The poor guy tries to give me a simple, end of a first date kiss, and I practically crawl into his mouth and climb his body!" I waited what seemed like decades for Sam to walk around the back of his truck and jump into the driver's seat, noting absently the engine roar and squeal of tyres that signalled the middle aged man's exit from the parking lot. When Sam finally did get into the truck cab, we sat there for a few moments in silence, not even looking at each other. I heard him begin to fiddle with his keys and I finally glanced warily across at him. He took in a deep breath through his nose, and then blew it out through his mouth with a tiny, almost missed groan.  
"Bella, I'm really, really sorry." He said and my heart plummeted to my guts. "Oh God. He's regretting it already. Why did I set myself up for more rejection? I knew he was out of my league. Why did I do this to myself?" I chastised myself. Taking in my expression, which I can only assume was despairing, he hurried on.  
"I'm not sorry about kissing you. Fuck, how could I be? That was the best kiss of my life. But I am sorry for pushing it so far. I swear I didn't plan on it, but I just sorta lost my grip on myself there for a few minutes." He was blushing a bit himself by the end if his speech, but as he had spoken, a tiny smile had begun on my face, which had grown as he continued speaking.  
"It was my fault too, Sam." I told him. "I've never been kissed like that before, and I didn't exactly have the firmest grip on my own control." The smile on his face matched mine. I started giggling. "That poor man." I said through my laughter, and Sam began laughing along with me.  
"Poor man nothing." He said with a loud snort. "That's probably the most action he's seen in decades." I blushed again at the thought, but my giggling continued uninterrupted as Sam started the truck and pulled out of the parking lot.  
On the drive home, he reached out and picked up my hand, winding his fingers between his and laying our joined hands against his thigh. We didn't talk much as he drove; both of us content to listen to the music and make the occasional observation about the band, or the movie we'd watched that evening. It was a comfortable quiet again though, neither one of us felt the urge to fill it with inane chatter. He finally pulled up outside my house at not quite eleven and turned off the engine. Twisting slightly in his seat he said  
"Thanks for coming out with me tonight, Bella. I really did have an amazing time." I smiled and squeezed his hand one last time before I disentangled our fingers and pulled my hand free and into my own lap.  
"Me too." I told him. "Thank you for a great evening." From the corner of my eye, I saw the porch light flick off for a split second, and then back on again. "Subtle, Dad. Real subtle." I whispered to myself under my breath so Sam wouldn't hear. He must've had a similar thought though as he gave a little snort of amusement.  
"I guess that means you'd better head inside." He said, and leaning forward he gave me a lingering, but relatively chaste kiss on the mouth. I kissed him back gently, and then opened the passenger side door.  
"I guess so." I agreed. "Night, Sam. Sleep well."  
"You too." He told me and, after watching me all the way to my door, he drove away.  
I was just putting my hand on the door knob when footsteps on the drive behind me made me turn.  
"Sam, Bella? SAM?" Jake whisper yelled at me. "I could understand you dating, I guess, even though you told me you weren't ready, and weren't sure if you ever would be. And I know you aren't interested in me like that. But do you think you could've picked, I don't know, anyone else, other than Sam fucking Uley?" He was so angry his hands were shaking, shuddering so quickly they seemed to blur in front of my eyes.  
"Jake, I..." He didn't let me speak.  
"No. I'm not interested in your excuses. You know how I feel about that asshole but you go out on a date with him anyway? You kiss him right in front of me?" That was unfair. Neither Sam nor I had known Jake was watching us. That made me think for a second.  
"Hang on, Jake. Why were you watching us? What are you here for?" I asked him.  
"I had a shitty day, so I came by to see my friend, hoping to be cheered up. When Charlie told me you'd left him a note saying you'd gone out on a date with Sam fucking Uley I couldn't believe it. I was sure there must've been some mistake, but no. Here you are, back from playing suck face with Sam, I'm-the-king-of-the-Rez, fucking Uley." The shaking was spreading to his arms now. I'd never seen him so angry in my life.  
"Will you stop calling him that!" I snapped at him. "Sam's middle name isn't 'fucking'. Just Sam or Sam Uley will do just fine." Jake seemed, if possible, to get angrier still, his face contorting with rage and his whole body shuddering with anger.  
"I'll call him whatever the fuck I choose. Fuck this really is just the worst fucking day ever." He began to pace back and forth in front of me. "All my friends and family are defecting to team Uley." He ranted. "First Billy thinks the sun shines out of the guy's ass, then Embry. This afternoon Rachel comes home for a visit, goes out to the beach, then takes one look at Paul fucking Lahote and is all over him like he's made of chocolate or something, and now you. You're the worst of the lot. At least none of the others tried to hide it. But you." He turned and snarled at me "Were you ever going to tell me? Or were you just going to sneak around behind my back, laughing at me with your new boyfriend?" he sneered the last word in disgust, stepping up close and almost pressing his face directly into mine. The door behind me opened.  
"That's more than enough, Jacob. Take a few steps back away from my daughter." Charlie's voice was surprisingly calm, considering Jake's aggressive attitude towards me, but I figured that over the years on the job he'd learned just how to handle aggressive guys. Jake's head snapped up and, quivering all over now, he opened his mouth to snarl a few choice words at Charlie. He didn't get the chance. Charlie squared his stance and rested his hand on the butt of his gun.  
"Now. If you please, Jake." He insisted, still in that eerily calm, quiet voice. Jake took a few steps back. "Thank you." Charlie said. "Bella, step inside please." He asked me, and I did as he wanted, a little pissed that I wasn't going to get the chance to speak my mind to Jake, but willing to accept that this probably wasn't the time to attempt a conversation with him. Charlie glanced back at Jake, who was still shaking in anger. "I'm going inside now too, kid. You need to go home. Come back when you're feeling better." He stepped back inside and shut the door behind him, turning off the porch light. A weird noise that sounded a little like sheets tearing came through the door, then a little scrabbling, then silence.  
Once inside, Charlie dragged in a huge breath and blew it out, leaning back against the door and rubbing both hands across his face. After a couple minutes of silence he dropped his hand and looked up at me.  
"So." He said in an even tone, giving me no clues as to his thoughts on the matter, Sam Uley, huh?"  
"You too?" I challenged him with a little glare. He held his hands up in defence.  
"No, no. Don't get me wrong. I like the guy, he's a good man, and does a lot for his tribe. I've got no problems with you dating him, if that's what you want. I just didn't realise you liked him that way." He paused. "Actually, I didn't know you liked anyone that way. It's really great that you're taking that step back into life, kiddo. I'm proud of how far you've come in such a short time. As long as you're happy with the steps you're taking, and don't feel like you're rushing it, then I'm fine with it. I was wondering though." His voice did hold a little concern now. "Just how serious either of you are about the other." I gave him a confused look and he elaborated. "Sam has a lot on his plate right now, and I'm not sure he's looking for a permanent kind of thing. I wouldn't want to see you hurt again because you're expecting this to turn into a happily ever after kind of deal. On the other hand, if he is more serious about things and you're not ready for that yet, I don't want to see him hurt because you're just looking to rebound from your last relationship." My heart warmed at Charlie once again stepping out of his comfort zone and talking about feelings. Making himself uncomfortable to look out for my well-being and Sam's too.  
"It's ok, Dad. We talked about it this evening. Neither one of us is expecting too much from the other. We're just enjoying each other's company and seeing where it goes really. Nothing too heavy or serious." I reassured him. He looked relieved.  
"Well ok then. So what about that stuff with Jake? You didn't think it might be a good idea to talk to him about seeing Sam?" He asked me, raising a brow. "I'm not saying you need your friend's permission, but taking him by surprise like that clearly hasn't helped anything." I hung my head.  
"I know I've upset him" I said "but I'd didn't know for sure how the date would even go, and if I wasn't going to see Sam again, I didn't want to start an argument with Jake over nothing. And then with everything that happened at school today, I completely forgot about the date until Sam showed up at the door." Charlie chuckled at that.  
"Poor Sam." He said. "Don't tell him that part; it would crush his ego to know you'd forgotten about him." I grinned. "Well I think it'd probably be better to give Jake a few days to cool off before you try to talk to him. If I know teenage boys and their tempers, trying to talk to him before he's ready will just make him madder, and the argument will drag on for months." I didn't like the thought of a long drawn out fight, so I nodded in acceptance. I was a little worried though. I needed to encourage Charlie to spend more time at the Rez, and if Jake and I weren't talking, that might make my task harder.  
"You won't let our fight interfere with you spending time with Billy though, will you?" I asked. Then I had a sudden brilliant thought. "I think Jake was saying that Rachel's come for a visit. It'd be nice to spend some time getting to know her again, and if you're there too, hanging out with Billy, it'd make it easier for me to do that without it seeming to Jake that I'm replacing him with his sister." To my relief, Charlie nodded in agreement.  
"That makes sense." He said "though I should warn you that Rachel is good friends with Leah, who used to date Sam. If you're going to spend time with them, it'd probably be best to tell them straight off that you're seeing him, so that they don't find out from Rez gossip and think you were hiding something." I nodded my agreement once more.  
"Great." I thought. "So much for no drama. Not even two hours later and already I've got a livid best friend, and a potential jealous ex-girlfriend to deal with." I briefly wondered if the whole thing with Sam was worth it. Maybe I should just stick with the original plan, call things off with Sam, and head out into the woods to find the wolves. Despite the danger, it might prove less trouble for everyone. It would certainly ease the guilt I was already feeling at putting myself first for once instead of doing my usual, selfless thing and acting in everyone else's interest over my own. Then I remembered how much I'd enjoyed my date and that kiss. It was definitely worth it, even if it only lasted for a little while. If I couldn't learn anything about the wolves in my time on the Rez or if things with the Victoria situation escalated, then I'd go back to my original plan. But until either or both of those things happened, I'd make the most of the good I'd been handed for once.  
"I'm going to get some sleep. Night Dad." I said to Charlie, heading towards the stairs.  
"Night kiddo." He replied and he wandered off into the living room where the TV was still playing away to itself.  
Another dreamless night's sleep did a lot to convince me I was taking the right path; surely if I was making the wrong choice, Taha Aki would begin plaguing me with a new set of dreams to set me straight. My day at school was relatively uneventful, apart from the fact that I had once again become a minor celebrity amongst my peers, and that Mike Newton was now avoiding me as if even looking at me was going to cost him a limb, and for once the day went past fairly quickly. Normally I would've spent that afternoon hanging out with Jake and Quil, but bearing in mind the fight the night before, I thought it best not to see Jake until he'd had a chance to cool off a little. As I walked out to my truck once school was out, I sent Quil a text, telling him that Jake and I had had a fight, so I wouldn't be joining them at the diner to avoid more issues, and was surprised when he text back immediately. Telling me that Jake was sick and hadn't been at school that day. Not wanting to bother with several texts back and forth to get the details, I called Quil's cell.  
"Hey girl. What's going on with you and Jake then?" he asked straight away.  
"He flipped out when I got back from a date last night, accused me of hiding the date from him, and when he got right up in my face, my dad made him leave." I gave him the bear bone of the fight, not wanting to re-hash the whole thing.  
"A date, huh?" Quil said in a cheeky voice. I could almost see him waggling his eyebrows suggestively. "So who was the date with, Miss Swan? Tell Uncle Quil all about it." I rolled my eyes but couldn't help the little grin he brought on.  
"Yeah, see that'll be the part that Jake was so mad about." I told Quil, not wanting to run the risk of being accused of hiding the truth from him as well. "I was out with Sam Uley." There was a stunned silence on the line for a moment, then a long sigh.  
"Can't say that I'm surprised, Bella. But seriously, I don't think you could've picked anyone more likely to set Jake off. He's been having real problems controlling his temper for a while now, and dating Sam, especially since the Embry thing, was never going to go down well with him. To be honest, I'm really not too impressed with the whole thing myself. You know we hate that guy. But I guess I'm glad you told me yourself, rather than just letting me hear it from the Rez gossips." I was surprised by Quil's calmness. Normally he'd blow up pretty fast when something happened that he didn't like, but he was keeping fairly calm this time.  
"Well I would've told Jake myself too, if he'd not been spying on me and seen us kissing goodbye outside my house. I really didn't want to upset him, but you know, I am allowed to date who I want. I don't have to have Jake's permission." I was getting a little mad about it again.  
"Hey! Chill would you, girl? I'm not the one who flipped out at you. In fact I think I'm being pretty damn awesome about the whole thing, seeing as I hate Sam almost as much as Jake does!"  
"Sorry, Quil" I was immediately contrite. "I didn't mean to yell at you."  
"Ahh. Never mind. I'll let you off this time" Quil Joked. "So that's a bit weird, huh? Jake getting in a fight with you last night, and then not being well enough for school today. I called his place a few minutes ago, and Billy told me Jake's got some kind of flu type thing, and he's going to be off school for at least a week." His voice grew a little nervous. "Of course, that's what happened with Embry. Not at school for a week, then when he did come back, he wouldn't hang out with us anymore, and he'd barely talk to us even."  
"I'm sure it's nothing like the Embry thing" I told Quil in a reassuring voice.  
"Bella, if it is, and Jake stops talking to me too, would you do me a favour and still come hang with me sometimes?" he asked in a sad tone, he was obviously more worried about this than he'd let on. "It'd be pretty lonely without either of them talking to me, and I'd be in serious need of company.  
"Of course, Quil." I told him without hesitation. "I'm still sure it'll be nothing like last time, Jake's probably just got flu, like Billy said. But if he does stop talking to you, then I promise, I won't stop hanging out with you. As long as there's no gratuitous Sam bashing whenever we hang out." I added as an afterthought. "Sam will be a totally taboo subject, ok?" he laughed a little as he agreed with me and I was glad I'd managed to lighten his mood a bit.  
"Sure sure, Bella" he said, sounding so much like Jake for a second, that I could've easily believed that Jake had gotten hold of the cell somehow. "I'm gonna go now, ok? I've got homework to avoid and chore to ignore!" I laughed out loud at the typical Quil statement and said goodbye, then hung up and climbed into my truck. I decided I'd head down to my hollow for a little…. Meditation was what Sam had called it, and I guessed that was as good a term as any. I shot off a quick text to Charlie, telling him I was off down the Rez and asking him to check in on Jake when he got to Billy's after his shift at the station finished, then set off for First Beach again.  
Sitting in my hollow a couple of hours later, warm and dry despite the usual rain outside of my shelter, I was, as usual, drifting inside my own head, letting thoughts come and go as they pleased. On this particular occasion, the only thoughts that put themselves forward were all relating to Sam, dating in general, that kiss, and just how far I was going to let things go physically with Sam. I was still such an innocent – the night before was the furthest I'd ever gone with anyone – but I couldn't deny, even to myself, that I really enjoyed what we were doing. Well, right up until that man had disturbed us and embarrassed me to melting point. I definitely wanted to more of the same, and I was pretty sure I wanted to do a hell of a lot more. "If everything goes completely wrong with the whole Victoria thing, do I really want to die a virgin?" Maybe the thought was overly melodramatic, and very high school of me, but a little part of me genuinely did feel that way. I'd been completely devoted to Him and probably would've waited for years and year to finally get to make love with him, but despite how hard I'd tried to hold on, eventually I'd had to let Him go, and I'd accepted that I'd changed too much now to fit with Him again. Hell, once I'd accepted it, I'd gone out of my way to make changes, and now I had the chance to make a very big one. I wouldn't be doing it just for the sake of change. Actually, the fact that I was even thinking about it demonstrated one of the greatest changes I'd made in the last few months. I really, really liked Sam, and if I was going to lose my virginity, I couldn't think of someone I'd rather give it to. "If it happens, it happens." I told myself. "We said we'd just see how things went, so that's what I'll do." I let the matter drop and allowed the thought to drift off, enjoying the calm peace that I floated in.  
Once I'd brought myself back to my senses, I pushed my way thought the overhanging roots and headed back up the beach to the Black's place. There had been no-one around at all when I'd parked there earlier – I assumed Jake was probably asleep in bed, but I'd sort of expected to see Billy or Rachel. As I walked to my truck, Charlie pulled up and parked alongside it, jumping out and waving at me. He jogged over to me.  
"Billy says to tell you that Jake's not well." He said. Something about his phrasing sounded a little odd, but I couldn't put my finger on just what it was so I let it go. "Rachel and Billy are over at the Clearwater's and they say we're invited to go over there too." I was a little nervous to see Leah Clearwater already, and have to talk to her about dating Sam, but Charlie had been right the night before; it would be better if I told her myself, rather than letting her hear about it through the local gossip. Especially if I wanted to be friends with Rachel. The two of them had always been close, and if Leah hated me, then Rachel would feel honour bound to keep away from me too out of loyalty to her friend.  
"Ok then, Dad." I said a little warily, "But if things get tense with Leah, then I'm going to need some help getting out of there before I say something that might make the whole Clearwater family mad." Charlie laughed a little wryly.  
"Yeah, your new way of dealing with confrontation certainly makes an impression on people, Kiddo." He joked as we wandered over to his cruiser and climbed in. I gave a wry snort and we pulled away from the Black's place to make our way over to the Clearwater's.


	24. Cliffs & Concussions

Bella POV

Seen by itself, the phone call was really nothing. An innocent call from one friend to another. No hidden agenda, no deliberate intent to create chaos and mayhem in my life. But had I known that that innocent little call was going to be the catalyst for the most dramatic change my life had seen to date, (and bearing in mind the huge changes my life had faced so far, that was really saying something) I might not have picked up.

It wasn't quite 10am when the phone rang that Sunday. I'd been out fishing with Charlie the day before, and so my plans for the day mainly revolved around housework. I was shoving a load into the washer when I heard the house phone ringing, so I hurried into the kitchen to listen to the machine as it picked up the call. Charlie and I had started this screening process a few days after the 'Mrs Newton gossip incident' as Charlie and I referred to it. We had both grown tired of answering the phone at all hours, only to find it was yet another brainless idiot, desperate to either spread a new piece of gossip, or to express their disgust at whatever new lie they'd heard about me. So we began letting the machine pick up the calls. If it was important, we would call whoever it was straight back. If it was a friend, they knew why we were screening our calls through the machine, so they'd just say who it was, hang up and call back straight away, in which case Charlie or I would answer.

The machine clicked on just as I got into the kitchen.

"Bells. It's Jake." He hung straight up, and less than five seconds later, the phone rang again. This time. Grabbed it before the machine could.

"Hey Jake. How's it going?" I asked, going to the sink and filling the kettle.

"Great. Better than great. In fact I'd say awesome." He said in an excited voice. I was instantly intrigued.

"Awesome because...?" I prompted him. Luckily, he wasn't the sort who believed that drawing out the suspense was fun, and he got right to the point

"They're done. The bikes are finished."

I was instantly excited and terrified. "Am I ready to make this change? To become the sort of person who takes risks, even if they're carefully controlled ones?" I had been asking myself this same question ever since I first saw the bikes sitting on that lawn, waiting for someone to come and take them. For the first time I realised I had already made that change. I had begun making it on that same day. I made it when I walked out on Mrs Newton and her money grabbing, gossiping ways. I made it when I collected the bikes. I made it when I stood up to the horrible gossiping women in the supermarket, and when I sat in my hollow searching for calm, and when I played poker with Jacob, Quil, and Embry. The change was already made in tiny increments over the last few weeks, and it was too late now to sit back and worry that it might not be the right change, or that I might not like what it led to.

"I'll be right over." I said, and hung up. I grabbed my purple D.M.s and yanked them on, leaving the laces untied and tripping over them three times before I even got to the front door. Picking up the Forks PD hoodie which I'd permanently commandeered from Charlie's closet, I jogged/tripped out to my truck and clambered in, failing several times to get the seatbelt clip actually done up before I finally raced off to the Rez as fast as my geriatric truck could take me. Now I had accepted that I'd made the change, I was anxious to get on with it. I drove by muscle memory, not at all aware of the journey itself as I was thinking over all the differences in my life that I'd barely given any notice to before.

First there were the physical changes. I had put on around eight to ten pounds, and while Charlie thought I could still bear to gain a little more, I was relatively happy switch my current weight. I wasn't consciously trying to gain any more, but with a normal diet and lifestyle, it would just settle at whatever it was intended to be. Being out of doors so much now was improving my skin, making it less dry and slightly less pale.

Almost more satisfying to both Charlie and I than the rest though, was the fact that the bags under my eyes were all but gone now. My 'Alone in the Forest' dreams had begun to lessen. I still had them most nights, but they were shorter and less excruciating, the silent observer which had just added more tension to the dream the first time I noted it, now served to lessen the loneliness of the dream itself. I no longer felt the watcher was completely disinterested in my fate, merely curious as to what I would do to save myself from it, and knowing that I wasn't completely alone made the dream more bearable. As for my dream scenes which repeated night after night, well they too had decreased a little, leaving me with only the occasional replay of the 'Victoria attacks the village' scene, and nightly repeats of the kinky sex scene, and while that one was irritating as I was always jolted awake every night as the dream ended, the dream itself was so hot that a part of me was glad I continued to have it. If only I wasn't joined by Taha Aki every night it would've been great. But there the old man was, every night, telling me to "watch", which I was going to do anyway, but would rather do so without worrying he was too. The dream had altered somewhat, the sweaty writhing couple and I were still alone in the room apart from the big black wolf in the corner, oh and the old man, who now snorted in amused irritation and turned around in a way I could only describe as sarcastically indulgent before I could even ask him to each night. However one night Taha Aki had stood by a window that had never been there before and pointed outside, telling me to "look", and when I did, I saw outside a silver wolf and a brown wolf lying down and staring into the forest, then a dark grey wolf with black spots on his coat walked out of the forest and joined them. From that night, even when Taha Aki didn't get me to look out the window, I always knew they were out there, guarding the naked sweaty me who was moaning and panting with lust and passion inside with the huge man, who as the days went by and my crush on Sam grew, looked more and more like Sam himself, from whatever might be heading my way. "Stupid subconscious. Showing me what I can't have, and am still undecided about whether or not I should even be wanting."

As often as I returned to think about this dream, and the 'Victoria attacks the village' dream too, I still couldn't reconcile one very important fact. I knew that the shape shifters were extinct. Carlisle had told me so, and he aught to know - he had met the last few to exist. With them being extinct, I couldn't understand Taha Aki's insistence that I "watch" these scenes over and over. An extinct species wouldn't be able to help me, and no amount of wishful thinking was going to change that.

The mental an emotional changes were, of course, less noticeable to those who didn't know me well. But to those that did, they were probably more startling than the physical. I was surprised myself at how well I'd managed to fortify that door that led into the room where my pit lay, still open and not forgotten, but deliberately avoided. My time in the hollow had done much of the work there. As I drifted inside my own mind I was able to distance myself from the memories enough that thinking of the Cullens caused me no pain, and I was even able to hope that one day I would think of them freely whenever I wanted with love and affection, and without the pain the memories had brought me before. I wasn't quite there yet, but maybe one day. I still avoided thoughts of Him, even when in my hollow, but I was letting the ties my heart still maintained loosen and weaken, allowing my crush on Sam to help pick at the threads, although I wasn't sure how sensible that was. The crush wasn't likely to lead to anything. He wasn't interested, and even if he was, nothing serious could come of it as I would have to leave one way or another once Victoria showed up to take her revenge.

I arrived at Jake's about twenty minutes later, completely unaware of a single moment of the drive there. I honestly thought a child could've run out in front of my truck and I would've just run straight over them without even noticing, I had been so distracted while driving. I couldn't allow that to happen again. A little controlled danger like riding my newly repaired motorcycle was one thing, but driving around whilst my head was elsewhere was quite another. Far too dangerous. For others as well as myself.

Jake came out to meet me, far too full of anticipation to wait for me to leave my truck and go knock on his door.

"Come on, Bells. Hurry up. Come and see!" He was bouncing up and down on his toes like a four year old eager to show his parent his latest Lego creation, it was sweet, but rather weird to see this huge man-child behaving like a toddler.

"Ok, ok, I'm coming. Calm down." I said as he pulled out of the truck and off towards his workshop. The bikes looked great. Well to be honest they looked like two rusty pieces of crap, but they were working rusty pieces of crap, and that was the important point here. Jake switched on each one and turned the engines over to show me that they were indeed running and then went over the basics of how to ride them. Before long, my mind was over-run with information about clutches, brakes, gears and gas, and I just hoped I'd be ablew to keep it all straight once I was actually riding mine.

"So are we going to take them out now?" I asked him, eager to get started.

"Yeah. I checked with charlie a few days ago when I knew I was nearly done and he agreed I counted as someone who knew what they were doing enough to teach you." Jake told me. "You told me you promised him, so I thought I'd best check." I was glad he had. I'd completely forgotten about it in my excitement, and I would've felt dreadful when I remembered.

"Well then let's go." I said, pushing my bike out of the workshop and over to the truck. jake followed behind and lifted them both into the back, making it look even easier then when he lowered them down a few weeks ago, if that's possible, and we headed out.

"So where are we going then?" I asked him as we reached the end of the road.

"Go left here, then we need to get over to the other side of La Push. There's an old loggers track over there that's fairly level, and open, so well be able to ride up and down over there safely." I followed his directions as he gave them, and ten minutes later we were driving along the coast road overlooking the cliffs. As I always did when I drove on this road, I glanced over to catch the view, taking in the impressive waves crashing against the cliffs, and the half naked man that was falling over the edge into the water. Wait.

I slammed on the brakes, throwing Jake and I forward in the cab, and jumped out of the truck yelling

"NO! Oh my God! Oh fuck no. Jake. Someone just fell. I saw him hit the water. We need to call the coast guard and an ambulance. Shit, shit, shit. Where's my phone?" I looked desperately over to Jake for my cell, and was astonished and more than a little disgusted to see him still sitting relaxed in the truck, laughing.

"What the fuck, Jake. It's no joke. I saw someone fall from the cliff. Pass me my phone. NOW" He laughed again.

"Relax, Bells, calm down. He didn't fall. He jumped."

"As if that makes any difference!" I yelled at him. "He'll be just as injured either way. We need to get him some help."

"No, I mean he cliff jumped. You know, for fun? It's something we do around here when the tourists aren't around to try and join in. See look" he pointed back over to the cliffs "there goes another one." My eyes followed his finger all the way up to the top of the cliffs, and there, throwing himself from the edge, was another half naked guy. We watched as he fell, turning a summersault, down, down, down, until he finally straightened into a dive just before he hit the water. Up above, one of the two left on the cliff slapped the other on the back and walked back into the trees, obviously not taking his turn but leaving instead.

"Most of jump from a little lower down, but not those show offs. Sam and his gang just have to do everything one better than everyone else." His tone was bitter and angry. Knowing how he, Quil and Embry all felt about Sam and his friends, I had given up arguing about it with them. We agreed to disagree, and from then on avoided the subject as much as possible. But this time Jake had real animosity in his tone and I wondered what had changed to cause it.

"Have they done something to piss you off, Jake? Only I hear more than your usual dislike there."

"Of course not." He answered, his tone dripping with sarcasm. "Sam, Jared, and Paul, and their new little buddy Embry can do what they want. It's no skin off my nose." He hit the dashboard angrily.

"Embry? That's Embry up there with them? What the hell? I thought he was still sick." I said, troubled by what I was hearing.

"He came back to school two days ago." Jake told me. "He was completely freaked out, but refused to ell Quil or I why. Then he hung out with Paul and Jared at lunch, and left with them after school both days, and he won't answer any of our calls. He gets his mom to tell us he's out." He went on, that bitter anger back in his voice. "Looks like Sam's got himself another disciple." I couldn't understand what had happened. Embry had disliked Sam and his friends just as much as Jake and Quil had. But here he was hanging out and messing around with them, suddenly their best buddy, and cutting his two friends who he loved like brothers completely dead. "Probably me too." I thought. "I'd be easier to give up than the others as he's not known me as long." A deep sadness hit me at the loss of Embry as a friend, and I truly felt for Jake and Quil. If I felt this bad, how must they feel?

"You want me to see if I can get him to talk to me? Or ask Sam what's going on?" I offered, climbing back into the truck and giving him a one armed hug across the bench seat. Jake forced a smile.

"Nah. It's not gonna do anyone any good for you to get stuck in the middle, Bells. Neither one of them would give you a straight answer anyway, so you should just leave it. If Embry's any kind of a friend, he'll come explain himself before long." I hoped he was right. He squeezed my hand again and gave me a more natural smile. "Come on now. I don't want today's adventure ruined by all this shit. Lets go ride some two wheeled death machines." I laughed at his description. That's what Charlie called the bikes whenever we discussed them with him. I pulled the truck back onto the road from the lay by where I'd skidded to a halt, and after a few more turns we were at the old logger's trail.

After giving me a recap on everything he'd shown me back at the workshop, I climbed into my bike and kick started it. It took me four tries, but I managed to do it by myself.

"Ok now, Bells. Slow and steady. Keep your feet out to start with, so you can catch yourself if you need to, and give it just a little gas as you slowly release the clutch" he coached me, and I did as he said, the bike gently moving off. Jake jogged along next to me for a few hundred yards until I'd picked up a bit more speed. Growing more confident, I gave the bike a little more gas, and gradually got faster and faster. It wasn't until I was reaching the turn that I realised I was going too fast to make it, and I slammed my right foot on the rear brake, figuring it would be safer, so I wouldn't fly over the handlebars. Unfortunately I was wrong. What actually happened was the rear tyre locked up and I went into a huge skid, finally tumbling from the bike and narrowly avoiding having it fall on top of me. I continued to skid along the floor without the bike, the wet mud slowing me a little, and it was probably this that prevented me from a much worse injury when I finally stopped by smashing head first into a tree stump.

In cartoons, when a character hits their head, they often see stars or little tweeting birds flying around their head. I'd had enough knocks to my head over to the years to know that this is actually not far from the truth. Well the stars part anyway. On this occasion though, it wasn't stars I could see, but flashes of red, fading in and out, almost as if it was dodging between the trees. It looked like fire, jumping from branch to branch, and I watched it, mesmerised, as I dimly registered the sound of another motorcycle approaching. I finally managed to drag my attention from the red flames, and turned my head to see Jake skidding to halt near me and jumping off his bike. I wished I hadn't turned my head immediately. The pain instantly flared, and I felt nauseous, my eyes were proving difficult to focus too. My mind kept attempting to wander off, refusing to concentrate on anything for more than a few seconds at a time. Q

"Bells? Bella? BELLA?! Are you ok? Did you hit your head? Can you move everything?" He sounded irate, so I gave him a reassuring smile. Or I tried to. I suspected it had come across more as a lazy grin. He began patting down my limbs, running his hands over my legs, looking for injuries.

"Heeeey Jakey." I grinned. "Watcha doooin'?" My voice sounded slow and slurred, like when an old tape player ran out of batteries.

"Just checking you've not broken anything, Bells. Relax. I'm not getting fresh or anything." He gave me a little smile. "You hit your head?"  
"Yup." I grinned again. "Haaaard."

"BELLA! You ok? Is she ok? Bella?" I hadn't known Jake could throw his voice like that. It was coming from a few yards behind him.

"That's clever." I slurred. "Do it again." Jake shot me a confused look, then turned to look at something behind him. When he turned back to me he looked more pissed than he had before. Sam's face suddenly floated behind Jake's.

"Bella! Are you ok?" It said.

"No, no, noooo. That's not how you do it. Get Jake to show you how. He can say it without his lips moving." I told Sam's face. "I can see your lips moving. They're pretty. You've got a pretty mouth, Sam's face. It's a shame the rest of you isn't here. I like looking at your cheese grater." I continued, still slurring my words. "No. Wait. I don't mean cheese grater. Hey! Did you see the pretty fire in the trees?" The face, which had been smirking a little at the beginning of my little speech clouded over with worry, and it turned to look at the trees, seeming to almost sniff at the air. Maybe he was trying to smell the smoke. Fire makes smoke. Yeah that must be it.

"She must've hit her head pretty hard." Sam's face told Jake. "We'd better get her to the clinic. My truck's right on the bend there. If I carry her to it, can you ride your bike back to her truck and drive it to meet us there? We can pick her bike up later." Jake looked like he wanted to object, but couldn't think of a good reason. His jaw tensed.

"Fine. But you be careful with her. I'll only be a few minutes behind you. He warned. "Bell's. Sam's gonna drive you to the clinic. I'll meet you there, ok?"

"Silly Jakey. A face can't drive. Sam's face should've brought the rest of him. It's got arms. They're very muscly. They could help." I suggested helpfully. "Also you could grate abs on his cheese. No. That's not right either. Cheese on his abs. That's it. You could cheese abs on his grates." I stated authoritatively. Jake rolled his eyes at me and stood up. The rest of Sam came into view. "Hey, there's the rest of him now." My slurring was getting worse, and I was growing sleepy. My eyelids started to droop. "Now his arms are here, he can drive." I felt Sam pick me up. My head was throbbing badly and I was feeling more and more like I would puke, but the strong, hot arms that lifted me and pulled me into a strong, hot body settled my stomach a little. A musky, woodsy scent filled my nose. It reminded me a little of my steamy, sweaty, naked dream scene, and for a wild moment I wondered if Taha Aki was watching, and about to pop out and tell me to "watch". I forced my eyes open again. "Taha Aki's seen your butt." I told the rest of Sam. "But it's ok, cos you smell good." His footsteps faltered for a moment, like he'd tripped, then settled into a slightly faster rhythm. I nuzzled my face into the crook of his neck and let my eyes drift shut. I was so very tired.

"So do you, Bella, so do you." Sam's face said so quietly I wasn't sure if I'd imagined it. I was falling asleep, barely aware of being quickly, but gently put into a vehicle. "Stay awake now. Keep those pretty eyes open for me, Bella." We'll be at the clinic in just a few minutes." I tried hard to do as I was asked. It was hard though. It felt like weights were attached to my eyelids. I fought hard against the seeping blackness, even though it was very tempting to let its velvety darkness envelope me in lovely, lovely sleep. I was being carried again. I breathed in the wonderful woodsy scent, and once again, the urge to puke receded.

"We're here. Stay awake now. No sleeping." Sam's voice cut through the velvet like a pair of gleaming silver fabric scissors. I once again forced my eyes open, wincing at the pain in my head as the bright lights of the clinic.

A lady was shining a tiny flashlight in my eyes. "Hello, Bella. I'm Sue Clearwater." She told me, switching the flashlight from one eye to the other, then back again.

"Can I go to sleep now please?" I asked her. "I just want a little sleep"

"In a little while. First I need to check you over and take a couple of X-rays. But once I'm done, you can sleep."

The X-rays only took about ten minutes, and after Sue and some guy in a white coat and looked at them, mumbling and gesticulating between themselves, then finally. Finally. I was allowed to sink into the cozy warm, velvety sleep. Just as I drifted off it occurred to me. "Sam never let go of my hand once."


End file.
